Online dating is so depressing

[NJ123]

Wow, so shorter guys get turned down specifically due to heels. And yet I'm criticized for wanting someone I'm personally attracted to. Yeah, ok whatever.

[Blanco]

And once again you choose to ignore the word "preference."

 

I'll reiterate that your height is probably one of your lesser problems.

[Blanco]

And since OP doesn't seem willing to answer the question, it appears his undiagnosable health issues have kept him living at home. I assume they have kept him from pursuing a degree and finding a job. I don't know. I'm not sure how he thinks he can handle a relationship if these issues are supposedly making him unable to go to school or work much.

[ChickiePops]

I'm probably going to get criticized for this too but I'd prefer for a woman to not care one way or another about something like height.

 

And we'd prefer it if men did not care one way or another about a lot of physical traits. Such is life. If you work on the other things about yourself then your height will matter less.

[ChickiePops]

Wow, so shorter guys get turned down specifically due to heels. And yet I'm criticized for wanting someone I'm personally attracted to. Yeah, ok whatever.

 

Can you please point out where you're being 'criticized'? People are telling you that you can't expect women who aren't attracted to you to date you. That's not a criticism.

 

So some women aren't attracted to short guys. How on earth is that different from you having preferences of your own?

[Blanco]

Like I said earlier, no one likes a professional victim.

[ZA Dater]

Can you please point out where you're being 'criticized'? People are telling you that you can't expect women who aren't attracted to you to date you. That's not a criticism.

 

So some women aren't attracted to short guys. How on earth is that different from you having preferences of your own?

 

You can make yourself attractive to women though. If at first you don't succeed, you can go back work on yourself and try again. The OP doesn't seem to get this concept. There is actually a lot one can do to better oneself IF one wants to.

[elaine567]

Wow, so shorter guys get turned down specifically due to heels. And yet I'm criticized for wanting someone I'm personally attracted to. Yeah, ok whatever.

 

Everyone likes what they like.

Some people don't like red heads or blondes or brunettes, does that make sense to anyone?

No.

Why would anyone discount large sections of the dating population just due to hair colour?

No idea, but people do it every day.

Everyone has preferences and they are not for shifting.

YOU can rail against it all you like, but it doesn't make one whit of a difference does it?

[Sunkissedpatio]

It doesn't really matter why someone prefers something over something else, you need to respect women's preferences and women need to respect yours.

What one person may deem "superficial" may be the opposite of that to another.

 

I had a guy recently compliment me on the fact that I have a Bachelor Degree (which I had to specify this as a required field in my profile, they make it mandatory) He has no clue what I do for a living but he decided that having a degree was "impressive" yet for all he knows I could have a degree in Comparative Religion and be working at Walmart.

 

The point being that we are all superficial and have superficial needs when choosing a mate. Anyone who says they are not is lying to themselves.

 

Having said that, where as in dating someone you meet organically you don't really have a say as to what kind of person you are going to run into other than the fact that you can establish you are physically attracted to each other. And at least share one same interest, since you met at a place where you both enjoy being, the truth about OLD is that people have taken it to the other extreme with their demands and expectations because the nature of it is to map out what we are looking for because especially with those free sites, you are otherwise exposed to a ridiculous number of the population you would never be able to weed through in one lifetime if you didn't set some parameters.

 

Sure a woman could fall in love with a man that is slightly shorter or a man with a woman who is slightly overweight, people surprise us all the time, but to keep that door open for everyone to see just invites a lot of attention you can't possibly attend to.

[Buddhist]

Like I said earlier, no one likes a professional victim.

 

Yeah, well that just about sums it up. Depressed people have a depressive air about them, its a vibe others can pick up on online and in person. The OP is avoiding the real issue which not that women don't like short men, inexperienced men, poor men etc. The real issue is that most women who meet him (however that is) simply don't like him for reasons individual to him.

 

It's a hard pill to swallow to realise you are unlikable. But we all get into that state at some point in our lives and have to take a good long hard look in the mirror and adjust. Human relationships are difficult, they are a fine balancing act. They aren't an automatic right but something we all have to work at. When we are bad at it we find ourselves alone. That's the harsh reality of life. No-one escapes it.

[ZA Dater]

Yeah, well that just about sums it up. Depressed people have a depressive air about them, its a vibe others can pick up on online and in person. The OP is avoiding the real issue which not that women don't like short men, inexperienced men, poor men etc. The real issue is that most women who meet him (however that is) simply don't like him for reasons individual to him.

 

It's a hard pill to swallow to realise you are unlikable. But we all get into that state at some point in our lives and have to take a good long hard look in the mirror and adjust. Human relationships are difficult, they are a fine balancing act. They aren't an automatic right but something we all have to work at. When we are bad at it we find ourselves alone. That's the harsh reality of life. No-one escapes it.

 

 

Some people never master it.

[BaileyB]

Some people never master it.

 

No. Some people never do.

 

But, that's not an excuse to throw your hands in the air and become bitter/play the victim. Work to become the best person you can be. Study people and relationships. Put yourself out there and build your self esteem/confidence. Grow as a person. Have some fun in life...

 

When you are depressed, it's hard to imagine that life can be better. It's easy to think the things you want will never come for you. And, maybe they won't. Then, make peace with that. Be grateful for the things that you have/that are going well in your life. And stay open to the possibility that what you want may come along...

 

But, don't grow bitter and give up on life. That the real shame.

[BaileyB]

One of my favorite quotes is from Olympic Champion, Scott Hamilton.

 

"The only disability in life is a bad attitude!"

[Sunkissedpatio]

One of my favorite quotes is from Olympic Champion, Scott Hamilton.

 

"The only disability in life is a bad attitude!"

 

It's a nice notion but if we are brutally honest, being physically unattractive is a huge disadvantage is society as well, especially in the world we live in today.

[normal person]

If the bold qualities make me unattractive I can live with that quite easily, as opposed to being some player who goes out to bed anyone lady he can find.

 

The bold qualities don't make you unattractive, but perhaps if that's all there is to you and no dominant, aggressive, fearless, confident quality or something of the sort to temper them with, then perhaps then they might be an issue. Also, it's not a binary thing, it's not like you're either kind and considerate or some player who beds everyone. There's a universe of people and attributes in between those.

 

I only have an issue with the women that are short that still have a preference for it. Why does a woman that's 5'3" need a guy that's 5'10"+? That's the only issue I have with it.

 

Short, small women are particularly susceptible to harm. Therefore they biologically desire strong, tall men as they're more likely to be able to protect them and give them tall children. It's very simple.

 

If I go on match.com for instance, how am I supposed to win a woman over where I'm not in her set of preferences? If a woman states she prefers guys that are 5'9"+ how am I supposed to change her mind?

 

How about this, why don't you go after the women who don't care what height you are and stop complaining about the ones who do? Go on Match and search by mutual match or reverse match, it will pair you with people whose criteria you fall into. If they don't specify a height preference, or you fall into theirs, you'll see them and you'll know your height isn't an issue with it. You'll probably come up with several hundred matches, depending on where you live. Then you can stop complaining.

[NJ123]

And once again you choose to ignore the word "preference."

 

I'll reiterate that your height is probably one of your lesser problems.

 

I'd rather be with a woman that has me in her preference than to feel like she has to compromise.

[NJ123]

Yeah, well that just about sums it up. Depressed people have a depressive air about them, its a vibe others can pick up on online and in person. The OP is avoiding the real issue which not that women don't like short men, inexperienced men, poor men etc. The real issue is that most women who meet him (however that is) simply don't like him for reasons individual to him.

 

It's a hard pill to swallow to realise you are unlikable. But we all get into that state at some point in our lives and have to take a good long hard look in the mirror and adjust. Human relationships are difficult, they are a fine balancing act. They aren't an automatic right but something we all have to work at. When we are bad at it we find ourselves alone. That's the harsh reality of life. No-one escapes it.

 

Some in here are saying it's not difficult though to date. I get constant profile views on OLD. I just checked before & had 7 views in the last hour or two alone. I just think what's turning them off has to do with where I am in my life which I have to work on.

[NJ123]

I don't know. I reiterate my suggestion to get off OLD and go start interacting with more people in the flesh. As Bailey said, most people are more willing to bend on their preferences when faced with the actual person rather than their online profile.

 

Again I'd rather a woman to be with me that has me in her preference though. Am I supposed to feel good where someone has a preference for tall guys but flat out tells me I'll make an exception for you.

[Sunkissedpatio]

Again I'd rather a woman to be with me that has me in her preference though. Am I supposed to feel good where someone has a preference for tall guys but flat out tells me I'll make an exception for you.

 

YA! Because you have captivated her in some way that is much bigger than her set of criteria on paper.

[BaileyB]

Afurther to my quote above, perception is the only reality.

 

Change your perception, change your reality.

[Blanco]

I'd rather be with a woman that has me in her preference than to feel like she has to compromise.

 

Comments like this really expose your lack of experience with relationships and dating.

 

People may have a type of person they're attracted to, but dating someone who doesn't fit that mold doesn't mean they're compromising. You don't pick partners like you're plucking the same item again and again from an assembly line.

 

I've had three serious relationships and none of them looked at all like each other. Light eyes and great teeth were about the only physical traits they shared. I never felt like I was compromising by dating them.

[Blanco]

Again I'd rather a woman to be with me that has me in her preference though. Am I supposed to feel good where someone has a preference for tall guys but flat out tells me I'll make an exception for you.

 

No one suggested you feel good about that, but then again, there's a world of difference between the unlikely scenario where someone would actually say that and someone who dates a person that doesn't meet all of their preferences, but entices them in other ways.

 

You've got a real self-sabotaging way about you. People will find that exhausting and off-putting, so you may want to work on that if you ever want to sustain a relationship.

[Buddhist]

Some people never master it.

 

That's true. I certainly haven't and I'm mid forties. I doubt anyone really masters it. We just do the best we can and when it all falls apart reassess and do better. That's what everyone does.

[NJ123]

No one suggested you feel good about that, but then again, there's a world of difference between the unlikely scenario where someone would actually say that and someone who dates a person that doesn't meet all of their preferences, but entices them in other ways.

 

You've got a real self-sabotaging way about you. People will find that exhausting and off-putting, so you may want to work on that if you ever want to sustain a relationship.

 

It's just hard to feel good about it when I've never had a relationship before. As corny & cheesy as it sounds I just want to feel wanted by someone for a relationship. It just sucks seeing it all around me all the time when I've never had that before.

[BaileyB]

It does suck when you want it and it doesn't happen. It's something that you just can't force... You can't "make" someone want to date you.

 

You just have to try and become the best person you can be such that someone will want to date you... Then you need to put yourself in situations where you will meet new people... Then you have to make your peace with rejection (because it will happen). And then, you hope that the right person comes along...

 

Take a break from dating if you need to. But, if you become pessimistic, negative, frustrated, and bitter... Guaranteed you will not find anyone who wants to date you. It's just the way it goes.

 

Some people are lucky, and they meet someone early in their journey that they get along with... Others have to wait and search a little harder.

 

Your frustration with dating is not unique - everyone experiences the pain of rejection and the frustration when you want to meet someone and it's just, not, happening... It's what you do during the experience that will determine if you will be successful or not.

 

Good luck to you.