Left wondering

[tommygunn]

I've been married to my wife for almost 2 years, I knew going into the relationship there would be some challenges she does have 3 boys from previous relationships (there dads aren't in there lives and they don't pay child support) It has been left up to me to support all of us the entire time as well as pay my child support for children I have with my ex-wife. My wife did just recently started working 3 days a week then going to school 2 days as well. Hopefully the money situation gets better after she done with schooling. We did have a son 6 months ago, It's been getting more frustrating lately as just last week she belittled me in front of our boys by telling the boys that she brings home more money than I do while working less hours... plus i have to compete with her over her use of Facebook, she sits on her phone for hours at a time checking post and chatting. It bothers me as she hates when I have to work as she says she doesn't get to spend much time with me before I have to leave for work. I have tried talking to her about it but it seems to just go in one ear and out the other. So a few weeks ago she got a message around 11pm she was already sleep and after a little while I decided to check her phone kind of shocked me to see it was from another man that she had talked to and planned on meeting before her and I got together. needless to say that opened up my oh $h!t world so I did end up checking her Facebook messages and noticed she had a few conversations with this guy over the past month. this is there conversation. (him)Hey how ya been I have my associates degree in computer science (wife)Congrats! that's good (him)where u live now thank you(wife)told him what town(him)Oh really...ok(wife)Yup, why?(him)Just asked congrats on your new baby btw (wife)Thank you (him)your welcome you still married?(wife)Yep (him)Oh congrats (wife) thanks (him) that suppose to been me but I was prolonging too long (wife)You had better plans. Its okay.(him)No its not lol!(wife)Why not (him)you know I had major feelings for you (wife)That was a long time ago, and we never met (him)I know but still I did (wife)I know Sorry Its alright, glad you doing well good to talk to you again.... it really bothered me and i did confront her about this a week or so after i found out. I was told I was thinking to much into this and that they never even met and she kept putting off meeting this guy on purpose cause she wasn't interested in him...... Our sex/romantic life has been going down hill as well. The only four play is from me, the fact that she use to enjoy giving oral sex and now nothing but she still expects to receive it. Yes I have tried talking to her about this her reply was she tries to do four play (grabbing my member and jerking up and down) normally at around 5 in the morning when I'm asleep and always after I get done with work around 1am, and her reply to oral sex.. it just isn't something she likes to do (never stopped her before we were married as she did it all the time) Im not much for asking for sexual stuff but i have brought up the fact that I would enjoy oral sex and was told maybe later that night which never happened... Just at a loss as to how to even approach all this as I have tried and been brushed aside I do love her with all my heart so leaving her isn't an option rather solve the problems. I will apologies for the jumping around in my post just feels like so much to try to put into writing. as well as thankful for any advise.

[DKT3]

Just going from that conversation, I would say your wife has no interest in the guy other then being friendly. If that's all you got then I would not worry about it on the cheating front.

 

Otherwise, she shows that she maybe losing respect for you, which often translates to a lower sex life. She may see you as stuck were you are and see herself as progressing and out growing you.

[Cephalopod]

Keep an eye on the chit chat between the old boyfriend and her.

 

But the real issue here is your wife's disrespectful attitude towards your work and income. This may be a losing battle my friend. Women have been conditioned by thousands of years of social evolution to be taken care of by the male, and when she earns more money than you, it turns this vestigial programming on its ear. Most women will tell you it shouldn't matter, but they are lying. It does matter.

 

You need to figure out a way to make more money than her, or get to some kind of mediation counseling where you make it clear to her that you will not be disrespected for working hard and contributing to the standard of living of the family. It is downright mean and hateful for her to do this. Stand up for yourself, and if she continues to disrespect you, the disrespect will grow and grow to the point where she will want eventually want to replace you with another man.

 

Your wife sounds like a selfish, prideful, shallow piece of work. I don't really understand why you think she is so worth keeping.

[standtall]

TG, Holy Cow! This dude is fishing for her, and she blocked him..for now...with a little dangler. She is stressed out, losing respect for you, and IMHO, it is a matter of time at this rate before the wheels come off your marriage. You need to up your game even more...I'm not saying you're not doing good, but you have to be frickin superman until your youngest is older, she is done with school, and your money situation is better. Be the dude...help her at home...let her study while you take care of the kids....don't make any sexual demands from her other than what has been going on...be the man that commands respect....circle the wagons. But don't despair...this sounds temporary.

[Mr. Lucky]

We did have a son 6 months ago

 

With four boys in the house and your own kids (how many?) from a previous marriage, I don't know how you have time to brush your teeth, much less have a satisfying sex life.

 

You might consider some family planning until things stabilize in your relationship...

 

Mr. Lucky

[jimjoo]

Women are not liars, although they often seems that way to us (men). This is why a man must ultimately be able to make his own decision after having fully considered his wife's input. We do have a traditional way of thinking as man when it comes to finance and the trick to a better financial life together as a family can only be achieved if a man changes his ways of looking at his finances.

We live in a time where a lot of women are evolving at rapid rates, they're holding high paying jobs they're running large businesses and are more educated. As a result, the roles and duties of a woman who is earning a lot of money or more money than his partner will have to change. No more should a man expect a woman to work, take care of the children's daily needs, doing the dishes, cook and take care of his sexual needs. That leads me to say to you that, the income that you are earning and your work schedule can infact affect whether or not your partner is poached from you. There are many ways that you can earn more income while you stay at home, look into e-commerce and other opportunities. I believe that waiting for your wife to complete her study will only lead you to being a little more down graded.

 

When we look at the concept of "Human Mate Poaching" apart from another man being able to meet a woman's spiritual and emotional needs. The number one factor has always and is still the ability to meet her financial needs.

 

In conclusion, I suggest that you to refine your philosophy. Search for a way to earn more money from home (it usually involve risks) it's best with a mentor. Change your financial situation and save your marriage over the long term.

[lucy_in_disguise]

From that conversation, it doesn't sound like she's cheating on you with him yet, but based on your description of your marriage, she's at a high-risk for losing interest.

 

There is no excuse for disrespecting you, but raising 4+ kids, going to school, being the primary breadwinner, and being asked to scku dcki more often is bound to cause resentment. Are you pulling your share in this family?

[DKT3]

Women are not liars, although they often seems that way to us (men). This is why a man must ultimately be able to make his own decision after having fully considered his wife's input. We do have a traditional way of thinking as man when it comes to finance and the trick to a better financial life together as a family can only be achieved if a man changes his ways of looking at his finances.

We live in a time where a lot of women are evolving at rapid rates, they're holding high paying jobs they're running large businesses and are more educated. As a result, the roles and duties of a woman who is earning a lot of money or more money than his partner will have to change. No more should a man expect a woman to work, take care of the children's daily needs, doing the dishes, cook and take care of his sexual needs. That leads me to say to you that, the income that you are earning and your work schedule can infact affect whether or not your partner is poached from you. There are many ways that you can earn more income while you stay at home, look into e-commerce and other opportunities. I believe that waiting for your wife to complete her study will only lead you to being a little more down graded.

 

When we look at the concept of "Human Mate Poaching" apart from another man being able to meet a woman's spiritual and emotional needs. The number one factor has always and is still the ability to meet her financial needs.

 

In conclusion, I suggest that you to refine your philosophy. Search for a way to earn more money from home (it usually involve risks) it's best with a mentor. Change your financial situation and save your marriage over the long term.

 

Umm yes they do, some are professionals.

 

Hey honey where you been,--oh with Susan at Starbucks--the truth with Michael at motel 6..

[Wade Lamare]

Well Mr Gunn,

 

My take on this is that the other guy is most definitely fishing, 101%.

 

 

She may have informed him that you are aware of his contact which may have frightened him off.

 

If she's that concerned about spending time with you why I she on Faceache all the time? Surely she could leve the social media till after you'd gone to work?

[Wade Lamare]

From that conversation, it doesn't sound like she's cheating on you with him yet, but based on your description of your marriage, she's at a high-risk for losing interest.

 

There is no excuse for disrespecting you, but raising 4+ kids, going to school, being the primary breadwinner, and being asked to scku dcki more often is bound to cause resentment. Are you pulling your share in this family?

 

Not only that, throw a 6 month old baby into the mix and she probably feels less like your hottie, more like your home help.

[tommygunn]

When i get home from work I tend to stay up for a few hours to unwind and make sure that if the baby wakes he is taking care of so she doesn't have to wake up she works at 6am or classes at 8am. Honestly the only thing that she has had to do since she Started these classes is make the boys dinner when I'm at work as well as take care of our little one (while I'm at work). Dishes, cleaning the house, laundry and for the most part taking care of the boy's is all done by me. in the past two weeks she has only had to make dinner once or twice due to me being at work. When she first started her CNA course I felt bad even having to go to work knowing she had to get her home work done while having to deal with the boys. I do try to do my best and the only reason she is making more than me right now is due to an on the job injury where my index/middle finger were crushed (had 2 surgeries so far on my fingers) and my hours were cut back because I had to change departments at work due to this injury. Yes I have been compensated for the loss of hours threw workmans comp but my statues has changed from temporary partial disability to permanent disability for my left hand. I have managed to compensate for this in my day to day life for the most part.