My divorced parents?

[shl1997]

Hi all! Long time lurker, new member. I would like some insight on a strange situation going on with my divorced parents.

 

Background: Back in the early 80's they met and fell in love. My mom adored my dad and truly believed him to be her soulmate. Married by March of 1986 and things were great through my brother's birth in 1990 up until a little bit before I came around. My dad started to change as she puts it and they grew apart which resulted in fighting 99% of the time. This led to the dissolution of my parents' marriage. Dad started an affair with my future ex stepmother and when mom found out she took my brother and they separated. My brother would cry for our dad everyday which broke mom's heart so she decided to try reconciliation for his sake even though she wasn't happy. Dad agreed and our family was whole again. Not too long after was when my mom got pregnant with me. I was due for 4th of July 1997 so this was around October 1996, almost exactly 20 years ago. My brother said things seemed back to normal until after my birth when mom found out dad had still been engaged in his affair with future ex stepmother. This time when my mom left she immediately filed and they divorced.

 

Fast forward to present day, my mom has been remarried to my stepfather since 2000 and a few years after the divorce dad ended up marrying his AP who became my stepmother but that marriage failed as well for reasons I won't mention here. I still see my dad from time to time and spend weekends with him. This is when it gets interesting... The last time I went to my dad's I got a text from my mom telling me to tell dad she wanted to go caving soon which is his favorite hobby. He thought the idea was great and invited my stepdad to come along. Mom said he was claustrophobic but that was okay. I knew instant from the look on my dad's face he was uncomfortable with the idea and my guess is because he still loves my mom even after almost 20 years. Mom agrees with this and thinks that he doesn't trust himself around her. He instantly thought of a big cave and told me to text that to mom. She said it didn't matter if my stepfather came or not and the trip wasn't mentioned again.

 

Does anybody else think this is strange? Why would my mom want to hang around her ex husband who betrayed her? She claims the reason is because she wants to get out more and thought it might be fun to do. I didn't think that made sense so one day when my stepdad was at work I looked her dead in the eye and asked her if she was still in love with dad. She denied and said that even if that were true she can't trust him but I don't know if I want to believe that. (plus she isn't currently happy in her marriage with my stepdad, will save that topic for another thread I plan to make but just a point I thought I should mention). I've wanted to ask my dad the same question but I'm kind of afraid to. Not sure how my stepdad feels about it.

 

Thanks for any input!

Edited September 19, 2016 by shl1997

[anika99]

Since your mom is remarried I think it would be highly inappropriate of her to go out alone with your father. Perhaps she is feeling like she is getting older and has started feeling nostalgic. Perhaps she feels neglected in her marriage and wants male attention. It's impossible to know what she feels and thinks if she won't talk about it, so all we can do is guess.

[shl1997]

Since your mom is remarried I think it would be highly inappropriate of her to go out alone with your father. Perhaps she is feeling like she is getting older and has started feeling nostalgic. Perhaps she feels neglected in her marriage and wants male attention. It's impossible to know what she feels and thinks if she won't talk about it, so all we can do is guess.

 

 

I actually forgot to mention she was talking about us kids going as well, me, brother, and his wife. I do still think it could be inappropriate though. She's in her early 60s if that helps. Yes she's neglected in her current marriage for a different reason than she felt with him and I'm wondering if she's trying to find that again. Will have more info when I post my thread on that topic because I've been wanting advice regarding her unhappiness

Edited September 19, 2016 by shl1997

[Tayla]

I sense your concern for your parent. Since you are an adult it's probably wise to learn where your welfare ends and hers begins. Unless you are being put in the middle of this to referee ( which doesn't seem the case). Step back and be attentive without engaging in this adult matter. Say your peace if you must.

 

Would you want your family interfering in your other relationships?

[shl1997]

I sense your concern for your parent. Since you are an adult it's probably wise to learn where your welfare ends and hers begins. Unless you are being put in the middle of this to referee ( which doesn't seem the case). Step back and be attentive without engaging in this adult matter. Say your peace if you must.

 

Would you want your family interfering in your other relationships?

 

I haven't said anything else about it, I just wondered if anybody else agreed with me that it seemed odd she wanted to be around my dad despite everything. You make a point though. Thank you.

[l8estnews]

I actually forgot to mention she was talking about us kids going as well, me, brother, and his wife.

 

Does this mean, your father was remarried again since the ex-stepmother?

 

Bad bad idea to invite your father for a trip. Very inappropriate and insensitive to their current respective partners.

[shl1997]

Does this mean, your father was remarried again since the ex-stepmother?

 

Bad bad idea to invite your father for a trip. Very inappropriate and insensitive to their current respective partners.

 

Oh no I'm sorry, I was talking about my sister-in-law. My brother's wife. Apologies for the confusion! Mom claims she wouldn't do it if my stepfather wasn't okay with it but I agree with you.