Online dating is so depressing

[ChickiePops]

The only problem is that you're saying a good looking short guy is the equivalent of an ugly woman. Which is a shame. I do feel bad for people that are deemed unattractive but it's pretty sad that even guys that are good looking but are short aren't good enough to a huge percentage of women.

 

Why is it a shame? A detriment is a detriment. People have as much control over their faces as you have over your height. But again, different people are attracted to different things.

 

I won't deny that your height is a detriment but frankly your height is less of a problem than your attitude and the fact that you live with your parents. You can fix the job and living situations. You can fix your personality too..as Soulcat said, you sound entitled, disrespectful, and bitter and it's thoroughly unsexy.

[NJ123]

Why is it a shame? A detriment is a detriment. People have as much control over their faces as you have over your height. But again, different people are attracted to different things.

 

I won't deny that your height is a detriment but frankly your height is less of a problem than your attitude and the fact that you live with your parents. You can fix the job and living situations. You can fix your personality too..as Soulcat said, you sound entitled, disrespectful, and bitter and it's thoroughly unsexy.

 

It only seems that way when I'm on here but I 100% guarantee you if we met in real life we would get along just fine. I get along with everyone at my job perfectly fine & whomever I talk to. I just come on here to vent my frustration on how difficult it is in dating.

[sooshi]

NJ,

 

Reading through the titles of your various threads, there's one big theme:

 

Your lack of self-esteem/confidence.

 

Work on that.

 

With increased self-confidence, you'll find that dating comes much more easily. You won't need to pick apart and question E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G, which would be very frustrating indeed.

 

Take care.

[NJ123]

NJ,

 

Reading through the titles of your various threads, there's one big theme:

 

Your lack of self-esteem/confidence.

 

Work on that.

 

With increased self-confidence, you'll find that dating comes much more easily. You won't need to pick apart and question E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G, which would be very frustrating indeed.

 

Take care.

 

Well, you know about my health situation for one. And than on top of that I have to worry about being far behind on having any sort of dating experience. Let's say it takes a few years to get my bachelor's degree, am I supposed to just not date or try to get a girlfriend at all within that time as I get even older? Everyone seems to think in my position right now I shouldn't be dating or at the least have to lower my standards a lot which wouldn't do me any good since than I'll be left with someone I don't want to be with. So if I wait even longer how is that supposed to do me any good when at that point I'll have even less options. Every year that goes by will just make women even more weirded out that I haven't had a relationship before.

[sooshi]

Yes, I am sorry about what you're going through health-wise.

 

I'm older than you and have MUCH less dating experience than you do. It's not a big deal to me at all. It's not a competition. You sound really desperate though, and desperation is unattractive.

 

I don't think anyone has asked you to lower your standards, or to wait. I think you're projecting your stuff here, because you keep repeating the same things that you seem to think other people believe, when it's not the case.

 

You don't need to wait to date. You can keep looking, but please do work on your self-esteem. Dating is supposed to be enjoyable. If you agonize over every little thing, it's going to be sucking the life out of you when it's actually intended to enrich your life.

 

Take care.

[NJ123]

Yes, I am sorry about what you're going through health-wise.

 

I'm older than you and have MUCH less dating experience than you do. It's not a big deal to me at all. It's not a competition. You sound really desperate though, and desperation is unattractive.

 

I don't think anyone has asked you to lower your standards, or to wait. I think you're projecting your stuff here, because you keep repeating the same things that you seem to think other people believe, when it's not the case.

 

You don't need to wait to date. You can keep looking, but please do work on your self-esteem. Dating is supposed to be enjoyable. If you agonize over every little thing, it's going to be sucking the life out of you when it's actually intended to enrich your life.

 

Take care.

 

I'm really trying not to start arguments since the person I seem to be coming across to people on here isn't the real life me. I post things out of frustration on here specifically since it's a forum to vent but that's not me in person at all. I'm completely laid back in real life & rarely argue with anyone. But there's a bunch of people in this thread alone that have stated I need to lower my standards since they're too high. But that won't do me any good since the issue with that is I'd wind up with someone I'm not attracted to. I'd be wasting my time & her time. What good would that do?

 

I just am confused as in to what I should be doing since everyone keeps saying different things with the exception of needing a better job & to move out. If most in here saying it's unattractive to women that i live at home & with my current job how am I supposed to date currently in the first place? And it's supposed to be fun but it's not when you message a whole bunch of women & they never reply back.

[NJ123]

Since everyone in the real world thinks you are so awesome, you should be getting dates then. Right?

 

People online are more likely to tell you what they think. If women aren't hitting on you out and about, then they see something they don't like. Bottom line.

 

 

 

Think about what you have been saying here. You admit you are picky and want an attractive girl. Well, attractive girls have a lot of options. They don't usually want to date short guys who have crap jobs and live with their parents. That is harsh, but true. You refuse to lower your standards, but you are having zero success, and you are upset that women won't lower their standards with you.

 

 

 

First off, GTFO of OLD. It is garbage, and it is only going to make you more bitter, thus making you even less attractive to women.

 

You have three options here. Make changes to make yourself more marketable to women, lower your standards, or get used to being alone.

 

No guys ever get hit on in real life unless they're mind blowingly attractive or at bars/club settings. In my entire life outside of a bar/club setting I've never seen a guy get hit on by women.

 

I just want someone that's attractive to me. She doesn't have to look like a model. And as said people here keep telling me to lower my standards which does me no good at all. You keep suggesting I get with someone I'm not attracted to or have very little attraction for. There's no point in that. As I said the longer I wait the worse it's going to get for me. So if I wait another 2-3 years as I get my degree & then some sort of job in my field of study where's that going to leave me when I'll be an older man with no experience? It's just a hard place to be in since if I try now than I likely won't be able to get with the women I'd want & have to settle for someone I don't want to be with, but if I wait than that'll just leave me as an even older inexperienced guy.

 

And true, OLD is probably the most superficial place to try to meet someone due to all the options at someone's disposal. There was one attractive woman on one profile that pretty much said to wait your turn since she got so many messages that she couldn't keep up with them all.

Edited September 18, 2016 by NJ123

[Blanco]

No guys ever get hit on in real life unless they're mind blowingly attractive or at bars/club settings. In my entire life outside of a bar/club setting I've never seen a guy get hit on by women.

 

You should get out more.

[NJ123]

You should get out more.

 

Where do you see guys getting hit on constantly?

[Blanco]

Where do you see guys getting hit on constantly?

 

I don't see guys get hit on constantly anywhere, but then again, I don't see women get hit on constantly in non-bar situations, either.

 

I was responding to your statement that no guys "ever" get hit on in real life unless they're mind-blowingly attractive. And that's just not true.

[NJ123]

I don't see guys get hit on constantly anywhere, but then again, I don't see women get hit on constantly in non-bar situations, either.

 

I was responding to your statement that no guys "ever" get hit on in real life unless they're mind-blowingly attractive. And that's just not true.

 

Well, I was maybe exaggerating a bit but the overwhelming vast majority of men never get him on by women. Men are the ones that have to do the approaching most of the time.

[Blanco]

Well, I was maybe exaggerating a bit but the overwhelming vast majority of men never get him on by women. Men are the ones that have to do the approaching most of the time.

 

So? You can still interact with them. Assuming you're in a well-lit public place, the worst she might do is politely brush you off.

 

Yeah, it's kind of frustrating that men are often expected to be the ones to initiate conversation to express interest. But that's how it is.

 

Instead of being upset about it and thinking, "That's not fair!," you can accept things for as they are and act from there. Now, if the world worked in a way where men were not allowed to talk to women unless the woman expressed interest first, then heck yeah, I can see being upset about it. But as it is, all this means is the guy has to show a little more initiative.

[NJ123]

And, judging by the rest of your posts, there is no way you will ever set foot in a bar or club to meet women either. Because that might make things a bit easier.

 

I am an average looking guy and women hit on me. Quite a few in just these last few months, actually.

 

 

 

So, you are dug into your position that you refuse to date someone you aren't attracted to, despite the fact that none of those women seem to want to date you. Then you have one option left, learn to accept it. You are not suddenly going to convince all of those attractive women to suddenly want to date you. You refuse to lower your standards, they will too.

 

 

If she was interested in you, she never would have told you that.

 

I'm not into bars/clubs so I likely wouldn't connect with the women there. Every time I was at a bar/club I didn't really enjoy myself all that much. It was fun to get drunk occasionally at times but it's not something I wanted to do every single weekend.

 

Where are they hitting on you if you're telling the truth about getting hit on? I've been called cute & got flirted to the extreme by some woman that was in her 40s maybe 2 months ago at my job. But to me that doesn't mean anything since all it was was playful flirting & nothing more where it would lead to anything.

 

Well, as I have to say yet again what good does being with someone I'm not attracted to do for me? It would actually be worse than being single I'd say.

 

And no, you misquoted me. It was in her profile where she flat out said that about getting in line & waiting your turn due to all the messages she gets.

[Blanco]

Look, if at 30 you haven't had any success with the type of woman you want, then I'm afraid there's really only two likely reasons: You are shooting for women who are way out of your league and/or you are socially awkward.

 

I would hazard a guess that it's a mix of both, but probably it's more of the latter that's really hamstringing you.

 

One of my closest friends seemingly has at least a couple of women interested in him at any given time. Looks-wise, they range from "eh" to "whoa." He himself isn't a model. He's a decent enough looking guy, but he's put on some weight from drinking and he's been balding for many years. He also doesn't make much money, but his job is one that is respectable and carries a bit of prestige.

 

So what's his secret? He can talk to anyone. It doesn't matter if it's an old friend, someone he's meeting for the first time, or a woman. He can talk to people and he doesn't radically change his presentation based on who he's talking to. By that, I mean he simply engages people in conversation. Newsflash: Women like that. It puts them at ease. It doesn't matter if he's got any interest in them; his ability to engage makes him stand out among a sea of guys our age who would be doomed with the female form if it weren't for text messaging and online dating sites.

[NJ123]

You aren't likely to connect to the women there if you don't enjoy yourself no. Women like to have fun. They don't want to date the miserable guy in the corner. I spent my 20's hitting the bar pretty much every weekend and met all kinds of women. That's how good memories happen. Feel free to sit online and message people who don't reply all night. Seems a much better choice.

 

 

 

I work at a resort. I have had a couple decent looking women ask me to hang out and drink with them back in their hotel rooms.

 

At the gym I go to, I had an older, not-so-attractive woman hit on me. I wasn't interested, but the compliment is still nice. I also had a pretty 20 year old girl (I am 37) ask me to help her with some workouts, then eventually told me she is into me. We dated for a bit.

 

I am supposed to be taking a trip soon. I have a friend that lived in the area I am traveling to and asked for travel advice there. Instead of offering advice, she asked two of her friends to help me out. One of those girls is a stripper, and she said that we should have a drink when I get into town.

 

I am now seeing someone else exclusively.

 

 

 

That's how the women you like seem to feel about you. So, as I said, learn to accept it.

 

To accept what? To be alone my entire life? Why should I have to get with someone I don't want to be with just in order to have a relationship? I'd easily rather just stay single. It does seem likely that I'm going to be alone for a really long time at this rate since I'm not lowering my standards to the point of getting with someone I have no interest in.

 

Tell me this, what good is that going to do for me in terms of being happy? If you & others say it's not difficult to date than how come you tell me I have to lower my standards to the point where I won't even enjoy myself dating? Isn't that kind of contradicting what you're saying in terms of it not being difficult to date if it has to come to the point where I have to force myself to be with someone I don't want to?

[Blanco]

To accept what? To be alone my entire life? Why should I have to get with someone I don't want to be with just in order to have a relationship? I'd easily rather just stay single. It does seem likely that I'm going to be alone for a really long time at this rate since I'm not lowering my standards to the point of getting with someone I have no interest in.

 

Tell me this, what good is that going to do for me in terms of being happy? If you & others say it's not difficult to date than how come you tell me I have to lower my standards to the point where I won't even enjoy myself dating? Isn't that kind of contradicting what you're saying in terms of it not being difficult to date if it has to come to the point where I have to force myself to be with someone I don't want to?

 

You have an excuse for everything. How's that working out for ya?

[sooshi]

Sadly, I was also thinking that you keep making excuses for everything, NJ.

[NJ123]

You have an excuse for everything. How's that working out for ya?

 

Excuse for what? I'm confused since the other poster was saying to learn to accept that the women I want wouldn't want me back? So what am I supposed to do? It seems the people in here think I need to lower my standards which means I won't be happy with whom I'm with if I lower my standards to the point where I need to be with someone I'm not attracted to. How is that an excuse?

[NJ123]

Sadly, I was also thinking that you keep making excuses for everything, NJ.

 

How is lowering my standards going to do anything positive for me? Why would I want to be with someone I don't want to in order to have a relationship?

[sooshi]

Going around in circles over and over again is exhausting.

 

I'm out. Good luck.

[NJ123]

Going around in circles over and over again is exhausting.

 

I'm out. Good luck.

 

You keep saying that no one has told me to lower my standards which a bunch of people in here have. So I want to ask you specifically, what is it that I exactly have to do besides working on going to school/getting a better job that's going to make me be able to get with a woman that I actually would like to be with instead of having to settle for someone?

[NJ123]

It seems people here think since the women I find attractive don't want anything to do with me, I need to lower my standards to the point of where there's little/no attraction to them. How am I supposed to force myself to do that?

[ChickiePops]

The same way you seem to expect women who aren't attracted to you to date you.

[losangelena]

I may be wrong, but I don't think anyone is telling you to date women you're not attracted to. I think people are trying to get you to take steps so that you will be more appealing to the women you ARE attracted to.

 

You seem to think this only means being tall and/or having a high-paying job. But we've surmised that it's your bad attitude about all this that's keeping you back. Must we go over this for another 16 pages?

[NJ123]

The same way you seem to expect women who aren't attracted to you to date you.

 

What are you even talking about? I'm not expecting anything from anyone. If you're just going to state stupid comments than I don't want you posting in my thread. I want serious responses.