Online dating is so depressing

[NJ123]

Yeah but really, tall extroverted guys also have to win women over with a lot of other things because essentially, it's the 'whole lot of other things' bit that make or break an actual relationship. Not height, surprisingly. Or looks.

 

And worthy men want more from their prospective ladies than to be attractive or whatever bra size they like best, likely because they can offer more than their height (?!).

 

I want more from a woman than just attraction & bra size. Her personality is just as important to me as attraction. I couldn't have one without the other otherwise it wouldn't work out.

 

And true, but let's not kid ourselves here when realistically speaking. Taller guys have more options at the end of the day to choose from to have a better chance of finding a partner.

[AceCutty]

Yeah but really, tall extroverted guys also have to win women over with a lot of other things because essentially, it's the 'whole lot of other things' bit that make or break an actual relationship. Not height, surprisingly. Or looks.

 

And worthy men want more from their prospective ladies than to be attractive or whatever bra size they like best, likely because they can offer more than their height (?!).

 

True but, for the most part, if a guy is short, he won't even be able to get his foot in the door. It's pretty much the primary initial attractant for women and is the most important.

 

Why would a woman date a cool guy that is also successful when she could easily find his taller counterpart (especially online)?

 

Also, I think image and social status matter way more to women than you are acknowledging. Being with a tall man is a sign of higher social status for a woman.

[NJ123]

It's much easier to become bitter as a short man. It's constantly being thrown in our face from every direction. Women are pretty vocal about their distaste for short men.

 

While some people may have qualities that are unattractive, but being a short man is unique in that it is not a desirable trait to any woman. Women are willing to date us despite our height, but no woman prefers our height.

 

 

 

 

I don't think that it's about being genuinely funny. I think it's more about portraying yourself as funny. OLD is representative of our culture: the quality of the image/presentation is more important than the actual product.

 

 

 

 

Personally, I don't like "funny" women. I like kind and sweet women. So this kind of profile would turn me off.

 

To each their own.

 

 

 

Tinder is mostly about pictures. The best way to be successful there is to be ripped and take pics of your body. I know several men that are successful with this.

 

That's one of the few benefits of being a short guy: you can go from relatively out of shape to relatively jacked in a few months if you really want to.

 

 

 

This will help only in the sense that you will be able to meet more women. Women as a whole want the same things. OP will still need to deal with his height stigma.

 

 

 

Agreed. All men should be as selective as I am.

 

People in here have told me to be way less picky due to where I am in life. But what's the point if I'm going to wind up with someone I'm not attracted to if I do that. I guess they think I don't have the right to be picky, but I'm not as picky as they think, I'm only picky about looks to a degree but I'm not expecting to be with some woman that's a legit 9 out of 10 in the looks department. Anything else I could easily compromise on except I just want to be with someone I'm attracted to & that they have a personality that I really like. I of course have my own dealbreakers as well in a woman which I listed a lot of them in the middle of this thread. It just seems like some in here think that I can't have my own deal breakers & that if a woman actually has interest in me that I don't find attractive they're basically saying "You have to pick from whom shows interest & if you're not attracted to them than tough". Like that's going to do anything for me.

[SwordofFlame]

People in here have told me to be way less picky due to where I am in life. But what's the point if I'm going to wind up with someone I'm not attracted to if I do that. I guess they think I don't have the right to be picky, but I'm not as picky as they think, I'm only picky about looks to a degree but I'm not expecting to be with some woman that's a legit 9 out of 10 in the looks department. Anything else I could easily compromise on except I just want to be with someone I'm attracted to & that they have a personality that I really like. I of course have my own dealbreakers as well in a woman which I listed a lot of them in the middle of this thread. It just seems like some in here think that I can't have my own deal breakers & that if a woman actually has interest in me that I don't find attractive they're basically saying "You have to pick from whom shows interest & if you're not attracted to them than tough". Like that's going to do anything for me.

 

Well then just remain single like all of the other men and women who are trying to date up. You're hardly the only man or woman who has this problem. You've been given lots of good advice in this long thread on how to improve yourself. It's up to you if you want to do something about it.

[NJ123]

Well then just remain single like all of the other men and women who are trying to date up. You're hardly the only man or woman who has this problem. You've been given lots of good advice in this long thread on how to improve yourself. It's up to you if you want to do something about it.

 

Obviously I know I'm not. But to say for me to go out with people I have no attraction to just because the woman is showing me interest is ludicrous. As you said, I'd easily rather stay single than spend my time with someone I have no attraction to. And I know I have to do things to improve myself but to say to just go out with & settle for any woman is horrible advice.

[thefooloftheyear]

True but, for the most part, if a guy is short, he won't even be able to get his foot in the door. It's pretty much the primary initial attractant for women and is the most important.

Why would a woman date a cool guy that is also successful when she could easily find his taller counterpart (especially online)?

 

Also, I think image and social status matter way more to women than you are acknowledging. Being with a tall man is a sign of higher social status for a woman.

 

Everything in this post is complete and utter nonsense....well almost anyway...

 

Not to be boastful, whether available or unavailable, Ive spent basically my entire life getting attention from women...The bulk of them no less than what anyone would consider an 8 out of 10...The hottest girls in HS actually had fights over me...(true story!!)..

 

Now here is the "almost" part...

 

Sure, Id say if you were to tell me that a guy that is 5'2" and 110 lbs....well that guy better really be something special...But at 5'6 ish 5'7",I am taller than most women on this planet...And I bring a lot of intangibles to the table...but at the end of the day, I am not anything super human...

 

Also, I think now more than ever in the past, women are more accepting of shorter guys....They have to be as the pickings have become more slim for women today than they were in the past....Looks being equal, An accomplished and confident shorter guy today will absolutely crush a taller whining doofus or immature Shrek looking moron any day of the week...

 

 

TFY

Edited September 25, 2016 by thefooloftheyear

[PrettyEmily77]

True but, for the most part, if a guy is short, he won't even be able to get his foot in the door. It's pretty much the primary initial attractant for women and is the most important.

 

Why would a woman date a cool guy that is also successful when she could easily find his taller counterpart (especially online)?

 

Also, I think image and social status matter way more to women than you are acknowledging. Being with a tall man is a sign of higher social status for a woman.

 

 

So what's the primary initial attractant for men, and is the most important?

 

I don't do OLD but from the top of my head, I can think of 5 male friends under 5'8 who are married (twice, in one instance) and 1 who has been going from young hottie to younger hottie despite being 'short' and well over 40 - none of them have a particularly high social status (bar the player, who is a lawyer) and their wives are lovely and attractive.

 

I don't know man, but I really think you're making it a bit more of an issue than it actually is. Even if were true, if you know you have to 'compensate' to get the women you want, then you know, do that.

[NJ123]

So what's the primary initial attractant for men, and is the most important?

 

I don't do OLD but from the top of my head, I can think of 5 male friends under 5'8 who are married (twice, in one instance) and 1 who has been going from young hottie to younger hottie despite being 'short' and well over 40 - none of them have a particularly high social status (bar the player, who is a lawyer) and their wives are lovely and attractive.

 

I don't know man, but I really think you're making it a bit more of an issue than it actually is. Even if were true, if you know you have to 'compensate' to get the women you want, then you know, do that.

 

No one wants to have to compensate since it wouldn't feel like a natural relationship. In what ways would someone have to compensate to you? Basically why should one guy have to compensate just to get a woman he wants when other guys don't?

[PrettyEmily77]

No one wants to have to compensate since it wouldn't feel like a natural relationship. In what ways would someone have to compensate to you? Basically why should one guy have to compensate just to get a woman he wants when other guys don't?

 

I don't know what your particular issue is with wanting to better yourself, but the rest of us have to do that daily.

 

Things won't fall in your lap just because man, it just doesn't work that way; you try to make up for your perceived or real shortcomings (no pun intended) by building strength in other stuff; it really is common sense.

 

The vast majority of people I know do that as a matter of course, be it in their professional life, in the way they deal with family stuff or in their social circle.

 

 

Very few people are actually blessed by the gods, and most people have to balance the good with the bad in all sorts of areas in their lives (particularly health issues) - believe it or not, some people have far more pressing problems in their lives than their height.

[NJ123]

I don't know what your particular issue is with wanting to better yourself, but the rest of us have to do that daily.

 

Things won't fall in your lap just because man, it just doesn't work that way; you try to make up for your perceived or real shortcomings (no pun intended) by building strength in other stuff; it really is common sense.

 

The vast majority of people I know do that as a matter of course, be it in their professional life, in the way they deal with family stuff or in their social circle.

 

 

Very few people are actually blessed by the gods, and most people have to balance the good with the bad in all sorts of areas in their lives (particularly health issues) - believe it or not, some people have far more pressing problems in their lives than their height.

 

Well of course nothing just magically falls into anyone's lap. I'm just saying it depends on what type of compromises you're talking about in order to get a woman. Some of the compromises would totally defeat the purpose of even getting with those women if it's superficial type of compromises.

[PrettyEmily77]

Well of course nothing just magically falls into anyone's lap. I'm just saying it depends on what type of compromises you're talking about in order to get a woman. Some of the compromises would totally defeat the purpose of even getting with those women if it's superficial type of compromises.

 

Not compromises - betterment of yourself for your own benefit first and foremost. I don't know what you think you need to work on (my personal issue is trusting people, for instance) but once you've pinpointed what you could do with improving, work on that. Once you feel like you have reached a point where you are the best version of yourself you can possibly be, things will very likely get easier for you.

[NJ123]

Not compromises - betterment of yourself for your own benefit first and foremost. I don't know what you think you need to work on (my personal issue is trusting people, for instance) but once you've pinpointed what you could do with improving, work on that. Once you feel like you have reached a point where you are the best version of yourself you can possibly be, things will very likely get easier for you.

 

Well for me I know I need to work on finding a better job & going back to school. Also, I'd like to get into better shape again since I've been inconsistent with getting into the gym the past few months.

[PrettyEmily77]

Well for me I know I need to work on finding a better job & going back to school. Also, I'd like to get into better shape again since I've been inconsistent with getting into the gym the past few months.

 

There you go: you have found yourself 3 personal objectives. There is no much point blaming the female world population, OLD or lamenting the state of modern society until you have reached those objectives to your satisfaction.

 

Seriously, it's all in your hands.

[NJ123]

There you go: you have found yourself 3 personal objectives. There is no much point blaming the female world population, OLD or lamenting the state of modern society until you have reached those objectives to your satisfaction.

 

Seriously, it's all in your hands.

 

I've maybe blamed women just due to the frustration. I don't hate women at all though, literally 99% of the women I've had to interact with at my current job over the past year have been extremely nice to me. It just makes me wish I had a g/f even more due to that.

[PrettyEmily77]

I've maybe blamed women just due to the frustration. I don't hate women at all though, literally 99% of the women I've had to interact with at my current job over the past year have been extremely nice to me. It just makes me wish I had a g/f even more due to that.

 

Ok well give yourself the means to reach your objectives, then you'll be in a better position to find a partner.

[planning4later]

I've been making a serious effort with it the past 2 days, sending more messages than I've ever sent before. I was on Plenty of Fish but deleted it since I pretty much messaged everyone that I would have been interested in but I never got any replies back. Now I'm on OKCupid & the same thing is happening on there too. I just wonder what these people are even looking for. I see so many of the same familiar faces on there as well from last time I've been on there. I should probably just stick with Tinder & Bumble at this stage. It just makes me wonder how there's so many couples together when it feels so hard to even get a woman interested in the first place.

 

Don't bother with online dating. It's made for women. Women get to pick the cream of the crop and can turn down literally dozens of men a day. Men, on the other hand, unless you are the top 5% in looks and wealth, will have to struggle to have any success. It's a woman's game. Opt out and go your own way. Pursue your own goals. Life isn't about women. It's about following your mission. Cheers.

[sleepycat]

Don't bother with online dating. It's made for women. Women get to pick the cream of the crop and can turn down literally dozens of men a day. Men, on the other hand, unless you are the top 5% in looks and wealth, will have to struggle to have any success. It's a woman's game. Opt out and go your own way. Pursue your own goals. Life isn't about women. It's about following your mission. Cheers.

 

As a woman on okcupid I can tell you I most certainly do not turn down dozens of men a day I wish I got enough messages to get anywhere near being able to. Also sometimes I send the first message and don't get a reply it's annoying but that's life.

[NewLeaf512]

Well of course nothing just magically falls into anyone's lap. I'm just saying it depends on what type of compromises you're talking about in order to get a woman. Some of the compromises would totally defeat the purpose of even getting with those women if it's superficial type of compromises.

 

The use of superficial here is especially poignant.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Just to add to how INTERESTING online dating can be (and depressing)....

 

Recently down graded my profile to a single sentence and getting more frequent interest than when it was 20 lines and more detailed. Lol.

 

Recently made contact with a woman who claimed she was "athletic" and a body builder. She's 5'1. We chatted and she showed interest in my skeleton of a profile. I asked her if she enjoyed kayaking, hiking or swimming...she said it had been a while since she'd done those things. She commented how crazy people were online and I asked her why? She received rude comments regarding her pics. I asked why? She only had one of her face. Very pretty.

 

She comments that she is 220lbs. I ask her if that is a mistake. Did she mean 120? No, she meant 220. What?! She is 5'1 and 220lbs and lifts weights....and she puts on her profile as a body type "athletic." I kindly wished her luck as we'd certainly not have the same lifestyle.

 

I'm sure it's already been mentioned on this thread. Misleading profiles regarding weight, body types is another problem.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Just to add to how INTERESTING online dating can be (and depressing)....

 

Recently down graded my profile to a single sentence and getting more frequent interest than when it was 20 lines and more detailed. Lol.

 

Recently made contact with a woman who claimed she was "athletic" and a body builder. She's 5'1. We chatted and she showed interest in my skeleton of a profile. I asked her if she enjoyed kayaking, hiking or swimming...she said it had been a while since she'd done those things. She commented how crazy people were online and I asked her why? She received rude comments regarding her pics. I asked why? She only had one of her face. Very pretty.

 

She comments that she is 220lbs. I ask her if that is a mistake. Did she mean 120? No, she meant 220. What?! She is 5'1 and 220lbs and lifts weights....and she puts on her profile as a body type "athletic." I kindly wished her luck as we'd certainly not have the same lifestyle.

 

I'm sure it's already been mentioned on this thread. Misleading profiles regarding weight, body types is another problem.

 

LOL...I recall knowing a dude that he was obese. He worked in retail and would brag that somehow his "girth" as her referred to it, somehow translated to strength when lifting heavy objects. It's interesting how obese people tend to connect strength with the amount of cellulite they carry. lol

 

I think he talked about how he was able to use his "stomach", to leverage a heavy object onto a counter. He bragged about how no one in the store was able to do this butt him.

 

"Right, because they have no fat gut like YOU do, dude!" lol

[William]

It appears a personal dating issue has morphed into discussions of which gender has it worse in dating and short people versus tall people and fat people versus skinny people and other more general dating topics. After 615 posts we'll give this a rest for a bit and I'll request other moderator input on the thread continuing. Hopefully the thread starter was assisted by the discussion. Thank you for your contributions.