Been Drunk and Cheated on My BF Twice, It's Killing Me

[manda17]

When my boyfriend (Josh) and I started dating, I swore I'd never cheat on him as every other gf he's ever had has cheated on him. Well ten months later and I've cheated on him twice.

 

The first time was in March when we were at a party and we were fighting and he said he was breaking up with me (which I knew was just drunk talk). Well I left the party with a guy that I've hooked up with in the past and went to his house and made out with him. That's it. Well my boyfriend forgave me and I told him I would never cheat on him again because I didn't want to see him hurt like that and it made me feel like ****.

 

Now it's July. This past weekend we went to a party where I got quite trashed. Somehow I ended up in a bedroom with a guy I really don't care for. Well he leaned in and since I was drunk I didn't resist. I kissed him back for a minute or two before I told him I couldn't do it, I had a boyfriend. Well Josh found out soon enough and dumped my ass. That night I went home and called this other guy that had been hitting on me at the party. I was single (still drunk) and I figured why not. All I did was make out with him before I told him he had to leave because I didn't feel right about it.

 

Well on the 4th I was at Josh's family gathering (my two best friends are dating Josh's cousins) and he told me he was considering getting back together with me. However, when he learned that I made out with another guy that night it made him pretty angry. Josh has since told me that he wants to be with me but that I need to figure out what I want and that I need to show him that he can trust me.

 

I really do want to be with Josh, I love him. Both of the times I cheated on him I instantly regretted, and never would have happened had I been sober. It just kills me that I did that to him.

 

Problem is, I don't know how I'm going to get him to regain trust in me, nor do I know how to keep myself from doing this again. I don't want to be with anybody else, I dont want to cheat on him, it just happens...when I'm drunk. So quit drinking you say...I don't think this is something I can do so easily. I've been to a treatment center before...I don't want to go back to one. So maybe my drinking is more of a problem than my cheating.

 

So I guess I would just really like some advice, I don't really have anyone to rant to or anyone to ask for advice from.

 

Oh and I'm 17 if that helps at all.

[Devildog]

I know you probably won't like what I say, but oh well. Time will most likely prove me right. As much as you feel you love this Josh, in all likelihood you will not be spending the rest of your lives together.

 

Now, you are 17, and an alcoholic. You have already been in a treatment center for your problem. You get drunk and end up doing something you regret and wouldn't do sober. Yes, you need to get some help for your problem. You need to stop drinking! Easier said then done when you are in High School and everybody is doing it right? Great mentality if you wish to be a sheep and follow the herd. Do you want to be a nameless, faceless follower in the crowd? Or would you like to be more?

 

The best way you can prove you are trustworthy to Josh would be to give up the booze. But you should do this for your own sake, not just for some guy that will most likely not be around a year from now.

[manda17]

You are probably right about Josh and I not being together for the rest of our lives, but it is not a relationship I want to end now.

 

I know I need to stop drinking. I wouldn't say I drink because everyone else is doing it though, and I rarely drink with high schoolers. I drink because it's the only way I can socialize. I have terrible anxiety/shyness; before I started drinking I would go to small gatherings of friends (shouldn't be that intimidating!!) and sit absolutely silent. You kind of miss out not being able to talk to anyone. I can't make friends on my own; I never would have started dating Josh without drinking either. Can you understand why it's difficult for me to quit? Honestly I don't think I'll ever be who I want to be or do what I want to do...without alcohol: because anxiety is so limiting.....or with alcohol: because it's basically ruining my life. (I dropped out of school this year-even though I'm a 4.0 student, always depressed, cheating on Josh, etc)

 

Hmm guess this post is going into something besides cheating.

[d'Arthez]

The alcohol is but a symptom - and that is probably the cause why you can't easily quit it.

 

I think the anxiety / shyness is the real issue here. Alcohol gives you artificial courage to speak. But you can't be drinking all the time when you are around people. You should be addressing the anxiety issues, preferably by attending counselling for this. It would also - perhaps not the coming year - allow you to return to school. If you don't do that, your future does not look too bright.

[Devildog]

Originally posted by manda17

I know I need to stop drinking. I wouldn't say I drink because everyone else is doing it though, and I rarely drink with high schoolers. I drink because it's the only way I can socialize. I have terrible anxiety/shyness; before I started drinking I would go to small gatherings of friends (shouldn't be that intimidating!!) and sit absolutely silent. You kind of miss out not being able to talk to anyone. I can't make friends on my own; I never would have started dating Josh without drinking either. Can you understand why it's difficult for me to quit?

 

Sure, I understand. Throwing aside a crutch is always difficult. Especially when you are not prepared to give it up. d'Arthez is right. You need to deal with the issue of anxiety. The drinking is a symptom, not the root of the problem. To be effective you need to get the root of the problem. It might just be a self confidence issue, or there might be actual anxiety disorder. Counseling and possible medication can help you overcome the anxiety and remove the need for alcohol.

 

Hmm guess this post is going into something besides cheating.

 

As I mentioned before, you need to treat the root cause, not the symptoms. Your anxiety causes you to drink, and drinking leads you to regretable decisions, such as infidelity. So if you fix the anxiety, you can eliminate the need to drink and you eliminate the intoxication which leads to cheating.

[Cecelius]

For his sake, please just let him go.

 

His highest point of self preservation and retaining his manly pride and independence were when he dumped you. After that he got soft. If you have any hope for him as a man, just let him go.

 

If all people in the world knew they'd get dumped (and stay that way) for cheating, there'd be less cheating.

[JPMorgan]

everyone gave you some good advice. Have you talked to your parents? They love you and will be your staunchest supporters. They may be angry or hurt at first, but if you go to them and ask for help I'll bet they won't let you down.