Is he interested in me?

[heartful86]

Hi all,

 

30/f here. I have some questions to ask you that have been on my mind for YEARS. I don't trust friends or family with these things, so I am giving you guys a try...

 

The situation is: I am married, and have been so for the past five years. Me and my husband have grown quite apart the last few years, and do not have much in common anymore (did we ever?). No physical contact, and he criticizes me for at least 80% of the things I do or say. In other words, not a happy marriage.

 

A few months after we got married, I started working as a high school teacher. At work, I met a male teacher who I got to know quite quickly and whom I today consider my friend. The male teacher (let's call him M for now) is single and has not been in any serious relationships before (as far as I know).

 

Our friendship is now stronger than ever. We meet up once or twice a week (I don't work with him anymore) and go out to eat, watch sports or go to events together. My husband is aware that I am meeting M (for the most part). We also go shopping together and have been abroad together a few times. Nothing physical has ever happened between us. We always spend time together in public or at his place, never where I live (even though I am often home alone).

 

I have denied it for a long time, but I have to admit that I have developed romantic feelings for M. They have in a sense been there since the day I met him, and have grown through the years. I feel really bad about this, as I am an honest and loyal person who have never cheated on anyone. As I said, M and I have never been physical together, but I feel that I want to.

 

The THING (and what I want you to consider) is this: I am not able to decide whether M likes me or not in a romantic way. He is sending out so many mixed signals that have me totally confused. I know that if I ask him directly if he likes me and the answer is no, I will lose him as a friend. It will be too awkward to continue the friendship as it is today. I am so afraid of getting my heart broken that I will rather keep quiet.

 

Here are some signs that he likes me in a romantic way:

- He compliments me for my accomplishments as a teacher, my driving, clothing style and taste in music, films, furniture etc.

- He buys me small, thoughtful gifts when he is abroad (I mentioned in passing a few years ago that I like mermaids, and two months later he came back from Rome with mermaid stuff for me)

- He compares me to his mother (who passed away before I met him) and sometimes says that I would get along with her

- He invites me to parties with his friends

- He remembers everything I say and do

- He says he likes short, blonde and curvy girls (that's how I look)

- He asks about my opinion on most things

- He asks about my life, my childhood, what my family and friends are like

- He is usually the one who texts me first

- We have a lot of things in common, including values and interests

 

But there are also signs that he is NOT interested in me:

- He talks about other girls with me, and shows me pictures of them saying he wants to hook up with them (even his former now 19 yr old students...)

- He actually hooks up with other girls (including his former now 19 yr old students...)

- He says he does not want a serious relationship, children, marriage etc. (but I overheard him once saying to someone that he wants a family of his own)

- He can suddenly "disappear" for weeks (no contact)

- He doesn't want to visit my house

- He doesn't always groom himself before I see him (not shaved in a while etc.)

 

And the list goes on... I am so eager to know your opinion on this and I hope you will take the time to answer! Thanks in advance

[stillafool]

I think he sees you as a friend. He would not talk about other women with you if he was interested. He knows you are a married woman and he know that would be ruining his life to get involved with you. The things he's doing to make you think he likes you are all things I do and say to my friends, both male and female. I do think you need to distance yourself from him because you are getting way too involved and I don't think that's good for your marriage. Do you?

[Cephalopod]

You're having an emotional affair. You are cheating on your husband.

 

So what else do you wan to know?

[startingagain15]

Does it really matter if he's interested in you or not? You are married.

 

If you are unhappy in your marriage seek counseling or divorce. Then after the divorce is final go ahead and figure out if this guy is interested in more.

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

I think a better question is why do you care if he likes you or not. You are married, you aren't available.

 

When did it get rocky for you and your husband? When you started developing feelings for another man? Do you think your husband feels the same? Or do you believe he thinks you're marriage is fine? Typical behavior of one in a long term relationship who developes feelings for another is to only see faults in their own relationship. Then you latch on to those thoughts as a means to justify your own wrong doings.

 

Read a book called "not just friends"

[standtall]

. I feel really bad about this, as I am an honest and loyal person who have never cheated on anyone.

 

TI stopped reading after that. A few blunt points.

 

You are already cheating on your husband...you're not being loyal and honest right now.

 

Get a divorce.

 

Pick another guy other than this one..he is not interested or he would have put the moves on you already.

 

You're going to get beat up on the marriage forum because you are not honoring your weddings vows for very poor reasons.

[Osmium13]

To be fair to heartful86, it wasn't originally in the marriage forum.

 

Kinda like taking a chicken out of the hen house and dumping it in a pit of honey badgers