MOH for my sister's wedding and costs

[startinganew777]

My sister is getting married next May. She wants a destination bachelorette party in Florida for a long weekend. Me along with her best friend are maid of honors.

 

 

I have been told we are to pay for her airfare, stay at condo and all her food and drinks because we are the maid of honors. I thought the whole wedding party chipped in but now I'm told that isn't the case. I think it is ridiculous to pay for all of this since I live paycheck to paycheck and will be planning my own wedding soon along with a week long trip a couple weeks after my sister's wedding. I already tried to back down as just a bridesmaid but my sister wouldn't have it. Not only that, I can't back down and then to expect the other MOH to pay for everything! I'm trying to find cheap flights and places to stay but no one is getting back to me and places are already getting booked up fast! There are only two places I have been able to find in our price range and I'm afraid they will get booked up since I have been told by the other MOH to step back for a bit and wait a little.

I guess I'm venting but wondering what others would do in this situation.

[Rockdad]

Being a simple minded guy, I have never understood these type of destination weddings or arrangements by the average working joe.

So many really don't have the spare funds or time off work to do it.

But yet for those involved if they don't do it and everything isn't perfect up rares the head of Bridezilla.

[VeveCakes]

she wants a destination bachelorette? She better open up her OWN wallet then. I mean I want to sleep with David Duchovny but no one is going to make that happen for me are they.

[JewelD]

I was in a wedding last year and the bride planned her own bachelorette party. It was 45 min away and we all carpooled. She rented out an air bnb and the guests were supposed to chip in for the cost.

 

I'm the MOH in my sister's wedding in May as well but my first experience taught me why it's not that much fun to be in somebody's wedding. You have to buy a bunch of gifts and stuff. That said, if the bride expects everyone else to pay, then she shouldn't be choosing the destination. Florida around Spring break is going to be an expensive trashy headache. If it were me, I'd talk to my sister and parents and tell them, look, I can't afford this. We need to think of other cheaper options. or ask the other bridesmaids to chip in.

 

Just saying, idc who it is, I wouldn't go broke for somebody else's wedding.

[Tayla]

Have things changed that much that there are TWO Matron Of Honors? Usually there is One Matron and the rest are bridesmaids. ?

 

Thats besides the point. The Matron chooses the celebration location. NOT the Bride. She is the honored GUEST. So tell her that you have chosen an evening out bowling or some other silly event that still affords a group celebration without busting the bank.

 

My niece did an evening boat ride down by a river...it was lovely. No alcohol or crazy things....she wanted to simply enjoy her time with her entourage. And that they did.

[GunslingerRoland]

I've never heard of something so ridiculous. It's one thing for the bride to request this, and ask for people to pay their own way (expensive enough) but to expect you two, to pay for everyone else? That is just insane, you need to tell her that it's unfair to you and if that is her demand you can't be her maid of honor... I know it's harsh, but she needs some harsh reality.

[startinganew777]

It really isn't up to me where we go. There are two MOHs and the other girl has money and so do all the bridesmaids. They are all set on Florida. Rooms are looking to be over $800 a night and we are staying 3 nights. I just can't afford it. I told my sister there is no way. I have a week long vacation planned in May with my boyfriend that I cannot or will not back out of just because of this expensive party. We also are in talks of getting married and having kids soon so we need to save for that. Spending a grand on someone else's bachelorette party is ridiculous. I just can't do it. I told my sister I might have to back down and not go on the trip. Maybe she will offer to help pay but I doubt it. I can't believe she expects everyone to pay for this whole trip for her!!! Things have changed and she told me all the bridesmaids, (5) are to pay for her flight and stay down there but it still looks like I would be spending about a grand for one weekend.

Edited September 22, 2016 by startinganew777

[GunslingerRoland]

Well this is a little different that it isn't just her. Everyone wants to go. I still don't think it's fair that you guys have to pay for her entire trip.

 

But split that many ways, that isn't the biggest thing, it's your own costs.

 

It's become really trendy to have giant stag and stagette parties these days. I went to a stag recently, I wasn't part of the wedding party and it still cost my a few hundred for the activities of the weekend, and that was relatively simple and in town.

[startinganew777]

Yeah, the MOH and I have to split her flight and all the bridesmaids and MOHs split the stay. It is still going to cost me around a grand.

[AMJ]

Bachelorette parties are very expensive these days! I feel your pain OP, I was living on student loans when all my friends got married. And I lived far away from everyone, so there were flights to wedding showers, bachelorette parties, then the wedding itself. Just going to a wedding as a bridesmaid, what with getting your hair and makeup done, buying the dress, getting the dress altered because they NEVER fit properly, hotel rooms, shoes, buying a gift, can cost several hundred dollars. I'm very grateful that time in our lives is over, and I decided to drop all of those expenses on credit cards, which I'm still paying off. But I didn't want to miss my best friends' weddings, either.

 

It used to be the norm for the bride to pay for her bridesmaids' dresses and everything. Seriously, years ago. That is until weddings became obscenely expensive. Anyway I can see if she were paying for your dress and hair/makeup for the wedding, it would make sense for you guys to pay for the bachelorette party. And typically the bridesmaids pay entirely for the shower- or other family members.

 

I probably spent around 2K to be in my best friend's wedding, and I also was living paycheck to paycheck at the time. I don't think anyone asked our bride to chip in for the hotel room. We got a 3 bedroom suite for like 10 women. Someone put it on their credit card and the rest of us made payments- probably $200 at a time.

 

If your sister has her heart set on Florida beaches, then, you either decide if you want to go or not. Yes, it's unfortunate for you that she didn't choose a more affordable bachelorette party, but this is her wedding, not yours. Don't be the bridesmaid who causes arguments and complains about money.

 

One wedding I was in, the bride had a second in-town bachelorette party. Basically a few of her bridesmaids couldn't make the trip she'd planned, so we all decided to have a second one where we stayed in town and just went to a baseball game.

 

If you decide not to go, your sister might be disappointed but she also doesn't really have a right to be, since she knows your financial situation.

[AMJ]

Also, everyone looks at it like- it's a vacation for yourself too.

 

But actually, all those bachelorette parties were never my idea of a vacation. All those women, so much drama, I pretty much regret going to most of them.