Abandonment???

[memomma]

I'm wondering if I can do something.

My husband and I are divorcing. We are legally separated....have been since March 1. I have asked him to move from the house because of the tension that exists between us and the fact that due to my work situation.....I cannot move from the house. He has refused.

Sunday he told me he was "going away for a few days". I asked him where he was going and he said "to the beach". I don't know what beach or where I could reach him in case of an emergency. He left while I was at the store and did not provide me with any information about how to contact him if necessary.

I don't mind him being gone. I'm grateful for the peace within my home in his absence.

I am wondering if this would be considered abandonment and if I could legally change the locks on my home while he is away. I REALLY want him to move and I don't know of any other way to make this happen.

I have called my attorney with this question and am waiting on her advice. I don't want to do anything that is illegal but I am tired of feeling trapped in this situation because he is unwilling to work with me as we end the marriage.

[Merin]

I'm not an attorney and I don't know the laws of your State, but I'm going to say you cannot legally change the locks on the marital home regardless if he has gone away for a few days even if he didn't provide you with the 411 of how to reach him this, that, the other.

 

No more than you could legally change the locks because he went to 7-11 to get some nacho's and a slurpee... without a court order saying you can change the locks.. pretty much I think you're screwed.

[A Fly onThe Wall]

I'm only speaking on my past exp. here but when I went through a divorce about 5 years ago my then wife moved most of the furniture out of the house.

 

After this happened I retained an Attorney and asked the question on whether or not I could change the locks on the doors. I was told NO.. If I did and my then wife broke down the door there was nothing I could do. I just had to wait it out.

 

My brother in law is a police officer and he said the same.. you can't arrest someone for breaking their own property.

 

But if thru the courts you can get an order than states that each party has their own place to reside and who resides in the Marital residence then and only then can you change the locks

 

Hope this helps

[memomma]

Yup......you guys are completely right.

My attorney informed me that despite my wishful thinking, changing the locks is not an option.

So.......

so.

I'm dreading his return to our house. It's been nice to have the tension gone.

I'll be okay......just have to be patient and remain optimistic.

I can do that........most days.

[VirginiaBob]

maybe you should move?

[memomma]

That's not an option for me.

I wish it were that simple.

I work from my home providing nursing care to a child who lives with me. That is my job. This house has been modified to accommodate his needs. I have requested alternative placement for him due to the divorce but at this time there are no available beds in a facility that is suitable for a child.

I would really like to continue to care for this little boy until an opening occurs at the facility we have placed his name on the waiting list. That way his life is not interrupted until he actually moves into the center.

This child has been with me for four years and I care a great deal for him. I just cannot continue to care for him and deal with the tension and stress that exists between myself and my soon to be exhusband.

That is why I want him to move from this house......cause I cannot do so.

[Guest]

In court, whoever leaves the house, loses it, so he would be stupid to do so, and so would you. You are going to have to learn to live together until the court sorts this out. Or you may end up getting the house but owing him $80,000 or something like that or vice-versa.

[amu2005]

memomma, I know what you are going through. My now ex-husband (just finalized on Tuesday) refused to move out of the house for the longest time. He filled for Divorce in April. He was the one that wanted the divorce so I felt he should be the one to move out of the house. He gave me the sob story that he had no money and no where to go, which was bull.

 

While we were both still living in the house was torture for me. On one hand, he is saying give me a divorce but on the other I still have to see you everyday. He would always go out or try not to be at the house while I was home, but he was still sleeping in the spare room. I knew he was still there. I was tempted to move out many times, but my dogs kept me there. I didn't want to get them screwed up and out of their routine. I know what you mean when you say you enjoyed the peace while he was away at the beach. My ex did that here and there. He wouldn't tell me where he was going, but would say he'd be leaving on Friday and back on Monday.

 

He finally moved out the beg. of June. It is so much easier to try and move on without him there. Now the house is for sale so legally he can still come over when ever he wants to. I just hope that the house sells rather quickly. He has taken most of his things with him at his new place.

 

All I can say is just hold on, eventually he may choose to move out. Hold your ground and stay at the house. What are your plans for the house once your divorce is finalized? Do you plan on staying there or selling it?

[memomma]

I'm undecided about the house.

I love my house. I've been here almost 7 years and have put alot of myself into this house. I hate to lose it.

On the other hand, my job will end related to our divorce and I'm not sure I want to commit to a huge mortage not knowing what I will do in the future. This is also a BIG house....5 bedrooms, 3 1/2 baths. My kids are all older now.....21,19 and 17.....so I don't know how much longer I need something this big.

So....don't know what I'm doing. Sometimes that's hard and sometimes it's just such a relief to know this will one day end that the outcome doesn't matter to me. I just want this way of life.....strife, bitterness and tension......to be over.