Apparently I am SUCH an awful person [update: It's done and he's GONE]

[stillafool]

Probably. Again, should I even try again ? If so, how much longer should I wait ? I just called him and left him a voice mail. Should this be it ?

 

Absolutely this is it! If he doesn't get back to you you will know that it's definitely over. Don't call or text him again.

[stillafool]

His ego is bigger than his huge frame.. that's the problem. Knowing him, I don't think I will ever hear from him again - he's kinda of a douche like that. I was just going through my call logs and I've initiated most of the phone calls since July ! Not a good discovery at all !

 

 

This is why I am thinking he used the argument as his excuse to break it off.

[GoneOrNot]

His business was commended by the local chamber of commerce this morning and I sent him a one-word "Congratulations !" text, never expecting to hear back. To my surprise, he finally re-surfaced (EXACTLY a week later) with a "Thank you !" back text.

 

Not reading too much into this, but I will say that I almost cried to see his number finally popping up on my phone. My biggest fear is not breaking up with him, but breaking up on such awful terms that he forever hates me.

 

I don't know if I should do anything more ? I am still embarrassed over my childish, DISRESPECTFUL behavior that caused him to run away and ignore me for a whole week so I don't want to cause a further rift between us. Knowing him, this is a pretty solid sign that he's looking to communicate again and I just don't to make a bad situation worse ... so maybe I should just keep quiet and let some more time pass or wait for him to text me again ? Just need some advise. Thanks !

[Blanco]

I understand you're remorseful for some of your actions, but some of your posts sound like the justifications of an abused spouse. I'm not saying that's the case here, but it seems like you're assuming a heck of lot of the responsibility for the actions of another person.

[aloneinaz]

His business was commended by the local chamber of commerce this morning and I sent him a one-word "Congratulations !" text, never expecting to hear back. To my surprise, he finally re-surfaced (EXACTLY a week later) with a "Thank you !" back text.

 

 

I'm not sure why you're seeking others opinions when you're going against the advice anyway. EVERYONE said you need to leave him alone yet you found an excuse to justify texting him AGAIN.

[Zahara]

The hurt was significant to you that he never acknowledged your support per his business and yet here you are commending him and showing him your support. I think you sit back and let him do the rest of the legwork. Stop baiting him to react anymore. You did your share of apologizing/pleading/baiting so leave him alone and let him make an effort. Like I said, both of you acted badly so you need to stop taking all the weight of this. You've said some negative things about him as well, don't forget that reality.

[basil67]

Please think twice about wanting him back.

 

You've described a man who's ego apparently gets in the way of good sense. Who's possibly got some of thing going on with an employee (I assume this is the same employee who disrespects you and he does nothing). Who is unpleasant and snappy when stressed. Who can't even make contact to tell you whether or not it's over.

 

I really think you can do better.

 

Also, if his ego is as big as you say, don't expect him to be friends with you when the relationship is over. And truth be told, you're better off leaving the past in the past anyway.

[GoneOrNot]

Yes, I did ask for advise and the consensus was to not contact him again. The text today wasn't planned at all - I saw his name and business mentioned in the local paper and it was done before I could stop myself ! Honest ! I actually was surprised to even get an acknowledgement back, because I really did think it was over and that he's just ghosted on me.

 

The employee who disrespects me is married and is an elderly person who has been with the company since the time his father owned and operated the business. This person just has a gruff way of talking to EVERYONE, and has called my "abilities" into question, and, BF (X-BF ?) normally does not intervene, and, yes, that's always rubbed me the wrong way. I also am angry that he left me hanging for exactly a week, and who even knows if he'd have texted me if I hadn't jumped to congratulate him first ?

 

I am not blind -- I know he isn't all great and I honestly am a tad annoyed that he never mentioned the upcoming weekend (which would have - under normal circumstances - been OUR time together). I have kept busy all day and have already arranged to go antiques hunting with a neighbor this Saturday, so if he does end up calling about the weekend, after all, (which I don't think he would), too bad, so sad, I already made other plans because you disappeared for a week, and then didn't call me about the weekend until Thursday / Friday. You really didn't expect me to sit around, twiddling my thumbs, in hopes you'd call about our weekend together, did you ? Although, since we've been a year together, he might twist it around to accuse *me* of shelving "standing arrangements" to spend every minute of every alternate weekends together ... and he might have a valid point. But what am I supposed to do ? Drive over with my stuff to his home Friday afternoon, after he vanished for an ENTIRE WEEK and never responded to my calls / texts / FB messages ?

 

I wouldn't be AT ALL surprised, however, if that is *exactly* what he expects I would be doing, though. UGH !!! MEN ! :D .. no wonder I love him (this isn't sarcasm, he is supposed to be the great love of my life).

Edited September 8, 2016 by GoneOrNot

[Zahara]

If he expects you to hit the reset button after ignoring you for a week, regardless if you've been together for 1 year or 10, then you've got a red flag on your hands. Don't downplay it as a typical thing a man would do.

[springy]

Sounds like you've already got a head-start on your next argument. Maybe a weekend or two...or three apart is in order. Hope you enjoy your antiquing outing Saturday!

[Blanco]

Stonewalling is a form of emotional abuse one quite notably one of the four predictors of divorce.

 

Contempt, criticism, and defensiveness are the others. Your posts suggest those three elements are also very much factors in this relationship.

[bubbaganoosh]

Ya know the more you keep texting him, the more you fuel his ego don't you?

 

If it was me, I would stop contact all together. Sooner or later he's going to wonder why and then he'll contact you. If that happens, I would keep it light and listen to what he says. If he wants to rehash the fight, all I would say is that your sorry and leave it at that. It's history and you can't go back in time.

 

If you can work it out then fine and if not then it wasn't meant to be.

[Redhead14]

Long story short : It appears that the love of my life is breaking up with me. It was a year long affair (although due to work and family commitment we only met in person every other weekend, or so). We have had disagreements off and on (like any couple would), but he's always been reasonable and we've always made up. On Wednesday last, however, I got angry with him over something (that in highsight was really small), and blocked him on Facebook. I told him I was blocking him on FB before doing so and I saw that he'd read that message. I unblocked him a few hours later, apologized for being so childish but then told him how and why I was hurt. Message shows as "Delivered", not "Seen" (which is unusual for him). After giving him time, on Saturday (after waiting 3 days), I sent him another message asking him how his day went. NO RESPONSE, and again, message shows as "Delivered", not "Seen". Finally, yesterday (Labor day), I told him I was really upset that he had completely withdrawn from me and that it had been a few days and can we please talk ? Again, the message shows as "Delivered", not "Seen".

 

He hasn't blocked me on Facebook and I haven't tried calling him or texting him. We would normally have met up this upcoming weekend, but now I don't know. He's gone RADIO silent on me from when we would talk or text several times a day to almost a week of ZERO communication.

 

Are we done here ? I admit I was childish and stupid to block him on Facebook but his reaction, even after my heart - felt apology - is hurting me a lot. Is this sign of an impending break-up (if we're not already broken up) ?

 

BTW, we're not young - we're both in our 30s and he has a son that he shares custody of, I have no kids. Thanks for any advise you have for me.

 

How do we know when it's over -- It's over because he's punishing you . . . !!!!! You apologized, he didn't accept your apology . . . it's over because you decide it's over . . . paleeze! Move on. Delete, block. Done.

 

Sheesh, all this over what???? You were stupid, he's stupid. You can continue to be stupid and wait for a guy who is stupid also or you can leave all this behind, learn from it and maybe find someone who doesn't bring out your "stupidness" and/or forgives it if it happens.

[GoneOrNot]

Yes, I have actually "reset" NC as of today, to force myself to wait for HIM to make the next move wrt contact / communication. To motivate myself to stick to NC, I created a huge wall calendar, made out some mega-sized gold stars from my craft supplies, and will be sticking one to each day that I haven't contacted him. I also got duct-tape to stick to my mouth and my fingers to prevent me from calling or texting him.

 

I realize that all this attention might be stroking his ego and have forthwith cut off that attention supply. I did that after I got mad over the fact that he could text back a thank you but couldn't call or text me about the weekend. AM I supposed to call / text and confirm ? Why ? Just because I went bat-**** crazy and said some hurtful things the last time we "communicated" ?

[Blanco]

You are doing NC for all the wrong reasons.

 

If this guy was really the "love of [your] life," you would not be having these types of issues just one year into a relationship where you only see each other every other weekend.

 

I think the fact that you're having big issues while only seeing each other a couple times a week is a major factor that you're downplaying.

 

If you two can't even keep it all rosy while rarely seeing each other, how would you ever handle a level of commitment such as marriage where you have to see each other pretty much every day and can't just retreat and vanish when you have an argument?

[GoneOrNot]

You are doing NC for all the wrong reasons.

 

If this guy was really the "love of [your] life," you would not be having these types of issues just one year into a relationship where you only see each other every other weekend.

 

I think the fact that you're having big issues while only seeing each other a couple times a week is a major factor that you're downplaying.

 

If you two can't even keep it all rosy while rarely seeing each other, how would you ever handle a level of commitment such as marriage where you have to see each other pretty much every day and can't just retreat and vanish when you have an argument?

 

 

We see each other only every other weekend because I travel 75% of the time for my work. As for marriage... LOL !! :D ... I don't even think we're officially BF-GF anymore, so I'll cross THAT pretty bridge when I come to it !

[ExpatInItaly]

I think he's done with the relationship, OP.

 

There's nothing here to indicate he wants to continue after the argument. But there is a lot of evidence to suggest that it's over.

[GoneOrNot]

I think he's done with the relationship, OP.

 

There's nothing here to indicate he wants to continue after the argument. But there is a lot of evidence to suggest that it's over.

 

Yep, I think so, too. Still no text or call or any other communication about the upcoming weekend, so glad I made other plans with my neighbor. Done and dusted, I believe, we are. Hurts, but oh well...

[Zahara]

Yep, I think so, too. Still no text or call or any other communication about the upcoming weekend, so glad I made other plans with my neighbor. Done and dusted, I believe, we are. Hurts, but oh well...

 

I think even if he communicated about the upcoming weekend, you should not entertain the idea of going to back to the way things were without addressing the issues and giving yourselves time away from each other for a bit to let it all digest and sink in. One to make him realize that while he has every right to be turned off/angry by your behavior but it does not justify a week of silence or whatever is going on his mind in terms of how he truly feels about this relationship and for you to figure out if this is what you really want because you've noted negative points in your relationship that weren't making you happy.

 

All likely moot since he has gone silent but focus on the bigger picture versus the weekend because he may just swing around later.

[GoneOrNot]

I think even if he communicated about the upcoming weekend, you should not entertain the idea of going to back to the way things were without addressing the issues and giving yourselves time away from each other for a bit to let it all digest and sink in. One to make him realize that while he has every right to be turned off/angry by your behavior but it does not justify a week of silence or whatever is going on his mind in terms of how he truly feels about this relationship and for you to figure out if this is what you really want because you've noted negative points in your relationship that weren't making you happy.

 

All likely moot since he has gone silent but focus on the bigger picture versus the weekend because he may just swing around later.

 

 

Yes, ma'am. We will have to talk about our personal and relationship issues. I am, in fact, not willing to meet up this weekend even if he did show up, because I am really really really starting to see that we're on the Bus to Nowhere with all the underlying issues here (my bad temper, his stonewalling, etc). Maybe a few weeks off from each other and then seeing where we stand and IF we still want to get together is in order.

[Nadine123]

hello

 

im sorry you are feeling people are attacking you here. I think what you should right now is focus on NC babe and not reaching out to him again.

 

even if you did something, he should have had the balls to end it with you. if he doesn't, it means he is a coward and why would you want to be with a person like this?

 

Also, if you feel like the calendar thing is making u move on, then definitely do it we all move on in different ways and if this is what helps you then do it

[GoneOrNot]

hello

 

im sorry you are feeling people are attacking you here. I think what you should right now is focus on NC babe and not reaching out to him again.

 

even if you did something, he should have had the balls to end it with you. if he doesn't, it means he is a coward and why would you want to be with a person like this?

 

Also, if you feel like the calendar thing is making u move on, then definitely do it we all move on in different ways and if this is what helps you then do it

 

Thank you, Nadine. Only one user 'attacked' me here, and I have received excellent advise otherwise. I am into crafts and sewing and just set up this huge calendar with the gold stars because I felt that seeing that calendar and those lovely stars will prevent me from wanting to break NC and bringing that lovely line of gold to an end. Sounds child-like, I know, but just want to indulge myself. Oh, and crawl into bed with oreos and ice-cream and just make this damned pain go away... KWIM ?

[GoneOrNot]

I deserve to be ignored.

 

I'd been good and hadn't sent any texts or made any calls since Wednesday but I am off work this week (HORRIBLE time to be) and sent him another text earlier today about a business plan we had previously had. He responded to it in a matter-of-fact tone, then when I asked what his plans were for the weekend, he sent me a cold text back, asking if I had any other "work related questions". I had a couple, and he responded to them, then like an IDIOT, I asked about the weekend again, and he has then ignored ALL of my texts, including all those that remained about work.

 

I am now 10 steps back, and feeling 1,000,000 times worse. Yes, yes, yes, I made a mistake. Yes, I apologized and I meant the apology. I owned my mistakes. Why is he being so unforgiving ? And how can I stop feeling lower than pond scum ?

[Redhead14]

I deserve to be ignored.

 

I'd been good and hadn't sent any texts or made any calls since Wednesday but I am off work this week (HORRIBLE time to be) and sent him another text earlier today about a business plan we had previously had. He responded to it in a matter-of-fact tone, then when I asked what his plans were for the weekend, he sent me a cold text back, asking if I had any other "work related questions". I had a couple, and he responded to them, then like an IDIOT, I asked about the weekend again, and he has then ignored ALL of my texts, including all those that remained about work.

 

I am now 10 steps back, and feeling 1,000,000 times worse. Yes, yes, yes, I made a mistake. Yes, I apologized and I meant the apology. I owned my mistakes. Why is he being so unforgiving ? And how can I stop feeling lower than pond scum ?

 

You are not an awful person . . . you just have trouble getting "the message" . . . he doesn't want to be communicating with you . . . Leave him alone.

 

We have no idea why he's being so unforgiving because you haven't given enough information about the situation. Nevertheless, given what you have presented, you should stop picking at the "sore".

[Zahara]

Gone, I know it's hard and you feel like you're in limbo since he actually hasn't said the words but count his actions as someone who does not want to be in a relationship anymore. Don't try to bait him with these questions to try and provoke a reaction. Chances are, if he's feeling negatively about you, it's only going to push him further away,

 

You're not awful. He's just at a point where he's probably hit his last straw based on whatever has happened between the two of you -- we only know from this situation but judging from his reaction, I think there's more than just this one incident?

 

In any case, leave him alone. You've done enough and it's out of your hands.