CRUSHED HOPES. Am I justified?

[Faithful12]

Hello everyone.

I have been dating my boyfriend for a year now, everything has been fine, we would have fights and fix them and get over them. However, I started noticing change in Him withdrawing and no longer showing love. I fell pregnant and we have been arguing and making up. So I discovered that has been cheating on me. By the look of things, he seemed a bit serious with this other girl. I was really hurt cause I love him dearly. He isn't working not studying I have everything. But I told myself money isn't an issue as long as we are happy. Instead of him asking for forgiveness and us moving forward, he asked for space. Said he doesn't want anyone in his life at the moment. I'm carrying a baby, I'm stressing out. I have been waiting it's the 2nd month now, he doesn't call not text. I saw on Twittersaying "he is single but people think he is a player" his actions showed he wants out but he doesn't wanna say it. I asked him how long will this go on, he said he doesn't know, if he lets go will tell me if he doesn't he will tell me and if I wanna move on I should. So I ended things with him today. He replied if that's what I want it's fine with him. I hate him. I pray that my child and I will pull through this until birth. I still love him though. But this pain is frustrating me and making me useless at work.

Edited September 15, 2016 by Faithful12

[Space Ritual]

See a Lawyer,

 

Sounds like he is auditioning to be a deadbeat dad.

 

Maybe he'll get his arse in gear when he learns how much he will be paying in child support. Maybe not, but don't let him off the hook.

[Gloria25]

'Money isn't an issue as long as we're happy'...

 

I'm gonna have to remember that when I do my bills next pay period.

 

In life, especially when you are brining another life into this world (a baby), you have to be practical. With life and/or a baby there's needs. There's how the rent will be paid, food, medicine, clothing, etc.

 

If people don't plan for a child, and they aren't ready for a child (no stable job, income, resources), of course they are going to be stressed and upset. In such circumstances, some people will rise to the occasion, some will withdraw and walk away. No one wants to be forced to raise a child.

 

Some people might put up their kid for adoption if they have an unplanned pregnancy and the parents can't come together. The child has a right to two loving parents - doesn't have to be a bio parent.

[Faithful12]

Guys, I have sufficient money because I am educated and I have a degree and a permanent job. Which means I won't have to depend on him for anything. All I ever wanted was a stable relationships. What made me do this choice is, when I ask if he still loves me, he won't answer me. When I tell him I feel like he hates me he gets aggressive. But I have a feeling later he will play victim when we talk cause I know his mom won't just let this happen without her involvement. I needed to feel that have made the right decision so that I can stop expecting him to contact me. I am tired of always chasing men. He knows he can snap his fingers and I'll jump. But now I feel like he can just go to hell and he'll do the chasing and begging if he really and ever cared and loved me.

[Lois_Griffin]

Hello everyone.

I have been dating my boyfriend for a year now, everything has been fine, we would have fights and fix them and get over them. However, I started noticing change in Him withdrawing and no longer showing love. I fell pregnant and we have been arguing and making up.

Sigh.

 

How very serendipitous that as he was pulling away from you and probably getting ready to move on, you suddenly - and magically - 'fell' pregnant. Jesus, women still pull this sh*t in today's world?

 

So I discovered that has been cheating on me. By the look of things, he seemed a bit serious with this other girl. I was really hurt cause I love him dearly. He isn't working not studying I have everything. But I told myself money isn't an issue as long as we are happy.

So you're clinging to a guy whose basically a bum and has no ambition to be a productive human being. Seems like the only effort he does put out is impregnating women and cheating on them with other women. You didn't pick wisely from the gene pool, OP.

 

Instead of him asking for forgiveness and us moving forward, he asked for space. Said he doesn't want anyone in his life at the moment. I'm carrying a baby, I'm stressing out. I have been waiting it's the 2nd month now, he doesn't call not text. I saw on Twittersaying "he is single but people think he is a player" his actions showed he wants out but he doesn't wanna say it. I asked him how long will this go on, he said he doesn't know, if he lets go will tell me if he doesn't he will tell me and if I wanna move on I should.

The guy had decided to move on before you got yourself pregnant. He's a lying cheater, so why you'd cling like grim death to him - and tether yourself to him for life with a baby - is just beyond me.

 

Guys, I have sufficient money because I am educated and I have a degree and a permanent job. Which means I won't have to depend on him for anything.

This just proves how immature and ill-informed you actually are. Sure, right NOW you're self sufficient and able to support yourself. That's great. But you can't possibly predict the next 20 years. You could get stuck down with a debilitating disease that forces you on Disability for life and you'll be trying to support yourself and a kid on a fraction of the salary you make now. Or, there could be medical issues in the future for either one of you that will bankrupt you in no time at all. The economy could take a turn for the worse and you could find yourself out of work for 2 or 3 years, and the list just goes on and on. You need to pursue child support from deadbeat daddy because even though he was tricked, he STILL bears responsibility for unzipping his pants.

 

What you did was foolish and selfish because I don't believe for one second this was an accident. You've basically tried to use an innocent life to cling to some loser who was ready to leave you. And you chose a loser for this poor kid's father which means you've basically insured that this kid will grow up without a father and and always wonder why his dad didn't love him enough to stick around.

 

Unreal.

[basil67]

All this arguing and making up....of course he wouldn't want to stay. Why anyone stays in a turmultuous is beyond me. Sounds like you should have left a few months ago instead of getting pregnant.

 

Anyway, I don't think your feelings are justified. Instead, I think you've made a series of bad decisions. You've chosen to have a baby with a guy who've only known for a year, was a lazy so and so, who you had frequent arguments with and who apparently had one foot out the door anyway. This relationship is not one to mourn.

[elaine567]

Sure, right NOW you're self sufficient and able to support yourself. That's great. But you can't possibly predict the next 20 years. You could get stuck down with a debilitating disease that forces you on Disability for life and you'll be trying to support yourself and a kid on a fraction of the salary you make now. Or, there could be medical issues in the future for either one of you that will bankrupt you in no time at all. The economy could take a turn for the worse and you could find yourself out of work for 2 or 3 years, and the list just goes on and on. You need to pursue child support from deadbeat daddy because even though he was tricked, he STILL bears responsibility for unzipping his pants

 

Listen to this ^^^ and listen good.

 

You are frightened to go down the child support route in case it pisses him off and then he will never come back to you.

Nothing here tells me he cares one jot about you or the child anyway.

I suggest you focus on your child and forget this unstable mess of a relationship.

Pursue child support so that he/she can have the best start in life possible in the circumstances.

[Redhead14]

Hello everyone.

I have been dating my boyfriend for a year now, everything has been fine, we would have fights and fix them and get over them. However, I started noticing change in Him withdrawing and no longer showing love. I fell pregnant and we have been arguing and making up. So I discovered that has been cheating on me. By the look of things, he seemed a bit serious with this other girl. I was really hurt cause I love him dearly. He isn't working not studying I have everything. But I told myself money isn't an issue as long as we are happy. Instead of him asking for forgiveness and us moving forward, he asked for space. Said he doesn't want anyone in his life at the moment. I'm carrying a baby, I'm stressing out. I have been waiting it's the 2nd month now, he doesn't call not text. I saw on Twittersaying "he is single but people think he is a player" his actions showed he wants out but he doesn't wanna say it. I asked him how long will this go on, he said he doesn't know, if he lets go will tell me if he doesn't he will tell me and if I wanna move on I should. So I ended things with him today. He replied if that's what I want it's fine with him. I hate him. I pray that my child and I will pull through this until birth. I still love him though. But this pain is frustrating me and making me useless at work.

 

Put on your big girl pants and start focusing on that child and the future for both of you. He or she doesn't have a voice and it's your responsibility to make sure you do everything possible to ensure your own physical and emotional health for the sake of the baby.

I pray that my child and I will pull through this until birth. -- This statement upsets me because it implies that you may allow yourself to become so stressed and unfocused as to cause the pregnancy to fail.

 

Get a grip. You put yourself in a very bad position. Own it. The guy was a loser before all this and you didn't take the necessary precautions apparently to prevent a further complication. If he was a crappy partner before the pregnancy, he's going to be a crappy partner after and a crappy father.

 

making me useless at work. -- You can and should grieve on your own time. Don't start screwing up your job for a man, especially, this one. He's not worth it.

[Faithful12]

Put on your big girl pants and start focusing on that child and the future for both of you. He or she doesn't have a voice and it's your responsibility to make sure you do everything possible to ensure your own physical and emotional health for the sake of the baby.

I pray that my child and I will pull through this until birth. -- This statement upsets me because it implies that you may allow yourself to become so stressed and unfocused as to cause the pregnancy to fail.

 

Get a grip. You put yourself in a very bad position. Own it. The guy was a loser before all this and you didn't take the necessary precautions apparently to prevent a further complication. If he was a crappy partner before the pregnancy, he's going to be a crappy partner after and a crappy father.

 

making me useless at work. -- You can and should grieve on your own time. Don't start screwing up your job for a man, especially, this one. He's not worth it.

 

By far this is the best response that shows no judgment at all. For the truth you speak and advice you give thank you.

[robert-zell]

Really loves and cherishes you people would not behave this way. I'm certainly not in your place, but would prefer to get the pain once than suffer continuously.