ARDriver01 Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 A conversation several weeks ago at a fantastic dinner about our jobs happened; I mentioned that an important conference was happening on (date) that was excited about and she looked at me dead in the face and was like, really... That's my birthday. and I was like, oh... Sh++ well... Never mind, I won't go, I'll cancel. And she didn't bounce back for a while. In fact, she had to leave the table to cry in the bathroom. Cut to right now, mentioned my hand surgery was scheduled for her birthday, (weekday) and if that was okay, or should I cancel. She asked if I could have it rescheduled. They might have to push it way out, I don't know... Now were fighting of course because I DEFINITELY reminded her that I canceled on a possible career opportunity for her birthday. She can't believe that I don't understand where she's coming from; that I would care so little about her birthday, that I wouldn't want to spend time with her on her birthday. She booked he entire weekend after to celebrate because both of our birthdays fall within that week, both on weekdays. We have a hotel, dinner etc... This things would still happen regardless of other stuff, she just doesn't want to be alone on her actual birthday, or have me unconscious because of some surgery. Am I a douche!?!? Please help Link to post Share on other sites
T-16bullseyeWompRat Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 Nah, you're not a douche, just forgetful. But that happens to everyone. The way I see it, you guys already planned a weekend thing to celebrate. So she is being oversensitive. But she is a woman, and that is just what they do. /Shrugs. She'll get over it. How old are you two? Surgery trumps a damn birthday easily. Especially when you two already have plans to celebrate on a different day. She sounds a little childish to me. If she cared about your well being she would want you to have your surgery over a silly birthday time together when you already have plans to celebrate another day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 No your not a douche. If you need your hand taken care of then get it done and if she cant understand that then you in trouble. How old are both of you? Sounds like a 6 year old whining about a birthday party. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ARDriver01 Posted September 15, 2016 Author Share Posted September 15, 2016 I asked if we could figure this out, talk about it, she rolled her eyes and said she's not upset, its clear I don't care about her birthday, do what I want, go to the conference (that ship sailed two weeks ago) her birthday's ruined anyway. xP I'm on the couch now. By choice.... Very weirded out by her behavior :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author ARDriver01 Posted September 15, 2016 Author Share Posted September 15, 2016 How old are both of you? Sounds like a 6 year old whining about a birthday party. We're not "in trouble" married 4 years, 33 & 34. I don't give a fart about MY birthday, but maybe I'm missing the "my birthday is one of the most important things to me every year" hint, so now she thinks less of me because I'm mad at her reaction to life happening. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ARDriver01 Posted September 15, 2016 Author Share Posted September 15, 2016 ...my frikkin hand is killing me right now Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 I don't give a fart about MY birthday, but maybe I'm missing the "my birthday is one of the most important things to me every year" hint, so now she thinks less of me because I'm mad at her reaction to life happening. I don't think this is about her birthday. She's probably trying to tell you you're not observant enough of all the little things that, taken together, make up a relationship. In other words, she's looking for more of your attention. I'll let you decide if, in the current context of your relationship, it's a reasonable request. Happy wife, happy life ... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 Career obligations and surgeries are more important than birthdays. Why can't your wife be reasonable and agree to celebrate your birthdays at a later date? I would be annoyed that you forgot but I certainly wouldn't expect you to cancel conferences and surgery just for my birthday. That would be selfish and dramatic. Link to post Share on other sites
T-16bullseyeWompRat Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 Happy wife, happy life ... Mr. Lucky Ugh, I hate that phrase but it tends to be true. That phrase means no compromise on the wife's part. Just bend over and take one for "the team" if you can call it a team with little compromise on DW's end. But on the other hand, if it keeps them from bitchin' well there is another phrase, silence is golden. Lol. Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 Ugh, I hate that phrase but it tends to be true. That phrase means no compromise on the wife's part. Just bend over and take one for "the team" if you can call it a team with little compromise on DW's end. But on the other hand, if it keeps them from bitchin' well there is another phrase, silence is golden. Lol. I don't like that phrase either and I'm a wife. Constant happiness at the expense of my husband will surely breed resentment which is poisonous for our marriage. I take it as a compliment that my husband says that I don't ask for much. I only bitch if he is being unnecessarily stubborn which has become less frequent over the years. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gemma1 Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 Your wife is cray cray, sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 15, 2016 Share Posted September 15, 2016 That phrase means no compromise on the wife's part. Actually, the phrase means I work hard to make the things important to my wife important to me. Not coincidentally, she does the same thing. Pretty stark contrast to my first marriage, we had a contest to see who could be simultaneously mean and stubborn for the most consecutive days. I lost ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted September 18, 2016 Share Posted September 18, 2016 To be honest, your wife sounds immature. I know you said you're both in your 30's, but it's just a damn birthday. She needs to get over it. Surgery is a big deal. It's not like you're going on a vacation without her, you're having SURGERY for goodness sakes! Careers & surgeries are WAY more important than a birthday. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Dolfin80 Posted September 22, 2016 Share Posted September 22, 2016 Surgery and a conference is WAY more important than a birthday. She is selfish and not being a supportive loving wife. What a complete let down. Link to post Share on other sites
SaveYourHeart Posted September 22, 2016 Share Posted September 22, 2016 Good lord. I haven't celebrated a birthday since my 18th, cried on my 20th, and now avoid it like the plague and I'm only 23 lol. She is definitely being selfish, but there's probably a lot more going on in her head about how you forgot about her birthday in the first place, importance, priorities, etc. I'm not a good person to give advice, but I would sit down with her and have an adult conversation about why she feels that way, and just listen and when she's done, tell her where you're coming from. Most arguments start, not because of the subject matter, but the tone of voice you use when discussing something. Link to post Share on other sites
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