Ok, that's it. I got final confirmation from my ex, she said no. I will respect that.

[MovingOnIsHard]

This is an example

 

Person you've had sex with countless of times, kisses you and you just feel like you don't like it. You sue him for kissing you without permission. Few days later you invite him over and have sex with that same person. Makes perfect sense right?

 

Guess you have to ask people from now on "Do you feel today like kissing? Can i kiss you with permission so you will not sue me? Can you please sign this form?

 

"I ________ will give permission for my BF _______ to kiss me.

 

DATE xx.xx.xxxx

PLACE: _________"

 

Because that's how the future will look like. There are countless of stories about butthurt females who make false accusations about abuse, child abuse and rape. Innocent people (men) have lost their jobs, homes, families because of false accusations.

 

But anyway, i did not sexually abuse her. That's it.

.

 

Even if you didnt sexually abuse her, your going to havr to fight tooth and nail to prove your innocence.

 

Stable people usually don't need to have a permission form drawn out for them to sign before engaging in sexual activities. You trust that they're not going to screw with you and file an abuse complaint against you later on... But she's not stable so what do you expect from her? If that was me, i wouldn't be surprised if she accused me of murder

 

Hindsight is always 50/50. If you had some sense, you should have avoided any contact with this woman before she had the chance to pull her tricks on you.

Edited September 26, 2016 by MovingOnIsHard
Re wrote text for clarification

[Protec]

.

 

Even if you didnt sexually abuse her, your going to havr to fight tooth and nail to prove your innocence.

 

Stable people usually don't need to have a permission form drawn out for them to sign before engaging in sexual activities. You trust that they're not going to screw with you and file an abuse complaint against you later on... But she's not stable so what do you expect from her? If that was me, i wouldn't be surprised if she accused me of murder

 

Hindsight is always 50/50. If you had some sense, you should have avoided any contact with this woman before she had the chance to pull her tricks on you.

 

Yeah. Unfortunately i was too stupid to believe her pretty words. I never had an idea someone who would do a police report would actually ask me to come over and spend time with her.

 

I was stupid i believed her words. They were empty, meaningless words. I never was her soulmate or friend or anything. She probably never even loved me.

 

She did the report because she felt suddenly i deserved it. Few days later she felt i was her friend.

 

Bipolar people act like that. They live in the moment. Literally. Just like she loved me. At the moment she felt like she loved me, few hours later things were different. As she always said "Well when i said i meant it. Now it's different moment".

 

And that causes the back and forth behaviour.

[Protec]

No, as has been mentioned in several threads....abused women usually return to their attackers.

 

I was raped by my ex husband...and somehow I still slept with him a few times after this. Strange?? no...sad...yes.

 

Whats strange is that you knew her friend was going to report you over this...yet you still slept with her.

 

I didn't know. I don't know if it was her or her friend. She just threatened me with police. She said "if you call again it will be a police business". I never called after that.

 

my ex contacted me herself after that threat. I was too scared to contact her myself.

[Protec]

But still unfortunately this forum feels more like police interrogation than support forum.

 

All i get is blaming. "you continued to date her, you hit her, etc".

 

Yes I know. Maybe it's because different cultures, i don't know but mostly my finnish friends have supported me because they know i am in pain too because all of this.

They know i am not a bad person.

 

My sister has supported me. She doesn't think i am a wife-beater, a female friend of mine i've known for 14-years doesn't think i am a wife-beater. My other female friend i've known for almost 10 years don't think i am a wife-beater. Sure they were surprised that i have hit someone. But they understand i am a human and under great stress people do stupid things and mistakes.

 

All i need is some understanding instead of constant blaming. I know what i have done and that's that. I need to live with those decisions every day.

 

I don't need pity. I just wish someone would understand also my side of this whole thing.

 

Here I have been called stalker many times, mentally insane, unstable etc. Not even my ex-gf called me a stalker or mentally insane and she has spent lots of time with me. Yet i have heard it here many times.

 

Some of you try to help and i appreciate.

 

I need some sleep.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

But still unfortunately this forum feels more like police interrogation than support forum.

 

All i get is blaming. "you continued to date her, you hit her, etc".

 

Yes I know. Maybe it's because different cultures, i don't know but mostly my finnish friends have supported me because they know i am in pain too because all of this.

They know i am not a bad person.

 

My sister has supported me. She doesn't think i am a wife-beater, a female friend of mine i've known for 14-years doesn't think i am a wife-beater. My other female friend i've known for almost 10 years don't think i am a wife-beater. Sure they were surprised that i have hit someone. But they understand i am a human and under great stress people do stupid things and mistakes.

 

All i need is some understanding instead of constant blaming. I know what i have done and that's that. I need to live with those decisions every day.

 

I don't need pity. I just wish someone would understand also my side of this whole thing.

 

Here I have been called stalker many times, mentally insane, unstable etc. Not even my ex-gf called me a stalker or mentally insane and she has spent lots of time with me. Yet i have heard it here many times.

 

Some of you try to help and i appreciate.

 

I need some sleep.

 

At this point, your side really doesn't matter honestly. No one is really concerned with your relationship with this woman at the current moment and honestly, neither should you. You are putting your focus on ALL of the wrong things. We are telling you the facts...you need to seek some help and some legal counsel. Thats all that really needs to be said. Anything after this is talking in circles.

[Microwave]

A very riveting read.

 

Protec I hope you listen to the advice that's being offered and continue with your counselling, it sounds like it will do you the world of good.

 

Having read some of your posts, I've seen some traits that you exhibit in myself. This has worried me greatly. As a result I've now made an appointment to start counselling as something clearly isn't right with myself.

 

I suppose what I am trying to say is thank you and I hope your counselling journey leads you to a more happy and prosperous place.

[Protec]

A very riveting read.

 

Protec I hope you listen to the advice that's being offered and continue with your counselling, it sounds like it will do you the world of good.

 

Having read some of your posts, I've seen some traits that you exhibit in myself. This has worried me greatly. As a result I've now made an appointment to start counselling as something clearly isn't right with myself.

 

I suppose what I am trying to say is thank you and I hope your counselling journey leads you to a more happy and prosperous place.

 

Thanks Microwave. Glad if i have been any kind of help. It took me long time too to understand it, Blanco warned me year ago about my issues. And my god he was right.

 

I just came back from my psychotherapist, only if you had seen her face when i told about all the stuff that has happened. About the police reports etc. Her words about my ex "I think she may suffer from something else than bipolarity".

 

Kinda made me feel good again. It hurts me to say all the things that happened during our relationship i hate saying bad things about her. But those are inside me and i need to let them go..

 

Also it made me feel good that i am not the insane one afterall. Sure i have issues because i stayed with her for so long and all, but still... It made me feel more human.

 

She can tell me i am a kind person. Just bit too kind so i explode when i get angry. Anyways, the problem why i explode comes from my habit to trying to please people and i lack "weapon" to stand up against myself. I tolerate so much abuse that i finally snap. No, it does not give me excuse to hit anyone, but that is the cause.

 

Imagine me as a water boiler that is welded shut. The heat and pressure rises and there is no way for it to go out so eventually the water boiler will explode. That is me

 

Also she warned me. "She may come back again someday. What you have told me i would think it's not impossible at all that someday she will contact you again".

 

Anyway, talking with the therapist really helps. It helps to hear that i am a human being after all.

 

Again for long time i am actually smiling. That is how much the councelling helps. To be able to talk about things and actually hear with your own ears that you ex-gf has been an excellent manipulator etc. It helps so much that i have not imagined everything.

 

I really, really needed this therapy session. It's fantastic to talk about things with professional.

 

Again, sorry for being snappy.

 

I will become a better person again. I promise.

[Itspointless]

Anyways, the problem why i explode comes from my habit to trying to please people and i lack "weapon" to stand up against myself. I tolerate so much abuse that i finally snap. No, it does not give me excuse to hit anyone, but that is the cause.

Don't you remember I already mentioned that a few hundred posts ago (among some other things)?

I will become a better person again. I promise.

Your pleasing again.

[sooshi]

Protec,

 

It's wonderful that you're going to therapy and that you find it helping you.

However, to get the most out of your sessions, it's essential for the focus to remain on you all throughout the session, not on your ex or on anyone else. It's your therapist's responsibility to keep things about you. Otherwise, she is only enabling you. It is not her place to make any judgments... about anyone.

 

If you must tell her to keep the attention focused on you, then do it. But a competent therapist, in my opinion, would know to do that.

 

Take care.

[Simon Phoenix]

You know what makes it harder for her to "come back again"? You blocking her.

[Protec]

Protec,

 

It's wonderful that you're going to therapy and that you find it helping you.

However, to get the most out of your sessions, it's essential for the focus to remain on you all throughout the session, not on your ex or on anyone else. It's your therapist's responsibility to keep things about you. Otherwise, she is only enabling you. It is not her place to make any judgments... about anyone.

 

If you must tell her to keep the attention focused on you, then do it. But a competent therapist, in my opinion, would know to do that.

 

Take care.

 

She is also a psychologist. It really helps me to talk about all the stuff that happened in the relationship. Some things that still bother me.

 

Soon after all this other stuff is behind we start concentrating on me more =)

[Protec]

Oh great. Now i started to see "nightmares" about my ex-gf again.

[Protec]

And my bad luck continues...

 

I mean i almost never run into people i know...and out of all people i run into my ex.

 

I was with my father, he lives in same town as my ex. We were heading back and my father asked me to go this shop i said "No way! Not that shop. She usually shops there".

 

So we went to this another grocery store. And what are the odds? There she was with her kids (losing custody my ass), so she noticed me and i looked kinda sad and said hi. She looked uncomfortable as well and said hi and smiled a bit and walked past me.

 

I wanted to say something...about the situation if we could settle it but i decided not to because she was with her kids.

 

Also i read some info, police has to do a child custody report if they see it necessary. I hope police will do it as i have a text message from her "I have been drinking again and shouting at my kids..."

 

So that should be enough reason to do a child report (i don't know what it's called sorry).

 

Anyway, it didn't do good to me to see her. She looked not so happy either. Dunno...

[LostOne08]

Listen, Protec.

 

Don't take this as harsh criticism of you, but this is exactly what everyone here has been trying to tell you over several hundred posts.

 

Do not worry about her. Worry about you. She is not your concern.

 

Who cares if she looked sad? Don't worry about gathering information for the police to report her about her children, you're being petty again.

 

I wouldn't have even acknowledged her in the store. She's essentially dead to you. Worry about your issues (legal, mental, etc.) and becoming a better person since that's what you want currently. Stop thinking about her or what she's doing or feeling. It doesn't change anything. Listen for once, and block her.

[Protec]

Listen, Protec.

 

Don't take this as harsh criticism of you, but this is exactly what everyone here has been trying to tell you over several hundred posts.

 

Do not worry about her. Worry about you. She is not your concern.

 

Who cares if she looked sad? Don't worry about gathering information for the police to report her about her children, you're being petty again.

 

I wouldn't have even acknowledged her in the store. She's essentially dead to you. Worry about your issues (legal, mental, etc.) and becoming a better person since that's what you want currently. Stop thinking about her or what she's doing or feeling. It doesn't change anything. Listen for once, and block her.

 

I have not talked with her in almost 3 weeks. I still have nothing to say to her.

 

I try to stop thinking about her. It's just hard.

 

She got me so hooked. it's like giving a cake to someone and suddenly taking it a away so the person will crave it even more. Then again you give some cake and take it away...and you never know when you get that cake. You are just sitting ther in front of the table waiting.

 

That's the best example. I told about the behaviour of my ex-gf to my therapist and she said it sounds like she was excellent manipulator.

 

But. I can only go forwards from now on.

 

It's a beautiful day outside.

[VeveCakes]

Also i read some info, police has to do a child custody report if they see it necessary. I hope police will do it as i have a text message from her "I have been drinking again and shouting at my kids..."

 

So that should be enough reason to do a child report (i don't know what it's called sorry).

..

 

No, thats not enough reason. Lots of people yell at their kids and lots of people drink. Do you have any idea how many people are involved in child services? They have limited resources and have to use them in situations that are actually not safe for the kids. She seems to have no issues with taking care of hers. They have shelter, food, and a clean bed. Stop trying to ruin her because she ruined yours.

[Protec]

No, thats not enough reason. Lots of people yell at their kids and lots of people drink. Do you have any idea how many people are involved in child services? They have limited resources and have to use them in situations that are actually not safe for the kids. She seems to have no issues with taking care of hers. They have shelter, food, and a clean bed. Stop trying to ruin her because she ruined yours.

 

She has issues taking care of them. She has been twice in custody conversation with childcare and her ex's this year. Once in March and now just about month ago. Normal person does not get problems like that.

 

Here in finland, if you have mental illness and kids live with you, you have to do what the doctors say, you have to live a life so you will get better. Now she doesn't take her meds and drinks alcohol. She gets psychotic symptoms (shooting stars speaking to her) because of that.

 

But it's not my problem really. I know my ex loves her kids. But it honestly feels bad to read text message like "I wonder if i should give my kids up..."

 

But yeah. I need to concentrate on my self from now on.

[Protec]

Any ideas how i get rid of this constant crave to writing her? I see nightmares about her every night. The first thing i think about in the mornings is her. She is constantly in my mind. This all started ever since the police hearings were over. Few days after that i started to have sleep issues again.

 

I see the most beautiful dreams about her, so basically they are not nightmares. I would just like to write her, anything.

 

I try my best to keep myself occupied, i watch movies, i go for walks, gym has been out from the picture for a while because i have some kind of strange flu, but i will go as soon as i feel healthy.

 

I really feel i am obsessed to that woman. It's like a drug addiction and it's been almost a month since i have last talked with her.

 

How do i get rid of this feeling?

 

I miss that person every single day. I started to watch The Flash - series, and my thought was "She would definitely like this series! But i can't tell her..." I would like to tell her about some good movies etc. but i can't.

 

Why do i still miss her? I mean she did a police report on me , she cheated on me etc...why the hell do i still miss that person?

[Itspointless]

Any ideas how i get rid of this constant crave to writing her?

You have to sit it out. Just like we all did. You barely have begun walking that road. I have missed her for two years (and sometimes I miss her again for a little bit). Often wanted to run with my head against a wall to just stop it. After a few months it became a bit less. Keep yourself busy and try to meditate, make walks in the forest, read books, etc.

[Protec]

Well, my situation is going forward.

 

Police called me just now. The charges about sexual abuse and illegal threat has been dropped because my ex had no financial requests against me (i don't

know how to say it correctly sorry). What a surpise. She cannot prove i have done anything, and i did not do anything. I really need to find out if i can press charges against her for making false report to police!

 

So the only thing going forward is that open hand slap.

 

Also i saw my psych. nurse last time yesterday, she also warned that my ex may try to come back at some point and also told pretty insteresting things about bi-polarity.

 

Also my psych. nurse said if i had given the name of my ex to her, she would have done a child abuse report too about her.

[VeveCakes]

You need to block her...ASAP. If she does reach out, something could happen. She could be baiting you for more police reports.

 

Use your head....protect yourself, block her already.

[sharkbite0]

I think its important to recognize the feelings you have, don't try to just shut them out. They are there, and they are real.

 

Having said that, it is also important to realize how you can find a new path. One that doesn't lead back to contacting her.

 

Psychotherapy is helpful in understanding your thoughts and feelings but sometimes it may be due to something in your environment, perhaps you are just lonely and need a friend. Perhaps she gave you a reason to feel useful so what you need is to find another outlet where you feel like you are needed, perhaps volunteering would be something you would benefit from.

 

Psychologists are wonderful and have helped me cope with many situations in my life, but a social worker helped me find the causes of my struggles as well as ways to resolve them. They take a look at the Biological, Psychological, and Social side of everything. You might benefit from seeing one.

 

Good Luck, Keep your Chin up! you will get through this!

[Protec]

You need to block her...ASAP. If she does reach out, something could happen. She could be baiting you for more police reports.

 

Use your head....protect yourself, block her already.

 

I don't think she will contact me anymore...last message from her was almost month ago where she blamed me being the reason of her problems.

 

I think she is gone.

 

Too bad she was sick like that. Honestly, i really did not help her. But again, it's not my responsibility to take care of someone...

[Itspointless]

I really need to find out if i can press charges against her for making false report to police! [...] Also my psych. nurse said if i had given the name of my ex to her, she would have done a child abuse report too about her.

Honestly, i really did not help her. But again, it's not my responsibility to take care of someone...

I wanted to react this morning in the train, but did not manage due to my phone. No you can not help her, we never can. But seriously man, loose those thoughts of revenge. You say you wanted to help her, what do you have to gain with doing that to her? Well I can give you that answer: nothing.

[marky00]

I wanted to react this morning in the train, but did not manage due to my phone. No you can not help her, we never can. But seriously man, loose those thoughts of revenge. You say you wanted to help her, what do you have to gain with doing that to her? Well I can give you that answer: nothing.

 

I kind of disagree with this.

 

 

Ok, maybe you cannot help someone directly but indirectly you can be of an immense help to a partner. Examples of indirect help would be being supportive, empathetic and understanding.

 

 

If that isn't happening on some level in both directions, the relationship is doomed.

 

 

In my personal experience, when I was going through tough times and my partner just sat back and offered nothing, that just built up further resentment.