The Worst Things Your Cheating Spouse Ever Did To You

[MidnightBlue1980]

I don't normally post here.

 

The worst things - my H had the OW meet my children and cut my daughters hair. They met her and knew her. I only know because my daughter asked if she was going to cut my hair. This really bothers me.

 

He bought her flowers with my money (it was all my money, I paid for all their dates) - again I only know bc she put a pic of the flowers with her face on Instagram and texted him.

 

When I caught him, he made up a fake name, but since I had her number, I quickly found her real identity as people were looking for her online for fraud and theft. He wanted to protect her from me.

 

When it came out, he said she was his soulmate and I was responsible for ruining his life, the reason he had no career and only OW understood him. He told her a pack a lies about me.

 

I actually said, go to her, I'll drop you off- but he wouldn't leave. Probably because she also had no job and lived with parents. She was young, in her 20s.

 

What bothers me most is that yes, I had an A with a MM at literally the same time and we discuss it to death but we never discuss his. At all. He just brushes it off.

[dreamingoftigers]

I guess loosing your innocence is a much bigger deal then some of us are willing to accept.

 

That's a lot of it for me.

I feel like if I had truly known what my husband was capable of, I would never have married him. But beyond that, I probably would never have married. I don't regret it so much now, I love my family and I love the kids..... Bit what a price.

 

YEARS of instability that I thought would get better on the other side. And now that there is stability, there's such acscar there, such a gulf between what I thought there WAS between us and what there actually IS.

 

I feel torn right in half literally every day. The only thing that would restore any balance would be me making a final choice. But in a bigger way, it kind of doesn't work like that.

 

 

Not that long ago I was in Kananaskis country, just west of where I live.

 

I lost track of the number of times I have driven on Stoney Trail near Tuscany and debated and longed to just keep driving and not stop. Just go out the 1A and keep going.

 

I was sitting at the edge of a small lake that reflected the mountains like a mirror, just enjoying the moment and the beauty that surrounded me. I guess the point that I am trying to make is even with all this beauty I found myself reflecting on what it took me to get here. Part of my reflecting included thoughts of the years I spent in infidelity, that I had actually made it through them. The image was kind of a blur, the infidelities were all lumped together as one ugliness, a part of my life that is over and I was still me with all of my integrity intact. I was surprised how quickly that ugliness flashed by and that the individual women who cheated on me were not singled out but lumped together as part of the blur. The thing I realized is that my life is so much bigger then what a few selfish people did to me.

 

It must be wonderful to finally see the forest instead of having your head stuck in a rotting tree trunk.

 

I have a sorrier thought come to me often. I was taught that my sexual integrity was super-important, and that it was also an important gift to my spouse.

 

But in my case it seems more like he resents it.

 

Like, but my not screwing everything that moves I "don't get it" and it only seems to be something where I look down on him or something.

 

Meanwhile, I see so many other people my age that had "wild youths" etc.and they seem to be happier, more successful, have the family package just like me and possibly didn't suffer any real consequences for most of the stuff they did. Sort of like Elizabeth Gilbert.

 

I often wonder what it was really all for.

 

Like Why should I have bothered? Maybe I should have just hit the sheets with everyone I could? I don't have the composition for it really, but sometimes I wish I could be that detached and carefree. Then this whole the ng would not have and continue to hurt so much.

 

Most people are better off because I am in their life, I wonder if they can say the same thing? Maybe they are too selfish to even have those type of thoughts. I guess what they think no longer matters to me.

 

I don't know if people are better off with me or not.

 

I think my daughter is and my son really likes me quite a bit. I don't know how much that will change as they get older.

[Red123]

I don't normally post here.

 

The worst things - my H had the OW meet my children and cut my daughters hair. They met her and knew her. I only know because my daughter asked if she was going to cut my hair. This really bothers me.

 

He bought her flowers with my money (it was all my money, I paid for all their dates) - again I only know bc she put a pic of the flowers with her face on Instagram and texted him.

 

When I caught him, he made up a fake name, but since I had her number, I quickly found her real identity as people were looking for her online for fraud and theft. He wanted to protect her from me.

 

When it came out, he said she was his soulmate and I was responsible for ruining his life, the reason he had no career and only OW understood him. He told her a pack a lies about me.

 

I actually said, go to her, I'll drop you off- but he wouldn't leave. Probably because she also had no job and lived with parents. She was young, in her 20s.

 

What bothers me most is that yes, I had an A with a MM at literally the same time and we discuss it to death but we never discuss his. At all. He just brushes it off.

 

Not ok at all!!! If you own up, he should too

[MJJean]

There is so much to choose from...

 

The debt he ran up in my name that ruined my credit for years?

 

Getting arrested the night before my mothers funeral on charges of reckless driving and soliciting a prostitute?

 

Stealing and pawning the necklace my grandfather left me in his will?

 

Wrecking our only car driving an OW home? (it was uninsured, too, because he spent the insurance payment on something else)

 

What's really sad is that I keep coming up with other horrible **** he did, but I'm not even sure if it should make the list.

 

Physical violence? There's the time he kicked me in the abdomen while wearing boots because I interrupted his party to tell him to turn down the radio as I was on bed rest due to being 7 months pregnant and having complications. Or maybe when he pinned me on the stairs and was strangling me?

 

Mental abuse? The lying about lying about lying was crazy-making.

 

Sabatoge? He deliberately took off to another state so he could screw some chick he met online, thus leaving me with no one to watch the kids for 3 days and costing me my job.

 

Oooh, that reminds me! When I was working as a nurses aid, he was getting blown on the couch by a "friend". Our then 5 year old daughter was just feet away watching TV. A friend walked in on that one and called me to come home. Lost that job, too.

 

And the list could go on and on. I honestly can't pick a worst thing.

[wmacbride]

One thing all these replies show is the side of infidelity that isn't discussed as much as the basic act of cheating.

 

So often, it goes well beyond just having sex or a relationship with someone else. There are so many other layers to it.

[ladydesigner]

mine did a lot of horrible things too.

 

I was gaslighted and lied to until I found the truth

 

Being introduced to MOW and inviting her into my home hugging her (not knowing they were in the midst of the A)

 

Given many D-days and read many texts that I cannot unsee, especially a VAR conversation of MOW bragging about f*cking my WH in my son's (then 6 year old) bed.

 

I made an attempt at suicide, I asked WH for a D and WH pushed for R

 

Found out I had 2 STD's

 

After 2 years of thinking we were R I found out I was in False R and that the A had never ended. THAT KILLED ME

 

and I haven't been the same ever since.

Edited September 11, 2016 by ladydesigner

[aliveagain]

There is so much to choose from...

 

The debt he ran up in my name that ruined my credit for years?

 

Getting arrested the night before my mothers funeral on charges of reckless driving and soliciting a prostitute?

 

Stealing and pawning the necklace my grandfather left me in his will?

 

Wrecking our only car driving an OW home? (it was uninsured, too, because he spent the insurance payment on something else)

 

What's really sad is that I keep coming up with other horrible **** he did, but I'm not even sure if it should make the list.

 

Physical violence? There's the time he kicked me in the abdomen while wearing boots because I interrupted his party to tell him to turn down the radio as I was on bed rest due to being 7 months pregnant and having complications. Or maybe when he pinned me on the stairs and was strangling me?

 

Mental abuse? The lying about lying about lying was crazy-making.

 

Sabatoge? He deliberately took off to another state so he could screw some chick he met online, thus leaving me with no one to watch the kids for 3 days and costing me my job.

 

Oooh, that reminds me! When I was working as a nurses aid, he was getting blown on the couch by a "friend". Our then 5 year old daughter was just feet away watching TV. A friend walked in on that one and called me to come home. Lost that job, too.

 

And the list could go on and on. I honestly can't pick a worst thing.

 

I hope you left his cheating a$$. The man deserves to be in prison. Hope you got the help you needed to deal with his mental and physical abuse?

[aliveagain]

mine did a lot of horrible things too.

 

I was gaslighted and lied to until I found the truth

 

Being introduced to MOW and inviting her into my home hugging her (not knowing they were in the midst of the A)

 

Given many D-days and read many texts that I cannot unsee, especially a VAR conversation of MOW bragging about f*cking my WH in my son's (then 6 year old) bed.

 

I made an attempt at suicide, I asked WH for a D and WH pushed for R

 

Found out I had 2 STD's

 

After 2 years of thinking we were R I found out I was in False R and that the A had never ended. THAT KILLED ME

 

and I haven't been the same ever since.

 

 

Deja Vu, wow can I relate to that kind of sick mind. It's like a private game between them testing how far they can take it. I think it gives them a bigger high. You can never be totally ok after infidelity because infidelity changes the natural course your life was on, a major detour, sometimes an impassable crevasse.

[MJJean]

I hope you left his cheating a$$. The man deserves to be in prison. Hope you got the help you needed to deal with his mental and physical abuse?

 

I wasn't an angel. I began having affairs, too. It's how I stayed sane. I ended up leaving exH for my AP. We've been together 16 years, married 13 of them.

 

ExH left state soon after the divorce was final. He abandoned the girls, financially and emotionally. I think he spoke with them about 6 times in a decade. Never paid child support. DH has raised them and cared for them.

 

Funny you should mention jail for exH. He and his new wife have 2 children together, somewhere around 5 and 7 or 6 and 8 years old. A boy and a girl. They were removed from my ex and his wife's custody by the state last year and are currently in foster care. ExH and his wife were formally charged with felony child neglect. His wife was convicted last month and has been given 3 years probation, mandatory drug testing, mandatory counseling, mandatory parenting classes and anger management, etc. He is still awaiting trial, but the evidence against him is actually more severe than what they had against his wife, so I am fairly certain he will also be convicted and perhaps serve some jail time.

 

When I was with exH and havingaffairs, I never hid my actions or lied to him. I didn't lie to him about employment, household matters, where I was, etc. He lied constantly, even when there was no reason to. He also stole from me, his mother, and various employers. I think I came out ok, but I have serious issues with liars and theives. Like, overreaction serious.

 

Kids are kids. They all go through phases where they try lying or taking something that doesn't belong to them. When my kids were little and again in the terrible teens, if any of them were caught stealing or lying I had to have DH handle it because I would freak out and do more damage than good otherwise. I trigger bad when lied to.

Edited September 11, 2016 by MJJean

[Arieswoman]

wmacbride #55,

 

One thing all these replies show is the side of infidelity that isn't discussed as much as the basic act of cheating.

 

So often, it goes well beyond just having sex or a relationship with someone else. There are so many other layers to it.

 

^^^^ x 1000

 

I've always said that it wasn't so much the cheating that was hurtful (although that was bad enough) it was the gaslighting and screwing with my head that was worse.

[Scarlett94]

My husband was out screwing three different women soon after our son died.

[Marc878]

My husband was out screwing three different women soon after our son died.

 

Lowest of the low. Sorry

[aliveagain]

I wasn't an angel. I began having affairs, too. It's how I stayed sane. I ended up leaving exH for my AP. We've been together 16 years, married 13 of them.

 

ExH left state soon after the divorce was final. He abandoned the girls, financially and emotionally. I think he spoke with them about 6 times in a decade. Never paid child support. DH has raised them and cared for them.

 

Funny you should mention jail for exH. He and his new wife have 2 children together, somewhere around 5 and 7 or 6 and 8 years old. A boy and a girl. They were removed from my ex and his wife's custody by the state last year and are currently in foster care. ExH and his wife were formally charged with felony child neglect. His wife was convicted last month and has been given 3 years probation, mandatory drug testing, mandatory counseling, mandatory parenting classes and anger management, etc. He is still awaiting trial, but the evidence against him is actually more severe than what they had against his wife, so I am fairly certain he will also be convicted and perhaps serve some jail time.

 

When I was with exH and havingaffairs, I never hid my actions or lied to him. I didn't lie to him about employment, household matters, where I was, etc. He lied constantly, even when there was no reason to. He also stole from me, his mother, and various employers. I think I came out ok, but I have serious issues with liars and theives. Like, overreaction serious.

 

Kids are kids. They all go through phases where they try lying or taking something that doesn't belong to them. When my kids were little and again in the terrible teens, if any of them were caught stealing or lying I had to have DH handle it because I would freak out and do more damage than good otherwise. I trigger bad when lied to.

 

That's the thing MJ, if they can lie to you they can do a lot worse. Sorry you have to deal with your own burdens.

[Arieswoman]

Scarlet 94#

 

My husband was out screwing three different women soon after our son died.

 

That's a strange, dysfunctional kind of grief reaction. I hope you're not with him any more?

 

I'm sorry you had to experience that x

[aileD]

Allowing himself to fall in love with someone else. Random sex I could have handled much easier

[Betrayed&Stayed]

Compared to other stories mine is mild.

 

During the height of my wife's affair with her co-worker she took me to her company Christmas party. I wasn't excited to go because things were so weird between us at that time. I thought going to a party might help our situation. Little did I know how wrong I was.

 

Once we got to the house she blew me off and socialized the entire night with her OM. She let me mill around at the party by myself not knowing anyone. I wasn't in the outgoing socializing mood at that time so I was largely sitting by myself. She made me feel like the biggest schmuck on the planet once I pieced it all together later.

 

I told her years later that was the worst anyone has ever treated me. She emasculated me that night. It's amazing how quickly a faithful spouse can become expendable.

[Cephalopod]

I told her years later that was the worst anyone has ever treated me. She emasculated me that night. It's amazing how quickly a faithful spouse can become expendable.

 

What did she say to that? Are you still with her?

[Cloudcuckoo]

My husband was out screwing three different women soon after our son died.

 

Scarlett that's just horrendous, I'm so sorry. Enormous hugs to you

 

Cuckoo

[Betrayed&Stayed]

What did she say to that? Are you still with her?

 

Not much she could say in direct response. She is sad that her affair has tainted so many annual events that should be happy times. The wounds have healed but the scars remain. She doesn't like to be reminded of the scars.

 

We're still married. This happened a long time ago.

[aliveagain]

My husband was out screwing three different women soon after our son died.

 

How does giving you a marriage to morn on top of your morning for your son help matters? Was he blaming you for his loss? Did you stay together?

[road]

Not much she could say in direct response. She is sad that her affair has tainted so many annual events that should be happy times. The wounds have healed but the scars remain. She doesn't like to be reminded of the scars.

 

We're still married. This happened a long time ago.

 

How many years since she confessed?

 

 

What made her confess?

 

 

Does she know that you post here, and how does she feel about you participating here?

[Betrayed&Stayed]

How many years since she confessed?

 

 

What made her confess?

 

 

Does she know that you post here, and how does she feel about you participating here?

 

Affair was end of 1999 going into 2000

Confessed in March 2008

 

She confessed because of life circumstances made her feel like a fraud. The burden was too heavy. She wanted to live an authentic life.

 

She knows that I post on her but she doesn't approve. She'd rather let sleeping dogs lie. I don't get on here that often. I'll follow some of the more interesting threads.

[Cephalopod]

I was driving down the CA101 from San Francisco to Los Angeles around 1:00 a.m. one morning, and was listening to an early morning talk show. A guest caller came on, and he told the DJ a story that about made me drive off the road. This was back in 2002 or so.

 

The guy said he had only been married for about a year to his young bride when he began to suspect she was cheating on him. One afternoon she called him and told him she was staying at work late for a team project she was working on and that hey had to work late to meet a deadline...or something like that.

 

So the guy borrows a co-worker's car and takes off work early to go and stake out his wife's place of employment. A little after 5:00 she comes out and gets in her car and drives off and he follows her. As he's following her he gets concerned when she drives into his dad's neighborhood. She pulls up in his dad's driveway and lets herself into the house with a key. His dad had never given her a key that he knew of, and at that point his heart sank and he knew something was going on.

 

He parks the car down the street and sneaks down the alleyway until he gets to his dad's back yard. He quietly hops the fence, goes up to the patio doors and looks in. Can't see anything so he slowly opens the doors and enters the kitchen. He hears sounds coming from the den down the hallway. He creeps down the hallway and finds his wife and dad, in the den, on the sofa, his wife and dad naked and his wife riding his dad.

 

So anyway I guess he goes berserk and he and the dad get into a huge knockdown drag-out and he kicks the crap out of his dad, the wife calls the cops, he gets arrested for assault and trespassing....

 

It was a mess. But what really astounded the DJ was when the guy said he and his wife stayed together and were working through the betrayal, and that the dad had sold the house and moved away.

 

That was about the worst story I ever heard.

[Steen719]

This thread reminds me of when I went to a divorce group. I was so devastated by my XH's betrayal. How could he do this to me AGAIN after I cared for him through his illness, hospitalizations, transplant, financial ruin -on and on and I just was sick about it.

 

Then, I met a woman in the divorce group who was in such bad straits that I had to take stock. Her SOB sack of crap H had left her while she was very ill (not sure, I think she had cancer) in an apartment with no way for her to make payments. She was too sick to work, she had no money, her water and electricity was turned off - oh good lord. How could anyone do that to another human being? One of the facilitators was a social worker (as I am)and she and I attempted to help this woman receive some services. That pretty much cured me from worrying about how bad I had it.

 

It didn't make me hurt any less, but it did make me grateful that I had an education, my health, 2 jobs when some could find none and a place to live.

 

Alive & Scarlett, jeez, I'm sorry. What kind of people did we marry?

 

 

Him? XH? He is his own worst enemy. He cannot ever get away from himself and that is enough to make him miserable.

Edited September 12, 2016 by Steen719

[aliveagain]

This thread reminds me of when I went to a divorce group. I was so devastated by my XH's betrayal. How could he do this to me AGAIN after I cared for him through his illness, hospitalizations, transplant, financial ruin -on and on and I just was sick about it.

 

Then, I met a woman in the divorce group who was in such bad straits that I had to take stock. Her SOB sack of crap H had left her while she was very ill (not sure, I think she had cancer) in an apartment with no way for her to make payments. She was too sick to work, she had no money, her water and electricity was turned off - oh good lord. How could anyone do that to another human being? One of the facilitators was a social worker (as I am)and she and I attempted to help this woman receive some services. That pretty much cured me from worrying about how bad I had it.

 

It didn't make me hurt any less, but it did make me grateful that I had an education, my health, 2 jobs when some could find none and a place to live.

 

Alive & Scarlett, jeez, I'm sorry. What kind of people did we marry?

 

 

Him? XH? He is his own worst enemy. He cannot ever get away from himself and that is enough to make him miserable.

 

Steen I guess to answer your question, the greedy selfish nasty type. The crazy thing is I have become the guy she has always been looking for. My lifestyle is the lifestyle she has always wanted. I will never intentionally let her know about my success's, she will eventually find out. I didn't do it for her I did it for me and my children. The thing about success is you don't get to keep it unless you help others be part of it, my friends are all sharing it with me.