Online dating is so depressing

[GemmaUK]

Video chatting won't go anywhere. It will just be a bunch of dudes tryin to show women their penis.

 

True!

They used to have this on pof at one stage - it didn't last long due to that very reason.

There was an IM feature too which was no vid, just words but that was pretty much as bad.

[ZA Dater]

A case in point for the OP. I removed myself from all OLD barring Tinder, I go on for fun every so often, change my pictures and never really match with anyone I find appealing.

 

Today I did, admittedly I know a 12 year age gap isn't going to work but its still nice to know a 5.8, slim pretty 20yo blond finds me attractive enough to like.

 

I choose to see that as positive even though its unlikely to lead to anything.

[elaine567]

Men think like men. We would love for you ladies to show us your boobs all the time, so we whip our stuff out. A lot of men have difficulty thinking from a woman's perspective, which leads to a lot of unsolicited penis pics. You won't catch men complaining about unsolicited booby pics

 

I get that, but is it not time that men realised that a man showing his penis to a woman he doesn't even know, is never going to be seen as a good thing by her. She is not going to go "Wow that's a nice one" and decide to have sex with him on the spot...

 

I guess it is the indecent exposure/flashing mentality taken forward into 2016 and it is just as welcome to women.

But "cyber-flashing" is now a crime in the UK, so hopefully those men will get the message - Police investigate 'first cyber-flashing' case - BBC News

[LookAtThisPOst]

They have plenty, and their challenges are different from that of a typical man's. Whereas men typically give attention to the women they want and struggle to receive it back, women more often struggle to receive attention from the men they want, or even struggle to get it back when they decide they have no other option but to have to be proactive themselves and give it.

 

I recall a woman in my Meetup, she was cute, but wasn't a model as she had some weight on her. Wasn't the least bit athletic, actually could lose some weight. Far from athletic.

 

I had an interest in her, but she wasn't interested back as she wasn't really all that engaging when I tried to chat with her. Just slight answers and nods, but that's it.

 

She apparently had at thing for a marathon runner in our group. Very athletic, and of course dated women equal to him in physical attraction. He was out of work at the time, but she had a crush on him.

 

How do I know? He told me as I'm friends with him. He told me she would call him, but would never return her calls because obviously she lacked in the looks department....to him.

 

I felt it was kind of karma thing with her as it was kind of poetic justice that a guy that's her equal in looks, same beliefs, etc. is grounded enough in reality to pursue his equal...but she, however, is not.

[ZA Dater]

I recall a woman in my Meetup, she was cute, but wasn't a model as she had some weight on her. Wasn't the least bit athletic, actually could lose some weight. Far from athletic.

 

I had an interest in her, but she wasn't interested back as she wasn't really all that engaging when I tried to chat with her. Just slight answers and nods, but that's it.

 

She apparently had at thing for a marathon runner in our group. Very athletic, and of course dated women equal to him in physical attraction. He was out of work at the time, but she had a crush on him.

 

How do I know? He told me as I'm friends with him. He told me she would call him, but would never return her calls because obviously she lacked in the looks department....to him.

 

I felt it was kind of karma thing with her as it was kind of poetic justice that a guy that's her equal in looks, same beliefs, etc. is grounded enough in reality to pursue his equal...but she, however, is not.

 

I don't believe in equals to be honest. The choices people make in partners are simply too baffling.

[elaine567]

Right, I think a lot of them aren't really taking online dating seriously and are treating it just like another Facebook.

 

Usually these are the people that wind up on the site for years. I'm no longer on POF, you can still do a search in your area. Man, some of the same faces of the women that didn't reply still on the site.

 

 

She may have been off and on the site dozens of times or she just hasn't found anyone she is interested in. Just because she didn't reply to you doesn't mean she hasn't gone on lots of dates or even had some LTRs. She may very serious about her dating. She may be as depressed as anyone else is, concerning her lack of success.

 

But you are correct in that some see dating apps as just another aspect of social media, they have no intention of dating anyone on the internet unless that person is "exceptional" in some way -> they already know them or know of them, they have a special, usually rare, interest in common, or they are very good looking and they are curious to find out more.

[LookAtThisPOst]

She may have been off and on the site dozens of times or she just hasn't found anyone she is interested in. Just because she didn't reply to you doesn't mean she hasn't gone on lots of dates or even had some LTRs. She may very serious about her dating. She may be as depressed as anyone else is, concerning her lack of success.

 

But you are correct in that some see dating apps as just another aspect of social media, they have no intention of dating anyone on the internet unless that person is "exceptional" in some way -> they already know them or know of them, they have a special, usually rare, interest in common, or they are very good looking and they are curious to find out more.

 

What I get a kick out of is some will start their opening sentence with,

 

"I'm back here trying it again!" or "Third time's a charm!"

 

Sorry, but it's best to just to omit that opening statement, sounds pathetic.

 

Actually, I recall having a conversation with some women and they've told me that since joining the site, even though they've been on it several months, they've never met with one man as they never even would consider a quick meet n greet.

 

I recall some of these women have been with Meetup and that's how I find out. They window shop, but the men that contact them they never saw fit to even meet them in person. So they wind up on the site for a while without ever meeting anyone.

 

She may have been off and on the site dozens of times or she just hasn't found anyone she is interested in.

 

Well, that's just stating the obvious and the point of my post. No one's ever good enough for her. They have to fulfill that long list of unrealistic expectations before even meeting them for a half hour.

Edited September 20, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst

[Aniela]

I recall a woman in my Meetup, she was cute, but wasn't a model as she had some weight on her. Wasn't the least bit athletic, actually could lose some weight. Far from athletic.

 

I had an interest in her, but she wasn't interested back as she wasn't really all that engaging when I tried to chat with her. Just slight answers and nods, but that's it.

 

She apparently had at thing for a marathon runner in our group. Very athletic, and of course dated women equal to him in physical attraction. He was out of work at the time, but she had a crush on him.

 

How do I know? He told me as I'm friends with him. He told me she would call him, but would never return her calls because obviously she lacked in the looks department....to him.

 

I felt it was kind of karma thing with her as it was kind of poetic justice that a guy that's her equal in looks, same beliefs, etc. is grounded enough in reality to pursue his equal...but she, however, is not.

 

Like the men in their late thirties, forties, and beyond, pursuing much younger women - or persisting in bothering women who have said they're no interested.

[Shorty Shortison]

 

I have to wait until December/January for classes to start again. I just have to decide on a major within the next 2 or 3 months. If I can't decide on one I'd at least like to take the required credit courses in the meantime to get them out of the way.

You should just be taking the GE classes right now, what is what I'm doing. I still don't have any dates at all but I am hoping to meet some in school, at least we will have that in common and I won't have to keep getting rejected by career girls. I do have a job working in a shoe store but that seems llike it doesn't count.

[LookAtThisPOst]

That's quite an assumption. Especially considering ~1/3 of US marriages now start online.

 

 

 

Why would a wealthy, ripped guy hit on a "dumpy single mom" when as seemingly one of the most desirable men, he could have any other girl on there? Also, how do you know this? Are you reading their messages somehow?

 

 

 

Just plain wrong. The women I've met on OKCupid are of the highest caliber out there. Ivy League grads, doctors, dentists, girls in finance, actresses (the working kind -- TV/Broadway -- not "aspiring" ones), etc.

 

 

 

 

Where do you get your stats on this? Because my inbox says otherwise.

 

http://s16.postimg.org/docgdqn5x/okcmessages.jpg

 

 

 

But if you've committed to a life of being "normal" (not that there's anything wrong with that) then why wouldn't you expect that as your fate to begin with? In everyone's life, they've heard about, seen, and/or experienced the advantages you can give yourself by not settling for mediocrity in your existence. And here you have an environment where peoples' chances of success hinge on being anything but.

 

I'm in such disbelief when people can't put themselves in the shoes of the contingent of people they're trying to appeal to and ask themselves "Why would I go out with this person, or what could they do to improve themselves?" They just can't see the lack of appeal in themselves. They think people will like them just because they have a profile with a few banalities and bad pictures, when in reality, making a profile with nothing particularly special or interesting to highlight makes you less appealing. It's just stupid to think otherwise. The people who can't put 2 and 2 together like that, or the people who haven't realized that appealing to the desirable members of the opposite sex is about as competitive as it gets, requiring every advantage you hopefully gave yourself in life, are the ones with no luck.

 

The people who aren't successful are the ones who lack the acumen or discernment to figure that out, and/or the ability to execute on it. You can call them "normal" but I think you're over-representing them with that term. As I said, 1/3 of US marriages (or some similar stat, look it up) start online now. Success with OLD is becoming the norm, not the other way around. Don't let people on here fool you, just because they haven't had any luck doesn't mean no one else does.

 

Normal Person (no pun intended), you maybe be the exception to the rule. But I've been on many message boards and even Google searched online dating review site/blog comments (Reddit comes to mind), stating how they would send countless emails to women and nary receive a response. Some of these women wouldn't be much to look at or write home about, and still...nothing.

 

These women haven't obviously had to do anything to improve themselves, case in point by my previous post of the chubby chick that was crushing on the athletic guy that had nothing to do with her. In fact, I've seen women on dating site pack on the pounds over the years as they progressively exist on these sites indefinitely as permanent fixtures and getting wider.

 

I think they don't weigh themselves much or keep an eye on their food intake or whatever, but expect a man BETTER looking than they are.

[Shorty Shortison]

Absolutely true but how come its always the guys with shortcomings?

Being short is pretty much just a problem for the guys, sadly.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I have to add that I have had success with online dating, but I had averaged about 2 to 3 dates per YEAR. So hey, at least I'm getting somewhere. lol

[Shorty Shortison]

I have to add that I have had success with online dating, but I had averaged about 2 to 3 dates per YEAR. So hey, at least I'm getting somewhere. lol

My friends online date and get dates almost anytiem they want to, and have had girlfriends from it too. How do you explain it?

[Aniela]

I have to add that I have had success with online dating, but I had averaged about 2 to 3 dates per YEAR. So hey, at least I'm getting somewhere. lol

 

I could have easily averaged that in the past, but I wasn't up for it. When I realized I had an account, thanks to taking one of their tests years ago, a guy told me to contact him if I'd like to go for a drink. I had a lot of other messages, but it was overwhelming (and some of them freaked me out).

 

I'm not one of the "high calibre" women that someone else mentioned - at least not in terms of education.

 

You know, I've wondered why you spend so much time scouring women's profiles for problems - or just complaining about them. I used to overthink things that had nothing to do with me (sometimes I still do), and I realized it was just because I'm not that motivated in my own life (anymore). When I am, I don't give that much thought to people who aren't actually in my life in some way. I really miss just being happy, and a "busy little bee" as my mother called me.

[Aniela]

Being short is pretty much just a problem for the guys, sadly.

 

And age is a problem for some women.

 

My dad is short. Never had a problem with women. One woman hit on him right in front of my mother (a former "family friend").

[NJ123]

And age is a problem for some women.

 

My dad is short. Never had a problem with women. One woman hit on him right in front of my mother (a former "family friend").

 

An older woman flirted with me to the extreme like 3 weeks ago at my job. She was with her friend & she was doing it in a way where she was obviously just playing around & had no interest. I don't think I've ever been flirted with in a way where a woman was actually interested but did it more so in a playful messing around sort of way where they never had any sort of romantic type of interest.

[Aniela]

An older woman flirted with me to the extreme like 3 weeks ago at my job. She was with her friend & she was doing it in a way where she was obviously just playing around & had no interest. I don't think I've ever been flirted with in a way where a woman was actually interested but did it more so in a playful messing around sort of way where they never had any sort of romantic type of interest.

 

You never know.

 

Due to other comments, I went back to see if one guy is still on there, and he is. Pretending to be 34, when he's more like 43, looking for ages 18-42. Eighteen!! I was interested in him five years ago, because he actually listed books in his profile - he really likes to read. I messaged a few guys for that reason. He wasn't here in my State, though (and then I found out he's more of the bitter type). I don't know how long he was on there, before I found my account, but I see so many comments about women being on there and how they're obviously deluding themselves, and there are men out there just like them.

[Imajerk17]

Normal Person (no pun intended), you maybe be the exception to the rule. But I've been on many message boards and even Google searched online dating review site/blog comments (Reddit comes to mind), stating how they would send countless emails to women and nary receive a response. Some of these women wouldn't be much to look at or write home about, and still...nothing.

 

These women haven't obviously had to do anything to improve themselves, case in point by my previous post of the chubby chick that was crushing on the athletic guy that had nothing to do with her. In fact, I've seen women on dating site pack on the pounds over the years as they progressively exist on these sites indefinitely as permanent fixtures and getting wider.

 

I think they don't weigh themselves much or keep an eye on their food intake or whatever, but expect a man BETTER looking than they are.

 

Well, a few thoughts:

 

1. I don't think the successful men are posting about their OLD experiences on Reddit--they are probably too busy doing other things. I mean, e.g., Match works the way it was supposed to for them, so there isn't the emotional energy to set up an account to write up a review, as there may be for someone who isn't getting anywhere on the site. So you are going by what academics would call a biased sample.

 

2. Something else you have to realize is that someone with an online dating profile is also meeting people of the opposite gender *in real life*. And that is a big factor on whom that person would be willing to go on a date with. To use the example of the woman who raises horses, she likely is meeting men through her day-to-day life (what you think only women raise horses?). Even if there is no mutual romantic interest expressed between her and (say) the men she meets at horse shows, how attracted she is to these men DOES affect whom from OLD she would be willing to meet up with.

 

3. Yes indeed, women make mistakes on their end of dating too. It's definitely not only our gender who mess things up. I have said this before LATP, but I think a real reason why dating is so tough for you is that it seems that you and the women in your area just seem to be a really bad match for each other. I get that you insist upon NOT relocating, but I'm not seeing how your dating life would improve otherwise. It seems that you've pretty much swam through the dating pool in your area.

[NJ123]

You never know.

 

Due to other comments, I went back to see if one guy is still on there, and he is. Pretending to be 34, when he's more like 43, looking for ages 18-42. Eighteen!! I was interested in him five years ago, because he actually listed books in his profile - he really likes to read. I messaged a few guys for that reason. He wasn't here in my State, though (and then I found out he's more of the bitter type). I don't know how long he was on there, before I found my account, but I see so many comments about women being on there and how they're obviously deluding themselves, and there are men out there just like them.

 

I remember her friend or whomever she was with as they were leaving said to her "Oh, you're so bad". I couldn't make out what the flirty woman said though. I assume at the very least she found me attractive to do that though just her intention was never for anything more than to play around with me. She was probably around 15 years older than me too.

 

And yes I agree it goes both ways. I was probably one of them with the mindset I had. But it really does suck to know I'm not good enough for the women I seem to like. I have to work on getting a better job among some other things it seems for it to happen unless I just want to settle for any one where I won't be happy which isn't an option for me.

[SwordofFlame]

OP, just work to improve yourself and continue to play around on your dating apps simultaneously. Nobody said it's all one or the other.

[ZA Dater]

I actually see the complete opposite where I see it way more where the woman is better looking than the guy. I don't see it much where the guy is more attractive than the woman. But for the vast majority the couples I see are usually always on the same attraction level. Usually 90% of the time I see an attractive woman with a guy, the guy is always attractive himself. There's always exceptions of course but the odds are an attractive woman winds up with someone on her level of looks with the exception of if the guy has a lot of money or has an out of this world personality where the woman can't resist being with him.

 

What are you good at you, what are your selling points to ladies?

[NJ123]

What are you good at you, what are your selling points to ladies?

 

It appears from the people that post in here the answer is nothing which seems to be the case at the moment. And I was just stating what I genuinely see not to complain or anything. I can't fault an attractive woman to want someone on her own level of looks.

[Robert]

Apologies folks, we had a disruptive and previously banned member come into this thread and have deleted their posts and all responses to those deleted posts. ~6

 

 

[normal person]

Normal Person (no pun intended), you maybe be the exception to the rule. But I've been on many message boards and even Google searched online dating review site/blog comments (Reddit comes to mind), stating how they would send countless emails to women and nary receive a response. Some of these women wouldn't be much to look at or write home about, and still...nothing.

 

Because no one goes on message boards to start a thread saying "OLD works great, no complaints."

 

As I've mentioned, success in it comes to those who are able to figure it out and crack it, and have probably done similarly with all the other aspects of their life, which compounds their successes across the board. The people who adapt and find their niche win, the ones who can't be bothered or are unable, don't.

 

Consider this example: I think messaging women first (unless she "winks" or "likes" you) is a really bad idea. It's essentially asking someone for their attention, and if you're asking someone for something, you're empowering them over you and lowering yourself. Also, writing a message to someone without an indication of interest (like a girl giving you "the eyes" at the bar) is like walking up to a random girl at the bar and assuming she wants to talk to you, then getting upset when she doesn't. If a guy can't see the comparison, it would appear he has has a noticeable lack of observational skills and judgement. Now think about the guy doing this hundreds of times. Should we really expect this guy, who is obviously clueless, to have any notable success? I don't think so.

Imagine that guy in the bar, like clockwork, walking up to every single woman, trying to say something to her, getting rejected/ignored, then immediately going to the next girl and trying the same thing. Maybe, just maybe, it's not OLD's fault if the guy can't figure out the basic nuances of this iteration of the mating dance like everyone else.

 

 

These women haven't obviously had to do anything to improve themselves

Because desperate men will give them attention, so they don't incentive to improve. If they didn't get any attention, maybe they'd be inspired to improve their education, job, go to the gym, eat healthier, etc. But that would require effort and discomfort, so if they get what they want without having to do it, why bother?

 

I think they don't weigh themselves much or keep an eye on their food intake or whatever, but expect a man BETTER looking than they are.

 

So let them. I don't understand your issue with this. If she can't get a man better than she is, she won't, and she'll have lower her standards or raise herself to theirs. The market will set her price, and it doesn't lie.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Consider this example: I think messaging women first (unless she "winks" or "likes" you) is a really bad idea. It's essentially asking someone for their attention, and if you're asking someone for something, you're empowering them over you and lowering yourself. Also, writing a message to someone without an indication of interest (like a girl giving you "the eyes" at the bar) is like walking up to a random girl at the bar and assuming she wants to talk to you, then getting upset when she doesn't.

 

Messaging a woman first first is a bad idea? Where do you come up with this crap?

 

"Empowering them over you?" You read too much Pick-Up artist manuals dude.

 

I've gotten dates by approaching without any indication, so I have no idea what youre' talking about. I just have it happen less often than you.

 

The only diff. is that the frequency is less. I've actually moved on from online dating to attending more real life functions actually, so I've been enjoying that move.

Edited September 20, 2016 by LookAtThisPOst