Now what?? [My story is 7 years long.] [UPDATE: 3 weeks no contact]

[Ithoughtwrong]

You said you didn't have a dday (I think?) but now everyone has turned against you? I'm confused.

 

His family and my family are all close no dday we just got into a bad fight and no one knows how deep it actually goes but him and i. Everyone else thinks its 2 friends having an issue

[Ithoughtwrong]

I have done all of that now im in my process which hurts like hell

[Ithoughtwrong]

I feel broken and dumb and used. Everything he ever wanted big or small i made it happen. I guess part of me wantes hime to realize what a good friend i was and be truely apoligetic and come back with a new outlook on our friendship. Neither one of us wanted to leave our relationship to be together and moat of all i valued his friendship. Now i lost it all. I really thought hed see the error of his ways and come back. But nope hes ok without me and i have to be ok without him. My heart hurts im here in my car crying my heart out begging God to take the pain away it hurts so bad.

[Ithoughtwrong]

But still fighting the urge

[Ithoughtwrong]

I feel alot of feelings im hurt still though. I almost talked myself into being the bigger person and calling to talk it out. I decided to write out what i wanted to say and realized im still very upset and talking will just lead to yelling. I miss him so much and he has turned it around so im the bad person and he is the victim. I am so over it. I hate him and miss him at the same time.

[Satu]

Stick to NC and concentrate on taking good care of yourself.

 

 

Checklist:

 

 

Are you eating healthily?

 

Are you drinking enough water?

 

Are you exercising?

 

Are you spending time with other people, family and friends?

 

Are you getting out of the house enough?

 

Are you avoiding drugs and alcohol?

 

Are you keeping up with your responsibilities?

 

 

Take care.

[carhill]

Yeah, the first month or two are the worst IME. It's like detox except there's nothing tangible like with substance detox. It's all in our mind.

 

I found keeping my mind occupied with other stuff like projects or group activities or stuff with friends helped.

 

My bet is you'll get through it if you do the total NC process, blocking or removing all contact means. If months go by and you still feel stuck, consider professional help. Nothing harmful in getting tools to help with the process. IME, a good psych was very helpful and the tools stuck.

 

Good luck!

[rainbowsandkittens]

I'm 7 weeks out (I had to go and check, it's 7 weeks since I've spoken to him. 6 since I blocked him everywhere.) For the most part the overwhelming feeling of wanting him back is over. The anger has been coming up more often. Along with other feelings like humiliation.

 

 

carhill is right- block every possible way you can. It really does make a difference to helping you move on. Some times I miss him so much and want to see how he is so badly that it takes my breath away. It can still be a struggle. But if I wanted to see how he was/ check him on social media I would have to unblock him and I've come too far to get myself back into that mess. And getting busy will help a ton. I have been doing a workout program that's 3-5 days a week, seeing friends, cooking and taking care of myself. It really makes a difference. I feel like myself again.

 

Good luck! 2 weeks is great! Keep it up!

[Satu]

snip

I'm 7 weeks out (I had to go and check, it's 7 weeks since I've spoken to him. 6 since I blocked him everywhere.) For the most part the overwhelming feeling of wanting him back is over. *The anger has been coming up more often. Along with other feelings like humiliation.

 

*The fact that anger is coming up is a clear sign that you're making progress.

 

 

Take care.

[Patrice]

You got played, it's okay. Learn from it, and move on to your health and wellness and introspect. What was happening in your life to allow this? I was married for 27 years, left my marriage. Lies upon lies, I never cheated on my ex-husband. Don't give up on humanity and men, just be wise.

[Ithoughtwrong]

Satu i am not doing anything i literally have no energy not motivation no interest in doing anything

[NTV]

Can you journal?

[Patrice]

and be prepared for him to contact you in the future. I think a lot of this is, he stole your dignity as a person. When he does contact you again, it is time for YOU to get strong and tell him off.

[malvern99]

and be prepared for him to contact you in the future. I think a lot of this is, he stole your dignity as a person. When he does contact you again, it is time for YOU to get strong and tell him off.

 

No, he did not steal it, she gave it to him freely.

 

OP, how has your BH not noticed that something is different with you? What is his take on the breakdown of the relationship with his "best friend"? I mean with friends like that, who needs enemies right? He is not your friend, and he is certainly not your husband's friend (and honestly neither are you). Friends do not willfully hurt friends. Maybe if you can start looking at it from that point of view, it will illuminate your path better. Good luck.

[HeCantBreakMe]

and be prepared for him to contact you in the future. I think a lot of this is, he stole your dignity as a person. When he does contact you again, it is time for YOU to get strong and tell him off.

 

Actually- indifference is the goal. They want emotion from us- any emotion even if it is anger. Give them silence - it is the best way to keep moving forward.

[HeCantBreakMe]

This is all normal- and it is okay. My therapist told me something so incredibly helpful- just because you are sad or angery doesn't mean you have to do something about it. Just feel those emotions do NOT be scared of them and DO NOT act on them. Feel them , acknowledge them, and move forward.

 

Sometimes all you need to know is these things are normal and they are a part of healing. Keep moving forward. You are stronger than your emotions- remember that.

[Logan787]

I notice it's been a few days since you Posted, are you still not taking to him?

[Matahari007]

Darling, do you not see how toxic this is for you? He's your H's bestfriend for one and the fact that you are both arguing and hurting each other only adds to the already destructive situation. How long will you allow this to continue? Another 7 years? I commend you for continuing NC and hope that stay strong and know that you deserve better than this.

You are wasting precious years that could be invested in someone that KNOWS your worth.

[Ithoughtwrong]

He blamed me for so much stuff that it didnt make sense. We fought and now he tells me hes sorry for all hes done. Im truely done ive stayed away and avoided any meeting. Im cordial but not giving this anymore ive been through hell now im just figuring how to put my life back together becuase ive lost so much in the past 7 years. Time to rebuild and learn to love myself.

[road]

My story is 7 years long. It started as a EA and of coarse lead to a PA which has been ongoing for 4 years out of 7. He was sweet kind and everything i didnt have in my H. My H is a outstanding man hea sweet and loves me so much but has no sex drive . I never want to leave him i was being greedy foolish and dumb. ( i already know this so save your judgment).

 

The MM i was envolved with was my best friend and also my husbands beat friend and nobody knows we never had a dd. Me and MM fight daily over everything he picks fights over everything and literally brings me to tears and than trlls me my tears dont mean anything.

 

After hes tired of fighting he comes back and tells me how sorry he is for all the damage he has caused and we have sex and im back on my cloud. Recently he picked a fight that hirt me so bad and apology was not enough he did everything he could to get me to forgive him and i just cant anymore.

 

Once he realized i wasnt budging he turned it around and said i am talking badly about him to people and i was sleeping with other men both are untrue but he told me hed leave me alone forever and it has been a week. I am MADD HURT and feeling dumb and foolish stupid but after all this hell i still miss him. He was such a good friend. When it was good it was great but when its bad its REALLY BAD. I feel like i shouldve excepted his apology and moved on but than i feel like he wouldve found something else to fight for. I feel like he wont contact me again and thats fine but how do I move on. I dont want closure i dont want anything i just want to be ok.

 

 

How does a good friend have sex with his friends wife?

 

 

How does a good friend get you to cheat on your BH?

[road]

He blamed me for so much stuff that it didnt make sense. We fought and now he tells me hes sorry for all hes done. Im truely done ive stayed away and avoided any meeting. Im cordial but not giving this anymore ive been through hell now im just figuring how to put my life back together becuase ive lost so much in the past 7 years. Time to rebuild and learn to love myself.

 

You breaking NC is showing the need for you to confess to your BH.

 

 

How can you let this OM humiliate your BH any further by allowing the OM to pretend he has been a true loyal friend to your BH?

 

 

Unfortunately you are only posting about how you feel and how bad the OM treated you.

 

 

Well how do you think you have treated your BH for the last four years?

 

 

Well how do you feel that you let the OM F' over your BH for the last four years?

[pheonixrisen]

I almost broke NC its been one week i decided to post instead of breaking down. ::sigh::

 

I know i asked you not to contact me and I told you i cant take your mood swings anymore but i have to ask you some questions that are really bothering me. Why me was there something that you seen in me that you felt the need to destroy. All the i love yous and i wont hurt you and i have your back and i wont lie to you and your everything to me but.....yet here i am broken.

 

Why make me love you just to see how far you can push me over the deep end??? Did you mean any of the stuff you said or was everything a lie. I accepted you for who you was even past the insults and name calling and whenever i stuck up for myself you found ways to break me.

 

Im so confused im so hurt and i wish i never met you. The day i seen you in the store i wish id kept walking. You seemed so innocent but i can remember the literal red flags that went up when you said you wanted more from me.

Was it my strong personality and drive that you just knew you had to break. I know you dont owe me anything but its not fair i gave youmy heart and you gave me your ass to kiss.

 

 

I never asked for more than you can give and i wasmore than accomadating with every situation. Why me why did you do everything you could do and say to hurt me??why ****ing me

 

I wonder if your husband will have all of the above questions for you when he finds out;)

 

What would your ans be

[Ithoughtwrong]

Hello warriors and i call you warrior cause nobody knows the pain you have faced and the mental battles but yet your still standing . Its easy for others to judge until they find themselves in a similar situations nobody is perfect and we all are liable to fall victim to someone who purposely prey on your weaknesses and insecurities.

I can finally say im free I chose to be free after dealing with a textbook narcissist for 6 Years. I have only been 1 week with NC but i feel as though i made the best decision i have ever made. I still want to text him but its not as bad as before some moments i feel sad and the i visualize us on 2 ends of a rope and the rope breaking symbolizing the end of the soul tie.

 

This is the letter i wrote to him that i never sent that i read to keep myself on track.

 

"When I said it was over i meant it. It's finally beyond repair. Nothing you can do or say to change or make me interested in being your friend. Lets continue to persue our own lives seperate cause in the last 4 months you have shown me you aren't who i thought you were. Or maybe you was but your not anymore. I absolutely dont trust you and i dont want anything with or from you. All we do is cause each other pain. Well I know over the past few months you have been the source of alot of my tears. You was supposed to be my friend but i feel more like i allowed an enemy to infiltrate my world and destroy me from the inside. You destroyed my feelings for you. Now i have resentment anger and dislike in my heart towards you.you can no longer make me regret your mistakes or be sorry that you have hurt me over and over. Im no longer a emotional Rollercoaster cause with you out my life i finally found my ground. Ive finally made the choice to give my heart a break from hurt ive also decided that I care more about me than you. One day i may choose to forgive you but right now i just want to move forward without you. I hope you understand but if you dont, keep it to yourself cause i dont care. Well wishes to you and your family."

 

I can honestly say that this time is it????

[jennifernyc84]

Only one week NC? Wow, you're doing great! Took me a whole month to find that place you are in now, and I still have times when I totally relapse and have to fight every cell in my body that wants to call him.

 

I wish you the best for a drama free 2017!!

 

Happy new year

[Ithoughtwrong]

Hello warriors and i call you warrior cause nobody knows the pain you have faced and the mental battles but yet your still standing. Its easy for others to judge until they find themselves in a similar situations nobody's perfect and we all are liable to fall victim to someone who purposely preys onyour weaknesses and insecurities.if you've read my prior post you would see that I was struggling with letting go. And unfortunately I went back and is been a struggle every since.fights i didnt understand arguements i some how caused by being to nice. Until i finally realized i was dealing with a textbook narcissist for 6 year and fot the first time I finally understood i wasnt dealing with a normal person.i have moments that i miss him than i meditate and visualize a rope with both of us on each end and pull and break the rope symbolizing the end of the soul tie.

I finally feel free and tbe meditation helps. I wrote him a letter and never sent it but it reminds me why I'm walking away.

 

"When I said it was over i meant it. It's finally beyond repair. Nothing you can do or say to change or make me interested in being your friend. Lets continue to persue our own lives seperate cause in the last 4 months you have shown me you aren't who i thought you were. Or maybe you was but your not anymore i absolutely dont trust you and i dont want anything with or from you. All we do is cause each other pain. Well I know over the past few months you have been the source of alot of my tears. You was supposed to be my friend but i feel more like i allowed an enemy to infiltrate my world and destroy me from the inside. You destroyed my feelings for you. Now i have resentment anger and dislike in my heart towards you.you can no longer make me regret your mistakes or be sorry that you have hurt me over and over. Im no longer a emotional Rollercoaster cause with you out my life i finally found my ground. Ive finally made the choice to give me heart a break from hurt ive also decided that I care more about me than you. One day i may choose to forgive you but right now i just want to move forward without you. I hope you understand but if you dont, keep it to yourself cause i dont care. Well wishes to you and your family. """

 

 

I feel good and its finally over!!???