loveandleap Posted September 18, 2016 Share Posted September 18, 2016 started dating a guy I met online in June. He was sweet, we had a lot in common, and we really hit it off. We dated throughout June seeing one another each week and then into July, he sat me down and told me he still lives with an ex-girlfriend of 8 years. He said they dated for 3 years and they have been living with one another platonically for 5 years. His living relationship is unique, to say the least, but he shared that she was in an abusive relationship before he met her and has no family here (she is from the Philippines). 5 years ago, her mother came to the USA to live with them so she could make more money and send it to their family. 2 years ago, the mother had a double stroke and she is in a nursing home so he visits her (1-1.5 hours a day) after work and on the weekends with his roommate. They also share a bed but he says their relationship is strictly platonic and not romantic and their sleeping situation is because of the fact he has a one bedroom. I had real reservations around continuing to date him, but, like I said, we really hit it off so I thought I would continue to date and see how this progressed. Here were are in month 3, I still have not met his friends nor have I ever visited his apartment and we have settled into a schedule of seeing one another on Friday and Saturday evenings and an occasional weekday. Additionally, he says that his roommate is in denial about him being in a new relationship, which came up because he would not spend the night over my apartment and would go home early in the morning after our date nights. He finally told her that he is seeing someone and says that "things are changing". He says she is not financially able to support herself and doesn't want to cause added strife given that her mom is in the condition she is in. I have real hesitations about going forward but am wondering if anyone has other advice, input from a similar situation, etc that they can offer. I realize that this is an extreme situation so thoughts are welcome. Thank you, Dater in distress Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 18, 2016 Share Posted September 18, 2016 (edited) Wow and you believe all this??? Sorry but whether it's the truth or not, you need to dump this guy because his situation is not going to change just for you. Get out now. Think about it...he waiting til you were hooked on him before he told you of his situation...you are getting played. Edited September 18, 2016 by smackie9 Link to post Share on other sites
Author loveandleap Posted September 18, 2016 Author Share Posted September 18, 2016 Thanks for your advice. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 18, 2016 Share Posted September 18, 2016 It's not unusual for divorced couples still living under the same roof. Sometimes it's financial, for the kids or still working on the division of the property. Sharing the same bed? possibly, but who cares at this point....that is one big deal breaker. This guy is doesn't deserve to be in a relationship with the OP whatever she may believe. Link to post Share on other sites
Author loveandleap Posted September 18, 2016 Author Share Posted September 18, 2016 That's the uniqueness of this situation: They are not divorced and they do not have children together. My question is that because this is the case, why hasn't he moved, which has made me question if they are more than just friends/roommates. She is a 40-year-old woman and she went back to school to get her bachelor's (at his request). She does not make a lot of money and we live in NY, so even though I understand that she is financially strapped, there just seems like there's a lot more going on here. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 18, 2016 Share Posted September 18, 2016 That's the uniqueness of this situation: They are not divorced and they do not have children together. My question is that because this is the case, why hasn't he moved, which has made me question if they are more than just friends/roommates. She is a 40-year-old woman and she went back to school to get her bachelor's (at his request). She does not make a lot of money and we live in NY, so even though I understand that she is financially strapped, there just seems like there's a lot more going on here. Like I always say if it doesn't feel right, then it's not. I think I speak for the majority here.....this guy is bad news. Link to post Share on other sites
ThisOverThat Posted September 18, 2016 Share Posted September 18, 2016 (edited) You say it's his ex-girlfrined in #1 of this thread and then in #7 you say that they aren't divorced. Is it his wife or ex-girlfriend? Edited September 18, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author loveandleap Posted September 19, 2016 Author Share Posted September 19, 2016 It is an ex-girlfriend, which is why there is no divorce--they were never married but dated for 2-3 years. Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 (edited) I didn't even read the rest after living with gf for eight years and 5 while broken up that is insane and clearly he's not able to be self sufficient and is riding off whatever that is. He hasn't moved because mommy oops I mean his ex is providing I agree that he also waited till you were hooked on him for this blow because here you are considering options to a situation no one would accept. Just leave. Edited September 19, 2016 by Omei Link to post Share on other sites
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