browneyedgirl81 Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 This is common when you've been together a long time. I think you should to him about feeling disconnected and maybe try some counseling before making a decision. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted October 3, 2016 Share Posted October 3, 2016 I've only quoted part of notbroken's post, but all of it is true. How do I know? Because I was the woman who left. Nearly 8 years later and my life is no better than it was when I was with my ex H. In fact, in many ways it is worse. I've been with my new partner (we are engaged but that in itself is a complete joke) 7 and a half years now, I'm 48 and he's 46...and for the last 6 and a half years we've been in a LDR...and he's living with his parents. He 'uses' - because to me that's what he is doing - the excuse of credit card debit not to leave and get another job. The real reason is for that he doesn't want to leave the most expensive city in the UK to live in. His debt has actually doubled in the last 6 years. So for the last 6 and a half years I've been living totally on my own, dealing with a serious illness totally on my own. No family, very few friends as people tend to drop you when you can't afford to socialize with them anymore. The only reason I stay in this relationship is because I don't want to be left totally on my own. We have no sex life (exactly like the end of my marriage), and yes, once again I'm bored out of my skull. Nothing has really changed except now I'm nearly 50 and very poor. Yes, I had the first flush of excitement when I left, dating other men etc. That didn't last long, less than a year. What I sacrificed for that year was so not worth it. Talk to your husband about how you are feeling. Get counselling, just for yourself. Try and find other less destructive ways to improve your quality of life. My wife had an employee that did the same. Married about 25 years since 18 two boys in college then decided she wanted out. Moved out started dating right away had a blast running around with her single friends going to clubs and such, dating several guys. After a string of failed relationships the last being a heroin addict she concluded that her marriage wasn't so bad. Husband was dating a woman in her mid 30's but dumped her when his wife started sniffing around, problem is he never committed, keep his wife at arms length and eventually started back up with his girlfriend finalized the divorce and months later married his girlfriend. She lost all interest in clubbing and hanging out with the single friends. Now she spends her time working being alone and trolling dating sites. Full of regrets and actually angry with the ex for not accepting her back. Link to post Share on other sites
MCGar Posted October 4, 2016 Share Posted October 4, 2016 Life isn't boring. I'm not trying to be mean, but it's you that's boring. Your posts have a striking absence of self reflection, so it's not a big leap to say that you are missing a key ingredient to a fulfilling marriage; you. Tall it out with your husband, but also try to figure yourself out. Why are you so bored? Do you not try to effect the world and its surroundings? Do you sort of expect the world to instead effect you? Are YOU an interesting person for your husband? Don't you have plans and ideas (besides divorcing) for when your children leave the nest? Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 Rachael, you have not said anything for a while. This decision that you are thinking about is a really big one. I hope that you will come back to us and tell us how you are doing. Just because some people sound kind of harsh is no reason to quit posting. A lot of people here have lost their marriages, and some really regret it. Some are just hanging on by a thread. We just don't want you to make a mistake with our marriage by not thinking it through all the way. And when you make this type of decision you have to take a deep look at yourself as well. The grass always looks greener but honestly it usually is not for so many reasons. I do with you would tell us how you are doing and what you are thinking about. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mittens Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 My wife had an employee that did the same. Married about 25 years since 18 two boys in college then decided she wanted out. Moved out started dating right away had a blast running around with her single friends going to clubs and such, dating several guys. After a string of failed relationships the last being a heroin addict she concluded that her marriage wasn't so bad. Husband was dating a woman in her mid 30's but dumped her when his wife started sniffing around, problem is he never committed, keep his wife at arms length and eventually started back up with his girlfriend finalized the divorce and months later married his girlfriend. She lost all interest in clubbing and hanging out with the single friends. Now she spends her time working being alone and trolling dating sites. Full of regrets and actually angry with the ex for not accepting her back. I'd like to add to my previous post (which was written on a very bad day) that I'm not sorry I left my H...he had a lot of problems - which as far as I'm aware he still has. Both myself and current FI are good friends with him now. What I mainly regret is that I rushed into leaving, didn't make more of a life for myself before I did, and trusted someone far too soon. I fell for words, and the actions have never met up with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 6, 2016 Share Posted October 6, 2016 I don't believe in 'mid life crisises', I believe in people not putting any more effort into the RL. Bills and kids become the daily routine. Ok, so you're bored. What have you done to bring some excitement back into the marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
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