Ok, that's it. I got final confirmation from my ex, she said no. I will respect that.

[Blanco]

I left her alone for over a month, and she contacted me.

 

Yes, i wanted to keep her in my life as a friend or something. That's why i kept contact. I wanted to see if somehow we could be friends or something.

 

I thought about her as my friend. She told me she wanted to be my friend so i thought maybe we can make it work. So usually when you think you are friends with somebody you send messages like "hey, how you're doing? Want to come for a coffee?" etc.

 

I think that is pretty normal behaviour amongst friends.

 

You were never her friend, otherwise you wouldn't have had sex with her or tried to kiss her. You're full of it.

[Blanco]

Why do i even bother writing here. All you do is turn what i say upside down and make me look like evil narcissistic sosiopath who enjoys beating up women as a hobby.

 

Good question. You don't seem to take any advice, unless the law gets involved, of course.

 

People here were patient and tried to be helpful for MONTHS. It was your insistence on ignoring advice and doing whatever you wanted that eventually wore that patience down to nothing.

[Protec]

Good question. You don't seem to take any advice, unless the law gets involved, of course.

 

People here were patient and tried to be helpful for MONTHS. It was your insistence on ignoring advice and doing whatever you wanted that eventually wore that patience down to nothing.

 

I am not talking to her anymore. Ever. I will keep her number and keep her unblocked as long as this whole things is over and then i will delete her and block her.

 

I know you try to be helpful.

 

I just write too much stuff here.

[WomenWubber]

The more you post here, the more you incriminate yourself.

[LD1990]

You're going to ruin your damn life for good if you go to that hearing without a lawyer.

 

The cops outsmart most people they interrogate and based on your posting history, I highly doubt you're going to flip that script. You're going to walk in there, they'll act like they're your friends who just want to figure out what happened, but they'll need you to be honest with them because that's the only way they can help you. Then you'll leave in a pair of cuffs.

 

You may be screwed already on the assault charge based on texts you sent her if you admitted to it. Of course, if they find your posts here, you're screwed. But lawyer up, at least give yourself a fighting chance here.

[SixxChick]

You're going to ruin your damn life for good if you go to that hearing without a lawyer.

 

The cops outsmart most people they interrogate and based on your posting history, I highly doubt you're going to flip that script. You're going to walk in there, they'll act like they're your friends who just want to figure out what happened, but they'll need you to be honest with them because that's the only way they can help you. Then you'll leave in a pair of cuffs.

 

You may be screwed already on the assault charge based on texts you sent her if you admitted to it. Of course, if they find your posts here, you're screwed. But lawyer up, at least give yourself a fighting chance here.

 

I would heed this and all of the advice you have received in this thread. The authorities will lead you down a conversational path in an effort to elicit incriminating statements from you, and there will be no going back. Do the right thing to save yourself at this point.

 

Good luck.

[insert_name]

You're going to ruin your damn life for good if you go to that hearing without a lawyer.

 

The cops outsmart most people they interrogate and based on your posting history, I highly doubt you're going to flip that script. You're going to walk in there, they'll act like they're your friends who just want to figure out what happened, but they'll need you to be honest with them because that's the only way they can help you. Then you'll leave in a pair of cuffs.

 

You may be screwed already on the assault charge based on texts you sent her if you admitted to it. Of course, if they find your posts here, you're screwed. But lawyer up, at least give yourself a fighting chance here.

 

Bang on. That is exactly how they operate. You will try to be their friend and they will fit you up before you have even realised it. Get that Lawyer OP

[wow123]

Are scheduled interviews common practice in other countries? This isn't making sense to me. Why didn't the police just show up at your home for questioning after that accusations were made?

[LD1990]

Are scheduled interviews common practice in other countries? This isn't making sense to me. Why didn't the police just show up at your home for questioning after that accusations were made?

 

He might not be home. Or he might close the door in their face. It's much easier for them to just ask him to come down to the station, and since this assault already happened, it's not like they need to go stop anything. The fact that they're asking him to come in makes me think that they don't have enough concrete evidence on him yet, so they're hoping he'll cut his own throat during the questioning.

[LostOne08]

I've been following this saga since the breakup with the first ex last year. And, I agree with the feeling that something has always seemed strange here.

 

Protec, it's great you're seeking professional help for whatever mental issues you may or may not have. I hope you take the advice of the individuals you are seeing better than you've taken the advice that has been offered to you here.

 

Several months ago, I remember you posting about this woman hitting her kids and (despite what you were told here) you did not report it, chose to continue seeing her and even tried to justify her actions by later saying something to the effect that you weren't even sure if she hit the kid. I find it extremely difficult to believe that only now (after charges against you might be a possibility) that you suddenly care about how she treats her children to the point you are willing to report her to the authorities. As has been mentioned here already, that reeks of pettiness and truly is reprehensible if your sole reason for doing it is retaliation.

 

You say you kept her around and ignored advice for no contact and blocking her because you wanted to be her friend. You're not being honest here. I have several female friends and I have not had sex with most of them or kicked their doors down or hit them because they wouldn't see me or because they were sleeping with someone else. The female friends that I have had sex with, guess what happened? The friendships ended shortly thereafter. You didn't keep no contact and you didn't block her because you wanted to be in a relationship with her and you wanted to keep seeing her. I think that's still how you feel to be honest, but it's only because of your current legal situation that you're not talking to her now. You need to be honest with yourself.

 

And for the life of me, I can't fathom why you would continue to have sex with this woman after she cheated on you numerous times. And I would totally bet on it being unprotected sex. At this point, you should consider yourself extremely lucky that she didn't ended up pregnant with your child. Then you would be stuck with dealing with her for at least the next 18 years, but part of me wonders if you would not be elated at that idea. Heaven forbid, that might be the next chapter in this saga.

 

Bottom line, don't dig yourself into a further hole than you already are. Get a lawyer before this interview, clear up this legal issue, continue going to therapy and NEVER SPEAK TO THIS WOMAN AGAIN. PLEASE. FOR ONCE.

[Itspointless]

Protec first thing you do monday morning is getting yourself free legal aid with The Finnish Bar Association (Suomen Asianajajaliitto). You really need advice, as you need to know where the law protects you and on which points you are to be found guilty in the situation you have maneuvered yourself in. Not getting advice would be incredibly naive. And if possible bring your sister with you to the counsel and the hearing.

[Protec]

Well. The hearing with police is over. I went there without lawyer as i did not have possibility to get one in such short notice and this was just only a hearing. I think i did pretty well and denied for the things i have not done. And i will deny them even in court.

 

Of course if it goes to court then i need a lawyer. I did pretty well, of course i was nervous as hell I only bursted into tears once when was talking about the trip to the forest with her kids. I got emotional....

 

Something just does not add up. I think her friend made the report. And yes, i admitted i slapped her. That is something i did.

 

But if my ex was the one who did the report - she deserves an oscar. The report was made same day her friend threatened me with police.

 

After that my ex has said i am her soulmate etc. and we have been intimate. If she really did the report she is really, really and astonishing actress and instead of being in sick-pension from her mental illness, she should definitely be a full time actor.

 

I still need to send the text messages to police so i can prove at least something.

 

Also the story from her part was missing things. Like she was the one who invited me to massage her. The story sounded like it was reported by outsider.

 

I mean they did not even mention i go to therapy. Hell, if i would want to make someone to look like guilty i would definitely say "That lunatic goes to therapy"

 

But one part i enjoyed. Policewoman asked "So, she has 2 kids with 2 different fathers?"

 

"yes." "Oh...." and she looked quite surprised.

 

I am sorry about my outbursts. I am just mentally so exhausted about all this.

I just want nothing to do with that person again in my life. I am shocked that she managed to pretend that everything is ok while there was actually a police repot done.

 

But one thing i learned from this:

 

Never let a woman abuse you anymore. NEver date mentally-ill women again, no matter how beautiful they are. I still have her number on my phone and unblocked, only if she happens for some reason to send me something.

 

But i SWEAR. I want nothing to do with that woman again.

Edited September 26, 2016 by Protec

[almond]

Never let a woman abuse you anymore. NEver date mentally-ill women again, no matter how beautiful they are. I still have her number on my phone and unblocked, only if she happens for some reason to send me something.

 

But i SWEAR. I want nothing to do with that woman again.

 

Lol unblocked?

 

Le sigh.

[Protec]

Lol unblocked?

 

Le sigh.

 

I am under investigation now. I need to keep her number unblocked if she happens to send me ANYTHING and knowing her she may, or may not send me something while drunk etc.

 

I just consider myself lucky because i did not delete the text messages of her. I can actually prove i've been dealing with her after assault and after the police report.

 

And that is why it is so fishy.

 

26.8. Assault happens

 

1.9. She asked me there to apologise, i apologized and she forgave me and we had sex

 

6.9. She makes a police report about assault that happened 26th.

 

10.9. She tells me i am her soulmate, her friend and she needs me. We spend night together...

 

That doesn't make any sense. Just look at it. What kind of person makes police report AFTER she had apologized from me. And afterwards she acts everything is normal and keeps spending time with me and having sex.

 

Something is very fishy here. And i already admitted i slapped her. But still this does not make sense at all.

Edited September 26, 2016 by Protec

[LostOne08]

I still have her number on my phone and unblocked, only if she happens for some reason to send me something.

 

But i SWEAR. I want nothing to do with that woman again.

 

If you read these two statements together in a vacuum, you do realize they are contradictory right?

 

You went to the hearing without a lawyer and you admit that you hit her. I don't know how things work there in Finland, but over here it sounds like you're in a lot of trouble. You don't need to keep her unblocked so that you can gather evidence against her. The police don't care at all about WHY you hit her. They only care that you did it. You can show them all the text messages that you want about her asking you to come over or her telling you that you are her soulmate. It's not going to make one iota of a difference. You're keeping those messages for yourself and you're not blocking her because you WANT her to contact you.

 

Now, if they were trying to discern whether she was telling the truth about you hitting her, all your correspondence with her would make a difference there. But, they're not. You already gave them all they need, you told them that you hit her. And I'm not arguing that you shouldn't have done that, because you did hit her, I'm just trying to paint you a clear picture here. If I rob a bank to feed my starving family, it doesn't really matter what my justification is, and the police and the prosecuting attorney don't care. Bottom line is I still robbed the bank.

 

Protec, you need to STOP worrying about her and what her mental issues may or may not be. Or why she's said some of the things she's said to you. Right now, I don't know if you realize this or not, you have a whole host of problems that you need to worry about that don't concern her at all. If you get convicted of domestic violence, the rest of your life is going to be a long and hard road. You need to focus on clearing up this situation and get yourself some legal representation if they charge you.

[Protec]

No the problem is i was also accused of sexual abuse.

 

This is whole thing doesn't make sense.

 

I abuse her, she tells me to come over and apologize and we have sex and spend weekend together THEN she makes the report. It doesn't make sense.

 

The question: Why she would accuse me afterwards? Why would she accuse me of something i have not done? Why spend time with me afterwards?

 

Usually if someone makes a police report about someone, you don't spend time with them intimately afterwards.

 

That's what i am trying to say here. I am being falsely accused of things i did not do.

 

Honesltly, anyone one of you, would you spend time afterwards with someone who assaulted and sexually abused you?

 

That is what i want to know. I may never have the answer.

 

But my god i would want to hear police question her.

 

"So, protec here says you invited him over to apologize and in his words he did and you forgave him and afterwards you had sex. Then why would you make a police report after that? Afterall, didn't you make it up already?"

 

That's fishy. We agreed the whole things with her already! We hugged! "I forgive you".

 

Never mind. Now i need to concentrate to getting help on this situation. I will get myself an appointment with a laywer and talk about this situation.

 

And also, here in finland it depends how you hit a person. Is it planned hit? Is it full fist or open hand, did you use baseball bats etc. as help. All those affect.

 

Also i think even if i get convicted, is because she spent so much time afterwards with me.

 

Would a bank robber go back to the back he robbed? Well, maybe my ex just wanted to see her handiwork. "Heh he he you are about to be destroyed".

 

I know majority will defend her. But it's not unusual of woman to make falce accusations if they are bipolar, BPD or narcissistic. Just read it up.

[ExpatInItaly]

Protec, you clearly do not understand the dynamics of an abusive relationship.

 

Many, many women return to their abusers. Why? They don't want to believe he's a bad guy. They want to believe his apologies and promises that it won't happen again. They are afraid. They feel nobody else will want them. The list goes on. And yes, I am speaking from experience. And sometimes it takes real courage to finally say something to the proper authorities. Think of all the excuses and justifications you had for returning to her so many times, after emotional and verbal abuse. You can't play that card. So your assumption that a woman who has been hit wouldn't return to her abuser if she really truly felt threatened is just plain false and uninformed.

 

You also have very limited understanding of how the law generally works if you think that her having sex with you after the assault somehow negates your crime. It doesn't. It might cast doubt on her version or intentions with reporting you, but you already confessed you hit her. You are essentially mounting a smear campaign that will be fairly futile. A woman can have as many children by as many men as she wants. It doesn't matter that the police officer was surprised or if she doesn't agree with her morals. That isn't a crime.

 

Also, while it's true that those with diagnosed personality disorders sometimes file false reports (I was threatened with a completely false allegation by my BPD ex-boyfriend), this isn't an entirely false report. You admit you physically assaulted her. You admitted it here and to the police. Without a lawyer present. So, you by your own confession you are guilty of a crime.

 

I think you are going to learn pretty quickly that you have no idea what you're doing or the ramifications for your actions. Stop wasting your sister's money by going to therapy when you won't even help yourself. Pay her back.

[VeveCakes]

Also the story from her part was missing things. Like she was the one who invited me to massage her. The story sounded like it was reported by outsider.

 

I mean they did not even mention i go to therapy. Hell, if i would want to make someone to look like guilty i would definitely say "That lunatic goes to therapy"

 

But one part i enjoyed. Policewoman asked "So, she has 2 kids with 2 different fathers?"

 

"yes." "Oh...." and she looked quite surprised.

 

OK first of all no trained law enforcement person is going to think someone is crazy because they are in therapy. In law enforcement they ENCOURAGE people to go to therapy after violent and abusive crimes. The local police here are the ones who set me up with therapy after my bf attacked me. I don't know why you have these strange ideas about what "her" and the cops are up to.

 

The police are trained to question you. You can read whatever you want into it but you are not privy to their information or their stance. You have no idea what evidence they have. They will also try and lead you astray to see how you react to things. Stop trying to analyze her and the police for every action and word they say.

 

Deal with the facts from now on which are;

 

-you hit her

-you are being investigated

-you may face charges

-do not ever contact her again.

[Protec]

Protec, you clearly do not understand the dynamics of an abusive relationship.

 

Many, many women return to their abusers. Why? They don't want to believe he's a bad guy. They want to believe his apologies and promises that it won't happen again. They are afraid. They feel nobody else will want them. The list goes on. And yes, I am speaking from experience. And sometimes it takes real courage to finally say something to the proper authorities. Think of all the excuses and justifications you had for returning to her so many times, after emotional and verbal abuse. You can't play that card. So your assumption that a woman who has been hit wouldn't return to her abuser if she really truly felt threatened is just plain false and uninformed.

 

You also have very limited understanding of how the law generally works if you think that her having sex with you after the assault somehow negates your crime. It doesn't. It might cast doubt on her version or intentions with reporting you, but you already confessed you hit her. You are essentially mounting a smear campaign that will be fairly futile. A woman can have as many children by as many men as she wants. It doesn't matter that the police officer was surprised or if she doesn't agree with her morals. That isn't a crime.

 

Also, while it's true that those with diagnosed personality disorders sometimes file false reports (I was threatened with a completely false allegation by my BPD ex-boyfriend), this isn't an entirely false report. You admit you physically assaulted her. You admitted it here and to the police. Without a lawyer present. So, you by your own confession you are guilty of a crime.

 

I think you are going to learn pretty quickly that you have no idea what you're doing or the ramifications for your actions. Stop wasting your sister's money by going to therapy when you won't even help yourself. Pay her back.

 

I was in abusive relationship.

 

I know i am guilty of what i did and admitted it to police. What i am not guilty of is sexual abuse. I was blamed about that too.

 

And yes, i will keep going to therapy because after all this i really need it.

 

You see mee as the bad guy here. But i have discussed about this matter enough.

 

You think she is a flawless princess and i am culprit. Ok. You can feel that way if you want. I know that i was the victim in that relationship by a bipolar nutcase.

 

I have nothing more to discuss about this.

[Kamille]

You dated someone you perceive to be an unreliable, lying and manipulative person from your first threads here. Months. For months you dated someone you were telling us you didn't trust. This is not the first time you call her a bipolar nutcase. You undermined her since day one.

 

You have to realize that people who physically and mentally abuse their partners typically believe their partners are unreliable, lying, manipulative people. That's how they justify the abuse to themselves. That's how they justify the abuse to the victim: "Your own understanding of reality cannot be trusted." It's also common for abusers to cast themselves as the victim in the relationship, much as you just did. This way, abusers can say the victim provoked the situation. So while you may feel that her behaviour is erratic, your own characterization of her makes you fit a particular profile. You staying with her for months in spite of how poorly you think of her is in and of itself problematic.

 

Lawyer up. You clearly have no understanding of abuse.

Edited September 26, 2016 by Kamille

[Itspointless]

You think she is a flawless princess and i am culprit. Ok. You can feel that way if you want. I know that i was the victim in that relationship by a bipolar nutcase.

I seriously do not understand how this could be your conclusion after reading ExpatInItaly her post Hm than again perhaps I do. But you seriously are reading it wrong. Yes your ex is troubled, but so are you Protec. There is a reason why you two keep going to each-other. I guess her friend was trying to break that cycle, just as we did. You two are bad news for each-other.

[ExpatInItaly]

I was in abusive relationship.

 

I know i am guilty of what i did and admitted it to police. What i am not guilty of is sexual abuse. I was blamed about that too.

 

And yes, i will keep going to therapy because after all this i really need it.

 

You see mee as the bad guy here. But i have discussed about this matter enough.

 

You think she is a flawless princess and i am culprit. Ok. You can feel that way if you want. I know that i was the victim in that relationship by a bipolar nutcase.

 

I have nothing more to discuss about this.

 

Please, explain to me where I said or suggested that she is flawless. I did not. I in fact suggested many times in your previous thread that you needed to stay away from her because she was verbally and emotionally abusive. You ignored that.

 

You can be passive-aggressive but that doesn't change the facts. That spin won't work with the police either.

[Protec]

i just need to concentrate now on the fact that i need to defend my self against the false accusations of sexual abuse.

[VeveCakes]

How was it left? Will they contact you again?

 

What was the scenario they accused you of for the sexual assault?

[Shorty Shortison]

I just read this whole thread and I don't really get this one thing - so she is bipolar, calls you, had sex with you, is a bad mom, etc etc etc. You picked her out but whateves, all of that has zero to do with: YOUR stalking, physical and sexual abuse!!! It dosn't matter if she is spawn of SATAN, you are the one the cops are looking at for the stuff YOU did!!! Anything about her and how she lives hor life or whateves, that's not what this is about. It's weird how you do such bad stuff and keep talking about how it's all her, I don'tget it??