A friend

[Persiancat]

Is mad at me because i never ask him how he's doing or initiate conversation. I mean its partly true but i never thought it would be such a big deal esp with guys.

[basil67]

Adequate social skills are certainly a big deal - for both genders. I suggest you practice yours - nobody wants to hang out with a person who is self centered

Edited September 10, 2016 by basil67

[smudge21]

Sorry but I'd be the same with someone who didn't treat me with the same level of respect that I treated them. The fact you know you don't ask about them or initiate is even worse. It's a simple fix (if your ego will allow it) that involves apologising and then starting to make the effort. Make it clear that you value their friendship and that you're okay with them calling you out on how you are from time to time.

 

I say ego above because a lot of time I've seen people who won't initiate generally live in this bubble where they think people should come to them. When those people give up and stop getting in touch, their ego refuses to let them back down and start making effort. In the end, they lose friends who are decent people, simply because their ego is too important to them. I have a female friend who is exactly this - won't reach out yet expects me to keep contacting her. Now we haven't spoken in weeks.

[preraph]

What will usually a drive a person to make that statement is when someone is leaning on them and all they talk about is themself and their issues and just using them for a sounding board and not showing any real interest in how they are, like when it's just one-sided.

[Shanex]

I agree with the three above posters, but I was too often the one who had to initiate with friends or acquantainces I was hanging out with regularily. Got tired of some of them, ego, self centered or just taking you for a filler. A friendship is about reciprocating, whether that's phone call, paying a drink or wishing birthdays etc.

 

In the end, nobody has hundreds genuine friends, if you have 5-10 already you can trust, consider yourself happy. That's where I found myself.

[basil67]

Hubby and I are increasingly noticing that others don't ask questions or enquire about us during conversations. Not our dear friends of course, but those we meet in social situations and try to socialise with.

 

Not sure why we're noticing it now. Perhaps we're just getting tired of holding up the conversation?

[loverboy69]

Is mad at me because i never ask him how he's doing or initiate conversation. I mean its partly true but i never thought it would be such a big deal esp with guys.

 

He sounds very sensitive.

 

I've known people (yes mostly men) who I'd consider great acquaintances or coworkers who never turned down an invite from me or failed to return a greeting. The problem I started to notice was that I had to do ALL the initiating and ALL the inviting.

 

As soon as I stopped initiating the lunch invites, happy hours and greetings we'd become strangers. Then they thought I became the jerk (in their mind)? They would start telling others how "I changed," as if I was the one with a problem that needed attention.

 

So yes people like this do exist. I'm not saying they are bad people. It's just in their mind the definition of a good friend (to them) is someone else who takes the lead. Some of these people take the submissive role in all aspects of life and avoid any roles at work (for example) that involve managing others.

 

Not everyone wants to be the CEO. But I still think (in my opinion) that friendship although never quite equal is still a 2 way street. An effort should be made on both sides of the friendship.

[crederer]

Why don't you do that? He probably feels he's putting in all the effort.