Affairs with happy endings - share your story

[Lilya4Ever]

Since ,my emotional affair with a coworker started it was all new to me and also very scary. I never wanted to be OW or even be interested in MM. I judged affairs before and I never have thought something like emotional affair is also possible.

 

But this thread is not about my story it's about me being curious and wanting to learn from your stories. I have read a lot on the topic of affair.

 

I have checked different forums and realized in some cases married people truly do fall in love and find their true soulmate in someone else and then they get divorced and marry again and live normal happy lives.

 

I would like you guys out here to share your stories and tell me what were the signs which made you sure that he/she will leave their spouse for you?

 

Was it obvious immediately from the start your AP will leave? Did it take you time to even discuss this or first you just enjoyed your stolen moments together? Did your AP at the start say they will never leave their marriage because they are afraid of hurting everyone in the process and disappointing so many people in their lives?What did make them gain courage? What made them change their mind? How long did your affair last before ending happily?

 

I am curious do all affair end badly and the OW or OM is left broken.

 

I hope you will share your stories with me because it can also help me and prevent me to getting myself deeper into my EA.

[Adoraxx]

Most affairs have unhappy endings and those unhappy feelings are mostly reserved for the OW

[privategal]

Out of the hundreds of threads here I've read only 1 or 2 had a happy ending where the AP'S ended up together.

It's not typical and is certainly not worth taking the risk or gamble.

LS ow/om forums are a sea of sadness, confusion and broken hearts and promises.

Most of us just feel embarrassed, guilty, abandoned, sorry, depressed, angry and are trying to heal.

My reason for being here is to be reminded I am not alone in my darkest times but this is not a place to come for happy ending stories. It's an outlet to heal, vent, seek help, give support, and hopefully find your way out if your still in the A.

[HeCantBreakMe]

Hi,

 

Here is my happy ending- I told my husband the truth and owned up to my year long affair with a coworker whom I thought was my soulmate. I spent an entire year putting myself and my husband through hell because I didn't think my husband understood me nor cared for me and I thought I had found someone who was in the same boat and that we could divorce our spouses take the kids and create a new love nest where both of us could escape without having to deal with our current marital issues.

 

Once I owned up to my affair I watched my husband crumble but also saw how much the man truly loved me and was willing to work through this and pick up the pieces of me that were shattered. AND I watched my "SOULMATE" married man try to come up with some lie because he was scared my husband would tell his wife and he would get kicked out of the house and lose his daughter- the SAME man who was just telling me to give him more time, asked about where we would raise my kids, how he could be a dad to them, and told me i was his heart- i watched him RUN like the COWARD he was.

 

I learned that my happy ending can only come by working through the issues with my husband and the issues I have with myself. Will hubby and I work out? I sure as heck hope so but if not at least i can find my happy ending in the fact that I did the right thing and I am choosing to NOT be a COWARD and can face my problems- work through them, and decide if our marriage can work for us and not because i have some douche bag on the sidelines claiming to love me but too much of a coward to do anything about it.

 

So, there is my happy ending. Ra Ra affairs! They sure are great until they aren't and then they are a living hell in which you will spend seconds, minutes, hours, years pulling yourself out of the abyss.

[MidnightBlue1980]

My A blew up in December.

 

I learned who xMM really was, not the victim he portrayed himself to be but a pretty terrible person and a pathological liar. All the I love you are meaningless without action to back them up.

 

I learned that I actually am pretty strong and that what does not kill me, makes me stronger. I was pretty broken but I am still here. I am a new me. The old me is gone, for better or worse.

 

I learned to be wary of wolves in sheep's clothing and that unless there is a legitimate reason - business, kids, etc - beware of a guy showing you attention.

 

I learned that the person I need to be with, was with me all along, we both just needed to make some big changes. My husband and I worked on our marriage and we both did a complete 180 in a lot of ways. We are now building a business together, my whole life is different from what it was a year ago, in a good way.

 

I learned that I have a responsibility to make myself happy, it's no one else's job.

[privategal]

My A blew up in December.

 

I learned who xMM really was, not the victim he portrayed himself to be but a pretty terrible person and a pathological liar. All the I love you are meaningless without action to back them up.

 

I learned that I actually am pretty strong and that what does not kill me, makes me stronger. I was pretty broken but I am still here. I am a new me. The old me is gone, for better or worse.

 

I learned to be wary of wolves in sheep's clothing and that unless there is a legitimate reason - business, kids, etc - beware of a guy showing you attention.

 

I learned that the person I need to be with, was with me all along, we both just needed to make some big changes. My husband and I worked on our marriage and we both did a complete 180 in a lot of ways. We are now building a business together, my whole life is different from what it was a year ago, in a good way.

 

I learned that I have a responsibility to make myself happy, it's no one else's job.

 

I still think of the way your hubby showed up to the meeting that night and the two of you showed such a strong joint presence and statement that you survived together the A, that your H was still on your side, that in actuality the MM and his cowardly waffling did not break you but instead you were able to see your H was your TRUE ride or die and he wasn't a coward. Your H knew of the infidelity and didn't run.

My H too was aware of a strong 15 year friendship with xMM and the close emotional bond. I will admit he lacked knowledge of just how deep it got and the extent of the EA but overall he knows and watched Me greive the end and still hugs Me through it.

In the end it also made my marriage stronger and I am quite lucky my spouse is not jealous or insecure and that in my suffering it brought us together in a way I never expected.

The only happy ending I can foresee is leaving the MM in the past and living a complete healthy life without him.

Best revenge is living well.

I've got plenty of healing still to do but my husband is the ONLY man I have eyes for and we get closer everyday and my XAP couldn't hold a candle to my relationship with my H. I regret ever entertaining the MM.

[Lobe]

Most affairs have unhappy endings and those unhappy feelings are mostly reserved for the OW

 

...and the BS and the kids, who will always be scarred by the affair with or without a reconciliation... The truth is that the WS is usually the ONLY one who still gets some kind of a happy ending, whether the BS takes them back or they end up with the AP...

Edited September 9, 2016 by Lobe
gender neutralizing

[stillafool]

Out of the hundreds of threads here I've read only 1 or 2 had a happy ending where the AP'S ended up together.

It's not typical and is certainly not worth taking the risk or gamble.

LS ow/om forums are a sea of sadness, confusion and broken hearts and promises.

Most of us just feel embarrassed, guilty, abandoned, sorry, depressed, angry and are trying to heal.

My reason for being here is to be reminded I am not alone in my darkest times but this is not a place to come for happy ending stories. It's an outlet to heal, vent, seek help, give support, and hopefully find your way out if your still in the A.

 

I agree. OP if you are looking for happy people who cheat there are sites out that promote such a thing.

[eye of the storm]

Lilya, I am worried you are looking for happy endings so you can tell yourself that could be you.

 

Yes, some do end up together. And some even have happy strong marriages. Some people also win the lottery.

 

Stop looking for ways to justify your EA. The longer it goes, the more painful it will be and the longer it will take to heal from it.

[imperfectangel]

A happy ending for who?

 

I'm sure your mm's wife doesn't think she got a happy ending that's for sure

[aileD]

There's no happy ending in an affair. If you "win" and he chooses you and you live happily ever after, it's at the expense of his wife and kids and something they will never truly heal from

 

Nothing good ever truly comes from hurting others

Edited September 9, 2016 by aileD

[Lobe]

I would like you guys out here to share your stories and tell me what were the signs which made you sure that he/she will leave their spouse for you?

 

There are no "signs" they just leave their spouse, period lol

 

Before that happens, it's all smoke and mirrros

[Whoknew30]

There's no happy ending in an affair. If you "win" and he chooses you and you live happily ever after, it's at the expense of his wife and kids and something they will never truly heal from

 

Nothing good ever truly comes from hurting others

 

I know lots of kids that aren't permanently damaged from their parents ending up with their Affair partner & I can't by under any circumstance that how someone would rather be married to a person that loves someone else than be left. If a spouse leaves for someone else in the end they did their BS a favor...way worse a spouse to have a fake marriage & the kids to watch it bc they know what's true.

 

I know several people that left their spouses & stayed married with their AP...it does happen & some of them have been happy for 20+ years.

[imsosad]

I thought about how to answer your question and the best answer I have is that 'happy ending' is just too shallow and narrow a term to describe one or two marriages breaking up.

I ended up with my AP. We have only been together a few months,but so far it's been good,we're happy. Is that the whole picture,though? Not by a longshot. We both have ex spouses who were hurt and traumatised and we both co parent with them. It is hard to.imagine that a child is not affected by a parent going through such a crisis. We have six children between us, who have to adjust to new realities. We don't live together, giving the kids time to get used to our respective divorces. I still harbour guilt about the affair, I sometimes feel our choices were selfish. I cringe when we get asked how we met. I dont know how and what I will tell my children in the future.

So you see, we are together,but we are not a 20 year old couple in an happily ever after.

I think it's important that you are very aware that very few affairs turn in to marriages. I can tell you that ours did by a very specific chain of events and that it could have also.gone the other way. Most go the other way.

Dont let fantasies take over,because that's where you're at,emotionally. Give it some thought. You are clearly dreaming of a happily ever after with this guy, better to think again.

[Lobe]

I thought about how to answer your question and the best answer I have is that 'happy ending' is just too shallow and narrow a term to describe one or two marriages breaking up.

I ended up with my AP. We have only been together a few months,but so far it's been good,we're happy. Is that the whole picture,though? Not by a longshot. We both have ex spouses who were hurt and traumatised and we both co parent with them. It is hard to.imagine that a child is not affected by a parent going through such a crisis. We have six children between us, who have to adjust to new realities. We don't live together, giving the kids time to get used to our respective divorces. I still harbour guilt about the affair, I sometimes feel our choices were selfish. I cringe when we get asked how we met. I dont know how and what I will tell my children in the future.

So you see, we are together,but we are not a 20 year old couple in an happily ever after.

I think it's important that you are very aware that very few affairs turn in to marriages. I can tell you that ours did by a very specific chain of events and that it could have also.gone the other way. Most go the other way.

Dont let fantasies take over,because that's where you're at,emotionally. Give it some thought. You are clearly dreaming of a happily ever after with this guy, better to think again.

 

The brutal honesty in this post - I am so grateful for your words right now, imsosad. Thank you for not sugar-coating it - it's refreshing to hear someone who is accountable and remorseful and respectful of the circumstances instead of defensive and flip about "beating the odds." Thank you thank you thank you.

[imsosad]

The brutal honesty in this post - I am so grateful for your words right now, imsosad. Thank you for not sugar-coating it - it's refreshing to hear someone who is accountable and remorseful and respectful of the circumstances instead of defensive and flip about "beating the odds." Thank you thank you

 

Thank you,Lobe.

It means a lot,coming from you.

I believe our best chance at making it long term is complete honesty. We also owe honesty to everyone around us.

Edited September 10, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Ahurtgirl]

I know of some APs who have ended up together and are still together after 25 plus years. HOWEVER, watched them go through major difficulties while the affairs came to light and families torn apart. Time healed their wounds but it came at a high price and what they lived through to get where they are at was heartbreaking to say the least.

 

I had hoped to end up with my AP also, but he immediately ended his relationship with me after over 4 years the instant his wife found out. He will end up happily ever after with his family once they work through this and I will miss him always. He was a good man in many ways and he chose his wife and kids which was the right thing for him to do.

[ladydesigner]

I know of some APs who have ended up together and are still together after 25 plus years. HOWEVER, watched them go through major difficulties while the affairs came to light and families torn apart. Time healed their wounds but it came at a high price and what they lived through to get where they are at was heartbreaking to say the least.

 

I had hoped to end up with my AP also, but he immediately ended his relationship with me after over 4 years the instant his wife found out. He will end up happily ever after with his family once they work through this and I will miss him always. He was a good man in many ways and he chose his wife and kids which was the right thing for him to do.

 

Yep and not to mention an A can happpen in ANY M. My parents have been married for 40 years now. They were both M'd when they met and had exit A's. My mom went on to have 3 more A's while M'd to my dad. Not the happy ending I'm sure they were expecting

[Hummingbird17]

I am one that ended up married to my ExMM.

 

He had told wife prior to me that he was unhappy and thinking about leaving. But he hadn't done anything.

 

Once we met, he told her again. He told me from the beginning that he would leave. And like I have said before from the time we started talking until he was divorced was less than 4 months. Noone knows for sure we had an affair. Some might suspect it.

 

All this to say, it's very very rare. Most MM will not leave. And some will leave and then leave the OW also. The other posters are right, it's a lot of heartache.

 

My husband was ready to leave yet it would have drug on longer if I had let it. After it turning physical it was only a couple of weeks and I said I won't do this one more second. I didn't say he had to leave, that was on him. I said I refuse to do it. He left that night.

 

Please don't hold out hope that this is going to be a happy story. Most are not.

[Lobe]

As a BS, my "happy ending" is that the A caused my husband to realize how stupid he was to risk his wife and family for a woman he couldn't imagine being with in a real relationship with had I not taken him back. We've had more intimacy, deep conversations, and real connection since d-day than we had had in years. Meanwhile, his AP blogs about how depressed she is, how much she hates herself for trusting my WH, how disgusting she feels, and how much she misses him. I have to accept that she is not the sole cause of the affair and that my beloved husband it at least 50% responsible for making another human being feel like sh*t. I'm too selfish and insecure to let him reach out to her and also if I'm totally honest, because after spending a couple of months here on LS talking to some of the OW here I know how much it would hurt her if he broke NC just to say I'm sorry but I have to stay NC.

 

Is this a happy ending to an affair? You tell me. I'm not condoning affairs, or excusing anyone's behaviour, I'm simply embracing the right to avoid crawling up on a moral high horse and passing judgment by ignoring the complexity of human emotion.

Edited September 10, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed response to deleted post ~T

[lemondrop21]

My happy ending is that I blocked him everywhere and deleted our secret email account after a 9 month full on A followed by 8 more months of push pull off and on mind-f*ckery. Now I can focus on more important things in life instead of whether he is thinking of me (or more accurately, whether his d*ck is thinking of me).

 

Sorry, I'm in a mood tonight... I will go back and read the genuine responses on this thread another time, but reading OP's title and post just made me cringe and fear for her. Good luck OP... It does happen, but it's rare and there's no escaping the pain that comes along with the process.

[minimariah]

And like I have said before from the time we started talking until he was divorced was less than 4 months.

 

pardon me -- did any of you had any kids with your xspouses?

i'm just curious.

[JustJoe]

During my Army service, I met and had a 4 1/2 yr affair with the trophy wife of a major Texas political figure. I broke up with her, she admitted the affair and divorced her husband. We have been married , ever since (my story is in the old archives somewhere), and have three kids. My wife changed from a golddigger to a truly honest woman, and we could not be happier.

[Arieswoman]

Lilya4ever,

 

My exH ended up with his AP, and here's how it happened ;

 

1. I caught him cheating and asked him to leave. He was gone to a flat within a month.

2. His AP cosigned the divorce papers and the divorce went ahead.

3. Then his AP (who was engaged to someone else) decided she'd had enough and dumped my H

4. By this time I'd located her fiance and told him. He dumped the AP.

5. AP went running back to my H. They lived together at her mother's for 6 months. Then he tried to come back to me because he wasn't happy with her "because she was selfish" ( !! ) I told him to go take a hike.

6. They bought a house together but he wouldn't let her move in and she still lived with her mother because "he wasn't sure" (now there's a surprise !)

7. 4 years later she got pregnant and they got married. They are still married.

 

Is that the kind of "happy ending" you wanted to hear about?

[goodyblue]

My h's and I began as an A. I was single. As with Hummingbird, my h's m was in a shambles to begin with and he was there to finish the raising of his only child. Our A was pretty short and we put specific plans in place, knew from the beginning we were going to be together and set forth on the journey to make it happen. Months before our steps had all been taken his ex found the burner phone. He admitted everything and left that night.

 

The next year was not an easy one, even though we were happy together. Lots of turmoil and the divorce was not fun for him. His ex is still very angry but (in my opinion) for the wrong reasons. I feel bad for her but at the same time I know my h is where he should be.

 

It was not an easy road. Things are really good now but getting here was hard. And everyone is right, there are those of us who got the golden egg but lots don't.

 

I guess if you are determined to see it through then hope for the best, expect the worst, because it ain't easy.