Never thought I'd

[WhoAmI234]

I never thought I'd be the other woman but I see not many ho looking for this situation it just happens and u are in too deep before you know it.

 

I just have to get this out to someone, it's been slowly killing me for months. I've had enough now, and I put an end to it.

 

 

 

A little back story, I got separated from husband in May of this year. My husband was extremely mentally abusive. I have always suffered from mental illness since I was a child. Paranoid schizophrenia, bi polar, agoraphobia. U name it. I was in and out of the psych house as a child. I found a really good psychologist and she helped me cope with my illness and I felt like a "normal" person from the ages of 20-25. Then I met my husband, he seemed harmless and safe. Soon found out he was not. Finally got up the courage 5 years later to leave him and take back control of my life. (Or so I thought)

 

 

Now to the married man. He is my neighbor. He has 3 kids. His wife and I were never really friends. She tried to befriend me but I never really cared for her. Too much drama. Back to the mm....I'd never really gotten to know him before. Never really cared to. But as soon as he found out I was separated and my ex moved out. He invited his self over every single day.. I was a complete mess everyday. Before I left my husband I contemplated suicide. I was so far down in the dumps I didn't care about anything. Something in me decided it wasn't time and I had more living to do. Mm came over and everyday told me what an amazing woman I was, told me I deserve to be treated better. Then started telling me that he wanted to be the guy to show me what I deserve. I laughed it off for a good 2 months. I just thought he was being funny. But it kept getting more and more intimate. He'd say things like you know if your not ready for a relationship we can just wanna have sex, I could help u with that. Every needs to feel loved he said. Still I told him I didn't wanna have sex with him. He's married. Fast forward a few weeks his wife goes to see family for 2 weeks but he tells me that they are threw, that he broke it off.He's telling me he's done with his wife. He doesn't love her. He sees something in me that he wants to pursue. Tells me I'm different than any other woman he's ever met. That he thinks about me constantly, that he's fallen hard for me. He said he never even felt this way for his wife. So i let him take me out on a real date, we went driving around in his muscle car, went to dinner then went out for drinks. We had an amazing time. Came home and hung out til the sun came up. Still I wasn't having sex with him. A few days later he was so persistent and told me everything I needed to hear. He said let me take u to the lake and drink a few beers.(I'm not a drinker) I was stressing about my own divorce and just terrified of what my life was gonna be like.he assured me that he would be there for me, that he would do anything for me. About 8 beers later he starts massaging my foot, which no one an touch my feet! I hate it usually but he had a way with his hands. We hung out at the lake for a few more hours. I was pretty drunk when we left. (I'm only 90 lbs) I remember he carried me cause I kept stumbling. That was the last of my memory until I woke up to him on top of me, inside of me. I was confused, my head was spinning. I told him to stop. He did. I said I don't feel well, I got up and left. I came home so confused. I didn't remember if I had let him think that it was ok. I felt guilty and trashy as hell. I was ashamed, I cried the whole next day, I blamed myself. He came over (remember he is my neighbor) I told him how I was feeling, he apologized. I don't know what for. But he told me that we had a great time and I initiated the sex. I felt awful. He said don't feel that way. You and I weren't meant to be. That he's glad that we did it. He's wanted to have for the past 6 years since I've lived in my house. He kept on telling me everyday how much I mean to him. That he has no one else and that I have no one else. That all we have is each other. I believed him. He treated me amazingly afterward. We had sex 6 more times. Then......

 

 

His wife came back from her "trip"... She went straight back to living in the house. I flipped out. I told him he was a piece of ****, that he just used me. He told me everything I needed to hear and he got what he had wanted for soooo long. He threw a fit and said that all his felling were real with me. That he just had to get his finances in order so that she couldn't take all his stuff. Stupidly I allowed it to go on. We had sex here and there, he was fighting with his wife, he was staying at my house for numerous hours a day. I told him she has to know something is going on. He said he didn't care. Mind u his wife is a doormat. She will allow him to do anything. Including putting a gun in her mouth once when she burnt the steak. He choked her out in front of her kids a few times. All of this I didn't know until the week I finally blew it all up.

 

 

To the blow up.... I had been getting fed up, I told him he makes a decision now or I have to leave the situation. By this time it was tearing me apart. I had fallen for him hard. Now I don't see why but at the time I thought he was treating so well no other man could even compare. I'm an idiot, I know. I talked to the wife but didn't tell her about her husband and I. She just unloaded on me, about how horrible he is to her. Told me about the gun incident the choking out and a ton of other stuff. I decided I couldn't tell her. I just couldn't bring myself to add on to that. He kept texting and talking and I stupidly kept believing all the things he'd tell me. Then last night I told him I couldn't do it anymore that I still loved him but I couldn't share anymore. He got extremely angry said I was everything bad. All kinds of stuff. He had my 2nd car at his house, I went over and demanded my keys back. His wife answered the door. I told her she needs to not trust him, she begged me to tell her more. I said no I don't want any part of anything anymore. At this point I was uncontrollably shaking. He came out screaming, and I just let it loose. She started screaming "I knew it" he denied everything. He even swore on God and his dead mother that he never had sex with me. 5 minutes later he admitted it. But he said I pursued him. I was in shock. I told her everything, he denied. Called me every name in the book. I went home not feeling good about myself but relieved that I had finally stood up to this man that had taken advantage of me when I was in my most vulnerable state. Now I have to live next to these people. She texted me calling me a whore and that he don't want me. Lol he obviously did for awhile. He's a nut job so I am a little scared for my life. I hate that I am now in the category as the "other woman" when I had no intention of being that. I feel horrible for my part. I'll live with the regret for the rest of my life. Now I've just gotta live next to these people. I'm just looking for support. I'm not looking for pity. I am a piece of **** and take responsibility for my part. Just need someone to talk to.

[BuddyX]

First of all, you got taken advantage off. Nothing to be ashamed of.

 

Second, take a break from men. And I mean like a solid year. No dating no sex. Get back to IC.

 

Print out text and phone calls from MM just in case you need proof. And invest in a security cam if they are indeed next door neighbors.

[Ronnie33]

You are not a piece of ****. Your married man is what's called, the typical married man. They all use the same playbook, it must be published somewhere.

 

Trust me, you were not his first affair. He worked you over and manipulate you for months unitl you trusted him and then went for it. I'm sure you didn't initiate the sex, that was just another lie to get you past the first time so you would continue. All manipulating, they master it.

 

Apart front that, he is dangerous and abusive. This is not someone you want in your life anyway. The way he treats his wife is the way he would have eventually treated you. Be happy you aren't her. Stay away from both of them and if you could move, I would. The wife calling you a whore is her way of dealing with it and convincing herself that it's your fault and you meant nothing. It makes it easier for her to feel better about staying with him, because she knows he's a piece of crap.

Edited September 15, 2016 by Ronnie33

[Satu]

Welcome to Loveshack.

 

 

From my journal:

 

 

"Unfaithful married men are especially good at two things:

 

1. Telling lies.

 

2. Finding people who will believe those lies.

 

Many of them do this again and again, with woman after woman."

 

 

You should impose strict no contact.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means he might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete him from all social media.

*No monitoring of him on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying.

 

 

 

Take care.

[Jersey born raised]

First, please confirm sex (not intimacy) occured once and the sex start while you where blacked out.

 

I've read a post where the poster stated we get the love we think we deserve. While more complicated then that, it does fit you. I sense you accept men who you feel you can not do better then. That you ignore red flags to get involved with these men. Good on you for stopping and standing up for yourself - keep going.

 

Are you still seeing a psychologist? If not please get back with them. You need to surround yourself with healthy people.

 

Be well.

 

Quick question: was you husband friendly with this guy?

[WhoAmI234]

First, please confirm sex (not intimacy) occured once and the sex start while you where blacked out.

 

I've read a post where the poster stated we get the love we think we deserve. While more complicated then that, it does fit you. I sense you accept men who you feel you can not do better then. That you ignore red flags to get involved with these men. Good on you for stopping and standing up for yourself - keep going.

 

Are you still seeing a psychologist? If not please get back with them. You need to surround yourself with healthy people.

 

Be well.

 

Quick question: was you husband friendly with this guy?

 

 

 

The first time. I was blacked out. Yes. I woke up in the middle of him grinding with his dick fully inside me and I thought omg what have I done. My head was spinning. I immediately blamed myself. I told him to stop. I left. I thought I had to have done something for him to think I was okay with having sex with him.

The next day I was extremely sore down there and had cuts from him I'm assuming penetrating me dry. I let him feed me a story about how I wanted it and that were connected now and it was meant to be. I don't know how I believed it now. So stupid of me. I was just so alone and he made me feel like he was the only one that would be there for me.

 

I've realized I ignored all the red flags. I am done with men for awhile. I realize I have to become a person again. I realize I deserve better. I am proud that I stood up to this demon. Although now I am scared for my life, I can't stop shaking. He is literally 40 ft from my house. I can't move either.

 

 

I'm not seeing a psychologist at the moment, I have to soon though. I know that.

 

 

My husband never cared for him. They were cordial to each other but not friends. The MM acted as if he knew everything about my ex tho and even tried to get me to take out credit cards in his name and really do him dirty. I should have realized what a pos he was then. Like I said I feel like such a blind idiot these past 6 months. Where did my head go?

[MJJean]

Any reason you can't sell or rent the house and move?

 

Security cameras aren't very expensive anymore. That is definitely something you should invest in along with an alarm system. Sefl defense classes, bear spray, firearms training and a CCW along with a Big F*cking Dog (if you like dogs) are also options. Personally, I'm fond of the Guardian Breeds, particularly Mastiffs/Molossers.

 

Frankly, you need to aggressively protect yourself because he is a psycho and his wife doesn't seem much better.

Edited September 15, 2016 by MJJean

[goodyblue]

The first time. I was blacked out. Yes. I woke up in the middle of him grinding with his dick fully inside me and I thought omg what have I done. My head was spinning. I immediately blamed myself. I told him to stop. I left. I thought I had to have done something for him to think I was okay with having sex with him.

The next day I was extremely sore down there and had cuts from him I'm assuming penetrating me dry. I let him feed me a story about how I wanted it and that were connected now and it was meant to be. I don't know how I believed it now. So stupid of me. I was just so alone and he made me feel like he was the only one that would be there for me.

 

I've realized I ignored all the red flags. I am done with men for awhile. I realize I have to become a person again. I realize I deserve better. I am proud that I stood up to this demon. Although now I am scared for my life, I can't stop shaking. He is literally 40 ft from my house. I can't move either.

 

 

I'm not seeing a psychologist at the moment, I have to soon though. I know that.

 

 

My husband never cared for him. They were cordial to each other but not friends. The MM acted as if he knew everything about my ex tho and even tried to get me to take out credit cards in his name and really do him dirty. I should have realized what a pos he was then. Like I said I feel like such a blind idiot these past 6 months. Where did my head go?

 

He is a rapist. Jesus. Don't talk to him again and get into therapy. What a horrible thing to have happen. ?

[WhoAmI234]

Any reason you can't sell or rent the house and move?

 

Security cameras aren't very expensive anymore. That is definitely something you should invest in along with an alarm system. Sefl defense classes, bear spray, firearms training and a CCW along with a Big F*cking Dog (if you like dogs) are also options. Personally, I'm fond of the Guardian Breeds, particularly Mastiffs/Molossers.

 

Frankly, you need to aggressively protect yourself because he is a psycho and his wife doesn't seem much better.

 

 

 

For now I am stuck in the lease. I have no money to break it to get a new place.

 

I just got off the phone with a security company and they are coming Monday to install cameras, door monitors and window monitors. I do have 2 big dogs. 1 Doberman. 1 pitbull. But I'm scared for their lives, I know he would do something to them cause they mean a lot to me. I can't wait for the security ppl to get here. I won't be able to take a deep breathe til then. My ex brought a shotgun over, I will see about getting a handgun. If I have to not pay some other bill I will, just to protect myself my 4 yr old and my sanity.

 

If anyone prays, I don't like to ask for prayers but I really need them right now. I know I have sinned but I'm begging for forgiveness from the lord above. I just want to be happy and live the most giving life possible. Thank you for all your replies.

[BluesPower]

Yes everyone is right, you got taken advantage of.

 

He is a POS, way worse than me, that's why I read so much here. I finally started to realize that I am not the worst person in the world.

 

But, man what a low down SOB to swoop down on you like that.

 

I am so sorry that he did all that.

 

Screw the neighbors, who really cares. You should find a new boy toy and let him see you go inside kissing him. That may get his goat.

 

Don't give this guy or his wife a second thought, they are not worth it.

 

Hang tough...

[BTDT2012]

I am glad you are owning your part in this. Of course his wife is pissed, you knew he was married and encouraged him. He is a predator. I hope that you can get yourself in a stronger place where you are able to deal with being on your own. Stay away from relationships until you are stronger. You really need to figure out why you continued to deal with him after your first sexual encounter. I will pray for you.

[aileD]

I didn't even read your full post.

 

Just that your ex was extremely abusive and you're now the mistress to your neighbor.

 

I just want to say this: Please get yourself to counseling. You are attracted to men that are abusinve and use you. It's something ingrained in you, counseling can help figure out why and get you to a place where you only choose men who respect you.

 

I wish you the best

[jenkins95]

(((whoami)))

 

What he did to you that first time is bordering on rape. He says you initiated it when you were drunk?? - I call bullsh*t. He also once put a gun in his wife's mouth and has throttled her in front of the kids. Not to mention the constant manipulation, grooming and endless lies.

 

He sounds very dangerous and a complete POS. I feel sorry for you and his wife.... And his kids. I'm no saint, I had an affair, but this seems like another league.

 

Please stay away, actively avoid them and first chance you get, I would move far far away.

 

You deserve a nice guy. Take time to recover from this and your divorce and learn lots of lessons.

 

You will be OK soon. Come to us.

 

Best of luck

Edited September 15, 2016 by jenkins95

[ThatsJustHowIRoll]

(((whoami)))

 

What he did to you that first time is bordering on rape. He says you initiated it when you were drunk?? - I call bullsh*t. He also once put a gun in his wife's mouth and has throttled her in front of the kids. Not to mention the constant manipulation, grooming and endless lies.

 

He sounds very dangerous and a complete POS. I feel sorry for you and his wife.... And his kids. I'm no saint, I had an affair, but this seems like another league.

 

Please stay away, actively avoid them and first chance you get, I would move far far away.

 

You deserve a nice guy. Take time to recover from this and your divorce and learn lots of lessons.

 

You will be OK soon. Come to us.

 

Best of luck

 

No 'bordering' about it.... Being black out drunk makes it impossible to consent. It's rape.

[WhoAmI234]

So today my mom came to sit with me cause I didn't want to be alone. She wanted to be there for me. She told me that this will not break me that I am not going to sit inside all day and let him win. That's what he wants me to do. She told me to hold my head high. I was taken advantage of and I made a mistake while I was vulnerable. I came and sat outside. My 4 yr old and my niece played, I joined in. I actually smiled was having fun with the kids. Then I look up and guess who is staring me down?! I didn't know what else to do so I smiled and laughed. I wasn't gonna let him see me miserable. I took a deep breath and stayed outside playing with the kids. The kid play yard faces his house. I want it moved asap but can't do It by myself. So anyways I am playing w the kids and the wife walks out all dressed up in heels and a dress. I could feel his stares the whole time, I hung my head then it snapped and I was like pick your head up and smile. So I did. All of sudden I bust out laughing. (I don't know where it came from) but I don't regret it. I guess I've been crying so much, my body was dying for a laugh. That plus I am a tad insane. He flipped me off, I said oh I know you're gonna have fun! I know I shouldn't have said anything but I'm done being his victim. Unload on me women/men. I can take it as constructive criticism. I don't know how to deal with this without losing myself again.

[aileD]

Good for you.

 

There's some quote about how letting people bother you only gives them your energy...don't waste your energy

 

I might have been inclined to throw up a middle finger somewhere during my laughter but that's just me LOL

 

Are you in counseling? I think it would be a good place for you to start and to learn about yourself

[BluesPower]

You are going to be fine. And good for you. This guy if the worst.

 

You keep your head up...

[Jersey born raised]

Man like your ex and neighbor are ever bit as broken as you. While you internalized it, they externalized it. What this means you: it is not surprising he was staring you down, good for getting the security in place. He will want to try again. From what I read he does have some surivial instinct otherwise his external behavior would be a lot worse. Quick fact I read 95 percent of men in prison for battery and assault where abused as a child. True, I don't know how high but I think it is very high.

 

To finish up your neighbor a desperate need to hurt you to validate themselves. But even if you allowed it, that sense of validation can never be satisfied. Addicts call it chasing the Dragon meaning you always seek the rush of the first high.

 

In the eighties Dr Drew, before he went hollywood, he did host a serious radio show that discussed CSA and drug abuse. He made a comment that woman like you and men like your ex and neighbor seem to have a radar, a vibe that pulls them together. Marry the comment on Love from my previous post with my comments on this post and you can see what Dr Drew was saying.

 

You do deserve better and just as important you can have better. Use you mind and not your emotions and currant state of your ego.

[MJJean]

For now I am stuck in the lease. I have no money to break it to get a new place.

 

I just got off the phone with a security company and they are coming Monday to install cameras, door monitors and window monitors. I do have 2 big dogs. 1 Doberman. 1 pitbull. But I'm scared for their lives, I know he would do something to them cause they mean a lot to me. I can't wait for the security ppl to get here. I won't be able to take a deep breathe til then. My ex brought a shotgun over, I will see about getting a handgun. If I have to not pay some other bill I will, just to protect myself my 4 yr old and my sanity.

 

If anyone prays, I don't like to ask for prayers but I really need them right now. I know I have sinned but I'm begging for forgiveness from the lord above. I just want to be happy and live the most giving life possible. Thank you for all your replies.

 

I'll say a prayer for you!

 

I am also a Pit Bull owner. Mine is useless as a guard dog. She`s great at alert barking, but she likes everybody. I also have an American Bulldog. He is a large guard dog, but he is welcoming to people he knows who have been to the house before. Are your dogs so familiar with him that they`d take food from him or allow him onto the property without barking and defending the home? If so, DO NOT leave your dogs outside alone even for a minute. Some people are evil enough to feed a dog tainted meat or leave a puddle of antifreeze soaked kibble out for them. If the dogs go out, go out and supervise just in case.

 

Good on you for being willing to arm yourself. So many women find themselves in dangerous situations and are too uncomfortable to employ firearms as a defense should the ex-whatever actually lose his mind. Usually when I suggest a gun, I get ignored. What a pleasant surprise you are!

 

I had an exH that nearly choked me to death on the stairs and an apartment that got broken into when I was home alone with the kids, late at night, in the bath, of all places. Between those two incidents and a few things I have seen friends go through, I am becoming a big fan of women who are alone and threatened arming themselves.

 

So today my mom came to sit with me cause I didn't want to be alone. She wanted to be there for me. She told me that this will not break me that I am not going to sit inside all day and let him win. That's what he wants me to do. She told me to hold my head high. I was taken advantage of and I made a mistake while I was vulnerable. I came and sat outside. My 4 yr old and my niece played, I joined in. I actually smiled was having fun with the kids. Then I look up and guess who is staring me down?! I didn't know what else to do so I smiled and laughed. I wasn't gonna let him see me miserable. I took a deep breath and stayed outside playing with the kids. The kid play yard faces his house. I want it moved asap but can't do It by myself. So anyways I am playing w the kids and the wife walks out all dressed up in heels and a dress. I could feel his stares the whole time, I hung my head then it snapped and I was like pick your head up and smile. So I did. All of sudden I bust out laughing. (I don't know where it came from) but I don't regret it. I guess I've been crying so much, my body was dying for a laugh. That plus I am a tad insane. He flipped me off, I said oh I know you're gonna have fun! I know I shouldn't have said anything but I'm done being his victim. Unload on me women/men. I can take it as constructive criticism. I don't know how to deal with this without losing myself again.

 

I'm glad you're feeling stronger, but do NOT engage. Not in any way. Live, be happy, but ignore the crazy neighbors while you do it. You just protect you and yours until you can move.

 

What kind of relationship do you have with your landlord? If things get bad and he or his wife start harassing you, do you think the landlord may release you from the lease without penalty? I've heard of landlords doing such things in similar circumstances, but typically in popular areas where the property can be rented out again quickly.

[Logan787]

I just want you to know, that a lot of your desire and emotions towards this man were simply delusional. I don't think you ever really had anything for him other than the fact that he had sex with you and it was that soul bond that was telling you that you were in love or had strong feelings for him, when really you weren't. I can feel your pain and your shame at everything that happened. My heart really goes out to you. Here are some verses to help you understand and know that God has forgiven you and you just need to seek His face and how to find healing.

If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. : )

 

“Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more.”

**Isaiah‬ *54:4‬ *KJV‬‬

 

“To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.”

**Isaiah‬ *61:3‬ *KJV‬‬

[Logan787]

Try this website out, it might help you. It's Christian based.

 

AFFAIR HEALING - Affair Recovery Help, Resources & Counseling

[Survivor12]

You need to start making choices for yourself that are in your best interest.

 

You said that you can't afford to move, but you are able to invest in an alarm system? --Be honest with yourself about why you are choosing to stay in a place that will cause you stress and put you in potential danger.

 

You are fearful of him, but you poke the bear to prove that you won't be intimidated? --Ignore them! Don't engage!

 

Look, I understand that he is a creep & took advantage of your vulnerability, but you need to accept responsibility for the choices you made. Of course his wife is angry. Of course she has something to prove to you. She didn't create this mess--her husband and you did. Step back. Avoiding confrontation with her is a good thing for both of you. You think it's rough on you living next door? Imagine how she feels living next door to the woman her husband cheated on her with.

 

Please do what the others have suggested & get back into therapy to help you work through this and learn how to move past it all.

 

Good luck to you.

[BTDT2012]

His wife and I were never really friends. She tried to befriend me but I never really cared for her. Too much drama.

Of course his wife is angry. And this gives her more reason to believe that you wanted her husband all along. You have no reason to be angry with her reaction to you sleeping with her husband.