The Worst Things Your Cheating Spouse Ever Did To You

[aliveagain]

In my case the worst was intentionally having Other Mans child then getting me to believe he was mine. She wanted something of the other man's that would last her forever. She never intended to leave me. The second was inviting the other man over for dinner pretending to be her best girlfriends date. I cooked him dinner twice while she made out with him in my house, her best friend acted as a lookout. I am such a fool for having that much trust in someone. I never thought that someone I loved could ever be that cruel, I was wrong. Was I the only one?

[alsudduth]

I'm pretty sure you married the devil. As a WS I know I'm looked at as being pretty evil to some, but I could NEVER fathom doing something so cruel as that to someone else. I'm sorry for what you went through.

[EverySunset]

My ex became physically violent at the end and as he felt me detaching (I discovered years of cheating) he started attacking me and broke bones.

 

These threads pop up every once in a while but it's usually not advisable to focus on the worst, because it can get truly horrific. Fast.

 

Every aspect of cheating is devastating. I am sorry you too have experienced so much betrayal and deceit.

[RecentChange]

 

Whoa - ya know. I am gonna say, this just goes to show you can't generalize or paint things with a broad brush.

 

Sure, my husband's cheating was.... upsetting? Devastating would be a stretch - pregnancies, broken bones!!!?!?!? No no no - what I went through, and yeah I am going to say what I put him through by cheating pales in comparison.

 

There is being scandalous (my case), there is poor judgement and being confused (his case) - and then there is straight evil or abuse.

 

I can't believe what people are capable of doing to people they professed love for..

[Lobe]

Yup, as a BS trying to reconcile, this is a p*ssing contest I can't participate in.

 

Runs off singing...

 

You've got to ac-cen-tuate the positive

Ee-lim-inate the negative...

 

Peace out, my love, support and apologies to you who have been so terribly hurt.

[aileD]

Yup, as a BS trying to reconcile, this is a p*ssing contest I can't participate in.

 

Runs off singing...

 

You've got to ac-cen-tuate the positive

Ee-lim-inate the negative...

 

Peace out, my love, support and apologies to you who have been so terribly hurt.

 

I also can't go there, being a few weeks into R.

 

But I can say no child or broken bones were involved.

[JohnAdams]

Aliveagain, you win. In a contest no one wants to win. I cannot imagine.

 

It reminds me of the story of I thought I had it bad and then saw a man with no shoes....etc....etc.....etc

 

One of the worst cases I have ever heard.

[BrownHairedGuy]

Man, here I am pissed off about the trust issues she left me with as I'm getting into dating again but after reading some of the other posts I have nothing to complain about. Even though she did a lot of ****ty things, here I am with a great new career opportunity, in the best shape of my life, and still have great friends and family. She's left with a cheating Doctor and family and friends that even though they might be nice to her face, they all know what she did. All the stuff she did to me was worth it because in the end I got her out of my life.

Edited September 10, 2016 by BrownHairedGuy

[Lobe]

I just have to say that in my darkest moments I pain shopped a lot, reliving the most hideous parts of my husband's actions to stay mad and hurt. I resisted healing because it was scary letting myself be vulnerable not just to anyone but to the very source and cause of my pain. Irony know that it's healthy for anyone to commiserate over this - while I get that misery loves company, so does happiness.

 

Again, my heartfelt condolences to those whose WSs acted so heinously. I hope you find healing.

[BetrayedH]

In my case the worst was intentionally having Other Mans child then getting me to believe he was mine. She wanted something of the other man's that would last her forever. She never intended to leave me. The second was inviting the other man over for dinner pretending to be her best girlfriends date. I cooked him dinner twice while she made out with him in my house, her best friend acted as a lookout. I am such a fool for having that much trust in someone. I never thought that someone I loved could ever be that cruel, I was wrong. Was I the only one?

 

You weren't a fool, brother. Preying upon our trust is their issue, not ours. She took solemn vows to be your biggest defender. How could you expect that she'd secretly become your enemy?

 

My wife got off on doing the same type of crap to me. I think it takes a special kind of evil to revel in the betrayal. Again, that's about her.

[Arieswoman]

I think I got off lightly compared to some people, at least I didn't get an STD.

 

Mine just did the bogstandard gaslighting crap.

 

During the affair I went to dog-sit for a friend so she could go to her father's funeral in another town. While I was away for 2 days he brought his AP back to the house, f*c*"d her in our bed and left all their sex-slop for me to clean up.

 

I still can't imagine what sort of woman would be a party to such sordid behaviour

[aliveagain]

Aliveagain, you win. In a contest no one wants to win. I cannot imagine.

 

It reminds me of the story of I thought I had it bad and then saw a man with no shoes....etc....etc.....etc

 

One of the worst cases I have ever heard.

 

When your young and in love there is no way to plan for your spouse being unfaithful, your too involved trying to do your best. Your learning as you go, who wants to fail the person they love. Why would you doubt that they are not as committed as you? You expect challenges in life, you just don't expect to have your legs cut out from under you by your closest friend. Really gets you questioning everything you believe in.

[Arieswoman]

When your young and in love there is no way to plan for your spouse being unfaithful, your too involved trying to do your best. Your learning as you go, who wants to fail the person they love. Why would you doubt that they are not as committed as you? You expect challenges in life, you just don't expect to have your legs cut out from under you by your closest friend. Really gets you questioning everything you believe in.

 

^^^ I would agree with all that.

 

I think one of the hardest thing I ever had to learn was how to forgive myself for getting involved with such a self-serving, disordered, @r$hole in the first place

 

It took me months of therapy to realise that the affair was all about him and nothing about me.

[CarrieT]

With my last relationship, we tried a last ditch effort to connect and booked an extensive and expensive trip to Europe. It was a catastrophe before we even departed and I probably shouldn't have gone.

 

But here we were - about ten days into the trip - when we arrived in Geneva. After a decent dinner, I went back to the hotel and he went out. He did that a lot; to bars, clubs, strip clubs, brothels, whatever.

 

About 4:30 in the morning, I heard the door open and voices. Whomever he had been out with was with him. I'm assuming it was a drinking buddy or drug buddy but I heard my ostensibly loving boyfriend offer me and my sexual services to this stranger. "It's okay," he said. "She is my secretary and this is what I pay her for when we travel together."

 

Thank god the stranger declined and they left together for who-knows-where. To this day, I regret not packing and leaving immediately, but I was not yet a savvy solo traveler and I was afraid to be alone in a foreign country by myself.

[BuddyX]

Worst? Gaslighting. You question your sanity.

[Quiet Storms]

In my case the worst was intentionally having Other Mans child then getting me to believe he was mine. She wanted something of the other man's that would last her forever. She never intended to leave me. The second was inviting the other man over for dinner pretending to be her best girlfriends date. I cooked him dinner twice while she made out with him in my house, her best friend acted as a lookout. I am such a fool for having that much trust in someone. I never thought that someone I loved could ever be that cruel, I was wrong. Was I the only one?

 

Are you ever going to get past it, AA?

 

Because you can't move forward while you are still focusing on her.

[aliveagain]

Are you ever going to get past it, AA?

 

Because you can't move forward while you are still focusing on her.

 

Interesting you would say that since I just recently posted that you shouldn't live in the past on another post. Hard not to think about it when your posting about things that happened to you in hopes that the person your posting to doesn't make the same mistakes you made. When posting you sometimes remember things that you haven't thought about in years. I guess it can get to you at times. In real life they no longer occupy space in my mind with the exception that I remain unlisted. The one ex still continues to reach out to me. I think she is of the belief that she can step back into my life anytime she wants, how entitled can you get?

[GoldenR]

She left our two daughters at home alone at night while I was at work so she go have sex at OMs house and stay the night there. However, she was so oblivious to our daughters' personal lives, that she didn't even realize that the oldest (15 yrs old ) never came home as she was in the HS dance team and they were traveling to an out of town football game. My 9 year old daughter wakes up 1145pm freaking out and crying bc she's alone, doesn't know where mom is, mom won't answer her phone. She calls me and I leave work to go stay with her. D-day the next day.

 

I wound up getting custody. :-)

Edited September 10, 2016 by GoldenR

[dreamingoftigers]

When your young and in love there is no way to plan for your spouse being unfaithful, your too involved trying to do your best. Your learning as you go, who wants to fail the person they love. Why would you doubt that they are not as committed as you? You expect challenges in life, you just don't expect to have your legs cut out from under you by your closest friend. Really gets you questioning everything you believe in.

 

I haven't posted everything that happened when things were at their worst.

 

But I do remember one night begging him to "please just stop fcking with my head. The rest I might get through, bit just please stop fcking with my head."

 

I still am very not "paranoid" bit definitely suspicious to this day about his activities, even though I fully know what goes on day to day with him. Often he's even working right with me and we spend an enormous amount of time together.

 

The mind fck was the absolute worst.

 

I still think of separating everyday.

[aliveagain]

She left our two daughters at home alone at night while I was at work so she go have sex at OMs house and stay the night there. However, she was so oblivious to our daughters' personal lives, that she didn't even realize that the oldest (15 yrs old ) never came home as she was in the HS dance team and they were traveling to an out of town football game. My 9 year old daughter wakes up 1145pm freaking out and crying bc she's alone, doesn't know where mom is, mom won't answer her phone. She calls me and I leave work to go stay with her. D-day the next day.

 

I wound up getting custody. :-)

 

GoldenR, just so selfish. In my world it's hard for me to imagine a mother being able to do that to her children let alone her husband. Your children are lucky to have you as a father and role model.

[aliveagain]

I haven't posted everything that happened when things were at their worst.

 

But I do remember one night begging him to "please just stop fcking with my head. The rest I might get through, bit just please stop fcking with my head."

 

I still am very not "paranoid" bit definitely suspicious to this day about his activities, even though I fully know what goes on day to day with him. Often he's even working right with me and we spend an enormous amount of time together.

 

The mind fck was the absolute worst.

 

I still think of separating everyday.

 

I just hate it when they make you think your the crazy one. How do they learn those type of behaviors?

[Arieswoman]

How do they learn those type of behaviors?

 

They come naturally to disordered, dysfunctional individuals

[merrmeade]

Well, aa, I've read the title to the thread, skimmed a bit of your opening post and scrolled down to the "Post Reply" button, while asking myself why...

 

Believe me, I'm a huge champion of digging out every last speck of sepsis in this abscess we call infidelity. You have to face and wholly examine the past and present from every angle. You need to know and feel all of it, including why the WS hurt you so callously. You do it IN ORDER to get to the bottom of it, so you can come back up and OUT of it. I can also understand that people in the first 1-3 years need to commiserate with others who've had the same or even worse experiences. Whether reconciled, divorced or straddling the two, most BSs need to put the whole story together. Then, if you're not together, you go on with new hopes and dreams. If you are with the WS, you watch and listen to see how deep the remorse has gone and how much change is possible.

 

But once you've exhausted the whys and the wherefores of what happened and you're healing, why keep digging back into those awful days and feel all that disrespect all over again? Why go back into that brooding, hating and seething? I may benefit from knowing that there's somebody else out there that understands what I went through, but dredging it all up keeps the anger, pain and hopelessness alive. That I don't need.

Edited September 10, 2016 by merrmeade

[dreamingoftigers]

I just hate it when they make you think your the crazy one. How do they learn those type of behaviors?

 

His mother. She has a real talent.

 

Years ago I went to visit her and I spent one day taking her out and even took her and her husband out. (he's awesome, our son is his namesake)

 

For the SECOND time she blew a completely public fit and later that night hearing her talk so harshly about my husband AS A CHILD and so so so many ridiculous, histrionic, Abusive crap from her........ I felt emotionally BURNED for days after.

 

Frankly I don't know how my husband SURVIVED a childhood with her. And because he was fostered etc, she was his main mother figure BUT was only one of FOUR mothers in his life. Her husband was one of FIVE fathers he had. They passed him down the chain: dysfunctional person to dysfunctional person until, finally he ended up in foster care before becoming homeless.

 

The ONLY ONLY ONLY reason I've stated for reconciliation is once he realized how badly he was screwing things up and hurting his daughter, he hit the breaks and got serious about getting help.

 

I have very serious resent (not surprising) but I also find it somewhat difficult to come down on him after going the extra mile every day to fight the dysfunctional history he has because he does not want to repeat it.

 

Maybe he's a unicorn. Blah. I hate all of this for everyone that has gone through even a taste of it.

[aliveagain]

Well, aa, I've read the title to the thread, skimmed a bit of your opening post and scrolled down to the "Post Reply" button, while asking myself why...

 

Believe me, I'm a huge champion of digging out every last speck of sepsis in this abscess we call infidelity. You have to face and wholly examine the past and present from every angle. You need to know and feel all of it, including why the WS hurt you so callously. You do it IN ORDER to get to the bottom of it, so you can come back up and OUT of it. Whether reconciled, divorced or straddling the two, you do need to dissect and put the whole story together. (The only people I've seen that don't need the details usually divorce immediately.)

 

But once you've exhausted the whys and the wherefores of what happened and you're healing, why keep digging back into those awful days when WS was at their worst and

 

I guess loosing your innocence is a much bigger deal then some of us are willing to accept. Not that long ago I was in Kananaskis country, just west of where I live. I was sitting at the edge of a small lake that reflected the mountains like a mirror, just enjoying the moment and the beauty that surrounded me. I guess the point that I am trying to make is even with all this beauty I found myself reflecting on what it took me to get here. Part of my reflecting included thoughts of the years I spent in infidelity, that I had actually made it through them. The image was kind of a blur, the infidelities were all lumped together as one ugliness, a part of my life that is over and I was still me with all of my integrity intact. I was surprised how quickly that ugliness flashed by and that the individual women who cheated on me were not singled out but lumped together as part of the blur. The thing I realized is that my life is so much bigger then what a few selfish people did to me.

 

Most people are better off because I am in their life, I wonder if they can say the same thing? Maybe they are too selfish to even have those type of thoughts. I guess what they think no longer matters to me.