What would you have done?

[Kuchi2]

My baby's dad (who I'm not with), is not very active in our child's life. When I left him, he took our child twice a week and every other weekend, then things changed all at once. He found out I was serious with my boyfriend (of almost 10 months now), he started randomly dating a young chick and my child started vpk. I don't know which excuse is the most legit (to him), but he rarely spends time with our child. In the past 3 months, he probably have taken our child 4 days per month. He makes excuses why he can no longer pick him up 2x a week and then changes his weekends where he can't take him or switches it up with me (which screws with my plans because I plan around the days I DON'T have my child). For example, this month alone he has only kept him two days and he's not set to see him again until the next weekend (if he doesn't cancel again). Visitation is NOT court ordered and he DOES pay full daycare plus gives me maybe $100 more per month (not court ordered either). Whenever the child is sick or schools are closed, I have deal with it and miss work, as he told me before "tell your boss you don't have care, because I pay you for that". So that's a quick gist of my child and his father.

 

My boyfriend, of almost 10 months, and I are serious. WE do not live together, but he is around alot, sleeps over some days and is active with my child. He has taken a day off to take him on school trip (when I couldn't miss work and child's dad wouldn't talk to me), he has picked him up for me on days I was running late, he buys him toys and tells him to be good/sleep through the night and to be a big boy, etc. My bf even bought my child an fish tank which child's father had promised him and then changed his mind on) for behaving very well.

 

So, bf told me yesterday he took this Friday off to take his child and mine out of school early and take them to a park or zoo or do something fun. Since it's my weekend, and I'm used to having my child all the time, I said ok. Well, child's father just messages me today about picking him up Friday early from school, spend a few hours with him, then just drop him off to me again (he sometimes doesn't even spend full days with him).

 

What would anyone in my situation do? Tell the father sorry, you can't mess up plans made all because you aren't stable and don't see your child, or tell sorry to the BF because child's father has the right to see his child, even if it's once or twice a month?

 

(Just to let you all know, I just want to know what would be the best thing to do or what would anyone in a situation similar to mine do. Father decided NOT to pick him up this Friday, changing his mind again, so BF will take him this Friday to do something fun. I called the father after work today to verify the plans for Friday and he gave me the run around after I had told him I had plans for the child BUT since he hasn't seen him in 2 weeks, he can go ahead and pick him up, but then he just said nevermind.)

Edited September 13, 2016 by Kuchi2

[MJJean]

It's unfair to the child to have a father that randomly shows up. Children need routine and consistency. My advice to you is to go to court. Get court ordered child support, daycare, healthcare, etc AND an official visitation schedule. Then stick to the schedule, no changes or alterations unless absolutely necessary.

[Kuchi2]

It's unfair to the child to have a father that randomly shows up. Children need routine and consistency. My advice to you is to go to court. Get court ordered child support, daycare, healthcare, etc AND an official visitation schedule. Then stick to the schedule, no changes or alterations unless absolutely necessary.

 

I don't think there's any point on going to court for visitation, as I will get the majority of parenting schedule (no custody anymore in FL), as I do now. So it will be the same thing, except with the judge's signature on it. I was thinking of going to get child support enforced next year once my child is in kinder (as daycare decreases and he will obviously try to decrease "child support" to me). Also, he is paying child support to one of his other children, who graduates HS this school year, and therefore, won't have to keep paying (so I won't have issues getting the maximum for my child).

 

When I left him, we agreed to a consistent schedule, him 2x a week (the same days every week) and alternating weekends (one me, one him). But like I said, the moment he saw me with someone else, he saw him just slightly less (maybe 2x a week and some weekends), then when he found some young chick, he sees my child maybe 4x a month.