The local Coffee shop

[SwordofFlame]

This past weekend I needed to get some work done from home but my internet was really dodgy at the time, so I decided to give one of the local coffee shops in my area a try. Just wondering how common it is for people to initially meet in a coffee shop and end up dating? From what I've noticed, everyone seems to be just reading or studying, quietly socializing with common friends. Basically, doing their own thing.

[carhill]

What I think you're alluding to as a local coffee shop hasn't existed around here in decades but there is something similar where I'm moving to and I've already met some interesting folks there the times I've stopped by for some breakfast or early lunch. The waitresses are fun and the town has more single women than men so sometimes I'll run into a pair or group of ladies. The food is fresh, the fish right off the boats at the marina and the prices are reasonable. No, it isn't Venice Beach models but rather the kind of woman who doesn't mind driving a stick shift or a tractor. That's the kind I can grow old with. Heh.

 

IMO, if you like the coffee shop, why not. Trick is leave your phone in your pocket on silent and your laptop at home and keep your head up, eyes out and be friendly. Eateries are social places. Be social. It's fun. Heck, I can get all the local dirt for four bits

[JuneJulySeptember]

This past weekend I needed to get some work done from home but my internet was really dodgy at the time, so I decided to give one of the local coffee shops in my area a try. Just wondering how common it is for people to initially meet in a coffee shop and end up dating? From what I've noticed, everyone seems to be just reading or studying, quietly socializing with common friends. Basically, doing their own thing.

 

When I go to the Starbuck(s) by me, there is often an attractive woman in there by herself studying or reading.

 

My opinion is that it would be similar to cold approach at a number of other places, similar to the supermarket, train station, and deli, harder than bars and meetups where they are expecting it.

 

Which is to say, if you're attractive to a lot of women, your odds are so-so, but not good. If you're average or below, your odds are generally terrible with cold approach.

 

I can tell you that if I cold approached my current GF, she'd have shot me down for sure.

[redbaron007]

Coffee shops reflect local demographics - so a downtown SF/NY/CHI Starbucks will have completely different demographics than a suburban one.

 

As a techie able to work remotely, I primarily work from Starbucks 3-4 days a week and my little town has it's own demographics when it comes to women that I will describe below:

- high school students (17 yo and younger)

- local junior college students (mostly 18 - 20 yo)

- Married women with kids (30+ yo)

- Married women meeting their girlfriends (30+ yo)

- Single working women (minuscule number, usually saleswomen traveling)

 

So though I've chatted with all the above (and all categories were open to chat), I have not asked a single woman out since they are either too young to even be asked out for a drink, or already married/engaged/attached. I asked out an attractive barista a few months ago who seemed to fancy me and though she was delighted, it was too busy for me to get her number. I never saw her again.

 

So the demographics in my area as a whole, including Starbucks are not favorable. But your city may be different. For example, I was in Oakland for a music fest on Labor Day, popped into a local Starbucks and within 5 minutes, a cute girl walks up to me, and boldly told me she digs my Metallica T-shirt and she had the exact same one, turns out we both got it at Urban Outfitters. I did not ask for her number due to logistic difficulties (Oakland is 1h from my town), but you get the point. Oakland demographics are obviously far better. It's location, location, location...

 

And approaching is not the problem. I sat next to a cute girl at Starbucks today with huge oversized headphones and busy on her laptop. I tapped her and asked her whether she was happy with her headphones. From that simple conversation starter, we ended up talking for the next 30 minutes about her upcoming nursing school in San Diego, past undergrad at UCSD, past trips to South America, her upcoming trip to Europe, my job, photography hobby, life in N. Cal vs life in S. Cal, her love of caring for geriatric patients, and lots of other stuff. We had a good vibe going, but since she already had a BF, and was all set for her Europe trip followed by her move to San Diego, there was no point in me asking her out as I'm looking for someone steady....my point here is some women will be genuinely busy and not want to talk, others, though they may look busy, may happily chat away, and you may be able to get some dates.

 

Yea, I plan on taking a job in SF soon and hang out more in the city.

[jen1447]

I pull more from Starbucks etc than the bar/club, fwiw. So yeah coffee shop is always a "ding :bunny:" moment for me.

[redbaron007]

I pull more from Starbucks etc than the bar/club, fwiw. So yeah coffee shop is always a "ding :bunny:" moment for me.

 

Jen - you are such a gamer that you can pull even at a funeral!

Edited September 10, 2016 by redbaron007

[Miss Peach]

I've actually gone to meet multiple men in coffee shops from OLD and been hit on while waiting for my date. It happens. The odd thing it usually happens when waiting for a date for me.

 

The funniest one I had was the guy I was meeting went to the same shop but a location they had down the street. When we were realizing what happened and negotiating what to do on the phone, another guy came up to me and asked me if the guy doesn't show up if he can be my date. All this while talking to the OLD guy on the phone.

[Bialy]

I think the key is to become a regular.

 

I live in Washington, DC and we have some great coffee shops. If you become a regular, and pop by for a coffee/tea a few times a week, the staff will get to know you by name. That's always a good starting point.

[hippychick3]

I've been hit on in coffee shops many, many times...way more than in bars.

 

It's a great place to meet men when single.

[Sunkissedpatio]

My neighbourhood is a hipster hub and there are loads of indie coffee shops. One of my girlfriends swears by one of the shops, she sparks up convos with guys in there all the time. It is her go-to for picking up. She takes her dog out for a walk, pops in to get her cup and reads the paper and inevitably will end up talking to someone.

 

I admire her approach and it totally works for her.

[Sunkissedpatio]

I think the key is to become a regular.

 

I live in Washington, DC and we have some great coffee shops. If you become a regular, and pop by for a coffee/tea a few times a week, the staff will get to know you by name. That's always a good starting point.

 

Exactly this ^

[Miss Peach]

I think the key to the coffee shop meeting is that you need to look approachable and like you are willing to engage. Some people in coffee shops are trying to get work done or something and want to me left alone. Most men won't approach if you don't look approachable. It doesn't have to be anything big - usually some eye contact and smiling is enough.

[Bialy]

That's a really good point.

 

If you do hang at a coffee shop - try to avoid getting preoccupied with your smartphone.

 

Bring a couple magazines and enjoy your beverage. Within a few short weeks, you'll start recognizing who is a regular too!

[redbaron007]

I think the key to the coffee shop meeting is that you need to look approachable and like you are willing to engage. Some people in coffee shops are trying to get work done or something and want to me left alone. Most men won't approach if you don't look approachable. It doesn't have to be anything big - usually some eye contact and smiling is enough.

 

Unless they are desperate ones like me...see my real-life example in my previous post...if I see a cute girl with huge headphones busy on her laptop, I tap her and gesture to take her headphones off...my local demographics are so bad that I need to approach every cute girl I see.

[Miss Peach]

Unless they are desperate ones like me...see my real-life example in my previous post...if I see a cute girl with huge headphones busy on her laptop, I tap her and gesture to take her headphones off...my local demographics are so bad that I need to approach every cute girl I see.

 

That takes guts. I respect men with guts. I've found most men need a little push to take the risk like smiling and touching.

[jen1447]

Hmm ....I could go for a coffee right about now.

[Aniela]

Unless they are desperate ones like me...see my real-life example in my previous post...if I see a cute girl with huge headphones busy on her laptop, I tap her and gesture to take her headphones off...my local demographics are so bad that I need to approach every cute girl I see.

 

I wouldn't like that. If I have headphones on, it's usually when I don't feel like talking to anyone. I hate that happening at home, too - someone usually just walks right up and starts talking to me, and it's usually at a crucial moment in something I'm watching.

[redbaron007]

I wouldn't like that. If I have headphones on, it's usually when I don't feel like talking to anyone. I hate that happening at home, too - someone usually just walks right up and starts talking to me, and it's usually at a crucial moment in something I'm watching.

 

lol....I don't walk right up and start talking...I sit on an adjacent table, lean over, tap/gesture gently and ask a perfectly innocent question like:"Is that the latest model Macbook Pro?" or "are those noise cancellation headphones?" Though quite a few have gone back to their books, they have always politely answered a question or two, then turned back.

 

BTW, the cute girl with the headphones I approached a few days ago approached me yesterday with a cheery hello, even remembering my obscure Indian name. "Hi ObscureIndianName! How did your weekend with your son go?" at the same coffee shop, plonked down right next to me and started watching organic chemistry videos...pre-reqs for her upcoming nursing school. But she also found time to bring up new convo topics:"Did I tell you about my interview experience...." and "Did I mention I've been having second thoughts about nursing vs physician asst"....and "Did I tell you about my huge family?"...

I really had to leave for an appointment so could not stay long, but next time I see her, I'm gonna try entice her on a last-minute fling before she goes to Europe and then to San Diego for nursing school. This dry spell has gone on long enough for me to be automatically ordained as a monk at the local Buddhist monastery.

Edited September 17, 2016 by redbaron007

[MissBee]

This past weekend I needed to get some work done from home but my internet was really dodgy at the time, so I decided to give one of the local coffee shops in my area a try. Just wondering how common it is for people to initially meet in a coffee shop and end up dating? From what I've noticed, everyone seems to be just reading or studying, quietly socializing with common friends. Basically, doing their own thing.

 

I have no numbers on how common this is, but certainly it happens. You can meet anyone anywhere really. Places like coffee shops are not dating venues so the vast majority of folk won't be actively trying to find someone while there, but the vast majority of life is also not about finding people to date, but if the moment is right people can strike up a convo and meet people anywhere.

[losangelena]

I think the key to approaching someone at a coffee shop is to proceed slowly. It's not a bar, so walking up to someone while they're working/reading/etc. and immediately trying to start a conversation is jarring.

 

But yeah, I think if you're there for a couple of hours, and can observe who's around, then that can give you an opportunity or reason to talk to someone. I find that having to ask someone to plug in my laptop, or sitting near an outlet so that people have to ask me, is a great "in," so to speak.

 

Anyway, that's just one example.