Hoosfoos Posted September 18, 2016 Share Posted September 18, 2016 She left a long time ago. I've been really good about having no reminders in plain sight, and maintaining an extremely strict policy of no contact. But today I was cleaning up the apartment, moving stuff around. I saw an envelope of some of the cards and drawings for me from her that I had stashed away. I have never hung on to them like a badge of honor or anything. I never pined away with these things under my pillow. They are stashed away, out of sight and mind. I guess I just keep them as evidence that the two of us actually did happen. After looking at them, the strongest sentiment that came to me was just how into each other we were (apparently). How talented she is. And just so confused about how someone could be so cruel as they were kind and loving (she said horrible things to me after the fact that I'll never be able to un-hear, for which I will never speak to her again). I have no doubt that she's found someone else or maybe one more after that, after me. Since she's been gone, my luck with the opposite sex has been abysmal. And yes, I've put myself out there, and yes, I have tried. Which makes things that much harder to take. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted September 19, 2016 Share Posted September 19, 2016 It's impossible to know for sure but she could be bitterly unhappy herself. Maybe not, but when ppl are certain their exes are out there living full lives of sublime happiness it's usually not very accurate - not the least reason being that romanticized ideas of things are usually pretty unreliable. Real life gets in the way for everybody. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Cephalopod Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 It took me a long time to get over the anger I had for my ex-wife. Fortunately, she left me a daughter, who has been the joy of my life. My daughter is probably the only positive contribution to the world that my ex ever made. But having sole custody I can give my daughter the most secure upbringing I can, shelter her from bad influences, and make a good attempt at making sure she does not become the selfish narcissist her mother is. But there are brief moments when I do remember the "good times" I had with my ex. But keep them in perspective. Those were times before she got into drugs, threw away her principles and became a monster. I went for a long time without dating. Don't be concerned about not finding your match Hoosfoos, she is out there. You will find her when and where you least expect it. In the meantime, just concentrate on being the best man you can be. Someone will take notice. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bialy Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 Our sentiments are very similar, Hoosfoos. I don't have any reminders of my ex in plain sight like you - I keep reminders of him in a shoebox. Cards, mementos, etc. It has been three months and I have no interest in opening it up. It's impossible to know for sure but she could be bitterly unhappy herself. Maybe not, but when ppl are certain their exes are out there living full lives of sublime happiness it's usually not very accurate - not the least reason being that romanticized ideas of things are usually pretty unreliable. Real life gets in the way for everybody. Really good comment. Spot on. This right here is something I have to remind myself daily. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 She left a long time ago. I've been really good about having no reminders in plain sight, and maintaining an extremely strict policy of no contact. But today I was cleaning up the apartment, moving stuff around. I saw an envelope of some of the cards and drawings for me from her that I had stashed away. Ah, memories. A treasure of being human. When we get to the end of life, that's about all we have, if we're lucky. Sounds like you have some worth treasuring. You're a man worthy of someone's love. I have never hung on to them like a badge of honor or anything. I never pined away with these things under my pillow. They are stashed away, out of sight and mind. I guess I just keep them as evidence that the two of us actually did happen. They're yours and you have free will. You choose to view them as evidence. They can be anything to you. They, and the memories they evoke, are totally within your control. After looking at them, the strongest sentiment that came to me was just how into each other we were (apparently). How talented she is. And just so confused about how someone could be so cruel as they were kind and loving (she said horrible things to me after the fact that I'll never be able to un-hear, for which I will never speak to her again). IMO, none of us is cruel and none of us is kind, completely. We're all mixed bags of cruelty and kindness and everything in between. You have a choice in how you view and remember both the evidence as you put it and the actions of both of you in your past relationship. I have no doubt that she's found someone else or maybe one more after that, after me. Since she's been gone, my luck with the opposite sex has been abysmal. And yes, I've put myself out there, and yes, I have tried. Good on her and good on you. You were together and found each other for awhile. People find, sometimes, many people in their lives. Others find one. We all have the gift of self. Life. Which makes things that much harder to take. Sure, it can be. What do you want it to be? You're in control of you. My exW was a wonderful scrapbooker and made many documents chronicling our marriage and travels around the world. I feel privileged that she didn't take everything she created when we divorced because they were her work, her creativity. She left some and, when moving household content out of state recently, I took a look and my overwhelming response was, hey, lucky to have had those moments in life and, if I never have them again, OK. My life was better for her being in it, overall, even if it didn't last. It's better now too, being alone. It's life. Good luck with yours! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Logo Posted October 10, 2016 Share Posted October 10, 2016 (edited) I have just looked at some pictures of us together in the early months, how she adored me, pressed her cheek against mine and looked at me with admiration. We were so into each other. It tore my heart out. It's as if I want to remember her the way she was in the early days. I want those memories to stay with me. But, on occasion I feel anger and resentment for what she did. Edited October 10, 2016 by Logo 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts