aares Posted July 6, 2005 Share Posted July 6, 2005 Well, my ex and I are going to meet up tomorrow for lunch. You might not recall, but I had a thread a few weeks ago about my ex and I, how badly I treated her and such. I had three therapy sessions so far with Dr. Knoll, and I am still learning and opening my mind up and I am very glad I went the route I am currently taking. Anyway, my ex and I have been talking on a regular basis, close to everyday, but the problem is that she always wants to get off of the phone--real fast. For instance, yesterday it was because her phone was loosing service (understandable, but she could have called me back but didnt) and today it was because she was going to get a shower. These are just two instances, but we usually dont stay on the phone for more than 10 minutes, and it is her that ends the phone calls quickly. Last week, we spent the night at a hotel together, no sex, but we held each other all night and I liked it because it felt like we were together again. We started saying "I love you" and "I love you more" again on the phone, but still the calls were short. A few days later after the hotel, I went to Ohio with friends to get fireworks. On the way home, I was returning her call from earlier that day. I asked her what she was doing the next day, she replied, "Im not sure what I am doing". I asked her to make plans with me. She said, "I am probably doing something with Lauren", who is a good friend of hers. I said, "well since you truly dont have plans with her, make plans with me". She started to get angry with an attitude, and I had to walk outside of the turnpike plaza because everyone was looking at me like I was psychotic. The phone call ended by me saying, "f*** this ****...I thought you would want to see me but I guess I was wrong, I dont want to be with you anymore". She says, "fine dont ever call me or message me ever again" and hung up on me. I walk back inside, and five minutes later she calls me and asks me if we can just hang out the day after. I say, "okay" and we exchange our I love you's and we get off the phone. The next day I wake up and I get mad because she wanted to hang out with her friend instead of me (I was thinking about the whole ordeal and it bugged me) so I messaged her "I hope you are having fun with your friends instead of me" and she replied "yeah I am". I get mad and I call her and piss her off as usual, and again I tell her that I dont want to get with her again and I hang up. A day passed, and I was feeling in the wrong so I called her and told her that I didnt mean what I said. She asked if I want to hang out tomorrow, and this is where I am at currently. I dont know what to do at lunch tomorrow. Should I say everything that is on my mind? I want to say/ask: I really do love you, I want to work everything out, I dont know what you really truly want, are you still interested in me?, I am afraid that you found someone else, did you?, are you interested in anyone else?, do you want to work everything out and try to get back together?, why dont you call me as much?, why do you always end the phone conversations really quick?, am I annoying/pushy in this whole situation?, can you see yourself with me, together again? Should I not say/ask some of those things? I am afraid the whole reason that everything is happening is because I expect her to be with me all of the time. I am also afraid that if I say everything that is on my mind, she will think I am too needy/pushy and push her away even more. I dont see the Dr. for another week, so any advice will be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
ButtonPusher Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 Mate grow up. How old are you? 14? You certainly behave like it by abusing each other when you dont get your way. I dont know what to do at lunch tomorrow. Should I say everything that is on my mind? I want to say/ask: I really do love you, I want to work everything out, I dont know what you really truly want, are you still interested in me?, I am afraid that you found someone else, did you?, are you interested in anyone else?, do you want to work everything out and try to get back together?, why dont you call me as much?, why do you always end the phone conversations really quick?, am I annoying/pushy in this whole situation?, can you see yourself with me, together again? Yeah say all those things for sure. You can be certain she'll walk away and not want to talk to you again. My advice...Leave her alone for at least a month, maybe 2 or 3. It sounds like you havent spent much time away form each other. Do it or lose her for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 I clearly see only one problem here: you tend to be clingy and needy when you don't get something. You get psychotic, swear, curse, attack, break up, and hang up if you see that you're losing control. Obviously it still works with your GF as she called you back, but it won't work for long. Your temper will eventually win and you will lose your GF. You must change, if possible. You must work on your faults. She is not in your possession and has a right to hang out with Lauren or take a shower or end your phone calls "too quickly." You can't have her love by force. You must let her breathe and respect her integrity. She has a right to make up and change her mind, to stay with you or break up, to call you or not. You can observe her behavior and make your own conclusions or ask her questions, but you have no right to play these head games because she wants to think twice before giving you a second chance. Obviously she broke up with you because of your faults, not because she loved you. And it's even more obvious that she does love you. Richard Bach If you love something, set it free; if it comes backs it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was. Herman Hesse Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go. Anais Nin Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aares Posted July 7, 2005 Author Share Posted July 7, 2005 Thanks for the replies... Dukkha: I am 20 years old. It has been 2 months since we have broken up. Record: I definitely am clingy and needy, but I dont want her to know that (even though I have blown my cover). You see, I was just stating the fact that she ends the phone conversation early almost everytime...if she did actually take a shower, good. If she didnt take a shower, whatever. I am just confused on why it seems like she doesnt want to talk to me that often. I actually broke up with her...funny, isnt it? Not really, but I broke up with her because I had trust problems, that is why I went to counseling. Thank you for those quotes...I like Bach's quote the most. I just figured she would want to be with me instead of her friends cause she has been hanging out with her friends a lot. I dunno. So would it be more beneficial to me if I jsut hung out with her tomorrow and not ask those questions, or should I ask them? I think I am pushing her away with me asking questions so I dunno what to do. I dont want to let go or to loose her. Maybe since she is the one who suggested us meeting up, that can possibly mean that she still loves me and such. I am just confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Monel Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 I dun think u should...Dun ask anything concerning about your relationship at the moment.Talk about something else,maybe wat you and her have been doing and busying with all these time while both of u are away.Just behave as normal,like wat you guys do when you are together in the past.I think discussion of anything regarding to do with your relationship now will definitely push her even further away from u.Show her plenty of care and concern,prove to her that you have really changed,dun rush...I have to say you will have to treat her like a friend now.I know talking is easy but u have to physco yourself to do it.Just do it all over again like u used to when you are going after her the last time.I hope my advice helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Monel Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 Dude...I'm sad to say that I have a similar character like you.Currently I am in a similar situation like you too and my gf is also doing the same things as your gf is doing now. Well you can refer to my thread if you are interested in my story. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t65947/ Link to post Share on other sites
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