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Displaced wife

Mrs.nobody50

By Mrs.nobody50,
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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Mrs.nobody50

Mrs.nobody50

Posted
Posted

I hope i can find some advice on here. A little background first....i have been married for 6 years and we have no children together but i have three grown children and those being his stepkids. He never had kids and i also have three grandchildren. My husban never had anything to do with the youngest grandchild(hes 2.5) my husband doesnt like his mother(my youngest daughter)

Im not sure but its like hes holding it against the baby. He also left me 4 years ago and had an affair. We went to counseling and although it took a long time our marriage was mended. It bacame stonger. Just within the past year though i found alot of porn sites he was going to on his computer and phone..once again we talked and he said he was sorry so we moved past it. Recently in past few months i found out he had created a secret email acct and wrote someone, he was trying to lie so i contacted the other woman and nothing happened but i believe he was trying to meet her. And then i find another email where he clearly was flirting with someone and i could tell by her responses that she wasnt interested. I once again confronted him and he apologized saying it was stupid and hes sorry. Now i find out hes on some ****ing hookup site and i only know this cause i checked his email and they sent him a notification. Im at the end of my rope, im losing weight, i dont eat im depressed and i just feel like its pointless to even talk to him anymore. I feel hurt and unloved. I feel robbed of joy. He takes me places and does nice things for me and says he loves me but i just feel like i cant trust him anymore. Like maybe hes only doing nice things now out of guilt?

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mikeylo

mikeylo

Posted
Posted

When a spouse becomes extra smooth without any apparent reason , it's a cause of concern. They are going over board to not make you think that they are cheating. How can you doubt someone who is so loving all of a sudden? Right? Actually wrong. He is covering up his azz. His past speaks for him.

 

The issue is you need to bring it up and make him answerable to you. If you turn a blind eye now, he will continue.

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stillafool

stillafool

Posted
Posted

It is clear that your husband is a serial cheater and I'm wondering how many times he's cheated where you haven't caught him. I don't know why you stay since you have no children together. What are you going to do about all of these lies he's telling you?

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Miss Clavel

Miss Clavel

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if you want to keep him, i can't think why, you might want to start with: "what's she got that i haven't".

 

more bedroom time? more variety?

 

i just threw up a little, but ...

 

he's on those sites for a reason. if he wants more oral or you to dress up, where's the harm?

 

if he just wants some strange then you have to decide if you want to divorce him.

 

which i would have done if anyone had the nerve to actively "dislike" my child or grandchild.

 

good luck

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KatieCares

KatieCares

Posted
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I am so sorry! Ask your husband to go to counseling with you. If he refuses, go alone! If he is honestly repentant & wants to change, he should be willing to do whatever it takes. Honestly, with the history that you describe...you should probably start preparing yourself for what could be an unwelcome outcome. No matter what, please get counseling for yourself...it can help you get through this!

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Methodical

Methodical

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Posted

Two years into the marriage he left and had an affair. You discovered a secret email acct with proof of two attempts to step outside the marriage again, to no avail only bc the other women shot him down. And, he's on a hookup site...

 

Why are you still with him?

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Mr. Lucky

Mr. Lucky

Posted
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Just within the past year though i found alot of porn sites he was going to on his computer and phone..once again we talked and he said he was sorry so we moved past it. Recently in past few months i found out he had created a secret email acct and wrote someone, he was trying to lie so i contacted the other woman and nothing happened but i believe he was trying to meet her. And then i find another email where he clearly was flirting with someone and i could tell by her responses that she wasnt interested. I once again confronted him and he apologized saying it was stupid and hes sorry. Now i find out hes on some ****ing hookup site and i only know this cause i checked his email and they sent him a notification.

 

I'd at least make suspension of his Internet and email use a condition of staying in the marriage. Not sure what your boundaries are, you've now caught her cheating - or planning to - half a dozen times :( ...

 

Mr. Lucky

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BaileyB

BaileyB

Posted
Posted

With every sentence you wrote, the story got worse... This is not a good guy. He does not treat you well and I'm not sure why you would want him in your life.

 

If I was you, I would be focusing on my kids and grandkids and he would be long gone from my life. I'd rather be alone with the love of my family than miserable in a marriage with a man who treats me and my family badly...

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road

road

Posted
Posted
It is clear that your husband is a serial cheater and I'm wondering how many times he's cheated where you haven't caught him. I don't know why you stay since you have no children together. What are you going to do about all of these lies he's telling you?

 

Serial cheater time to dump him.

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Mz. Pixie

Mz. Pixie

Posted
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First of all, yes, yes serial cheater.

 

But lets talk about you. Why are you getting your self esteem from a relationship? That's the bigger issue.

 

Relationships are good- and healthy. But you should love yourself- then when a man or woman walks, you may hurt, but you won't be so devastated you can't.

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BluesPower

BluesPower

Posted
Posted

Look, I am so sorry that you are dealing with this.

 

What do you want to do? I mean you should feel unloved, because I am guessing that he really does not love you. Maybe he does, but he is a cheater with no reason to cheat, Right?

 

I really don't know why you would want to stay with him. Can you answer that one for us? Are you super religious and maybe he is not? What is the issue with porn for you? How is/was your sex life? Is it stale?

 

He has been cheating since the first part of the marriage. That is a fact, trust me on that. I don't think he ever stopped but I could be wrong.

 

You guys have been together 6 years, it is a while, but really, it is not THAT long. Is it a financial thing for you? Or something else? What is that?

 

My advice, sans any other info, is dump him. Work on yourself before you get into any other type of relationship, good god maybe have some casual sex if you are inclined. But most of all figure out what you want out of life.

 

You sound fairly young, what 45 maybe 50, there is a lot of life left out there, why spend it with someone that is making you so unhappy?

 

Good luck and keep posting....

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sandylee1

sandylee1

Posted
Posted

Why are you wasting your time with him? He's a serial cheating sleaze. It's one thing after another with him. He's caught ... he apologises and he does it again.

 

Unless you're getting some serious benefit from being with him ... just end the marriage and be free of it all. What's so great about him that makes you put up with his persistent infidelity?

 

Do you really think you've caught all of his indiscretions?

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