merrmeade Posted September 10, 2016 Share Posted September 10, 2016 I guess loosing your innocence is a much bigger deal then some of us are willing to accept. Not that long ago I was in Kananaskis country, just west of where I live. I was sitting at the edge of a small lake that reflected the mountains like a mirror, just enjoying the moment and the beauty that surrounded me. I guess the point that I am trying to make is even with all this beauty I found myself reflecting on what it took me to get here. Part of my reflecting included thoughts of the years I spent in infidelity, that I had actually made it through them. The image was kind of a blur, the infidelities were all lumped together as one ugliness, a part of my life that is over and I was still me with all of my integrity intact. I was surprised how quickly that ugliness flashed by and that the individual women who cheated on me were not singled out but lumped together as part of the blur. The thing I realized is that my life is so much bigger then what a few selfish people did to me. Most people are better off because I am in their life, I wonder if they can say the same thing? Maybe they are too selfish to even have those type of thoughts. I guess what they think no longer matters to me. So you are healing after all. You recognize and celebrate the deep personal resources that have sustained you and continue to grow and enrich your present and future. Yes, it all happened and those years—and our hopes and dreams for them—are lost. But it's just time after all. You're not the person you were, but at the same time your essence is stronger than ever. What's important will never leave you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted September 10, 2016 Share Posted September 10, 2016 My ex wife disappeared the weekend of our fifth wedding anniversary to spend the night at a motel having a threesome with her boyfriend and one of his buddies. She also stole $5,000 that her dad gave us to put in a college trust fund for our daughter and used the money to sustain her pill addiction. I never found out about that until after we had already divorced. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted September 10, 2016 Share Posted September 10, 2016 cephalopod, My ex wife disappeared the weekend of our fifth wedding anniversary to spend the night at a motel having a threesome with her boyfriend and one of his buddies. She also stole $5,000 that her dad gave us to put in a college trust fund for our daughter and used the money to sustain her pill addiction. I never found out about that until after we had already divorced. That's really $h!££y ^^. I'm sorry that happened to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted September 10, 2016 Share Posted September 10, 2016 (edited) In my case the worst was intentionally having Other Mans child then getting me to believe he was mine. She wanted something of the other man's that would last her forever. She never intended to leave me. The second was inviting the other man over for dinner pretending to be her best girlfriends date. I cooked him dinner twice while she made out with him in my house, her best friend acted as a lookout. I am such a fool for having that much trust in someone. I never thought that someone I loved could ever be that cruel, I was wrong. Was I the only one? Horrible.:mad: Mine was much less worse - a mere shadow of yours - an EA not a PA - but still painful. My current wife (when we dating and engaged to her) let me hang out - have beers, or in group activities - with her MM who she was still having an emotional relationship with (after 3 years of being his single mistress) - and a variety of past FWB's. I just laughed and shook their hands, talked and laughed, trying to be kind and accepting of all her many "Friends". After the wedding when this all spilled out I was furious - and neither of us never saw any of them again. She claimed she was showing me off to them. It was some sick game I did not even know I was being used in. My first wife, I have only an impression of how cruel she was - I had a conversation with MM's wife on the phone near the end. OM's wife had gained access to all their emails (I was unable to because I was stupid then). I asked - begged - OM's wife to tell me what my first wife had said in all her emails - the OM's wife started to cry and would only keep saying "you need to leave your wife now" every time I kept saying "what did she say?" Edited September 10, 2016 by dichotomy 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted September 10, 2016 Share Posted September 10, 2016 ExW begged me to stay after DDay. About a week later we were intimate. She created a new email account jus for the OMM. Her first email to him after we did it? "Sex with hubby, Gawd it was awful". Now, single, I'm so guarded. It's guilty until proven otherwise. My mentality is; I know I'll get used just to what extent. And oh yeah, I'll never cheat on any one. The pain it causes is unbearable. A LS member said it best; "I could never cheat on anyone. Knowing that you destroyed someone's trust is bad, but destroying their perspective on love is far too worse" 6 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted September 10, 2016 Share Posted September 10, 2016 ExW begged me to stay after DDay. About a week later we were intimate. She created a new email account jus for the OMM. Her first email to him after we did it? "Sex with hubby, Gawd it was awful". Now, single, I'm so guarded. It's guilty until proven otherwise. My mentality is; I know I'll get used just to what extent. And oh yeah, I'll never cheat on any one. The pain it causes is unbearable. A LS member said it best; "I could never cheat on anyone. Knowing that you destroyed someone's trust is bad, but destroying their perspective on love is far too worse" Why do this dance. She knew what sex was with like with you before this. Why do it then send that email, crazy. Batmanure crazy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted September 10, 2016 Share Posted September 10, 2016 I think I got off lightly compared to some people, at least I didn't get an STD. Mine just did the bogstandard gaslighting crap. During the affair I went to dog-sit for a friend so she could go to her father's funeral in another town. While I was away for 2 days he brought his AP back to the house, f*c*"d her in our bed and left all their sex-slop for me to clean up. I still can't imagine what sort of woman would be a party to such sordid behaviour Nor a married man. The responsibility is ALL on the M person. Affair partners are a dime a dozen. YOUR SPOUSE is only one person. They are the ones the onus is on. Though to be party to having sex with a M man, shows mostly their opinion of what they're worth. From recent knowledge exposed to me about STBEXVVVVVVVVH "other things" the trashier they were, the more it appeared to excite him. Lion Heart 4 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted September 10, 2016 Share Posted September 10, 2016 No where close to what others have gone through. Though for me is never getting the whole truth. Not even ten percent of the truth. Trickle Truth is something that a WS should never do. It is worse then whatever the WS did with the AP for it leaves the BS with a bunch of unanswered questions that will just leave them searching for answers for the rest of their lives. Making it impossible to forget the past and let those memories fade. Because the BH is left to take the little bits of information an come up with the complete story. The BS can not put the book down because he can never get to the end of the story. The WS sees the BS looking for clues reading forums. Gets mad that the BS can not leave things in the past. Refuses to give the BS the truth so they can move forward. The WS rather have poor relationship with their BS instead of giving up the truth. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted September 10, 2016 Share Posted September 10, 2016 cephalopod, That's really $h!££y ^^. I'm sorry that happened to you. Ah well. That was long ago in another life. . I have full custody of my daughter and the exWW is no longer a part of our lives. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted September 10, 2016 Share Posted September 10, 2016 Why do this dance. She knew what sex was with like with you before this. Why do it then send that email, crazy. Batmanure crazy. Selfishness. Link to post Share on other sites
Cloudcuckoo Posted September 10, 2016 Share Posted September 10, 2016 Bring that t**t into our lives..... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
tcc7762 Posted September 10, 2016 Share Posted September 10, 2016 The worst thing my exwife did to me was marry me. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aliveagain Posted September 10, 2016 Author Share Posted September 10, 2016 Ah well. That was long ago in another life. . I have full custody of my daughter and the exWW is no longer a part of our lives. How does a parent decide to not be part of their child's life, specially a mother? How would she explain that to any man she is serious about? That would be a major red flag for me, that has "RUN" all over it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted September 10, 2016 Share Posted September 10, 2016 [/b] How does a parent decide to not be part of their child's life, specially a mother? How would she explain that to any man she is serious about? That would be a major red flag for me, that has "RUN" all over it. Well, she's never had problems keeping a steady stream of men walking through her door. I told her once she ought to install a turnstile and start charging for her services. She could pay back that $5,000 and then some, and pay for our daughter's college. And she could do it all flat on her back, doing what she does best. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
harrybrown Posted September 10, 2016 Share Posted September 10, 2016 AA- did she ever have remorse for what she did to you? of did she marry her OM? Link to post Share on other sites
Author aliveagain Posted September 10, 2016 Author Share Posted September 10, 2016 AA- did she ever have remorse for what she did to you? of did she marry her OM? The strange thing is she never confessed her infidelity even though the DNA test for my son proved 99.9999999% that I was not his biological father. She just kept blaming me for not wanting to be his father, she couldn't understand why I wouldn't just get over it and give us another chance. I found out about the O/M coming to my home for diner from one of her friends after we split. She rarely cooked, so while I was in the kitchen preparing a meal, he was busy banging her against our pool table in the games room. I guess they just rolled balls around because I could hear the sound of the balls hitting each other from the kitchen. Her girlfriend was the lookout I never knew a thing. I can't even begin to explain how creepy that was to learn about. You can't make this sh*t up. What kind of sick do you have to be to be able plot that against the person you love? You can't forgive someone for that kind of cruelty. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
wmacbride Posted September 10, 2016 Share Posted September 10, 2016 There were two things among many that stand out in my mind - the first is that he asked me to write the "break up" letter to her, as he said he had never done one before didn't know what to say and didn't want to hurt her. He thought I'd be better at it. I told him no, and that he had some nerve asking me to - the second was something I am reminded of every two weeks. One of our kids had been ill at the time, and I was with her in the hospital. She was really sick, and her doctors thought she might have a brain tumor. ( it was optic neuritis), and had to be hospitalized. I stayed with her while my husband took our other two kids home. When they were admitting her, they had to put an IV line in. She was 7 at the time, and kicked up a huge fuss and had to be sedated. Once she was in her room, I called him, and was in a huge hurry to get off the phone, said he'd been asleep when I called and would talk to me tomorrow. I was so tired and upset myself that I couldn't sleep. Once she was able to go home, and the whole affair was out int he open, he gave me access tot he emails between them.On that night when I'd been in the hospital with her, frightened and alone, he had been chatting online with his, telling her how he was alone and upset and her telling him how I was neglecting him when he needed me. That was 9 years ago. She needs IV treatments for a related condition every two weeks now, and I take her for them. Everything they are putting the IV in, that flashes into my mind. How, when I really needed him, he could barley take a few minutes to speak t me because he was online chatting with her. He has told me many times how he's really ashamed of that,and for the most part, it doesn't bother me, except for a few moments every two weeks. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted September 10, 2016 Share Posted September 10, 2016 In my case the worst was intentionally having Other Mans child then getting me to believe he was mine. WOW... there is NO freaking WAY your BS was mentally healthy. the cruelty and the amount of delusion is incredible! & her best friend?! what a piece of work. yuck. just disgusting human beings. i hope she gets what she deserves. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted September 10, 2016 Share Posted September 10, 2016 aliveagain, I tend to be in the "reconciliation" camp, but whenever you relate your story, I know that there are exceptions to the rule. In your case, there was just nothing there to even try and rebuild. The lying, deceit and betrayal, is just too large to comment on. Not only has she hurt you, but the innocent child, was harmed as well. This is unpardonable. How can a mother make a child, someone helpless and dependent on you a pawn in this twisted game? Evil is the only word to use here. In my case, and in all betrayal and infidelity, I think the lying is the worst. By lying, they take so much, and leave you nothing. You cannot decide what is real, or what s false. What am I forgiving? How can I trust? Losing those two things, has been the worst for me. It is not only about a sexual affairs, but can also involve money as well. I have had to deal with both betrayals, and they both hurt. Each in their own way. We have done much soul searching and continue to do so, and it all revolves around truth, honor, and not lying. As always, I wish you luck 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aliveagain Posted September 10, 2016 Author Share Posted September 10, 2016 aliveagain, I tend to be in the "reconciliation" camp, but whenever you relate your story, I know that there are exceptions to the rule. In your case, there was just nothing there to even try and rebuild. The lying, deceit and betrayal, is just too large to comment on. Not only has she hurt you, but the innocent child, was harmed as well. This is unpardonable. How can a mother make a child, someone helpless and dependent on you a pawn in this twisted game? Evil is the only word to use here. In my case, and in all betrayal and infidelity, I think the lying is the worst. By lying, they take so much, and leave you nothing. You cannot decide what is real, or what s false. What am I forgiving? How can I trust? Losing those two things, has been the worst for me. It is not only about a sexual affairs, but can also involve money as well. I have had to deal with both betrayals, and they both hurt. Each in their own way. We have done much soul searching and continue to do so, and it all revolves around truth, honor, and not lying. As always, I wish you luck It is all in the mindset. I recall how proud she was that the DJ's always announced that she was in "The House" over the music system whenever she and her hot girlfriends walked into the club. Another reason I stay out of the trendy places, if I ever run into her it will be in one of these places. I no longer date the outgoing, life of the party types for this reason. I hope I have not offended any outgoing party types. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted September 11, 2016 Share Posted September 11, 2016 I no longer date the outgoing, life of the party types for this reason. I hope I have not offended any outgoing party types. you're very cute. i really mean it - you seem like a good man, affectionate and loving man. i truly hope you'll find a woman who'll know how to recognize that and spoil you rotten with kisses and hugs and affection and love and comfort. best of luck to you! p.s. i'm so NOT a violent person but i'd like to slap your ex silly. her BFF, too. trash. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 11, 2016 Share Posted September 11, 2016 She told everybody we knew that I physically abused her when I never laid a hand on her. It took me years for people to see that she was lying. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
NotASkunk Posted September 11, 2016 Share Posted September 11, 2016 Had anal/oral sex with a dozen old men. He is unable to admit that he is homosexual because he wishes to relate to a woman. Unable to do that because of massive trust issues and because of what his father did to him in abusive childhood situation, he lusts for old men. He jacks off to old man porn and when he cheated it was with old men. He was once in a seven-year relationship with an old man. I feel like such an idiot for getting involved with a man who is gay. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
flowergirl14 Posted September 11, 2016 Share Posted September 11, 2016 I would say..my ws saw me cry and cry and be suicidal wither away to nothing for a year and still kept cheating. Still denied cheating, just lies lies and more lies. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted September 11, 2016 Share Posted September 11, 2016 Wow, alive and carrie, you guys win. I thought that I had it bad. And I thought that I have, and I really have, but you two, must have had the worst of the worst. I am so sorry for what some of you folks have dealt with. On the other hand it make me realize that neither my wife, or me are actually the worst people in the world. WOW... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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