Online dating is so depressing

[ChickiePops]

Unfortunately you don't get to tell other people how to look for a significant other so you're just going to have to either get over it or stay single.

[NJ123]

So the OP's rant basically comes to this:

 

"Hey everyone, I'm a Below-Average Male looking for an above-average woman. I think it's fine for me to be judging women on how physically attractive I find them but I think it sucks that I'm gonna be judged for not having the gumption to NOT be living with my parents or not having a better job. Or even being willing to drive more than a few miles to see her. "

 

NJ123 you struggle because you're lazy and whine too much. Get your life together and improve your personality and you'll have more success.

 

Women view me below average due to something I have no control over. I'm literally eliminated from 80% of women on dating sites due to my height alone. So anything I do to try to better myself with those women won't matter but as I said I won't do it for a woman anyway.

[NJ123]

Unfortunately you don't get to tell other people how to look for a significant other so you're just going to have to either get over it or stay single.

 

Well, obviously. And my choices seem to be to either stay single & feel like **** about it or be with someone I have absolutely no attraction to & feel like **** about that too. Great choices to choose from.

[ZA Dater]

It doesn't! Just because you keep repeating that doesn't make it any more factual. Stop speaking in such sweeping generalities.

 

One of the prettiest girls I've ever personally known was with a guy for three years whose only source of income was selling plasma a couple times a week. He wasn't a model, either. She just was totally into him, mostly because she gave him a chance and didn't dismiss him right away for superficial reasons.

 

That's an extreme example, but I can say with strong confidence that I could list a couple dozen relationships/couples I've witnessed in my life that were definitely not fueled by the guy's money.

 

 

Genuine question, how many girls on OLD give guys a chance?

[ZA Dater]

Women view me below average due to something I have no control over. I'm literally eliminated from 80% of women on dating sites due to my height alone. So anything I do to try to better myself with those women won't matter but as I said I won't do it for a woman anyway.

 

I really don think most girls are so fanatical about height, I think you have a bit of a complex about height.

[NJ123]

Genuine question, how many girls on OLD give guys a chance?

 

You need to have at least 2 out of these 3 things between tall, good looking, & good job.

[NJ123]

I really don think most girls are so fanatical about height, I think you have a bit of a complex about height.

 

I don't, I'm just stating what I literally saw on match.com with their preferences. I couldn't believe it. Almost every profile I kept going on even when they were 5'2" or 5'3" still had the preference of a guy that was 5'8" or taller. Obviously not every single one, but the overwhelming vast majority had a preference for taller men starting with 5'8" or more.

[ChickiePops]

Well, obviously. And my choices seem to be to either stay single & feel like **** about it or be with someone I have absolutely no attraction to & feel like **** about that too. Great choices to choose from.

 

Well the girls you're judging to be unattractive don't have control over that either. Make up and dieting can only fix so much. Why is it ok for you to judge them by their looks but it's not ok for them to judge you by your height?

[ZA Dater]

So the OP's rant basically comes to this:

 

"Hey everyone, I'm a Below-Average Male looking for an above-average woman. I think it's fine for me to be judging women on how physically attractive I find them but I think it sucks that I'm gonna be judged for not having the gumption to NOT be living with my parents or not having a better job. Or even being willing to drive more than a few miles to see her. "

 

NJ123 you struggle because you're lazy and whine too much. Get your life together and improve your personality and you'll have more success.

 

How do people do that exactly, I was told today I have no personality. Someone who knows me well told me this.

 

 

I think the red flag in OP situation is lack of a job and a clear direction in life BUT and again its a big BUT I know girls dating absolute wash out of guys who do very little, move between jobs, talk a big talk and actually do very little so that on its own should be too much of an impediment.

[ZA Dater]

I don't, I'm just stating what I literally saw on match.com with their preferences. I couldn't believe it. Almost every profile I kept going on even when they were 5'2" or 5'3" still had the preference of a guy that was 5'8" or taller. Obviously not every single one, but the overwhelming vast majority had a preference for taller men starting with 5'8" or more.

 

A mere preference doesn't rule you out as dating material, contact them anyway. If you don't try you don't know, you need to be in it to win it or else you can sit on the side of the field and watch the game and I don't recommend this unless like me you are a totally useless player and with due respect you would need to be pretty dire to be as bad as me! hahaa

[Blanco]

Genuine question, how many girls on OLD give guys a chance?

 

I don't know, because I don't do OLD. Maybe some people would benefit from not pretending that OLD is the only way you can possibly meet someone, but I do understand it's easier to sit around and complain about the same things ad nauseam.

[NJ123]

Well the girls you're judging to be unattractive don't have control over that either. Make up and dieting can only fix so much. Why is it ok for you to judge them by their looks but it's not ok for them to judge you by your height?

 

Because someone's face is the first thing you see from a first glance in terms of attraction. No one wants to be with someone that doesn't have an attractive face to them. And looks are subjective as well so I'm sure there's women that I find really attractive that other guys find average & vice versa. Height is completely different since that shouldn't play a part since there's short guys that have really good looking faces & great bodies yet they're still not deemed as good enough. I can understand if a woman is 5'9" & only wants tall guys. But the thing that's annoying is when a 5'2" woman still demands a guy to be a half foot taller or more.

[normal person]

I guess I just don't like the idea in general of how money more than anything else plays a part in whether you can get a girlfriend or not. It's like everything about you as a person can be perfect yet if you don't meet their standards in terms of money you're not seen as good enough.

 

Because money is akin to the ability to survive and people prioritize survival over love. And let's be honest, meeting a woman's standard in terms of money is not that difficult. Pretty much the only requirement is have a source income that's enough to put food in your mouth and live in a safe home with relative comfort. That's it.

 

 

That's why I keep saying if I made good money, than all of a sudden my options would skyrocket compared to my options now. It would just leave me feeling a bit of unease since if I for instance changed my online profile & put that I'm a dentist or something than all of a sudden magically I'm good enough just like that to way more women.

 

Yeah, because lots of women like men with money and the success, ambition, drive, etc that in represents. That's just what they're attracted to. Kind of like how if an unappealing girl changed her picture to that of a supermodel and suddenly got a ton of messages herself, because men like attractive women. Life is not a Disney movie. Money, looks, and other things that carry an aspect of superficiality are important to a lot of people. No one really cares how great of a connection you could potentially have if you have to disregard all the other stuff they care about.

 

It's like that show "Catfish." People enter relationships with people online based on profiles or pictures, form "incredible connections," and "fall in love." However, when they track the person down and meet them in real life, and then find out the person they were talking to had just stolen an attractive person's pictures, and was actually just some unappealing person, suddenly the "incredible connection" is totally negated and both people are thoroughly embarrassed. The lesson is, your biological needs (attractiveness/health in a woman and the ability to provide resources and safety in a man) will very often be prioritized over any emotional connection. That's why people get "friend zoned." They have an emotional connection, but not biological attraction. And you can have a romantic relationship with biological attraction and no emotional one (probably not a very good one, but that's besides the point), but not the other way around.

 

And I know complaining doesn't do anything but it's just depressing to see how due to something I have no control over disqualifies me from so many women right off the bat. It's almost like women don't want me to be comfortable in my own skin if they view me as beneath them due to literally something I can't change no matter what I do.

 

So find the ones it doesn't matter to, and/or win over those who wrote you off. The worst thing you can do is be depressed and bitter, it'll ruin your chances with the ones left who would go out with you otherwise.

 

And I suppose so, but if a woman is asking for a guy to make good money & whatever else than she should be making good money herself in my opinion. If a woman making 30 grand a year wants a guy that's making 6 figures or more is where the problem mainly lies. If she makes good money herself than that's fair enough.

 

That's your opinion and you're entitled to it. But most mens value is in his earning power, most women's value is in how attractive she is. That's why you see incredibly wealthy men marrying attractive models and not other incredibly wealthy women -- they don't care how much a women makes, they care how good looking she is.

 

And I guess you're implying I can't be considered above average in looks due to my height which I have no control over. That's what so many women feel which is ridiculous & makes it hard not to be annoyed & frustrated about it.

 

I won't speak for everyone as plenty of women won't have a problem with your it, but I also think it's myopic to consider it at least a minor factor. You'll never appeal to 100% of the opposite sex. So find the women who don't care about it and focus your efforts on them.

[elaine567]

How do people do that exactly, I was told today I have no personality. Someone who knows me well told me this.

 

OK that was a bit blunt of them to say that, did they elaborate?

[NJ123]

A mere preference doesn't rule you out as dating material, contact them anyway. If you don't try you don't know, you need to be in it to win it or else you can sit on the side of the field and watch the game and I don't recommend this unless like me you are a totally useless player and with due respect you would need to be pretty dire to be as bad as me! hahaa

 

Perhaps, but is it worth spending $50 a month to take a chance on someone that states they clearly want a taller man? That's just ludicrous to do to me. I'm not gambling my money on women that have their own clear preferences stated flat out.

[Blanco]

Perhaps, but is it worth spending $50 a month to take a chance on someone that states they clearly want a taller man? That's just ludicrous to do to me. I'm not gambling my money on women that have their own clear preferences stated flat out.

 

OK, then online dating is not for you.

 

What are you going to do about it?

[NJ123]

It doesn't! Just because you keep repeating that doesn't make it any more factual. Stop speaking in such sweeping generalities.

 

One of the prettiest girls I've ever personally known was with a guy for three years whose only source of income was selling plasma a couple times a week. He wasn't a model, either. She just was totally into him, mostly because she gave him a chance and didn't dismiss him right away for superficial reasons.

 

That's an extreme example, but I can say with strong confidence that I could list a couple dozen relationships/couples I've witnessed in my life that were definitely not fueled by the guy's money.

 

So if money isn't it than what is it? People in here keep going back & forth about saying I'd need to have a good job to get a woman yet now you say it doesn't matter. Which is it?

[Blanco]

So if money isn't it than what is it? People in here keep going back & forth about saying I'd need to have a good job to get a woman yet now you say it doesn't matter. Which is it?

 

You need to be able to support yourself and potentially a family. That is not at all the same thing as making a six-figure salary.

[normal person]

Perhaps, but is it worth spending $50 a month to take a chance on someone that states they clearly want a taller man? That's just ludicrous to do to me. I'm not gambling my money on women that have their own clear preferences stated flat out.

 

First of all, it's $30 a month (a dollar a day), second of all, they have ways you can easily filter out people who are looking for things you aren't, and ways to search for people looking for things you are. Third, many of the OLD sites are free. Fourth -- I don't know, is it worth it? Only you can answer the question. How badly do you want a girl? If it's not at most $30/monthly, or a small bit of your time for a free website, what's the point of all this?

 

Also, I ask you again: what's so great about you that you're expecting women to fall for?

[ChickiePops]

Because someone's face is the first thing you see from a first glance in terms of attraction. No one wants to be with someone that doesn't have an attractive face to them. And looks are subjective as well so I'm sure there's women that I find really attractive that other guys find average & vice versa. Height is completely different since that shouldn't play a part since there's short guys that have really good looking faces & great bodies yet they're still not deemed as good enough. I can understand if a woman is 5'9" & only wants tall guys. But the thing that's annoying is when a 5'2" woman still demands a guy to be a half foot taller or more.

 

Women can't control what our faces look like any more than you can control your height. It's exactly the same thing. Like, literally exactly the same.

 

Once again, it's not your place to decide what other people find attractive so get over it or stay single.

[NJ123]

You need to be able to support yourself and potentially a family. That is not at all the same thing as making a six-figure salary.

 

When did I say anything to you about a 6 figure salary? So if I'm making 40 grand a year & can live perfectly comfortable on that, women wouldn't care is what you're saying?

[ZA Dater]

OK that was a bit blunt of them to say that, did they elaborate?

 

I didn't bother. Because its probably true. I am shy quiet guy who lives in a shell because I am so out of synch with everyone else, its better to keep quiet than to try fit in with things I don't fit in with.

 

 

Point being I have little to contribute to arcane conversations.

[NJ123]

Because money is akin to the ability to survive and people prioritize survival over love. And let's be honest, meeting a woman's standard in terms of money is not that difficult. Pretty much the only requirement is have a source income that's enough to put food in your mouth and live in a safe home with relative comfort. That's it.

 

 

 

 

Yeah, because lots of women like men with money and the success, ambition, drive, etc that in represents. That's just what they're attracted to. Kind of like how if an unappealing girl changed her picture to that of a supermodel and suddenly got a ton of messages herself, because men like attractive women. Life is not a Disney movie. Money, looks, and other things that carry an aspect of superficiality are important to a lot of people. No one really cares how great of a connection you could potentially have if you have to disregard all the other stuff they care about.

 

It's like that show "Catfish." People enter relationships with people online based on profiles or pictures, form "incredible connections," and "fall in love." However, when they track the person down and meet them in real life, and then find out the person they were talking to had just stolen an attractive person's pictures, and was actually just some unappealing person, suddenly the "incredible connection" is totally negated and both people are thoroughly embarrassed. The lesson is, your biological needs (attractiveness/health in a woman and the ability to provide resources and safety in a man) will very often be prioritized over any emotional connection. That's why people get "friend zoned." They have an emotional connection, but not biological attraction. And you can have a romantic relationship with biological attraction and no emotional one (probably not a very good one, but that's besides the point), but not the other way around.

 

 

 

So find the ones it doesn't matter to, and/or win over those who wrote you off. The worst thing you can do is be depressed and bitter, it'll ruin your chances with the ones left who would go out with you otherwise.

 

 

 

That's your opinion and you're entitled to it. But most mens value is in his earning power, most women's value is in how attractive she is. That's why you see incredibly wealthy men marrying attractive models and not other incredibly wealthy women -- they don't care how much a women makes, they care how good looking she is.

 

 

 

I won't speak for everyone as plenty of women won't have a problem with your it, but I also think it's myopic to consider it at least a minor factor. You'll never appeal to 100% of the opposite sex. So find the women who don't care about it and focus your efforts on them.

 

And I ask you the same thing, to you if I was making let's say 40 grand a year but can live comfortably on my own on that, that's enough for women?

 

It just seems there's so many factors to even be given a single chance by someone. I really don't know how there's so many couples together when it seems it's so difficult to even be given a chance. It's like it feels things just happen for other people naturally when on the outside looking in.

[Blanco]

When did I say anything to you about a 6 figure salary? So if I'm making 40 grand a year & can live perfectly comfortable on that, women wouldn't care is what you're saying?

 

Some would. Some wouldn't. That's the thing you don't seem to be grasping. Women, while sharing a lot of similarities, are still individuals with their own standards and expectations.

[ChickiePops]

I didn't bother. Because its probably true. I am shy quiet guy who lives in a shell because I am so out of synch with everyone else, its better to keep quiet than to try fit in with things I don't fit in with.

 

 

Point being I have little to contribute to arcane conversations.

 

Are you trying to say mundane? Because arcane makes no sense there...