He has no kids, I have 3 - not sure how he feels

[newheart]

We are 11 months into our relationship, and we are taking things very slow when it comes to my children. I have 3, he does not have children. BF (42) had never dated anyone with children before. When we first met, he was honest and told me that he had to think about dating someone with children, and the relationship and my availability would obviously be different. That said, he loves children, is fantastic with his nieces and nephews, and regrets the fact that he never had his own.

 

He met my oldest (18 at the time) a couple months in, because my son requested it. He met the younger two (13 year old twins) for the first time in April, six months after we started dating. We did a few things with them in May, June, then they spend half the summer with their dad. Then once in August, and now since we are back on a more normal schedule, twice in September.

 

I don't know what the "right" pace/progression is, but the kids actually really like him and enjoy the time that we've spent together. It is him I am worried about. He worries that they are bored - every time. He seems quiet around them (and he is very quiet in general). Saturday he had us over for a BBQ and we played games, and the kids had a great time. He seemed to have a good time, but it is hard to tell and I haven't really seen or spoken to him much since. I spoke with him very briefly yesterday and he seemed off ... maybe just having a bad day and nothing to do with Saturday, but I worry that it is related to him having second thoughts about me because of the family package.

 

Now, I worry that I am so emotionally invested in this man, and we haven't had any conversation about what our future looks like and that he may not be up for someone with kids.

 

I think (and this could be 100% me) that it was a difficult transition to go from me having unlimited availability when the kids were at their dads for the summer, back to having to plan in advance and have only two or three times per week to see each other. The relationship dynamic has changed again.

 

I would like to talk to him about how he feels about this, just to check in and make sure that all is okay, or that we are on the same page ... does anyone have any advice?

 

Thank you!

[MissG]

I have a good friend who's been dating a chick with one child. He himself has grown kids, they're out of the house. What he tells me is that his gf actually acts less lovey-dovey whenever her kid is around, and it bothers him. Maybe that's the case in your situation as well. Of course, the scheduling around the parenting schedule doesn't make the R any easier, esp because my friend doesn't have to deal with that at all on his end. Soooooo - I try to explain to him that it's inappropriate to overdo it with the PDA in front of the kid, especially because he's not the dad. The gf also won't allow him to Spend the night when the child is with her, and that slightly irks him, too. He loves her dearly, at least that's what he says, but I think he feels rejected occasionally. I don't think it's for a good reason, though. She seems to genuinely care about him and they spend every frigging minute together when her child is with her bio dad. He gets along with the child also, I just think kids take over sometimes, and it's all about them. And it should be, to a certain / healthy extent.