RecentChange Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 I am surprised by the age of forty you are still totally niaeve as to what love is. This is lust, this is limerence, this is "affair fog" and completely lacking introspection. You wonder if this will hurt your wife? Go to her, a d tell her the truth. Tell her what you have done. You are acting like divorce is your choice. Do you not think she will want to divorce her for being a lying cheat? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 Why don't you take a separation from your wife ? Explain to her that you don't feel like your both truly in love and you need sometime to think about things Then fly to Europe because what would your life be like in Europe ? Where would you work ? What would you do ? Would the other woman move here to be closer to your kids ? I think if you're unhappy and it sounds to me like you are in your current situation I don't see why it would be very difficult to understand those feelings involved at the end of the day you got to do what makes you happy all these people here going to guilt trip you because your kids and I get that but I'm sure that your kids will survive and I'm sure that eventually your kids will understand as long as your reasons are good if you're planning on leaving your marriage just to go screw some chick I could understand but it sounds to me like it's a more than that in this situation Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 Everyone has an input here and yes there are traditional endings to certain situations or common scenarios I should say but the reality is every person is different and handles things differently.... so many people have said that all if you start relationship after a long term break up it'll never work ! yeah right I just met someone who started one two days after and they just got married and have been together for over 6 years! Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 Another big question is, if I go with OW for true love, will my kids hate me forever? If you divorce, are a good father, stick around, and are a part of their weekly lives, then no they will not hate you, and you will have a solid chance at a good relationship with your children. If you divorce, and run of to live in Europe to be with this other women, then yes that will probably destroy any real chance of you having a real relationship with your children. BTW, based on your posts, you are a remorselessly cheater that is doing the typical cheater blame shifting to your wife so as to rationalize why cheating on your wife is OK; it is not OK and never will be OK. When your children get older, they will see this and think of you accordingly. My father cheating on my mother is what lead to their divorce. Although we are not rude about it, none of his children respect or seek his advise on anything. We just do not have that connection with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 The OW I can feel she loves me. Actually she loves me since high school to university. So she loves you even though she hasn't seen you for 15 years? And after two weeks in a hotel room, you're ready to bail on wife and kids and run off to Europe? Don't hesitate, you're perfect for each other ... Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 I married for 15 years now and have 2 kids under 10 years old. My wife and I are regular couple. We were introduced by friends at that time when we were both looking for a marriage. Nothing is fancy. This summer, NY (I call this girl) found me through Internet. She was my high school classmate. She used be my special girl back to high school. She is smart, beauty, sexy in my eye at that time. But we never get chance to be friends, we both shy and never expressed interesting to each. She is living in Europe now by herself. She used have a marriage about 15 years ago and broken after 3 years. When she found me on the internet, we start chatting constantly for few days. And then we discovered we used love each other at least like each other. Soon, after few weeks, we decided to meet even fly to America from Europe is a long and exhausted trip. Because we simply just want. We stay together and I cheat my wife to work another city for 2 weeks. This time, since we are all 40s, we get into hotel and had sex everyday. We both agree the sex life are best ever for both of us. You can imagine the love between us become more real. After the 2 weeks, she flew back to Europe. We start discuss to go together. I mean she want me to go to Europe to live with her. I am not a good story teller. But my current situation is if I do want to live with her, I have to divorce first and split with my be loved kids. I do want to live with her. But I cannot imagine to leave my kids. She convince me kids will be understand me to find the true love, kids will be ok. She also think she can take care them for me as she do want kids anyway. But I know I have little to none chance to have kids with me if I divorced. Also I think divorce with hurt my wife a lot (maybe). What should I do? What do you do? Grow up! You describe a fantasy and infatuation - that's NOT love! If you are anything near decent you don't leave your children for 'love'. This OW has filled your empty head with bs. Stop! If you don't love your wife then divorce her! Why would you have TWO kids with a woman you don't love? Oh ya, rewriting your married life to accommodate cheating is convenient FOR YOU. Consider your wife. You've done some terrible things. And IF this OW really loved you then why did it take so long to find you? Why now? Why did her marriage ONLY last three years? That should be a huge red flag for you! Think clearly. See a professional counselor to sort through your irresponsible thoughts and how moving away will affect your kids. They may never respect you again. You will never be able to fix that if they feel that way. You seem to only be capable of considering of how things affect YOU. That attitude will NEVER get you a fulfilling and loving relationship. Maybe the problems in your marriage are from your inability to be a giver - ever consider that? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 @Wine: In reading your posts the main thing that comes across is that in your world outlook, it is all about you and what is good for you. Other people such as your children and your wife, are secondary concerns; even your current love interest will in time fall under the same ranking as your children and wife. This is the cheater mindset. This is what allows some people to cheat, while others without this mindset not to. Although this mindset does not have to be a permanent affliction, you have to recognize it for what it is, and want to change it for it not to define you. Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted March 3, 2017 Share Posted March 3, 2017 I'm sure that your kids will survive and I'm sure that eventually your kids will understand as long as your reasons are good There is no good reason for the OP to abandon his children as he goes off to live far away without them in another country, and I can almost guarantee you that these children will have many good reasons to abandon the OP in his old age, expecting the OP to understand. BTW what will the OP's answer be when his kids ask why did the OP have to be the one to move away from his children, why is the other woman not moving to be with the OP near his children? Link to post Share on other sites
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