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Me and my boss

lftbehind

By lftbehind,
in The Other Man / Woman

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lftbehind

lftbehind

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So this is a pattern for you? You purposely choose this for yourself?

 

I know, what's wrong with me? I have been very lonely and down and looking for someone to talk to me and be nice to me. They just aren't. Outside of having A, I am a good person.

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Bufo

Bufo

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Since he is a voyeur (i.e. Wants to watch porn with you and have a threesome) I would be exceptionally reluctant to have sex at his apartment. Who knows what cameras he has set up. And do you know what happens when sex is illicitly filmed? It ends up on perv Internet sites. Then it spreads to other internet sites like a virus. And it never goes away. Google amateur porn and you'll see there is no shortage of such sites.

 

I'm not saying this WILL happen. I'm saying it COULD happen. And if it happens it never goes away.

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lftbehind

lftbehind

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Since he is a voyeur (i.e. Wants to watch porn with you and have a threesome) I would be exceptionally reluctant to have sex at his apartment. Who knows what cameras he has set up. And do you know what happens when sex is illicitly filmed? It ends up on perv Internet sites. Then it spreads to other internet sites like a virus. And it never goes away. Google amateur porn and you'll see there is no shortage of such sites.

 

I'm not saying this WILL happen. I'm saying it COULD happen. And if it happens it never goes away.

 

Thanks for the advice. I hadn't thought of him taping us in the bedroom, it could be a possibility. That would be terrible if it ended up on the internet. It's definitely something to think about.

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kiyoma

kiyoma

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BTW you ruined the "Me and mom" brand for me ever!

 

I mean if I ever again look at a store of "Me and mom" (something innocent), I will be reminded of something erotic - "Me and my boss"

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Miss Clavel

Miss Clavel

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Although your tone is harsh, thanks for your reply. You're right I need to stop, but I can't totally stop talking to him, since he's a supervisor. It's hard to see how bad things are when you are in a situation sometimes. You want them to like you and see what you want to see. I'm not sure that he wants to actually see me with another guy, he has not come out and asked yet. That's what it sounds like, though.

 

 

understand that my tone is actually a very soft thick southern accent.

 

:p

 

you don't work at the circus, you don't have to jump thru hoops for anyone.

 

take care

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imsosad

imsosad

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He has a girlfriend. He's not telling you because it suits him not to.

All this talk about porn and threesomes and other guys-he does not respect you, you are easy sex to him. He also sounds like the kind of idiot who will think less of you for having sex with him. To me, all the talk about other guys indicate he doesnt care about you. He cares about the free,easy,available sex he can get from you. He might throw in a few sweet words,but look at his main goal in his interaction with you:sex.

The longer this will go on, the worse you will feel about yourself. NSA cant really be harmless when one party (you) is so vulnerable.

I say it's time to stop being a victim. Is this how you want to live your life? A bad marriage at home and a string of men who use you outside?

This is your life,it's on you to make it better. If you think some guy is going to.fall out of the sky and fix everything, you are wasting your time. You don't need more men in your life,you need YOU in your life.

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lftbehind

lftbehind

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BTW you ruined the "Me and mom" brand for me ever!

 

I mean if I ever again look at a store of "Me and mom" (something innocent), I will be reminded of something erotic - "Me and my boss"

 

Sorry, try to unsee my post :)

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lftbehind

lftbehind

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understand that my tone is actually a very soft thick southern accent.

 

:p

 

you don't work at the circus, you don't have to jump thru hoops for anyone.

 

take care

 

Okay, just so it's delivered in a very nice southern accent :)

 

I often feel like I work in the circus

 

Thanks and take care, too

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lftbehind

lftbehind

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He has a girlfriend. He's not telling you because it suits him not to.

All this talk about porn and threesomes and other guys-he does not respect you, you are easy sex to him. He also sounds like the kind of idiot who will think less of you for having sex with him. To me, all the talk about other guys indicate he doesnt care about you. He cares about the free,easy,available sex he can get from you. He might throw in a few sweet words,but look at his main goal in his interaction with you:sex.

The longer this will go on, the worse you will feel about yourself. NSA cant really be harmless when one party (you) is so vulnerable.

I say it's time to stop being a victim. Is this how you want to live your life? A bad marriage at home and a string of men who use you outside?

This is your life,it's on you to make it better. If you think some guy is going to.fall out of the sky and fix everything, you are wasting your time. You don't need more men in your life,you need YOU in your life.

 

I don't know why he doesn't tell me about his girlfriend, he knows my situation. She lives in another state. I know that his main goal is sex, but I thought that he liked talking to me, too. I do feel vulnerable and bad about myself. I know that I need to leave guys alone and a lot will use you. It's not how I want to live my life.

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imsosad

imsosad

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Lftbehind, I wish I could agree that he likes talking to you, but even if he does,my guess is that it's on a very superficial level. I don't think he bonds with you when you guys talk, the way you bond with him.

It is true that there guys looking to take advantage or just plain meet their own needs out there.

The good news is, you have so much control over it. If you keep good boundries, respect yourself and assert yourself, no one can use you. So who cares if a guy is only looking for a plaything, you don't have to be it.

Realising how much power we have over our own lives is scary,because it bears so much responsibilty and doesnt allow us to project and blame others for our problems. At the same time, it opens up so much freedom and so many possibilities,that it's worth it.

I sense you're lonely. Do you have a good friend, neighbor or relative you can confide in? I really want to give you a big hug and tell everything will be alright, but only if you make it right. Is there anyone to support you in real life?

I would have not survived my A and divorce if I didnt have my best friend by my side and later,my therapist.

Please find some help, I think you're on a path to a world of pain.

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lftbehind

lftbehind

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Lftbehind, I wish I could agree that he likes talking to you, but even if he does,my guess is that it's on a very superficial level. I don't think he bonds with you when you guys talk, the way you bond with him.

It is true that there guys looking to take advantage or just plain meet their own needs out there.

The good news is, you have so much control over it. If you keep good boundries, respect yourself and assert yourself, no one can use you. So who cares if a guy is only looking for a plaything, you don't have to be it.

Realising how much power we have over our own lives is scary,because it bears so much responsibilty and doesnt allow us to project and blame others for our problems. At the same time, it opens up so much freedom and so many possibilities,that it's worth it.

I sense you're lonely. Do you have a good friend, neighbor or relative you can confide in? I really want to give you a big hug and tell everything will be alright, but only if you make it right. Is there anyone to support you in real life?

I would have not survived my A and divorce if I didnt have my best friend by my side and later,my therapist.

Please find some help, I think you're on a path to a world of pain.

 

It's hard to realize that he might not bond with me like I bond with him when we talk. I feel like I'm clever and a good conversationalist. Maybe he doesn't appreciate it. It's because of this bond that it's hard not to talk to him and want to be close. I think that he is taking advantage of me. I blame myself for getting into this situation, but I wish that if he really is not into me he would not keep asking for sex.

I don't have any close friends and I'm sort of close with my mom and dad, but I can't talk to them about this. I live in a big metropolitan area of a city and most of the people I work with are of different nationalities and a lot don't speak English. MM is american and we are close to the same age and grew up with a similar backrounds. Talking to him makes me feel good and less lonely and isolated, which I feel quite a bit. It looks like he doesn't value talking to me like I do to him. Thanks for the big virtual hug! I've experienced pain over this already. When tried to disengage before, he tried to get me moved out of my department. He has the power to make my time at work unpleasant.

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S2B

S2B

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It's odd - imsosad had a great post that was designed to empower you... Yes, for you to take YOUR power back by not handing it over willingly to your MM.

 

Yet you didn't even see it.

 

You moved directly to needing him to validate you. To convince yourself he cares when it looks like he does this to get sex on the side.

 

No one can help you if you don't help yourself.

 

Recognizing how you are harming yourself by the way you participate is key. Doing different actions that include respecting yourself is part of it too.

 

I hope you can see you need to be the one to change this. And I hope you will help yourself by having self respect and a healthy boundary that stops this harmful behavior.

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lftbehind

lftbehind

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It's odd - imsosad had a great post that was designed to empower you... Yes, for you to take YOUR power back by not handing it over willingly to your MM.

 

Yet you didn't even see it.

 

You moved directly to needing him to validate you. To convince yourself he cares when it looks like he does this to get sex on the side.

 

No one can help you if you don't help yourself.

 

Recognizing how you are harming yourself by the way you participate is key. Doing different actions that include respecting yourself is part of it too.

 

I hope you can see you need to be the one to change this. And I hope you will help yourself by having self respect and a healthy boundary that stops this harmful behavior.

 

I do appreciate the post by imsosad and I know that I have to be the one to change this and I need to have self respect and boundaries. I know that I'm harming myself. I was thinking that he enjoyed talking to me until I started reading these replies, now I'm thinking he doesn't really. It hurts. I pull back from him for a while, but then we start talking again

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Adoraxx

Adoraxx

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I do appreciate the post by imsosad and I know that I have to be the one to change this and I need to have self respect and boundaries. I know that I'm harming myself. I was thinking that he enjoyed talking to me until I started reading these replies, now I'm thinking he doesn't really. It hurts. I pull back from him for a while, but then we start talking again

 

I also used to think that xMM enjoyed talking to me but now I don't believe that anymore. I still wish he would like it (of course I do) and of course it hurts SO much!! But let this pain help you to distance yourself from him even more (((((((((( HUGS ))))))))))))

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lftbehind

lftbehind

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I also used to think that xMM enjoyed talking to me but now I don't believe that anymore. I still wish he would like it (of course I do) and of course it hurts SO much!! But let this pain help you to distance yourself from him even more (((((((((( HUGS ))))))))))))

 

Sorry that you had a situation like that with XMM, too. It's bad, because I have to see him at work everyday and he is training to be a manager, which is a higher level than he's at now. I see him talking and laughing with other people. We talk at work once in a while, but he says that he doesn't want people to suspect that he likes me. When we work near each other, he is always looking at me. He has been on a different shift this week and we've hardly talked. I'll text him and sometimes he won't answer. He'll say that he didn't get my text, but I think he just doesn't want to bother answering. Maybe he talks to me just enough to keep me there for sex. I was supposed to go over to his place tomorrow before work, but I don't want to go now. The whole situation is making me feel bad about myself, like I'm only good for one thing. (((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) to you, too. It's hard to get over these guys.

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S2B

S2B

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I do appreciate the post by imsosad and I know that I have to be the one to change this and I need to have self respect and boundaries. I know that I'm harming myself. I was thinking that he enjoyed talking to me until I started reading these replies, now I'm thinking he doesn't really. It hurts. I pull back from him for a while, but then we start talking again

 

See what happens when you tell him you're never having sex with him again... Then see how much he enjoys just listening to you talk.

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lftbehind

lftbehind

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See what happens when you tell him you're never having sex with him again... Then see how much he enjoys just listening to you talk.

 

Sad, but maybe true

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Adoraxx

Adoraxx

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Sorry that you had a situation like that with XMM, too. It's bad, because I have to see him at work everyday and he is training to be a manager, which is a higher level than he's at now. I see him talking and laughing with other people. We talk at work once in a while, but he says that he doesn't want people to suspect that he likes me. When we work near each other, he is always looking at me. He has been on a different shift this week and we've hardly talked. I'll text him and sometimes he won't answer. He'll say that he didn't get my text, but I think he just doesn't want to bother answering. Maybe he talks to me just enough to keep me there for sex. I was supposed to go over to his place tomorrow before work, but I don't want to go now. The whole situation is making me feel bad about myself, like I'm only good for one thing. (((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) to you, too. It's hard to get over these guys.

 

I can relate to your situation, lftbehind because my xMM is my neighbor and I still ran into him often. It hurts to see him laugh and talk with other people and to have him pretend like you don't exist or that you're not important to him at all.

 

You said "maybe he talks to me just enough to keep me there for sex": this is the absolute truth, I'm sure of it! I used to think that he liked talking to me but as soon as he found out that I was truly planning to not ever have sex with him again, he stopped talking to me.

 

If you can, please find a new job... I'm going to leave this neighborhood SOON and I can't wait. They always come back to get more from us and they only care about one thing and you know what that is............ :(

 

xx

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lftbehind

lftbehind

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I've still been talking to my boss and I went over to his place last week and we had sex again. It was really good and I'm addicted to it. We also get along so well when we talk. Sometimes he is very attentive with texts and talking on the phone and sometimes he doesn't text me when he says that he will, saying that his phone ran out of charge. Like a few nights this week he said that he would text when he got off and didn't. He still hasn't admitted to having a girlfriend, but if it he does, it's a LDR. He has told me stuff about her in the past and said she was an ex. She is younger than his daughters, 29 years younger than him. I'm 6 years younger than him. I'm pretty sure that an ex-friend of mine told him that I had a few affairs before him. He told me that it turned him on that I had and he doesn't hold it against me. He said that he has a fantasy about watching me with another guy and then having sex with me. I am so addicted, but need my job. If you are in this situation, please don't have sex. It makes everything so much worse. I own my part in all of this and I'm paying the price for starting this A. I would like to reconnect with H, but can't because of all of his verbal abuse towards me. I feel lonely and like this might destroy me.

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lftbehind

lftbehind

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It definitely sounds like there is abuse in your marriage. It sounds like it's coming from you. Your poor husband.

 

He has treated me poorly and been very verbally abusive to me. I never cheated in any of my past R. I've been at the lowest points of my life with him.

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