Men who are more dominant

[jen1447]

Military men are quite tough, I am attracted to them.

 

Definitely tough, but not always leadership material. (They're not one and the same.)

[Edse80]

What do you mean by more "dominant" it sounds like a weird kinky thing or parent/child thing

 

Do you mean more assertive?

[Weezy1973]

Dominance I think exists on a spectrum (kind of like introversion and extraversion). If you are quite submissive, then there will be plenty of men who are dominant compared to you, however if you are naturally more dominant / alpha, then it will be tougher to find someone even more dominant. Most of us are somewhere in the middle and adapt to the relationship and particular circumstances we find ourselves in.

[oldshirt]

be careful about stereotyping certain professions like military, law enforcement etc. While those may be very traditionally masculine jobs and they may have a high degree of control and assertion on the job, that absolutely does not always mean that they will be dominant and assertive in their home or personal life and it certainly does not guarantee that they will be that way in bed.

 

There are many men in demanding and dominant roles in their workplace that want nothing to do with calling the shots or making decisions or being dominant in the bedroom.

 

In fact many of the clients of dungeons and dominatrixes etc are high-power executives and community leaders and politicians etc etc. Guys that you would think were "The Man" in bed, are actually paying people big bucks to dominate them in bed.

 

Dominance in personal relationships and in the bedroom is where you find it.

[S_A]

Definitely tough, but not always leadership material. (They're not one and the same.)

 

100% true. Tough definitely is not the same as leader.

[GravityMan]

Full Definition of dominant

 

 

1. 1 a : commanding, controlling, or prevailing over all others <the dominant culture> b : very important, powerful, or successful <a dominant theme> <a dominant industry>
   
2. 2 : overlooking and commanding from a superior position <a dominant hill>
   
3. 3 : of, relating to, or exerting ecological or genetic dominance
   
4. 4 : being the one of a pair of bodily structures that is the more effective or predominant in action <dominant eye>
   

 

 

 

 

How can someone be dominant but not controlling?

 

I find this interesting because you tend to hear, "I want a guy that will actually listen to me and care about my feelings" more often.

 

You are taking the OP's post and the word "dominant" too literally. In the context the OP is referring to, it is not difficult for a man (or woman) to be dominant without being controlling at all. Such people tend to effortlessly exude confidence. There are plenty of men out there like that (but most of them aren't single). Controlling men OTOH usually have deep insecurities.

 

It's also easily possible for someone to be dominant in some aspects of life and submissive in others.

[xxoo]

Dominant men and women aren't controlling. They are great leaders, but leadership doesn't require a controlling nature.

 

They will resist being controlled, however, and IME. I'm ok with that. I'm not looking to mother my partner.

[Jersey born raised]

Use the term bold in ads but watch out for wannabes and outright jerks. Sadly i restrained myself most of my life. At 61 at least I am content. I started changing when on impulse I put my hand gently on the back of her head, gently gathered a handful of her hair pulled her close slowly turning her head so I could gently start kissing her and slowly built on the kiss. Is this what you are looking for? Bold but not a jerk.

[books2]

Wow,

 

I am surprised that it is so hard to find such a thing. I was thinking that most men are like that...

 

I am definitely one that qualifies as dominant (well in my mind)... I'll push a girl onto the bed and just take the clothes off in a certain way... Not ripping it off, but rather harshly... Make her say and repeat dirty things to me (like I want your dick in me), squeeze harder on some parts of the body (thighs, hips, tits if she likes it, shoulders)... I'll flip her around whenever I wanna switch positions... I dno, things like that... I understand that women like to feel dirty in their sexuality... And it's really nice when you get to that point where you can really engage in these activities without any fear or judgement from your man...

 

However, it's not like I can just totally be dominant on the first time... it takes from 3 to 5 times of having sex in order to open up enough with someone new... Kind of a need to take it step by step really...

 

I never met a girl that did not like the dominant aspect... I suppose if I was to fall on a dominant woman, I would just try to outdominate her, but I'd get turned off if a girl tried to dominate me.

 

Anyways, I live in Montreal and am free now. (just putting it out there)...

 

P.S. all this talk about military and cops and whatever is USELESS... A man can be very assertive and dominant in bed and then a total sissy at work... and vice versa... Sexual dominant as nothing to do with professional...

Edited September 14, 2016 by books2
what to add comment

[oldshirt]

P.S. all this talk about military and cops and whatever is USELESS... A man can be very assertive and dominant in bed and then a total sissy at work... and vice versa... Sexual dominant as nothing to do with professional...

 

^^^Truth^^^^

 

One's profession really has nothing to do with how they will be in bed.

[Miss Peach]

be careful about stereotyping certain professions like military, law enforcement etc. While those may be very traditionally masculine jobs and they may have a high degree of control and assertion on the job, that absolutely does not always mean that they will be dominant and assertive in their home or personal life and it certainly does not guarantee that they will be that way in bed.

 

There are many men in demanding and dominant roles in their workplace that want nothing to do with calling the shots or making decisions or being dominant in the bedroom.

 

In fact many of the clients of dungeons and dominatrixes etc are high-power executives and community leaders and politicians etc etc. Guys that you would think were "The Man" in bed, are actually paying people big bucks to dominate them in bed.

 

Dominance in personal relationships and in the bedroom is where you find it.

 

I think this is a good point. I work in a male dominated industry and have done well being quite alpha at work against the guys. I'm one of the few women I've encountered who wasn't drastically underpaid and left behind.

 

But when I get home I prefer to turn that side of me off as I find it more relaxing in my personal life. So I seek dominant types of men but I don't want controlling men.

 

Again I really recommend reading some Pat Allen because she talks about how these men thrive off respect, women seek cherishing, etc. Her work has helped me a lot in weeding out men who won't step enough into that role.

[Edse80]

It's a thin line. There are some women I've been with who preferred "dominant" men in certain aspects and there were some who basically wanted to be led around like a child and make no decisions

 

These women either had daddy issues and we're looking for a daddy they never had so to speak. Or loved their father so much that they wanted to recreate that type of relationship.

[O'Malley]

There are a lesser amount of go getting, amiable men out there, weeding through the overly entitled and overbearing ones will be your bigger issue. One of our friends is like this - fun to observe his energy and drive, but dominant men aren't romantically desirable to me - and he has no trouble attracting the attention of both genders.

 

As a partner you'd have to be laid back and supportive, but also find more contentment and support outside of the relationship. People tend to gravitate towards that drive and leadership, but imo those kind of men generally put more of their passion into either their work or other pursuits, and less into family or romantic relationships.

[GoodOnPaper]

Personally, I like being a weak, sissy man.

 

I pet dogs, and cats and give dollars to people on the street, volunteer with mentally disabled, and I'm friends with my ex-girlfriends and I chat up other guys for no other reason except to get to know them.

 

There were times I went to go see my ex-girlfriend and my buddy asked me if I was getting laid. I said no, we were just gonna hang.

 

He called me a *meow, meow*.

 

It's such a failing shame of this world that kindness and lack of ulterior motives is seen as weakness and that guys are left to all follow the clone of being 'a real man', which most interpret to mean being an unscrupulous bastard.

 

And what is this sh@t about actual men and actual women? To me, an actual woman has a vagina. And even that is blurry in the year 2016.

 

I assume the initial weak and sissy descriptors were sarcastic, but otherwise I am with you. Heaven forbid that a man show some cerebral qualities and sensitivity and not have some kind of Ford-truck-commercial appearance and demeanor.

 

It's hard to tell if the OP means dominant in a niche-bedroom-interest way or in a more general way of defining masculinity. I suspect it's the latter, which means it's not really about finding a "type".

[carhill]

Yeah, if the OP is focusing in on a more assertive, aggressive and dominant man in the bedroom, the only way IMO to suss that out is to have sex with guys who are attractive and seem to fit that mold and see how it goes. Since men, most men, compartmentalize, it's generally difficult to suss out bedroom and intimate behavior from observing men with other men or in more public interactions. At the extreme ends, in marriages, I've observed men who totally dominate their public lives be completely subservient to their wives at home; conversely, those who come off as easy going and quiet in public are erstwhile tyrants at home, or can easily become so if the switch is flipped.

 

This tendency for men to compartmentalize probably fed into my exW's friends getting me drunk back when we were dating. to see what came out with inhibitions and filters lowered. Looking back, how that went was pretty much how our marriage went. It was consistent. However it was perceived was apparently acceptable to her. The OP has her particular standards and desires and what she finds attractive and sussing out the particulars is what dating is all about. There's no test she can give with a score that's guaranteed to give her exactly what she wants.

 

Lastly, the OP identifies as 'ThatGreekLady'. OP, do you live in Greece? If yes, culture can play a role as well, meaning what is considered dominant in Greece can be completely different, or similar, to perceptions of dominance somewhere else. Cultures vary widely in the particulars.

[Els]

 

 

Full Definition of dominant

 

 

1. 1 a : commanding, controlling, or prevailing over all others <the dominant culture> b : very important, powerful, or successful <a dominant theme> <a dominant industry>
   
2. 2 : overlooking and commanding from a superior position <a dominant hill>
   
3. 3 : of, relating to, or exerting ecological or genetic dominance
   
4. 4 : being the one of a pair of bodily structures that is the more effective or predominant in action <dominant eye>
   

 

 

How can someone be dominant but not controlling?

 

I find this interesting because you tend to hear, "I want a guy that will actually listen to me and care about my feelings" more often.

 

The dictionary definition is obviously quite different from what people mean when they talk about 'dominant' in a romantic relationship/sexual sense. And obviously a person who is dominant in bed is not mutually exclusive at all with a person who listens and cares about their partner's feelings. It's entirely possible for a person to be both.

Edited September 15, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Unnecessary rhetoric ~ V

[Michelle ma Belle]

That is what dominant men usually are. They are leaders. They don't have to be cocky or over controlling but they know what they want and they know how to get it.

 

Military and LE is a good idea. Most of those guys are strong in many ways. They usually know how to lead, and they are clear headed.

 

Sorry to burst your bubble but take it from me, military men are NOT all leaders or dominant or enjoy taking charge in the bedroom

[books2]

People tend to gravitate towards that drive and leadership' date=' but imo those kind of men generally put more of their passion into either their work or other pursuits, and less into family or romantic relationships.[/quote']

 

 

I find a lot of truth in this!

[preraph]

Full Definition of dominant

 

 

1. 1 a : commanding, controlling, or prevailing over all others <the dominant culture> b : very important, powerful, or successful <a dominant theme> <a dominant industry>
   
2. 2 : overlooking and commanding from a superior position <a dominant hill>
   
3. 3 : of, relating to, or exerting ecological or genetic dominance
   
4. 4 : being the one of a pair of bodily structures that is the more effective or predominant in action <dominant eye>
   

 

 

 

 

How can someone be dominant but not controlling?

 

I find this interesting because you tend to hear, "I want a guy that will actually listen to me and care about my feelings" more often.

 

Dominant doesn't mean hateful and controlling. She's not looking for someone B&D. She said so. She just wants a confident guy who's proactive in bed and out but a nice guy, not a dishrag. To me, this means she wants someone confident and who takes leadership in his own life to meet his goals and is confident and doesn't hesitate in bed, jumps right in, isn't worried about every little thing. The guys I've known like that were fine to talk to and be around.

[Robert]

Members, let's keep this discussion on-topic. If you want to indulge in conversations about yourselves personally with other members, there is a PM system here that allows you to do so.....

 

Back to the topic at hand.

 

Thank you ~ V

[morrowrd]

One thing I'll mention, maybe a little personal disclosure on my take on dominance, maybe the "right" kind which I believe is what we're trying to describe. A person who is dominant, well at least myself, is a person with some power in life. Power is the ability to make changes in your world at your pleasure. All of us have power, remembering that not doing something is also an act of will, that causes change. The difference is someone making changes based on confidence of will as opposed to fear motivated. A person who is used to making changes happen with confidence, tends to take charge of things alot. Not to be dominant, but to get things done "the right way." The word "right" is relative, but that's why we all have a conscience, and not to get off topic, because I can chit chat about this in another conversation or thread, but when one becomes used to getting things done their way, it kind of can transfer into other area's of their life.....and the bedroom isn't really an unreasonable conclusion where this type of mindset can take place.

 

I'm just speaking from my own personal experience....not some armchair theory. So the moral of the story, try paying attention to how people live their lives. There are probably pretty nice clues to go on.

[JuneJulySeptember]

One thing I'll mention, maybe a little personal disclosure on my take on dominance, maybe the "right" kind which I believe is what we're trying to describe. A person who is dominant, well at least myself, is a person with some power in life. Power is the ability to make changes in your world at your pleasure. All of us have power, remembering that not doing something is also an act of will, that causes change. The difference is someone making changes based on confidence of will as opposed to fear motivated. A person who is used to making changes happen with confidence, tends to take charge of things alot. Not to be dominant, but to get things done "the right way." The word "right" is relative, but that's why we all have a conscience, and not to get off topic, because I can chit chat about this in another conversation or thread, but when one becomes used to getting things done their way, it kind of can transfer into other area's of their life.....and the bedroom isn't really an unreasonable conclusion where this type of mindset can take place.

 

I'm just speaking from my own personal experience....not some armchair theory. So the moral of the story, try paying attention to how people live their lives. There are probably pretty nice clues to go on.

 

I think most people are on board with your definition. Dominant, alpha, winners.

 

80% of people in life are attracted to 'winners'.

 

Personally, I have always been attracted to the more 'ignored'. Nerds and geeks. And when I say nerd, I don't mean somebody who has a tattoo and watches Dr. Who but has like 1000 friends.

 

I would much favor a woman that had some major flaws and was a 'nice shmuck' to a woman that was physical perfection, had an MD, had tons of friends in all kinds of circles, and was 'super popular'. Somebody who is somewhat socially awkward and has trouble making friends (though a person who is a serious loner can be a challenge too).

 

It's fine to want and aspire to those types. The vast majority of people do. But there's also no reason to put down 'nice shmucks'.

[Justanaverageguy]

Military and LE is a good idea. Most of those guys are strong in many ways. They usually know how to lead, and they are clear headed.

 

I think you have confused the physical appearance with the personality. From my experience a lot of military men are very good followers - not leaders. Yes they do more physically active work so often have a manly physic - but there are only a select few who are actually leaders in this group. Proportionally I think there might be less leaders in Military roles then many other standard professions due to the way they are initially trained - to take orders.

 

I don't know how I can find someone like this. Any ideas on where to look and how to approach or encourage them to approach me?

 

Sorry to state the obvious - but if If you are looking for a assertive \ dominant \ leader my tip would be simply to look for people in leadership positions across pretty much any discipline. Good leaders with dominant traits - tend to be successful at holding leadership positions. They also are mixed across a variety of different physical shapes, sizes, disciplines depending on their personality and interests. If you physically like big burly men - look for military commanders. If you also really value intelligence look at medical, university or business type leadership roles..

 

Of course you are still going to have to filter out the asshats from the decent guys as others have said. Often to get to these positions the person has trained this dominant side of their personality so you can get a pretty unbalanced personality. Often they struggle to be able to turn the dominant side off in everyday life. Generally only very meek and submissive girls or a strong equal are able to deal with these types.

 

Personally as a guy I feel its not about learning to be dominant - its learning to engage that side of your personality and take control and be dominant when its needed or desired but then also be able to turn it off when you don't. I like to be a bit of a chameleon, experience new things and try on different hats and even personalities. So have experimented and actively sort out different experiences and roles to play. If you are only looking for "dominant guys" your search criteria is pretty narrow and you will generally get someone who has only one speed.

Edited September 16, 2016 by Justanaverageguy

[ManyDissapoint]

I think I would like to find a man who is more dominant in a way, not controlling or inconsiderate, but more dominant.

 

I also think I would like no find a man who is dominant in bed. (not BDSM, but light stuff)

 

I don't know how I can find someone like this. Any ideas on where to look and how to approach or encourage them to approach me?

 

More men either enjoy or are willing to indulge you in this aspect than you think. However you have to give the green light first. You can also teach men to explore that part of themselves. There are a lot of confused men out there who didn't get the memo that women are not in fact delicate flowers. Leastwise in bed.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Ya, and a guy is not supposed to want it any other way