The Worst Things Your Cheating Spouse Ever Did To You

[dreamingoftigers]

I have been there before, she has taken off stoned (not from pot) out of her mind and I would wait up for her praying that she did not get killed driving.

 

Eventually, I would disable all the cars so I did not have to worry about her taking off and killing herself. It was pure hell.

 

I just feel so bad for you and your situation. Have you decided what you are going to do?

 

Yes I have. I am just so sad today that I don't want to post details about anything. He was sober a year. Things were going well in general but I guess he wasn't as connected to me as I thought he was.

 

I knew he was "off" yesterday morning butbwe had two days of stress before that and I thought he would be home like he said.

[dreamingoftigers]

i wish to god that my wasband wasn't attracted to me while he was cheating. the truth is he was with me and her, for over a year.

 

i met him in AA. he did not achieve continued uninterrupted sobriety for another 6 years. drunk on the floor the night before our daughter turned one. never came home after getting his first year chip, went to celebrate at the bar after the meeting. i took our infant up to the bar and handed her to him, while he sat there on the bar stool drinking. i remember how the barmaid looked, as tired of him as i was.

 

he was taken to detox at the county facility probably 3-4 times (in front of my sister and the neighbors) over those first 6 years.

 

which meant he couldn't work and he wasn't allowed to speak to anyone. i resented those vacations to no end. sitting around taking drugs, food and vitamins, sleeping reading and attending meetings all day, while i....

 

the alcoholic is powerless over alcohol and we are powerless over the alcoholic. and i doubt he needs a reason like working more or needing his car to be repaired to drink. he's a drunk, they drink. the only thing that we can do is to "think it thru" before we start up. we have to use the tools we learn at the meetings to keep away from the first drink.

 

i don't trust anyone's sobriety that hasn't maintained it for a minimum of five years. and i was told over and over not to make any major changes during my first year. which was almost 30 years ago. he's been sober 24 years, or so. i've lost track because i haven't seen him in years, don't plan on seeing him until the orphans graduate or one of them gets married.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i think you're going to have to change the locks.

 

can you explain to your child that daddy's got a disease?

 

Our daughter knows all about it.

 

She knows about alcohol and alcoholism.

 

We are taking a "mental health" day today. She was up at 5:00 wanting to get up and go somewhere.

[dreamingoftigers]

Oh my heavens DOT, I'm so sorry lovely girl. Your gut must be churning

 

.((((DOT)))))

 

My anxiety flagged when I hadn't heard from him all day.

 

I didn't want to contact him first (pride).

 

But something was "off" in the morning. And on the weekend too quite frankly.

 

I actually didn't go straight home at 8:00 ish like it was planned. I picked up the kids and drove by his old drinking spots downtown. I figured he would not be there. He also wouldn't be at home. I was right on both counts.

 

The gut stuff wasn't as bad as it used to be until about 2-3:30 am. I called the Distress Center and talked to them for a bit.

 

I honestly think he won't be back. He's gone through this cycle too many times with me and has wanted out for awhile (I think). Our son is five months old now too. So the baby excitement has worn off a bit.

[dreamingoftigers]

Dreaming I am so sorry your going though this again, no one needs this much drama in their life. Have you family or friends you can call on for support?

 

My family has their own issues.

 

My friends aren't really "those kind of friends."

 

Most people don't get it at all.

 

That's why I posted here for support over the years.

[dreamingoftigers]

Oh DOT I'm so very sorry for you & your babies. I can't imagine! Just awful!

 

My H says that he has "toxic gob syndrome" (gob = mouth in England) that's his excuse for saying the most appalling things sometimes. He's being "too honest!". Bollocks!! Half the stuff he says is crap & I should instinctively know he doesn't really mean it & the other half are his true feelings BUT which is which?

 

How can the love of your life say that he's not attracted or doesn't feel anything & expect everything to just carry-on as if it were never said?

 

What a bloody life!!

 

I'm sorry DOTTY. It beyond sucks!!

 

Cuddle & reassure your babies.

 

My very little family can survive all of it. My babies are my everything. My H planned on leaving ALL of us & falling off the grid! Leaving US destitute.

 

How do you reconcile being a pooped-on wife watching her dream flush down the bowl & being a protective Mummy bear? So bloody hard!

 

I hope he's home (soon after your post) & he's groveling to you. Not that it fixes much but anything beats the silence & waiting. Angry hurts less than terminal sadness.

 

(((((Hugs strong DOT)))))

 

That will not happen.

 

He doesn't want me and won't be grovelling. He has never grovelled. If anything, anytime I say " hey, come on.......you need to pick." He says "see ya." And disappears until I grovel.

 

I can't grovel anymore. I'm out of energy. I have stuff to do. I have kids to watch over and hug and stuff.

 

He loves the kids. But man, poor choices.

[TrustedthenBusted]

...how is the name of god did you two guys stay with your wives after that. I mean I could not have done it at all.

 

Before I went through this, I must have said 1000 times that I wouldn't stay with someone who cheated on me. But, then it happens, and the reality of the situation was much different. Yes, I was pissed. Yes, I was hurt. Yes, I was shocked and disappointed. But I had a home, children, and what I felt up to that moment was a good, happy life with a great woman.

 

What hit me was not a feeling of wanting her out. It was more of a feeling of WTF happened to my marriage??!?

 

That said, it wasn't easy. I spent several years being very depressed, drunk, and borderline verbally abusive before I was able to see things clearly. Infidelity happens..... a lot. It literally effects BILLIONS and BILLIONS of people. So it's not like some bizarre circumstance hit my marraige and nobody else's. And the things my wife did, are really no better or worse than what billions of people have done before her. It sucks, it happened, we both wish it didn't, and we made a REAL commitment this time to move forward and keep our family together.

 

It was a bit easier for me than it's been for some due to the nature of my wife's affair. Long story there, but of all the kind of affairs to get over, I have to say hers is probably the least difficult. ( still difficult, just the least difficult )

 

Seeing the evidence...yah, that sucked. But it also helped eventually, because I saw it all for the ruse it was. The reality was much less exciting than what I would have cooked up in my mind.

 

My uncle said it best. If you are married for 50 years and 8 to 10 of them suck, that's still a "B+".

[TrustedthenBusted]

TrustedThenBusted I have to agree with you about all the 'Special Days'. My WH managed to create massive triggers for our birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years (that was a REALLY bad one!), Fathers Day & Mothers Day...that will always be the worst one!! He degraded me as a Mum!

 

I have to fight to let them all go or I'd never enjoy a special occasion again in my life!

 

 

I hope you are able to let it go. I admit that wedding anniversaries are still a tough one for me. We are surrounded by loving friends and family who always make a big fuss over our wedding anniversary. I try to make them a happy and enjoyable occasion, and my wife make the same effort. But we both know that the occasion is forever tainted. It just is.

[TrustedthenBusted]

My friend, M, married a woman named A. On Valentines Day, A took M out to a nice restaurant for a romantic dinner, halfway through she confessed she had been cheating on him with multiple OM for months, that she'd become pregnant, had no idea who the baby daddy was, so she had gotten an abortion paid for out of the joint bank account and then she presented him with divorce papers.

 

A few weeks later, A and M's best friend went public. He was one of the OM. They got married. And then she got a D-day when she found out her new husband was a serial cheater.

 

 

See? Who says there are no happy endings.

[aliveagain]

Dreaming, Talk to a lawyer, many are available through the various women's help services. Alberta is very strict on child support, they don't deal with dad's that abandon their families well. They cancel his drivers licence immediately and throw them in jail the first time they catch him driving. No drivers licence, no work, no driving to bars, his life stops right now. Protect your rights, protect your children. You can't make him love you but you sure as hell can make him accountable for his responsibilities.

[dreamingoftigers]

Dreaming, Talk to a lawyer, many are available through the various women's help services. Alberta is very strict on child support, they don't deal with dad's that abandon their families well. They cancel his drivers licence immediately and throw them in jail the first time they catch him driving. No drivers licence, no work, no driving to bars, his life stops right now. Protect your rights, protect your children. You can't make him love you but you sure as hell can make him accountable for his responsibilities.

 

Ugh. If it were that simple.

 

My husband goes completely homeless when he goes off of the rails. He is definitely resourceful and there is always someone willing to help him.

 

He might straighten up and get his own place. But overall, last time he drank he lived in his car. Plus winter is coming. His car is broken down right now and it didn't have heat in it even if it gets fixed.

 

It would not surprise me in the LEAST if he slept outside last night. He did it last year. Slept right at McKnight-westwinds train station and got lippy with a transit cop. It would also not surprise me if he met an old friend or a new friend and stayed over at someone's place. He could probably easily find a place for the winter if need be.

 

Last year he did a lot of living out of his car in Edmonton area. Met a nice family in Sherwood Park and they nearly GAVE him an SUV. He was trying to get them to pay for the car repair so he could have heat.

 

Yeah. I know.

So this won't stop him "working." Right now he isn't driving. He has zero income anyway, and could leave the province anytime he chooses.

 

And frankly, if he does want to abandon the kids, he will find a way. Heh, I have faith in him at least.

 

But yes, if he abandons, of course I will do the legal dance because my understanding is that it becomes a necessity to establish a precedent of parenting so he can't, say, come back when his 5 month old son is 10 and try to get full custody and have me pay him ETC.

[ladydesigner]

Sending you and your kiddos hugs today DOT. I'm sorry you are going through this again. My WH also copes badly I have had to detach for my own sanity.

[dreamingoftigers]

Sending you and your kiddos hugs today DOT. I'm sorry you are going through this again. My WH also copes badly I have had to detach for my own sanity.

 

I always believed inside that he was drawn back because he loved me but thought things would be impossible because of out issues. But I think it's that he felt guilty and kind of liked us, but didn't want to commit.

 

Without commitment there can't be love. Love dies without commitment.

 

I truly believe human beings love what they invest in. He invested in spending time with me. But more often than not that became watching TV. He DID NOT Invest almost anything into our intimate life.

 

I just don't want to be with anyone else ever again. I was feeling like I wanted to even have an affair just to get some kind of affection. Then when I really thought about it, I didn't want to have sex with anyone else. I can't imagine feeling that vulnerable ever again after so much rejection. Then I realized what I really wanted was to be hugged and cuddled, so much. Like held at night and just touched. But hey, even that's just too strange.

 

"Women seeks man for cuddling, but don't touch me."

 

I've been cuddling my kids. It's not the same. I live my kids and love cuddling my kids. I just wanted a big, strong secure cuddle. Without being a cheater. From a friend that I haven't met yet. Without being touched.

[GorillaTheater]

I just saw this DOT, and I'm so sorry. Sending you chaste virtual hugs.

[cocorico]

Sorry, DOT. That sucks wet dogs.

[dreamingoftigers]

I just saw this DOT, and I'm so sorry. Sending you chaste virtual hugs.

 

You know what? LMAO, that actually fills all of the requirements in my previous post.

 

I'm all better now.

[understand50]

You know what? LMAO, that actually fills all of the requirements in my previous post.

 

I'm all better now.

 

dreamingoftigers,

 

Sorry for your troubles, know you tried hard to make things work. It seems that the man is just weak. You are strong, and I am sure you will come out better in the end. Love & hope to you and your kids.

 

As always I wish you luck.....

[dreamingoftigers]

I am going to play my cards close to my chest for now.

 

He came back. Sober.

 

And since I'm not a member of the Fcking Stupid Club, I won't be posting publicly about this.

 

Let's just say every ounce of effort, love and work in the relationship has taken a very different turn.

 

He has no idea what he awoke today. No. Idea.

[BTDT2012]

My worst pales in comparison to the things I have read here. The worst thing for me was false reconciliation.

 

Dreaming of tigers, I wish you well.

[dreamingoftigers]

My worst pales in comparison to the things I have read here. The worst thing for me was false reconciliation.

 

Dreaming of tigers, I wish you well.

 

I've been through false recon

It doesn't pale against anything.

 

I've also been through last night's events before, many times. But if haven't had to go through it for a year, so I've had a nice long taste of what NOT getting screwed over is like.

 

Guess where I am not letting myself go back to?

A crying, shaking, begging mass that gets walked over.

 

Never again....

[Cloudcuckoo]

I've been through false recon

It doesn't pale against anything.

 

I've also been through last night's events before, many times. But if haven't had to go through it for a year, so I've had a nice long taste of what NOT getting screwed over is like.

 

Guess where I am not letting myself go back to?

A crying, shaking, begging mass that gets walked over.

 

Never again....

 

Oh dear (((DOT)))..

 

Maybe you've reached saturation?

 

Heaven knows we can only tolerate so much before it becomes intolerable, no?

 

You've always shown considerable fortitude dear girl, and there is enormous respect for you here.

 

I know that doesn't do much to physically support you as you deal with this latest event, but just wanted you to know ....

 

You can do it, whatever you decide.

 

 

Cuckoo x

[understand50]

dreamingoftigers,

 

Please start a thread , we need to give you our undivided attention. I would say under the confines of this thread, that you "win" the prize. Aliveagain, was able to get out from that toxic relationship, your husband still has you in his web. Look, I know you are low now, but there is hope for a better tomorrow, it will not be with your SO. You are a strong and have things, others will find attractive, life can bring better things to you if you act, and work towards this.

 

As always I wish you luck, and more over all the ((hugs)) you desire.

[Red123]

dreamingoftigers,

 

Please start a thread , we need to give you our undivided attention. I would say under the confines of this thread, that you "win" the prize. Aliveagain, was able to get out from that toxic relationship, your husband still has you in his web. Look, I know you are low now, but there is hope for a better tomorrow, it will not be with your SO. You are a strong and have things, others will find attractive, life can bring better things to you if you act, and work towards this.

 

As always I wish you luck, and more over all the ((hugs)) you desire.

 

Like x1000. She is strong! She can do this!

[dreamingoftigers]

I very reluctant to start a thread.

 

(Nor were their any "winners" on this one, save we all survived it.

 

You see, my husband is aware that I post on LS and he probably won't see THIS, buried in another thread.

 

But he has perused the forum before while we were separated and found my threads. (Didn't bother me then or now). But now I don't want him reading a thread of mine. Not even later on.

 

I might get a new user name or something, but my writing style is probably pretty recognizable.

[GorillaTheater]

I'll send you my log in information. Just make short, snarky posts and he'll never know it's you.

[dreamingoftigers]

I'll send you my log in information. Just make short, snarky posts and he'll never know it's you.

 

Nice.....