Rebound relationships. Both ends of the story

[Mr. Karma]

We probably all do the same after a relationship ended. Turn the internet inside out looking for similar stories and learn how it ended. Here is my story about being a rebounder and reboundee.

 

I met this amazing women bla, bla, bla. Long story short. I recently closed off this relationship after two months because whe wasn’t over her ex. She came to me to talk because she couldn’t make up her mind and let me cut the cord. End of story: she went straight to back to him a few days later. Damn. I was the reboundee.

 

Before this relationship I broke a two hearts coming out of a toxic relationship. In hindsight I used these women to fill the void that was left after the break-up with a girl I loved deeply. I wasn’t over her and went straight back to her over and over again. Eventually we broke up because of unresolved issues. She was an ex for a reason. I was a rebounder.

 

For all you karma believers out there. Mr. Karma exists. He kicked my door in and gave me an uppercut. But this story isn’t about karma. It is my view on being in a rebound relationship.

 

After the break-up I left the door for her open by saying she should knock on my door when she has come to terms. I would meanwhile choose my own path. Truth is I didn’t want to follow my own path. I wanted her back and immediately started developing a strategy to do so.

 

My hunt for information started online. I stumbled upon tons of ‘getting your ex back’ websites. These site abuse your misfortune. The provided advise in my opinion is simply rubish. On my journey I have read some amazing articles but none did apply to my situation. I thought that my situation was unique. Sounds familiar?

 

I forced myself to took distance from the situation. I tend to write up my problems in order to clear my mind and create an overview. I wrote her a letter that I would never send. I kept re-writing it fueled by information I gathered online. It became an obsession.

 

The penny dropped when I tried to place myself in her position reading this letter a few days later. Being a rebounder myself it hit me. I received messsages like this. Did it worked? Nope. I denied the stuff that was true and responded argumentative. I often deleted them straight away because I wasn’t ready for the truth.

 

Looking at myself in that period I was very self centered, insecure, restless and argumentative. I was unhappy for failing in a relationship and wasn’t strong enough to deal with the pain and heal again. It would cost me precious time and I already lost so much time fighting for a toxic relation. Instead I immediately started dating women. The relationships took off like a rocket that crashed two months later because I bailed out if it became too serious.

 

Many of there women tried to to stay in contact. It was good for my self esteem and gave me options. One applied a no contact strategy but I could see it coming from miles away. I was always in control. I know this behavious is wrong but i am telling it the way it is.

 

When I met my rebounder I was in a happy place. After two years of drama I dealt with my past, visited a coach, went through the pain and let my wounds heal. In three months I became the old me again and was ready for a serious relationship.

 

In hindsight there were red flags all over the place. Text book rebound relationship. I filled a void, became the therapist, I was an option and slowly I painted myself in the corner. She was in control. You don’t want to be in that position because it leads to knowhere.

 

THE STEPS I TOOK

Close that door!

Rebounders don’t rebound on purpose. They probably deny that you are their rebound. I know I did. They are driving on a roundabout without knowing which exit to take and your are in the backseat telling them to go left. The solution is simple. Get out of that bloody vehicle cause you end up very nautious with them.

 

The first and hardest decision I took was regaining control by closing the door. It makes no difference if you would leave it open or not. If she really wants to fight for you she will kick the door in. Closed or open. I send her an brief but polite message (no romantic fluff!!) reviewing the relationship from my perspective. I clearly stated that in my view I left a door open and I am now closing it. I would move on, get on my feet and find a women that is 100% committed because I deserve it.

 

She responded instantly. She disagreed with my view on things but refused to go into specifics. She was upset that I immediately pursue my hunt for a new women. She twisted my words. Bingo! Rebounders hate it when an option walks away. They are not in control any more and that is a vital point to move on. I didn’t respond and removed all social media ties to emphasize my statement and went nc. If you close the door. Close it hard. It is very though but on the long run you will be on your feet much quicker. Trust me.

 

Stop fooling yourself

Mindgames can drive you grazy. The first days after you close the door the devil on your should starts pouring doubt into your ears. Don’t fool yourself in creating ‘what if’ strategies. From my own experience I can say that there is a very, very minor change that a rebounder will come back to you and start all over again. Don’t open that door and make yourself an option again. It lowers your self esteem, feeds your doubt and rebounder thrive on having options. They will value you much higher if you take matters into your own hands.

 

No contact?

After some time a rebounder might try to establish contact again. Plenty sites provide strategies to play cool, don’t respond for 30 days etc…I think it is bull****. My rules are simple. a) I never initiate the contact yourself b) Answers questions in a neutral way and don’t include questions back. For questions about my relationship I refer to my ‘close the door’ mail. You pull the strings. Not responding is in my opinion simply telling that you are not over her. ‘Hey. Just wondering how are you doing?’ ‘Hey. I am fine thx’. It shows you remain control without being an *******.

 

The only right strategy is to choose for yourself. Suck it up, live by the day, get on your feet and let your knees heals again. In the army I was thought that the first task you do is make your bed. Doing tasks gives you structure, focus and keeps you busy. Even the simple ones. If you are busy you are distracted. And that’s what you need to get back on your feet. Before you know it the new and version of you entered the playing field. Life is short. Celebrate it!

 

English is not my native language. My apologies for the spelling errors

[MomLeslieM]

VERY good advice...hard learned...hopefully some of us can learn by reading and not make the same mistakes....thanks for sharing.