Will my ex girlfriend come back? My situation need good thanks!!

[Vashknives]

Also am i feeling unfair or things not balance, i want fair and justify result because i have spend 3 weeks to think back every little details and i know i didnt do anything wrong. I am confuse and lost how i feel too.

[aloneinaz]

Also am i feeling unfair or things not balance, i want fair and justify result because i have spend 3 weeks to think back every little details and i know i didnt do anything wrong. I am confuse and lost how i feel too.

 

The best thing you can do my friend is stick around and read these forums for a while. You'll learn that most veterans who contribute to this site with lots of R/S experience don't advocate second chances. Folks with strong self worth and self esteem would never consider going back to someone who kicked them to the curb. This now ex of yours dumped you and ran right back to her ex. Sadly, she chose him over you. This now makes you the ex and 2nd choice.

 

Most people would never be anyone's second choice, ever.. They'd vanish from the ex's life. Block them on social media. They'd heal from the failed relationship and then when they are feeling better, they'd start dating again looking for their next love. That would be my suggestion for you.

 

Pls don't accept being anyone's second choice nor should you stroke her ego trying to stay in contact w/her.

[Vashknives]

The best thing you can do my friend is stick around and read these forums for a while. You'll learn that most veterans who contribute to this site with lots of R/S experience don't advocate second chances. Folks with strong self worth and self esteem would never consider going back to someone who kicked them to the curb. This now ex of yours dumped you and ran right back to her ex. Sadly, she chose him over you. This now makes you the ex and 2nd choice.

 

Most people would never be anyone's second choice, ever.. They'd vanish from the ex's life. Block them on social media. They'd heal from the failed relationship and then when they are feeling better, they'd start dating again looking for their next love. That would be my suggestion for you.

 

Pls don't accept being anyone's second choice nor should you stroke her ego trying to stay in contact w/her.

 

Is it really there are ego problem or can it be just some simple follow my heart kind of thingy? Cuz i have no ego problem

[Satu]

U truly think so? How long u think it will be the end?

 

Impossible to say.

[Vashknives]

Impossible to say.

 

 

Yeah i know but lets do a ballpark guess, her friend say by feb

[Satu]

Is it really there are ego problem or can it be just some simple follow my heart kind of thingy? Cuz i have no ego problem

 

The truth is that deserve better.

 

You deserve someone who doesn't cause you kind of pain your ex has caused you.

 

She didn't deserve you.

 

You deserve better.

 

Hold that thought.

[Vashknives]

The truth is that deserve better.

 

You deserve someone who doesn't cause you kind of pain your ex has caused you.

 

She didn't deserve you.

 

You deserve better.

 

Hold that thought.

 

True satu thank you! I know i deserve better and someone who will deserve my love that will love me as deep as i love that person

[Vashknives]

The sad part nowadays is that people who are sincere and have integrity are the one that get hurt...people who are selfish and not put effort and not realize what love is are the one that move one real fast

[sooshi]

Love means allowing those you love to live their life, without trying to change anything about them.

 

You're trying to change what she is doing. You're trying to manipulate her to do what you want. That's not love.

 

Focus on you instead. Change what you're doing, as what you're doing is causing you harm. If you read through your posts, you'll notice how much you place emphasis on her: what she's doing, when she's doing it, with whom she's doing it, how she's feeling...

 

Where are you in all of this?

 

You know you deserve better. Now, it's time to behave like it.

 

Take care.

Edited September 12, 2016 by sooshi
fixed a bunch of typos :)

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, you're asking senseless questions that nobody can possibly answer. We cannot predict when they will break up. It might be a few weeks, a few months, a few years. We don't have a crystal ball.

 

The point is that you can try every method in the book to get her back, but it's useless if she doesn't want to come back. And at present, she wants to be with him. Her friends can't help you either, as they are not her and don't know everything going on inside her head. Their opinion of her boyfriend doesn't matter because they're not in the relationship, and they can't tell you how to get her back.

 

One thing I can tell you is that continuing to try to contact her will not work. When we ladies break up with a man, we usually just get annoyed if he continues to persist and won't take a hint that we don't want him around. Especially if we have begun dating someone else. Harsh, but true. And once we lose respect for you, you generally can't get that back either. Basically, you've been doing this all wrong so far.

 

Go complete and total No Contact. Show her you have self-respect. That is what we find attractive in a man, not what you've been doing. If she stays with him, that's her problem and nothing you can do. She is an adult who is capable of making her own decisions, however crappy they seem. But at least you will maintain some of your dignity.

[Vashknives]

OP, you're asking senseless questions that nobody can possibly answer. We cannot predict when they will break up. It might be a few weeks, a few months, a few years. We don't have a crystal ball.

 

The point is that you can try every method in the book to get her back, but it's useless if she doesn't want to come back. And at present, she wants to be with him. Her friends can't help you either, as they are not her and don't know everything going on inside her head. Their opinion of her boyfriend doesn't matter because they're not in the relationship, and they can't tell you how to get her back.

 

One thing I can tell you is that continuing to try to contact her will not work. When we ladies break up with a man, we usually just get annoyed if he continues to persist and won't take a hint that we don't want him around. Especially if we have begun dating someone else. Harsh, but true. And once we lose respect for you, you generally can't get that back either. Basically, you've been doing this all wrong so far.

 

Go complete and total No Contact. Show her you have self-respect. That is what we find attractive in a man, not what you've been doing. If she stays with him, that's her problem and nothing you can do. She is an adult who is capable of making her own decisions, however crappy they seem. But at least you will maintain some of your dignity.

 

Yeah i know exactly what u said, thats why i decided go in no contact and try my best to move on...i have not talk to her for 2 weeks already, first 3 weeks i didnt know whats going on so i try to communicate with her. Now that i found out what happened i leave her be and i decide to join this forum and talk and ask for advice and help instead. My ex know if i really move on or faking it, she know within a month i cant move on...scientifically i think i will feel better by november who knows all those important holidays are coming up to slap and punch me. God have a good sense of humor thats for sure

[Vashknives]

Love means allowing those you love to live their life, without trying to change anything about them.

 

You're trying to change what she is doing. You're trying to manipulate her to do what you want. That's not love.

 

Focus on you instead. Change what you're doing, as what you're doing is causing you harm. If you read through your posts, you'll notice how much you place emphasis on her: what she's doing, when she's doing it, with whom she's doing it, how she's feeling...

 

Where are you in all of this?

 

You know you deserve better. Now, it's time to behave like it.

 

 

 

Take care.

 

 

Thanks sooshi, yeah everyone knows that i deserve better and she done wrong to me. I have already go in no contact with her already and i will probably go into low contact to our mutual friends too. I wont heal over night it will prob take few months for me to fully heal...i know meanwhile i just hope i can endure it in a easier way then what i am going thru now

[Vashknives]

Whats makes it tough for me is that also we have a lot great memories together, its all in the past now...

[sooshi]

Good job on going no contact with her, OP. Ask your mutual friends not to share any info on her life.

 

There's always the present moment to create new great memories.

 

Take care.

[Vashknives]

Good job on going no contact with her, OP. Ask your mutual friends not to share any info on her life.

 

There's always the present moment to create new great memories.

 

Take care.

 

Thats not gonna work about not sharing any info in her life our social media is too big thats just something i have to deal with...i know the true meaning of no contact is actaully good for myself its not for the other person. Thats why i said completly put her out of my life isnt gonna happen. So the healing process will take longer for me.

[ExpatInItaly]

Whats makes it tough for me is that also we have a lot great memories together, its all in the past now...

 

Yes, and all of us have been there at some point. That's unfortunately what happens when a relationship ends. There were always good memories but we file them away under Positive Life Experiences.

 

Have you had a girlfriend before, OP? I mean that as a sincere question.

[Vashknives]

Yes, and all of us have been there at some point. That's unfortunately what happens when a relationship ends. There were always good memories but we file them away under Positive Life Experiences.

 

Have you had a girlfriend before, OP? I mean that as a sincere question.

 

Yeah...i am 32 years old now and this will be my fifth serious relationship. I have good one and bad one but this is the first one i feel so lost and confused. Maybe i love her too deep or maybe she fxck me over badly idk...she really took the best out of me.

[Vashknives]

Yeah...i am 32 years old now and this will be my fifth serious relationship. I have good one and bad one but this is the first one i feel so lost and confused. Maybe i love her too deep or maybe she fxck me over badly idk...she really took the best out of me.

 

Yeah i know u might think this is my first relationship thats why i am so hurt and lost but no

[sooshi]

Thats not gonna work about not sharing any info in her life our social media is too big thats just something i have to deal with...i know the true meaning of no contact is actaully good for myself its not for the other person. Thats why i said completly put her out of my life isnt gonna happen. So the healing process will take longer for me.

 

Not sure what you mean. Going no contact includes social media as well. Either block her or get off of social media for a while.

 

Like Expat, I also wondered if this was your first relationship.

[Vashknives]

Not sure what you mean. Going no contact includes social media as well. Either block her or get off of social media for a while.

 

Like Expat, I also wondered if this was your first relationship.

 

No like i mention before this is not, but every relationship is different this is the first that i have come to this weird situation that i have no experience with it at all. I cant cut off social media because for work reasons.

[sooshi]

You can block her.

[Vashknives]

You can block her.

 

She actually barely use her social media so i dont have that problem its our bunch of mutual friends that post pic of her but i am not gonna ask all our mutual friends to do the same thing its just not right to ask someone tondo that. I just deal with it.

[aloneinaz]

You can't become cynical or bitter after having a bad R/S experience. The vast majority of people out there are good. YES, the small percentage of A-holes can skew our perception but.. we have to stay positive.

 

I think the key is vetting someone carefully at the beginning of a relationship. This site is littered w/folks who failed miserably w/that process, myself included. How many of us flat ignored MAJOR red flags in the first few months of a R/S then went through hell until it blew up in our face.

 

My last ex screwed me up. The take home value? I finally LEARNED to listen and not ignore red flags. When I started dating again, my radar was hypersensitive to red flags. A few girls I dated several times were quickly discarded when I didn't ignore their red flags. We have to filter candidates carefully before allowing ourselves to become fully vested in them.

 

Stay positive and understand that there are millions of quality folks out there looking for what everyone else is in a partner. You'll find yours. Just understand you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince/princess.

[Vashknives]

You can't become cynical or bitter after having a bad R/S experience. The vast majority of people out there are good. YES, the small percentage of A-holes can skew our perception but.. we have to stay positive.

 

I think the key is vetting someone carefully at the beginning of a relationship. This site is littered w/folks who failed miserably w/that process, myself included. How many of us flat ignored MAJOR red flags in the first few months of a R/S then went through hell until it blew up in our face.

 

My last ex screwed me up. The take home value? I finally LEARNED to listen and not ignore red flags. When I started dating again, my radar was hypersensitive to red flags. A few girls I dated several times were quickly discarded when I didn't ignore their red flags. We have to filter candidates carefully before allowing ourselves to become fully vested in them.

 

Stay positive and understand that there are millions of quality folks out there looking for what everyone else is in a partner. You'll find yours. Just understand you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince/princess.

 

Haha kiss a lot frogs before finding the right princess or prince...thats beautiful and well said! Thanks! You gave the best advices, when me and her first met she mask her self well the first few months then slowly i start to see some red flags. She have no patient, she is a bad communicator, she dont really have friends, she have trust issue. She is easily irritated by traffic and have road rage. But stupid me think i can slowly improve her and we can grow together. I start to think it might be a good learning experience for me also. Because in the past i was not a good bf in my first few relationship. I wasnt attantive i dont know how to listen and communicate. After my third relationship i become a better bf. So its mistakes that i made in the past make me who i am today. i know i didnt make any mistakes in this relationship so maybe thats why i am so lost and confuse why she left me. But now i find out its not me its really her, she gave up on me to try with her ex that she have 5 years of history.

[Mr. Karma]

Dude. You ask for advise but you get a mirror. One commentator said it perfectly 'there are a lot of veterans out here and listen to them'. We don't have the 'golden key' cause it doesn't exist

 

You think your situation is unique. We don't understand you because we don't know the specifics of your relationship and have never met this a-maz-ing women. The sobering fact is that your situation isn't unique. Just read all the threaths here. Many cover the same subject in a simular situation

 

There are some ground rules when it comes to love. A very important one is that it should be unconditional from both ends. It takes two to tango. And she only wants to dance with you whenever she feels like it.

 

Never, ever be someones option. It lowers your self esteem and girls hate guys that beg. Take matters into your own hands and do it today. Close off and move on.