DrReplyInRhymes Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 All I can say is that if I got a letter from a woman with whom I still had feelings for, I'd at least return the communication and depending.....possibly open the door! Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbrokenlady Posted September 16, 2016 Author Share Posted September 16, 2016 So I broke no contact. I couldn't sleep. Was still up at 3am. Feeling like s*&t. He replied fairly quickly. Told me he missed me too. That he understood why I'd blocked him etc. I asked him if we were at the stage of seeing other people and he seemed shocked but said no. Not that I necessarily believe him. I don't feel any better for it. Most of me wishes I had been able not to but I know I couldn't help it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Frozensushi Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 I don't feel any better for it. Most of me wishes I had been able not to but I know I couldn't help it. I suppose you did what you had too, just to survive and keep your sanity intact. I don't think anyone here will blame you. I've been going through the same thing you are. Sleepless nights, anxiety, panic attacks, loneliness, stress, worry. You name it, I'm probably going through it. I just know that what everyone here has said to me, deep down in my heart, is the truth. Denial can blind us, that's why I came here and told my story. I needed guidance because I'm not thinking or acting rationally. To my shock, I found people on this forum who experienced an almost identical situation as I had gone through. It was unbelievable that others could relate to my experience so explicitly. How could I not follow their advice? I hope you will take a moment and reread the advice given to you here. I have the thread with my story bookmarked. I read it every time I'm feeling weak and vulnerable. I find it to be comforting and it helps me understand that I'm not the only one who's been through this. I will survive and be happy again. You will too, you need to have more faith in yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbrokenlady Posted September 16, 2016 Author Share Posted September 16, 2016 Thank you FS. I have more, at the moment, than I've had for a long time, so I SHOULD be happy but I'm not. Went out today. I'd been out about 2 hours when I had a panic attack. Had to get home. It's selfish, but it helps a little bit that I'm not the only one suffering like this. Sorry! I don't wish it on anyone but... Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbrokenlady Posted September 16, 2016 Author Share Posted September 16, 2016 So I've had a really bad day. As I said, went out, had a panic attack, so came home. Sent him a couple messages this evening, which he read and didn't immediately respond to. I've asked him if we could talk and he has reluctantly agreed to set a time tomorrow (it's hard getting a connection to Facetime/Skype because of where I work). I'm pretty sure that, despite me ending it with him, that he's had enough. I'm going to ask him to block me so I can't get in touch even if I want to. No, I have no self esteem left, but whatever it takes. The next couple of months look pretty bleak. My workload is huge and I'm trying to function on about 50% attention/ability due to the relationship stuff. I'm so sick of life. I can't do this much longer. Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted September 16, 2016 Share Posted September 16, 2016 Listen, stop beating yourself up Heartbroken.. You're going through a rough patch currently. You'll navigate through it and come out the other side just fine like millions of others. I've been there, survived and have the trophy to show for it! Us veterans always suggest staying NC and blocking ex's because it stops the pain,stress, anxiety, panic attacks, hope, games, drama and bs. 99% of people who try again, fail. People are much better off shutting that door to the past. Why do people try again? Because they get lonely. They are feeling poor about themselves. They don't immediately meet someone new or have a bunch of bad dates or rejection. That's when people contact their ex. They are desperate and "settle" for trying a bad relationship again. What they should do is ride through the loneliness and keep trying. Recycling a failed R/S does lots of damage to our mental health. It's not good for us. You need to really consider going strict NC. Delete his contact info. Block his number or change yours. Stay busy w/work and keep yourself busy when your home. Work out. Hang out with friends out of the house. Time passing will make you feel better until one day you'll want to date again. If you're really wrecked about this whole thing, consider talking to a therapist or doctor. They can help you work through this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbrokenlady Posted September 16, 2016 Author Share Posted September 16, 2016 Hey, thanks. I've tried deleting and blocking. Then I hit a rough patch and message him. Unlike in the past, I can't imagine wanting someone else again. Too much life experience. I don't make good relationship choices. I'm not stupid enough to think he's my soul mate or anything. Just, we went through so much together. I faced death (cancer) with him by my side. But like I said, he's moving on so... I need some help. If he can block me, I can rant on all I like, it will be to empty air. Link to post Share on other sites
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