Not sure what I am doing wrong

[admac6971]

I am having some issues finding a girlfriend and I really don't quite understand it. I have been single for 6 years and a ton of dates in between.

Typically I will go out with a girl a for a couple of dates and they will just plain and simple go cold.

I am in my late 20's, dress well, own my own home, part owner of a contracting company, in very good shape, and Ive been told I am good looking and I'm pretty social. I live in a rural area, so finding a girl my age who is single is rare. I'm a typical good ol boy really.

But after a couple of dates girls tend to get kind of intimidated I guess by me ? I really try to hide it as best I can, it just doesn't work out.

I had a girl break down and cry when going on a date with me after I had known her for about two months and tell me I was settling. That's not the only time that sort of thing has happened. I can't seem to convince them otherwise. I really hate it and I don't know what to do. Most of the people I went to high school with are happily married and I can't seem to tack anything down for more than two dates.

Edited September 9, 2016 by admac6971

[maryjanekelly]

Stop looking. Do things that interest you and make you happy. You'll more then likely end up meeting someone through this way with the same interests when you least expect it.

[Larryville]

AdMac here’s the thing.

You say:

 

I am in my late 20's, dress well, own my own home, part owner of a contracting company, in very good shape, and Ive been told I am good looking and I'm pretty social. I live in a rural area, so finding a girl my age who is single is rare. I'm a typical good ol boy really.

 

Not an indictment on you but we don’t know you.

 

People when trying to describe the superficial about themselves don’t give any of us anything to go by.

 

For example:

We don’t know what you look like

 

We don’t know your body shape

 

Ive been told…

by who? Your mother, friends, buddies?

 

Whoever tells you whatever depends on where they stand in your life and whether or not they would tell you the truth if you asked.

 

We can’t see if you have any visible disfiguring marks

 

Don’t know what your voice sounds like

 

Do you sound “articulate?”

 

Your teeth

 

Breath

 

How you dress

 

Are you polite, courteous, give off a vibe of confidence.

 

You also say

 

after a couple of dates girls tend to get kind of intimidated

 

Why in the world would any “normal” healthy woman get intimidated by a guy she does not know unless you are saying something in conversation?

 

Also says something about the type of women you are picking to meet too.

 

Who you pick says something about you, so if YOU keep striking out the problem is you.

 

You must look in the mirror and do personal inventory. If you keep striking out with women the women are not the problem YOU are and YOU need to figure that out.

 

I will go out with a girl a for a couple of dates and they will just plain and simple go cold.

 

That makes no sense if you are a “normal” dude. Bigger issue going on.

[admac6971]

only thing is, the stuff that I really enjoy are typically heavy male activities. working on cars, going to car shows, fishing , skiing , working out. Other than getting a beer with a friend on a friday night. There's nothing I enjoy that typically has mixed company.

[admac6971]

AdMac here’s the thing.

You say:

 

 

 

Not an indictment on you but we don’t know you.

 

People when trying to describe the superficial about themselves don’t give any of us anything to go by.

 

For example:

We don’t know what you look like

 

We don’t know your body shape

 

by who? Your mother, friends, buddies?

 

Whoever tells you whatever depends on where they stand in your life and whether or not they would tell you the truth if you asked.

 

We can’t see if you have any visible disfiguring marks

 

Don’t know what your voice sounds like

 

Do you sound “articulate?”

 

Your teeth

 

Breath

 

How you dress

 

Are you polite, courteous, give off a vibe of confidence.

 

You also say

 

 

 

Why in the world would any “normal” healthy woman get intimidated by a guy she does not know unless you are saying something in conversation?

 

Also says something about the type of women you are picking to meet too.

 

Who you pick says something about you, so if YOU keep striking out the problem is you.

 

You must look in the mirror and do personal inventory. If you keep striking out with women the women are not the problem YOU are and YOU need to figure that out.

 

 

 

That makes no sense if you are a “normal” dude. Bigger issue going on.

 

I run 12 miles a week, lift weights four nights a week. run several 5k's and a triathalon once a year. I am balding so I keep my hair cut short. Several female friends have said that I am attractive. Teeth are straight, always chew gum, Dress kind of preppy, I do have an thick accent that I can't change.

I don't come off as an ego centric guy, I have confidence, but Im pretty humble.

[coolheadal]

Sounds like your not ready yet, and if you think you are they you would have met the right girl already. Just trying to way to hard. What do you what from a girl. Write that down a paper a list of what you want. Also when you take them out have fun with them. Go to arcade or action park get involve with them in the games you like to play or ask them what they like. Help them in the game also. Get involve with them that way. Don't be a stiff head type of guy. Don't listen to other guy friends with they're BS stories. You be who you are otherwise you will never find the right girl to be with. Just not doing it right. I am not saying to change who you are can't do that. Just be something sort of the way of nice, but confident man. Working on cars is okay, but will you be just happy with just working on cars and have no one to share your life with. So you have to think outside the box. There are other women who are like you just have to find them. Might have to leave your are to find the right woman. Never make a woman cry on a date as you can forget that woman will ever go on a another date with you ever again.

[admac6971]

Sounds like your not ready yet, and if you think you are they you would have met the right girl already. Just trying to way to hard. What do you what from a girl. Write that down a paper a list of what you want. Also when you take them out have fun with them. Go to arcade or action park get involve with them in the games you like to play or ask them what they like. Help them in the game also. Get involve with them that way. Don't be a stiff head type of guy. Don't listen to other guy friends with they're BS stories. You be who you are otherwise you will never find the right girl to be with. Just not doing it right. I am not saying to change who you are can't do that. Just be something sort of the way of nice, but confident man. Working on cars is okay, but will you be just happy with just working on cars and have no one to share your life with. So you have to think outside the box. There are other women who are like you just have to find them. Might have to leave your are to find the right woman. Never make a woman cry on a date as you can forget that woman will ever go on a another date with you ever again.

 

man, I wasnt trying to make her cry. She just started to. It broke my heart to see her like that.

[Larryville]

Write that down a paper a list of what you want.

 

That is a very good point. Yes as I stated you need to do personal inventory but you need to absolutely know what you want.

I’m assuming you do OLD if so, be more selective about who you meet don’t do what so many dudes do and carpet bomb OLD site profiles and email every random woman. Being more selective about who you meet will reduce frustration.

 

I run 12 miles a week, lift weights four nights a week. run several 5k's and a triathalon once a year.

 

I’m just throwing this out there because when threads like this start with dude proclaiming how awesomely in shape they are alarm bells go off.

 

Unless you only want to date fellow female marathoners nobody cares.

 

Women want something deeper. Unless you will spend every waking hour running and that is NOT romantic! AFTER you meet the right woman are you going to spend every waking freaking hour in the Gym, or running? Think about it...

[admac6971]

That is a very good point. Yes as I stated you need to do personal inventory but you need to absolutely know what you want.

I’m assuming you do OLD if so, be more selective about who you meet don’t do what so many dudes do and carpet bomb OLD site profiles and email every random woman. Being more selective about who you meet will reduce frustration.

 

 

 

I’m just throwing this out there because when threads like this start with dude proclaiming how awesomely in shape they are alarm bells go off.

 

Unless you only want to date fellow female marathoners nobody cares.

 

Women want something deeper. Unless you will spend every waking hour running and that is NOT romantic! AFTER you meet the right woman are you going to spend every waking freaking hour in the Gym, or running? Think about it...

 

I typically spend about 8 hours a week working out. Not a lot of time considering there are 160 other hours in the week.

[gorf]

But after a couple of dates girls tend to get kind of intimidated I guess by me ? I really try to hide it as best I can, it just doesn't work out.

 

I had a girl break down and cry when going on a date with me after I had known her for about two months and tell me I was settling.

 

1. I need clarification. What are they intimidated by? You know what it is because you are tying to hide it. What is intimidating them, and what exactly are you doing to hide it?

 

2. As for the settling part, what does that mean to you. What does it mean when they think you are settling. How would you define settling?

Edited September 9, 2016 by gorf

[smackie9]

If these women are feeling insecure you are not asking the right ones out. Increase your expectations, not lower them.

 

I'm kinda scratching my head on this one. If you are successful, well dressed, ect. why are you living in a rural area?? It doesn't fit. If it were me, I would relocate where there are women that are successful, attractive and financially stable. Obviously you are getting women who have just a high school diploma and a job at the local drugstore.

[admac6971]

1. I need clarification. What are they intimidated by? You know what it is because you are tying to hide it. What is intimidating them, and what exactly are you doing to hide it?

2. As for the settling part, what does that mean to you. What does it mean when they think you are settling. How would you define settling?

It's the success and that's the bad part of it. I try to not talk about work, what we are doing, the things that I have. But eventually they find out.

I don't see it as settling at all. At the end of the day, yea I have been successful, but I am happier in old jeans fishing or bouncing around the woods in an old jeep. They just see the other crap and they can't get past it.

[admac6971]

If these women are feeling insecure you are not asking the right ones out. Increase your expectations, not lower them.

 

I'm kinda scratching my head on this one. If you are successful, well dressed, ect. why are you living in a rural area?? It doesn't fit. If it were me, I would relocate where there are women that are successful, attractive and financially stable. Obviously you are getting women who have just a high school diploma and a job at the local drugstore.

We have a branch office in a more metropolitan area, Ive thought about working out of there some to broaden my horizons some. I don't know how well ill fit in, but it's worth a shot.

The thing is , these girls all have good jobs, RN's, Teachers, etc.

[Zapbasket]

only thing is, the stuff that I really enjoy are typically heavy male activities. working on cars, going to car shows, fishing , skiing , working out. Other than getting a beer with a friend on a friday night. There's nothing I enjoy that typically has mixed company.

 

I know lots of girls who love fishing, skiing, working out. I also live in a rural area, and a ski town, to boot, so....

 

But I think you're making assumptions a) that these girls are intimidated and b) that if they are intimidated, you know what exactly is intimidating them.

 

I'll tell you, I'd LOVE to meet a guy who is ambitious and successful AND loves "bounding around in the woods in a jeep." I'm having trouble finding friends OR a romantic partner who fit both areas. So thank you, for reminding me that they DO exist. And let me serve as a reminder that there ARE women who would love these surface things you bring to the table.

 

But what about the non-surface things? Are you well-mannered, kind in both thought AND action, considerate and able to bring smiles to people's faces? If not, then work on these things.

 

Also think about what qualities REALLY matter to you in a girl. As someone who lived both in a major metropolitan area for many years and now lives in a ski town, I can attest to the fact that sheer numbers of opposite sex individuals within dating age of you does not make it "more" likely you will meet the right partner for YOU. You can just as easily find yourself moving from vapid social circle to vapid social circle in a large city as you can find yourself stuck with the same crowd of mediocre people in a small town, and neither turns out the desired result. You have to keep an open mind while also getting ever clearer with yourself about what you want in a partner. Starting with: women who are intimidated by you to the point that they cry or leave you after two months are not the right women for you. You should NEVER hide who you are; you can be humble without deliberately minimizing your accomplishments.

[Ami1uwant]

My two cents.......

 

You may be in shape but there may be something unattractive about you. If you regularly get two dates 2 and 3 and it fails it possibly is something with who you are as a person. Bring egocentric or very opinionated or thinking they are right is a turn off.

 

Broaden your intrrests.....maybe met people of the opposite sex. Look at join g a running club where you likely socialize with females.

 

WHT criteria are you using to meet peopke??? Are you a conservative who lives outside a very liberal city. Are you trying to get women out of your league???

 

If I understood it correctly...a woman set you were dating below where you look?? If so I'm shocked..that's something someone wouldn't say. I'm wondering weTher you are actually trying to date outside of your league.

[smackie9]

We have a branch office in a more metropolitan area, Ive thought about working out of there some to broaden my horizons some. I don't know how well ill fit in, but it's worth a shot.

The thing is , these girls all have good jobs, RN's, Teachers, etc.

If you are well dressed, well educated, etc, then why would you not fit in?

[leogirl876]

Are you acting needy and blowing up their phone too much too soon? That is a turn off. And acting stalkerish is also a turn off.

[spiderowl]

What other reasons are these girls giving? I know that people don't always give the real reasons when they give up - usually they just have a feeling that it's not going to work.

[Zapbasket]

Consider, also, that you're not doing a thing "wrong," but rather simply haven't met the right girl. Maybe it should be YOU who is not interested in taking things beyond a date or two with these kinds of girls you're going out with. Maybe, also, you're looking in the "wrong" places...or going after women you *think* you should be interested in, but who really aren't compatible at all.

 

Remember this: some of the most distasteful people manage to get dates and even relationships. You think, how is that possible but there's always someone for everyone. Starting a relationship is the easy part. I would ask what you're doing "wrong" if women run from you as a pattern when you've been in a relationship with them for a while, but not at these early stages. Just focus on being the best You that you can, and honing your manners, listening skills, and kindness.

[Quiet Storms]

What makes you think that women are intimated by you? Honestly, you don't sound intimidating. There are many successful guys out there. You are saying that educated women (teachers, nurses, etc) go on dates with you and then bail out because they think you are better than them? Really?

 

What, do you think, makes you better than them? You said "success". What kind of success? Are you a millionaire? These women seem to be successful too. There is something fishy here, and I think your assessment that you are "too successful" is nonsense, actually.

 

You said you have a "heavy accent". What kind of accent? I can't stand heavy Southern/hillbilly accents. Is that what you are dealing with? Because that can be a huge turnoff to women.

[Zapbasket]

You said you have a "heavy accent". What kind of accent? I can't stand heavy Southern/hillbilly accents. Is that what you are dealing with? Because that can be a huge turnoff to women.

 

Speak for yourself I think a genteel Southern accent in a man is HOT. Same with European accents, Canadian accents, British, Australian, South African, most Asian accents, Latin American, Jamaican.... Accents can be very attractive. But: it's all a matter of taste. If it's your accent that is turning women off, unless you speak English badly because you're uneducated (which can be a turn-off; it's a turn-off to me to hear a native English speaker with crap grammar, etc.), I'd again say you're pursuing the wrong women.

 

I do agree with Quiet Storms about the intimidation thing. Women don't tend to be intimidated by successful men, even men who are "more" successful than they are. I'd spend some time rooting around in that notion. What could have happened, for instance, for that one woman to cry and leave you after two months? What did she mean that you'd be "settling"? WERE you settling?

[JuneJulySeptember]

I am having some issues finding a girlfriend and I really don't quite understand it. I have been single for 6 years and a ton of dates in between.

Typically I will go out with a girl a for a couple of dates and they will just plain and simple go cold.

I am in my late 20's, dress well, own my own home, part owner of a contracting company, in very good shape, and Ive been told I am good looking and I'm pretty social. I live in a rural area, so finding a girl my age who is single is rare. I'm a typical good ol boy really.

But after a couple of dates girls tend to get kind of intimidated I guess by me ? I really try to hide it as best I can, it just doesn't work out.

I had a girl break down and cry when going on a date with me after I had known her for about two months and tell me I was settling. That's not the only time that sort of thing has happened. I can't seem to convince them otherwise. I really hate it and I don't know what to do. Most of the people I went to high school with are happily married and I can't seem to tack anything down for more than two dates.

 

If you are getting shot down by a good number of women, you're probably not hot.

 

But that's OK. Neither am I. I'm sure you're reasonably attractive.

 

In my experience, average-ish men and below will need to get shot down many, many times by women they think are 'in the ballpark' before they find one that REALLY likes them.

 

It's kind of the way it is. My analogy as you are a fisherman. Guys fish around and try and find a bite and dozens of fish will swim by without taking it. Some will nibble and then pass. But once you get one, they are hooked.

 

In other words, when you find one that likes you, she will seriously like you, even though you may not like her as much or you are completely wrong for her.

 

I'm not sure why but I think it's because men operate mostly on logic and women on emotions.

Edited September 10, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember

[gorf]

It's the success and that's the bad part of it. I try to not talk about work, what we are doing, the things that I have. But eventually they find out.

I don't see it as settling at all. At the end of the day, yea I have been successful, but I am happier in old jeans fishing or bouncing around the woods in an old jeep. They just see the other crap and they can't get past it.

 

Well its all in the way you carry yourself. I dont understand how finding out the guy you are dating in the middle of nowhere .. who happens to be good looking and successful.. would be a turnoff for most women. If you catch my drift. So its not that. I dont think intimidated is the right word to use either. Maybe you are into yourself too much? I dunno. But what do you mean by "they think I am settling." I dont know what you mean by settling. You mean they perceive you to be a family man who wants to "settle down" ?? cause that would make more sense.

[redbaron007]

I am having some issues finding a girlfriend and I really don't quite understand it. I have been single for 6 years and a ton of dates in between.

Typically I will go out with a girl a for a couple of dates and they will just plain and simple go cold.

I am in my late 20's, dress well, own my own home, part owner of a contracting company, in very good shape, and Ive been told I am good looking and I'm pretty social. I live in a rural area, so finding a girl my age who is single is rare. I'm a typical good ol boy really.

But after a couple of dates girls tend to get kind of intimidated I guess by me ? I really try to hide it as best I can, it just doesn't work out.

I had a girl break down and cry when going on a date with me after I had known her for about two months and tell me I was settling. That's not the only time that sort of thing has happened. I can't seem to convince them otherwise. I really hate it and I don't know what to do. Most of the people I went to high school with are happily married and I can't seem to tack anything down for more than two dates.

 

As you have hinted, this has nothing to do with you. The problem is your area...I would suggest moving to a bigger city if at all possible, or atleast spending weekends at your nearest metro city. Small town demographics are pretty unfavorable in most cases.

[normal person]

I live in a rural area, so finding a girl my age who is single is rare.

 

This is your problem. There simply aren't many people where you live. Your dating pool is too small for any good aspects of you to be appreciated by the right person, because the right person likely doesn't live near you. How many single women that you could really see yourself with do you think live in your town? And how many do you think live in the nearest decent sized city? Think about that.