I Do The Same Damn Thing EVERY TIME

[LiterallyMyLife]

You'd think I'd learn.

 

I met a guy, had lunch with him and he was very talkative, outgoing, and almost a little too much personality for my taste, but I enjoyed myself nonetheless.

 

We both had about two hours between our classes and he asked jokingly if he could come over and cuddle and I declined because we just met and I had a messy apartment, but he offered to help me clean.

 

Anyway, after saying no a few times, we went our separate ways and we texted for hours after that and later that night I invited him over to watch tv. We cuddled a bit and it was really nice. It was nice to not be alone again.

 

After he left, I messaged him to let me know if he got home okay but he didn't respond. It was late so I assumed he just went straight to bed. But today has been weird and stressful and it really shouldn't be.

 

He barely texted me today and he said he was just tired and between classes and work, he didn't have much time to talk, but the past few days, he made time to text me for hours in between classes, while he was doing class work, and now after we hung out he doesn't have time.

 

The reason it's frustrating is because I don't even know if I like him that way. I just hate feeling like I have someone's attention and then as SOON as I give in, that attention is gone. And I don't even know if I'm looking for advice. I just need to talk it out and I don't have anyone to talk it out with.

 

I know my problem. I'm lonely and sad. I'm constantly anxious so I pick things apart when there's probably not a problem to begin with.

 

Now, I'm thinking about this guy who I could see myself being friends with MAYBE just because he made me feel a little less alone for a few hours. And it keeps happening.

 

I should just give it a few days and see if he texts me. I know that's how it normally works, right?

 

I could see us becoming really close if we continue to hang out because when we were alone it just felt natural. I didn't mind hugging and resting my head on his chest when normally that sort of subtle intimacy would freak me out a little bit.

[Lois_Griffin]

So you just met this creep and had lunch with him which basically means you'd known him for a whopping hour or two, and he was already making 'jokes' about coming over to 'cuddle?'

 

What an assclown.

 

Why you'd invite him over that same evening is beyond me. It's obvious he was looking for sex and while you were looking for someone to take away your loneliness, Romeo was looking to score. That's why he's blowing hot and cold - he figured he was going to get himself some action at your house that night and he's ticked that he didn't.

 

He'll keep you around if he thinks there will be a 'payoff' in the end for him, but in the meantime, he's not going to invest in you take you out on dates.

 

You're being extremely naive thinking there's anything more to this than what it is.

[jen1447]

I should just give it a few days and see if he texts me. I know that's how it normally works, right?

 

You should wait by default but I wouldn't expect anything to come of this. You already tried to talk and he already showed he doesn't want to. No one's ever "too busy" unless they want to be or someone's dying, so you have your answer already and it's best to accept it and move on.

 

Life's rarely 'fair' this way but it never helps to wallow very long. Eyes forward.

[LiterallyMyLife]

So you just met this creep and had lunch with him which basically means you'd known him for a whopping hour or two, and he was already making 'jokes' about coming over to 'cuddle?'

 

What an assclown.

 

Why you'd invite him over that same evening is beyond me. It's obvious he was looking for sex and while you were looking for someone to take away your loneliness, Romeo was looking to score. That's why he's blowing hot and cold - he figured he was going to get himself some action at your house that night and he's ticked that he didn't.

 

He'll keep you around if he thinks there will be a 'payoff' in the end for him, but in the meantime, he's not going to invest in you take you out on dates.

 

You're being extremely naive thinking there's anything more to this than what it is.

 

I know, I know. Again, I do this every time expecting a different result. I know it won't happen, but for a second I don't feel lonely.

 

To be fair, he did play it well. He reassured me and he made sure to make jokes a LOT so I'm not even sure if he was actually joking or not at times.

 

He made sure I wasn't sure of what his intentions were. And like an idiot I fell for it. I think I was more upset about it yesterday than I am today. I mean, it's still frustrating because every time I think maybe this guy will be different, I end up getting proved wrong.

 

I've only had one boyfriend and it was long distance so I'm not even sure it can be considered that.

 

This guy said all the right things. He's a Christian. He planned to wait till marriage for sex but ended up doing it anyway with his ex. He loves conversation. He said we would go at my pace and he's open to anything so whatever I wanted would go.

 

Now it hasn't been long obviously and I assume most people don't text back all the time, but I guess I just feel like if I'm worth someone's time, they'll respond, busy or not. And I'm not worth this guys time at all and in turn, he shouldn't be worth mine, right?

 

Should I delete his number and just call it another mistake?

[LiterallyMyLife]

You should wait by default but I wouldn't expect anything to come of this. You already tried to talk and he already showed he doesn't want to. No one's ever "too busy" unless they want to be or someone's dying, so you have your answer already and it's best to accept it and move on.

 

Life's rarely 'fair' this way but it never helps to wallow very long. Eyes forward.

 

 

You're so right, Jen. I had my moment last night when I posted this. I was stewing in it and wallowing in it wondering why this happens every time. The truth is, I know why. But at 24, I've never loved anyone and no one has ever loved me and I guess even the slightest attention is enough to make me "have feelings" even though they're not real.

[jen1447]

You're so right, Jen. I had my moment last night when I posted this. I was stewing in it and wallowing in it wondering why this happens every time. The truth is, I know why. But at 24, I've never loved anyone and no one has ever loved me and I guess even the slightest attention is enough to make me "have feelings" even though they're not real.

 

Don't worry, you're young - your time will come. Probably right around the time you give up on it. (Srsly, that happens a lot.)

[Miss Peach]

Even if this is a case of him just not being into you, there are enough flags I wouldn't waste my time with him.

 

First you had to repeatedly say no to an outlandish request to not have a stranger in your home 'to cuddle'. This is not respectful of your boundaries or his word to go at your pace.

 

This guy said all the right things. He's a Christian. He planned to wait till marriage for sex but ended up doing it anyway with his ex. He loves conversation. He said we would go at my pace and he's open to anything so whatever I wanted would go.

 

He is not showing you any of this. Just because he says this stuff, spending a few hours with him really tells you nothing of his values. You need time to see this stuff and see if it matches his words. At least one of these things he's already proven wrong.

 

Take the best case scenario that he's not interested, a flake, or a game player.

 

It's up to you whether you want to give him another chance as I realize men don't have a clue which playbook to use with which woman and they all want something different. So I get that. Sometimes you need to show these guys not to try this crap with you. But if you ever see this stuff again I would delete his number.

Edited September 16, 2016 by Miss Peach

[LiterallyMyLife]

Even if this is a case of him just not being into you, there are enough flags I wouldn't waste my time with him.

 

First you had to repeatedly say no to an outlandish request to not have a stranger in your home 'to cuddle'. This is not respectful of your boundaries or his word to go at your pace.

 

 

 

He is not showing you any of this. Just because he says this stuff, spending a few hours with him really tells you nothing of his values. You need time to see this stuff and see if it matches his words. At least one of these things he's already proven wrong.

 

Take the best case scenario that he's not interested, a flake, or a game player.

 

It's up to you whether you want to give him another chance as I realize men don't have a clue which playbook to use with which woman and they all want something different. So I get that. Sometimes you need to show these guys not to try this crap with you. But if you ever see this stuff again I would delete his number.

 

I know I should have let it go. I have a hard time with that because I'm typically a very honest and open person. If I'm not feeling something or someone, I let them know in a nice way so I don't waste their time or mine. Especially if they can find someone who is into them.

 

That being said, it also goes for when I'm upset. A lot of people hold things in and let it grow until they explode. I just can't do that because in my experience, it's more damaging to my health than just letting it out.

 

I messaged him one last time (which might have been a mistake, but at this point I'm just done with it) to explain what I was thinking. How I actually told him how guys tend to be arrogant and once they get what they want, they don't give the girl the time of day after that and that he even said its ****ed up that guys do that. I told him IF he wanted to be friends like he said so adamantly that he did, he'd make time to say just a simple hey as opposed to nothing because I'm just as busy with school and work, but I still have time to ask him how he was. I even mentioned how he was all about talking to me during work and putting off reading to talk to me the days before, but after that night, he didn't "have time".

I basically called him out on all of this and he responded immediately saying how he's just working a lot and he doesn't have time to respond to texts and to never insult his character again.

 

I haven't responded. I don't plan to. I'm deleting his number because honestly I don't want a friend like him.

 

I've learned that guys think they're doing you a favor by just slowly putting the text conversations to an end. They think, if I just stop talking cold turkey I'll look like a jerk, but if I still respond but don't give the conversation much to go on, she'll eventually give up! It's sickening.

[Darren Steez]

I know I should have let it go. I have a hard time with that because I'm typically a very honest and open person. If I'm not feeling something or someone, I let them know in a nice way so I don't waste their time or mine. Especially if they can find someone who is into them.

 

That being said, it also goes for when I'm upset. A lot of people hold things in and let it grow until they explode. I just can't do that because in my experience, it's more damaging to my health than just letting it out.

 

I messaged him one last time (which might have been a mistake, but at this point I'm just done with it) to explain what I was thinking. How I actually told him how guys tend to be arrogant and once they get what they want, they don't give the girl the time of day after that and that he even said its ****ed up that guys do that. I told him IF he wanted to be friends like he said so adamantly that he did, he'd make time to say just a simple hey as opposed to nothing because I'm just as busy with school and work, but I still have time to ask him how he was. I even mentioned how he was all about talking to me during work and putting off reading to talk to me the days before, but after that night, he didn't "have time".

I basically called him out on all of this and he responded immediately saying how he's just working a lot and he doesn't have time to respond to texts and to never insult his character again.

 

I haven't responded. I don't plan to. I'm deleting his number because honestly I don't want a friend like him.

 

I've learned that guys think they're doing you a favor by just slowly putting the text conversations to an end. They think, if I just stop talking cold turkey I'll look like a jerk, but if I still respond but don't give the conversation much to go on, she'll eventually give up! It's sickening.

 

You haven't even known this guy properly face to face for more than a few hours. He invites you for a cuddle (whatever that is) after you refuse him going over for a cuddle, then he blanks you the next day and tells you not to insult his character again.

 

Look the guy just wants to bang you. Now since he's gauged your character i.e. Very susceptible to emotional manipulation, he's doing the push and pull. I have no doubt you'll get a text or a call asking to hang out out of the blue, he'll be real nice, almost like he's doing you a favor of gracing you with his presence.

 

Delete and block his number and move on. It's better to be lonely and wait for the right guy than be to with a douche who f*cks with your mind and leaves you messed up.

 

i.e Not your fault you do this every time. It's just who you are. You meet a like minded person then things can be great.

[Space Ritual]

What kind of limp wristed Nancy Boy asks someone to cuddle on a first date?

 

Someone who ultimately is a Wolf in Sheep's clothing, that's who.

 

Don't give him the time of day.

[smackie9]

Know the red flags....if the guy keeps pushing to be at your place or insists having a date at his place usually means sex. dump the chump.

Date those who treat you the way you want to be treated...with respect, takes you out on dates, holds your hand, wants to know about YOU, makes an effort to impress you, treats you like a lady, doesn't love bomb you with BS crap lines like "oh you are so different than I have ever dated" "you are so amazing, blah blah blah says what you want to hear...." Someone who is consistent, doesn't push you to sleep with them....I guess it sounds like a fairy tale but there are guys out there that have honest intentions and want what you want.....love, romance, a person that shares the same passions, etc. Be vigilant, don't settle for less.

[aileD]

He wanted to have sex with you and when all you did was cuddle, now you're not worth the effort.

 

He's a creep. Let it go. No one that's worthy of you is going to ask to "cuddle" right after meeting you.

[Omei]

He wanted to have sex with you and when all you did was cuddle, now you're not worth the effort.

 

He's a creep. Let it go. No one that's worthy of you is going to ask to "cuddle" right after meeting you.

 

Yep total slime ball and even if you had put out he'd be treating you the same way so at least you got that on him he didn't get what he wanted good for you.

 

If any guy asks to come over on the first date that's the moment you say goodbye

[eightytwenty]

Make the guy show you his worth. Golden tickets aren't golden if their easy.