A relationship hurt by mental illness and substance abuse... saved by LSD.

[DroppinAcidWLucifer]

Ok... I will try to make this as short as I can. We have a lot of years of history together.

 

When I met her I had been single and celibate for 8 years. Most girls just didn't do it for me. I also was a terrible binge drinker. I mean, I could drink all my friends under the table, and they knew it, so they were always challenging me to take it further. Fortunately I never got in any trouble with the law. But I woke up on my front porch, laying in the bushes beside my house, etc.

 

I met her through friends. The night we met they actually wee trying to set her up with my best friend and (at the time) my roommate. She didn't know she was being set up though and neither did he. So, her and I ended up hitting it off that night.

 

She was legally married at the time, but separated. We connected right away. The night we met we ended up in bed together after knowing each other for about 6 hours.

 

I decided right then to slow down on the drinking. I knew she wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a drunk. So I cut way back.

 

Things were fine for about a year and a half. She moved in with me and my roommate, and all was well... until out of nowhere I had I guess what most would call a nervous breakdown. I still don't even know what triggered it. I used to be a really sickly person. This goes all the way back to childhood. I was always sick... and even as an adult I got sick a lot. And I had the flu really bad. I had a really high fever. And it was when I was sick that something happened mentally that caused me to lose it for a while. I had no history of mental illness prior to that. I still don't really understand it. But I was having hallucinations and awful thoughts about killing people, etc. I immediately started therapy. But that's when it all started going downhill for us, in a lot of ways.

 

I started drinking heavy again, which made me less easy to get along with. Over the next few years... I fought crippling depression off and on. And she was there with me through all of it. I also leaned a lot on my sister, who I am really close with. I didn't mention this before, but I am not originally from the US. My sister still lives in my home country. So I was calling her all the time, running up thousand dollar phone bills.

 

During this time I lost multiple jobs...

 

But then things started looking up for a while. I got a good job at a mapping company. It was the highest paying job I've ever had. And this happened right around the time I was coming out of another depressive episode. Her and I celebrated, and even planned on taking a trip back to my home country.

 

It's hard to get everything exact on the timeline... But she had been back to my home country with me twice. My family didn't like her. Well, my dad and my two brothers did. My sister and my Mom hated her. And it really caused a big rift between us. At one point when we were there my Mom and sister were sitting there talking bad about her in our native language so she couldn't understand.

 

But anyway... while I was working at the mapping company three things happened that really messed things up again. For one, my family disowned me. It started with my Mom and sister... then everyone else just followed suit.

 

Next thing... my roommate decides he is in love with my girlfriend. Please don't judge... but on two occasions when the three of us were really drunk we all three messed around together. Him and I didn't do anything, but we both did things to her. Well, according to him that's when he started having feelings for her.

 

Third thing... my band broke up. I had been with them for 10 years. We released three albums together. Then my guitarist left his wife for another woman and turned into a raging cokehead. And that ended us.

 

And then... my dog died and I got the swine flu. Yes... the ****ing swine flu. I had to be off work for medical reasons for two weeks, and then when I got back they let me go. They said my services were no longer required. According tot hem I wasn't being terminated, they just didn't need me anymore. But they hired a replacement...

 

Then, I was out drowning my sorrows with a friend of mine. My girlfriend didn't feel like going out that night. And I run into this guy who works with my roommate, at the bar where my girlfriend works. And he is telling me how that redheaded bartender her (my girlfriend) is banging his supervisor at work. And of course, his supervisor is my roommate.

 

I snapped. I drove home drunk and confronted them both. They both insisted nothing had ever happened that I didn't already know about. I about attacked him, but he slammed a door in my face, and I threw my lighter at her and called her every name in the book. This was scary, even for me, because I'm not a violent person.

 

So, the next morning I wake up to find my girlfriend gone. She didn't come back at all that day, but texted me to let me know where she was staying.

We took a break... By this point we had been together 5 years. I was terrified I would lose her. Meanwhile I'm unemployed and have no idea how I will pay my share of the bills, etc. And I'm living alone in a house with the man who I (at the time) blamed for all of this.

 

Well, long story short... slowly over time that situation got resolved. After a while she moved back home and i made peace with him. I still couldn't find a full time job. I had three part time jobs for a while. All three of them were stressful and too much **** for minimum wage. I had verbally abusive bosses at two of them.

 

Then... I won't go into all the details here but I had a whole group of good friends really pull one over on me. I can't go into the whole story, that would be a whole separate post in itself. But it was something pretty awful. This was a backstabbing of epic proportions. I had been feeling another depressive episode coming for a while. She was at work. My roommate was at his mom's house. I decided in a weak moment that I just couldn't handle anymore ****. So I tried to kill myself. I won't go into how. But obviously I survived.

 

I left her when I got out of the hospital. I told her I just couldn't take it anymore. I knew she would be happier without me. It was the hardest decision I've ever had to make. I just had to be alone for a while. I packed up everything when she was at work and moved to my friend's house.

 

When I was in the hospital she was there to see me every chance she had. She even slept on a futon in my room for quite a few nights. Even when I was in the psych ward, she was there when she could be. Because after I as physically safe, they moved me to the psych ward for a while.

 

So... for over a year I stayed at my friend's house. fr the first 6 months I barely even came out of the guest room. I hardly ate. I lost a lot of weight. I slept all the time. She came to see me a couple times and I told her not to come again. I said we are broken up, that is it, and I don't want to see her.

So... after the not eating, sleeping and being antisocial faze was over... then came the drugs and alcohol faze.

 

My friend who I was staying with had connections to practically every drug dealer in town. He could get anything. So I started drinking a lot and smoking a lot of weed. I also tried other things... opium, coke, mushrooms...

 

My former roommate got me a job, working where he works. They do a lot of drug testing there, so I stopped with the drugs to take this job.

 

So for a while... I just went through the motions. I went to work every day. Came home and drank. Through all of this, I was still crazy in love with this woman. But I figured it was over for good. I thought the emotional pain I caused her was irreversible and I would never, ever get her back.

 

Then... my friend's drug dealer friend sops over and offers me some really pure LSD. Ok... so this won't show up on a drug test... and I've been dying to get high on something, so I got three hits off him.

 

I took one hit by myself. I decided to ritualized it. I went into my room, dimmed the lights, put on some good tripping music, and just let it all happen. It was one of the most profound experiences of my life. I knew I needed to see her again... right then. So I called her, at around 2AM and asked her to come over. She didn't have to work the next day, so it was perfect timing. She was at my place in 15 minutes.

 

I sat on my bed with her and told her exactly how I felt. I got so emotional. I asked her to take a hit of acid with me so we could experience this together. She had never done it before and was cautious. But she did. She ate one hit and I ate the other one that was left. And we laid on my bed having this just amazing otherworldly experience together for about 6 hours. I saw the entire universe in her eyes. Suddenly all my questions were answered and it was like I found the last piece of the puzzle. I knew right then that she is the one. She is my Goddess. I will never love anyone else. It's her and I for the rest of our lives. This is how it's going to be.

 

We went back to my old house, where she still lives, and slept most of the day away. And then when we woke up sober we had the best make-up sex ever. This was one of those marathons that went on for hours. It was great.

So, now I am back with her. I moved back into my old house. I have a full time job. I am feeling mentally stable again... could this all be really happening finally?

 

If you made it through all that congrats. I know it was a heavy post.

But... I have never broken up with someone and gotten back together. I have no idea what to expect. I'm scared that I will screw it all up again. So does anyone have any advice for a newly back together couple who has dealt with a lot of ****? Thanks in advance.

tl;dr: In the time my girlfriend and I were together we dealt with mental illness, my family disowning me, threesomes with other guys, my best friend being in love with her, me trying to kill myself and being in the psych ward... and plenty of other crap, Dropping acid together brought us back together. How do I navigate this second chance I've been given.

Edited September 18, 2016 by DroppinAcidWLucifer

[DroppinAcidWLucifer]

Is anyone going to comment on this? It's over a day old.

[dreamingoftigers]

It's a long read.

 

I was going to start on it, but I have to put my kids to bed this week.