Can a mistress really become the miss?

[emeraldbull]

Backstory: I had a bestfriend, that we'll call Teresa. We stopped being close after I distanced myself from Teresa because I hate her parenting skills or lack thereof. She has 2 kids from different guys and those kids are out of control. After a few months of not talking to her, she called me to ask if I had some weed because she'd met a guy that smoked and knew I was a stoner too. So I brought over some green and that's when I met her man (let's call him Haden) and his best friend (we'll name him James)...

 

After that night, I began coming over every morning before work. first it was to deliver some green to Haden and James. Teresa was never there because she went to work much earlier than I. Then I started staying for a few minutes to smoke a little with Haden and James. Teresa often accused me and Haden of having an affair but I assured her it was just her past making her not trust him and that nothing was happening. I wasn't lying. Then one day a few weeks or a month later, he made his move on me... and I was like putty in his hands.

 

Many times over the past year, we have each called it off either because I had met someone else, or mostly because Haden accidentally knocked Teresa up and wanted to be there for their baby, but we would only be apart for a few days, maybe a week, then we'd end up right back where we were. Also about 3 months ago, I moved James who is now my best friend, into my home. But a few months ago, Haden got drunk with James and Haden told me that he was in love with me but didn't want to leave his baby. So he said he was going to make it work with Teresa but that he still wanted to have a friends-with-benefits type situation with me. A month ago (baby was born and was 1 month old at this time), they got into one of their regular fights and he showed up at my door. I allowed him to stay the night. He went back to her the next day.

 

Last week (baby is now 2 months old), he called me to ask if I could give him a place to stay because he was leaving her. I said sure. He's been staying here since then and life here at my home has been amazing. He has been saying that he can't be in a relationship with me because of the drama surrounding Teresa and because he wasn't sure he wanted to jump from one relationship to another. But last night, we were deep into one of our amazing love making sessions and he got still and quiet... then told me that he was in love with me and wanted to have kids with me. (He mentions the kids part not out of the blue. I've been wanting another kid and when his kid was born, I slipped briefly into a depression because I'm worried I'll never be able to conceive again due to health reasons)

 

If Teresa finds out that her original suspicions are true, then she'll be heartbroken and vengeful (this crazy bitch scares me). If I were to be with him with or without a kid of our own, then Teresa is still going to be in our lives because of their child. I can't deny the way I feel for him and I would be on cloud nine if I could have his baby, but the baggage that comes along with this guy is almost too much. I am just at a loss here.

 

I don't even have options to suggest... what would you do?

[goodyblue]

Well... I was once an OW. I am now married to the man I had an affair with. It was a long difficult journey that took some time to accomplish, we put in a lot of hard work. Also, we don't do drugs and my husband makes a very good living, we are not 20 years old and know how to be responsible.

 

So to answer your question, I feel you need to get these losers out of your house, stop being a stoner,grow up a little and try to be a productive member of society.

Edited September 9, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed quoted post for readablity

[emeraldbull]

Well... I was once an OW. I am now married to the man I had an affair with. It was a long difficult journey that took some time to accomplish, we put in a lot of hard work. Also, we don't do drugs and my husband makes a very good living, we are not 20 years old and know how to be responsible.

 

So to answer your question, I feel you need to get these losers out of your house, stop being a stoner,grow up a little and try to be a productive member of society.

 

I don't do drugs. And that is very rude for you to assume that I'm anything that you mentioned. I'm in my 30s. I hold down a very good job. I own my own house and car. My daughter is in after school activities, and is a multi title holding beauty queen. I have anxiety issues and the weed is better than the medication they originally wanted to put me on. Even my doctor agrees with my cannabis usage. I only mentioned the weed so that the reader would understand why Teresa introduced me to Haden. And James isn't a loser either. I moved him in to be my full time Manny for my daughter during the summer while I was at work. Now he has his own job and pays rent.

[goodyblue]

I don't do drugs. And that is very rude for you to assume that I'm anything that you mentioned. I'm in my 30s. I hold down a very good job. I own my own house and car. My daughter is in after school activities, and is a multi title holding beauty queen. I have anxiety issues and the weed is better than the medication they originally wanted to put me on. Even my doctor agrees with my cannabis usage. I only mentioned the weed so that the reader would understand why Teresa introduced me to Haden. And James isn't a loser either. I moved him in to be my full time Manny for my daughter during the summer while I was at work. Now he has his own job and pays rent.

 

Ok, I will rephrase. You seem immature. You say you use grass for anxiety. Ok. I am not against the use of grass anyway, but you called yourself a stoner which is more than just sparking the occasional blunt. , and I don't know a responsible parent who would hire some stoner dude to be nanny to their daughter. And you are planning on bringing a child into this with a stoner dude who cheats on his girlfriend while she is pregnant. Doesn't sound like a plan at all that I would want to be part of. Why don't you focus on the child you have instead of making a bigger mess. Find a single dude with good prospects and make a good life for you and your child.. I wish you luck.

[emeraldbull]

Ok, I will rephrase. You seem immature. You say you use grass for anxiety. Ok. I am not against the use of grass anyway, but you called yourself a stoner, and I don't know a responsible parent who would hire some stoner dude to be nanny to their daughter. And you are planning on bringing a child into this with a stoner dude who cheats on his girlfriend while she is pregnant. Doesn't sound like a plan at all that I would want to be part of. Why don't you focus on the child you have instead of making a bigger mess. Find a single dude with good prospects and make a good life for you and your child.. I wish you luck.

 

Thank you for the well wishes.

James is not a stoner. Just Haden, occasionally.

James only smoked when he wasn't working and was bored. And I use the term stoner because it's just easier than saying something more formal.

And one last thing to his defense, they had split up and only got back together because she had discovered she was pregnant. So I'm not sure he was ever really committed to her.

BUT nonetheless, it's all very screwy.

[Lobe]

I can't deny the way I feel for him and I would be on cloud nine if I could have his baby, but the baggage that comes along with this guy is almost too much. I am just at a loss here.

 

I don't even have options to suggest... what would you do?

 

Here's a case study of how successfully one can delude oneself when common sense and self-preservation fails to kick in:

 

Carol Hoff knowingly married a man convicted of sodomizing a teenaged boy, telling herself he was a good guy who had just made a mistake. He was charitable and outgoing and liked by the neighbors, owned his home, was involved in the community but was often cruel to her at home alone. Her basement emanated a curious smell which her husband blamed on mice and rats. Oddly, she never pressed him to get it looked after. Around that same time, several local young boys were turning up missing or dead in their neighborhood, many who were personally known to the couple, but Carol thought it was just an unfortunate coincidence. She eventually divorced her husband not because he was cruel or because he never dealt with the stench in the basement... but because he was "moody" and refused to have sex with her after became "obsessed with homosexual porn." Hard to believe she didn't heed the warning signs and year later, she insisted that she never had a clue that her husband was the Killer Clown, John Wayne Gacy, who assaulted and murdered at least 33 men and boys, 26 of whom were buried in the crawl space under their home and the cause of that curious stench. The question I have is, why did she marry a convicted rapist in the first place?

 

Now, I realize that's an extreme example, but if you go willingly make a decision to travel at 100 miles an hour down 20 feet of track, the outcome is predictable. That being said, I think you know the answer to your own question, and are looking for someone to tell you that even though it looks like a duck and walks like a duck it must be a prince. It's going to be exactly as messy as you predict and frankly, bringing another child into this situation would be the worst possible thing you could do. You think you need weed to chill out from the anxiety now? What will it be like when you guys are outed and you have to deal with "Teresa" and his other kid with her for the rest of your life because you share a cheating baby daddy? How will visitation go down? Will you let "Haden" take your kids to see their kids? Will she let her kid come to your place? Sounds like an episode of Springer. Is that really what you want for your children? For yourself?

[Davey L]

BUT nonetheless, it's all very screwy.

 

Well I'd agree with you on that point anyway.

 

As for the rest, I'd suggest keeping away from all of these people, leaving the weed alone and focus on sorting your life out.

[JamesM]

I can't help think that James is a good guy.

 

Anyhow, to answer your question. It is yes, but then again, I could win the lottery.

 

Odds are that if he came to you when he was in a dispute with her, then you are a rebound girl. If he breaks up with her, then despite what he says, the future for the two of you is not bright.

 

As was said, this situation and these people may not be the best for your future welfare. It is too complicated and a strong loving relationship doesn't seem likely to me.

[imperfectangel]

Is green not a drug where you are? It is where I am

 

You all sound very immature. I think what you need to do is get this man out of your house and concentrate on your daughter and, in time find a available man

[BTDT2012]

You are a terrible excuse for a friend. And he is a sorry excuse for a man. You should put him out of your house and extricate yourself from the drama. You owe your friend an apology.

[aileD]

"You are free to choose, but not free of the consequences of your choices"

[aileD]

Oh . And you're the "exit affair". Look it up.

[anika99]

first of all I don't think it's a good idea to have 2 men living with you and your daughter. Secondly you might win your cheater bf but I don't see a long happy relationship for the two of you. You are both very deceitful and dishonest and I can't see two deceitful people having a very successful relationship with each other.

[whichwayisup]

I don't do drugs. And that is very rude for you to assume that I'm anything that you mentioned. I'm in my 30s. I hold down a very good job. I own my own house and car. My daughter is in after school activities, and is a multi title holding beauty queen. I have anxiety issues and the weed is better than the medication they originally wanted to put me on. Even my doctor agrees with my cannabis usage. I only mentioned the weed so that the reader would understand why Teresa introduced me to Haden. And James isn't a loser either. I moved him in to be my full time Manny for my daughter during the summer while I was at work. Now he has his own job and pays rent.

 

she called me to ask if I had some weed because she'd met a guy that smoked and knew I was a stoner too. So I brought over some green and that's when I met her man (let's call him Haden) and his best friend (we'll name him James)...

 

Calling yourself a stoner, can you see why people have jumped to conclusions? Maybe if you had explained why you smoke weed and you get it from your Dr. (though you shouldn't be sharing with anyone seeing as it's medical pot).

 

Anyway, you've invaded her life, taken her boyfriend and his best friend away from her. You don't like her nor her parenting skills. This woman's life is a mess, and you're not helping by involving yourself with her boyfriend and best friend. Honestly, you can do better than these two bozos. Think of the type of man you want to be around your child. This man is about to bail on his own kid and wants to create a baby with you? You barely "know" him.

 

She WILL go crazy on you when she finds out. And on him too. Really think about what it is you want with him and ask yourself if he's worth all this trouble.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Can a mistress really become the miss?

 

 

You know what they say:

 

 

"A man who marries his mistress is only creating an opening for the position"

[gettingstronger]

That is a way messy situation for a 30 year old Mother to be in-clean up the home environment and focus on your child-

 

Good luck-

[Miss Clavel]

putting aside the weed and the fact that he has a baby with your "friend", what i'd like to know is, who is going to pay his child support to her?

 

it sounds like you are going to do what is best for you and what is best for you and everyone involved is to sit down and figure out where the money is going to come from and where it's going to go, and how much of it you two(3?) are going to have left.

 

babies, diapers, child support, visitation, holidays, education, beauty pageants, weed(3 or 4 of you are smoking weed) "manny's"/daycare, clothes, car seats, cribs, car insurance, petro, shoes, rent/mortgages (on two households), cell phones, wifi, computers, cable, electric, water and snacks for the munchies, add up to serious coin.