Ok, that's it. I got final confirmation from my ex, she said no. I will respect that.

[Densel]

If you say you love her then why do you want to take revenge.

 

Your ex is a drama queen. Dont be a drama king.

[Blanco]

I kind of disagree with this.

 

 

Ok, maybe you cannot help someone directly but indirectly you can be of an immense help to a partner. Examples of indirect help would be being supportive, empathetic and understanding.

 

 

If that isn't happening on some level in both directions, the relationship is doomed.

 

I don't disagree with this, but it's completely irrelevant to this particular situation, which is what Itspointless was directly referring to.

[Itspointless]

I kind of disagree with this.

 

 

Ok, maybe you cannot help someone directly but indirectly you can be of an immense help to a partner. Examples of indirect help would be being supportive, empathetic and understanding.

 

 

If that isn't happening on some level in both directions, the relationship is doomed.

 

 

In my personal experience, when I was going through tough times and my partner just sat back and offered nothing, that just built up further resentment.

Hi marky0, Blanco was right about my comment.

 

What you write actually comes close to home for me. My ex denied my help when she became ill (I understand that she is fine now): she pushed me away. At the time I did not understand it as being there for someone is in my view the most beautiful thing you can do (I lost my mother in my puberty to illness, as Protec did). I couldn't help my ex like I could with my mother, as my ex was dismissive-avoidant attached. She wanted me to help her by disappearing from her life. You know, it still hurts thinking about it. Protec cannot help his ex either. Taking revenge surely will not cure his feelings of being hurt.

[Protec]

I am not taking revenge on my ex...

 

And ItsPointless is right. There was nothing i could do to help my GF. Actually i was just enabling her bad behaviour so i kinda made it worse. I had good intentions but it backfires (words of my therapist).

 

I am going through some very hard times. But my ex has blocked me from whatsapp and my phone number as well, forgot to tell you about it. So it's highly unlikely she tries to come back anymore.

[Blanco]

How do you know she blocked your phone number?

[ExpatInItaly]

You want her to come back. You might as well be honest with yourself.

 

This is how you know she's blocked you, and why you haven't blocked her.

[Blanco]

It really is ridiculous. Something so basic that could be such a safeguard for him. And he just won't do it.

 

It doesn't matter if you think she will or won't contact you. That's like not locking your car because you think no one will steal anything from it.

[Protec]

How do you know she blocked your phone number?

 

I found out couple weeks ago, i don't remember was it after the police called me or before, but anyway i tried to call her to ask what was going on and all i got was busy tone. So that's when i knew she had blocked me. And even the Whatsapp messages did not go through.

 

I forgot to write about it here. So i doubt she tries to contact me anymore. She has never blocked me before like that.

[Protec]

This is bad. I can't sleep at all. I have no idea what it is. I just roll around the bed all nights. I sleep in 1 hour segments and wake up all the time. This started soon after the police hearings were over...

[Protec]

Went to therapist today again and suddenly even she noticed that i look better. "Do i imagine or do you actually look better now?"

 

Well. I do feel better I still think that if i should write something to my ex but on the other hand...i don't know. Maybe at xmas i can wish her merry xmas.

 

Still miss her but my brain chemistry has definitely leveled down. I am still lonely as hell sometimes...

 

But i feel better, definitely. =)

[ChickiePops]

I mean, FFS YOU named this thread 'Ok, I got FINAL confirmation. She said no. I will respect that'.

 

How is plotting to send her a Christmas card 'respecting' that???

[Haydn]

Turn up at Crimbo, dressed as Santa Claus bearing gifts. Why just a text?

 

I think you should move to another place.

 

She does not want you.

[Protec]

Turn up at Crimbo, dressed as Santa Claus bearing gifts. Why just a text?

 

I think you should move to another place.

 

She does not want you.

 

I don't want her back. Sending text message does not mean i want her back.

[Protec]

I mean, FFS YOU named this thread 'Ok, I got FINAL confirmation. She said no. I will respect that'.

 

How is plotting to send her a Christmas card 'respecting' that???

 

It was just a thought. I have not spoken to her in a month now. I have not even tried to contact her. Happy?

[William]

Folks, I trust the suspensions and moderations will get the point across but, if not, please do not call other members mentally ill, or insinuate that they're mentally ill and definitely do not call them trolls or insinuate same. It's a fast path to expulsion. Address the topic and in a respectful manner or move on. Thanks!

[wow123]

Any update on the police investigation? When do you have to be in court?

[Protec]

Any update on the police investigation? When do you have to be in court?

 

I don't have to go to court. The system is different here in finland. Two of the charges are already dropped, Sexual harassment and illegal threat. Why? I don't know, what police said it was because she has no financial..how do you say it...darn. But she does not want money for those charges so it won't go forward. My guess is because they cannot prove i did something like that. And i DID NOT.

 

The only thing going forward is the open-hand slap. And since i have clean criminal records etc. i just get a fine from it. I don't know how much.

 

Anyway, i am feeling better. I have been more active lately, going to gym again and running and feeling more like my old self again.

 

next week i will get myself an appointment with psychiatrist so he can write me a letter i need to send so i can get financial help for my psychotherapy sessions.

 

Watched a awesome movie last night, called Mr. Church and it really made me think about things. It was a great movie.

 

I am trying to force myself using my new motto "if you think doing it, do it".

 

First of all, i want to say that please don't diagnose me with mental illnesses. I am not mentally ill. Secondly, i do appreciate all the help you have given me. This is not an easy situation for me so please try to understand if i failed to do what you said to me.

 

This has not been easy for me at all. I was very badly hooked to that woman and you could say i was addicted to her, like a narc is addicted to a drug. You just simply cannot quit it at once.

 

You don't have to believe me, but this was not a normal breakup situation for me. As someone said, it "trauma bonding" and being a victim of a narcissist that creates such situation, it's impossible to let go. Even if you wanted to.

Stockholm Syndrome almost.

 

But now i have been without my "drug" for over a month now. I still do miss her, and i most likely always will. But i don't have the urge to write her anymore.

 

I am slowly healing from that relationship and no, i am not even close even to think about dating anyone. And when i am ready again, i need to really find a stable, mentally healthy woman for me. I did some thinking and about 50% of my ex's have in some point of their life physically hurt themselfes by using knife on their hand. One of my ex had done abortion...etc. Very troubled pasts.

 

I could never hurt myself with a knife. And i have been dating persons who have done it. My latest ex was in a "looneyhouse" when she was younger. She chased her ex man with a knife around the house.

 

So in the future, i really need to find out what kind of woman i really want into my life. There is seriously a clear pattern what kind of women get insterested in me, and what kind of woman interest me.

 

Even my friends asked "where on earth you find all these crazy women?"

 

It's a good question.

[DarrenB]

 

It's a good question.

 

It's good to hear things have been looking in your favor recently and helping you, rather than ridiculing you and continuously making you out to be the aggressor.

 

I'm still only young, but I can understand that letting someone go who was literally so involved in your life and secluded you in some insane, intimate, and loving vicinity is incredibly hard. Not everyone can simply just let go and move on. We actually are all human, we make mistakes, sometimes more than we probably should. But, in time we learn from them.

 

Either way, positive thinking. Keep it that way. Things will continue to look up for you if you do so

[Protec]

It's good to hear things have been looking in your favor recently and helping you, rather than ridiculing you and continuously making you out to be the aggressor.

 

I'm still only young, but I can understand that letting someone go who was literally so involved in your life and secluded you in some insane, intimate, and loving vicinity is incredibly hard. Not everyone can simply just let go and move on. We actually are all human, we make mistakes, sometimes more than we probably should. But, in time we learn from them.

 

Either way, positive thinking. Keep it that way. Things will continue to look up for you if you do so

 

Thanks Darren. This has definitely been hard time for me. And now i am suffering from insomnia. I had this strange spike of energy for few weeks and i don't feel tired at all.

 

I have no idea what is going on. Is it the darkness? (it's dark here in finland this time a year).

 

I was even offered a job, because i just walked in into a place but i don't think i will be able to take that job. Since i still go to psychotherapy and honestly i've had problems doing even everyday tasks lately.

 

It takes tremendous amount of mental energy to kick my rear even to gym. But that is something i need to solve with my therapist.

 

I try to keep my mind as positive as my can but i have noticed that i have lately become very...how would say it, numb. Maybe this is the normal state of brain, i don't know. I haven't felt much emotions lately. This started week ago.

 

Is this depression?

 

Anyway, talked with my therapist and she was quite concerned about my insomnia. Also i talked about my ex-gf's and the reason why i always end up with mentally unstable women. There is a clear pattern.

 

i think i will turn down the job. It's result based job (sales position) and i don't think i am able to handle any more stress at this point of my life.

 

I don't want to go to a job and then have a burnout after a month. I need to get my head back in order.

 

I just feel so dead inside. When i compare my feelings now vs when i was with my ex... I don't know. I was happy. I was in pain, but also i was happy.

 

No i am not in pain, i am not happy, i am not sad. I just am.

[Itspointless]

Is this depression? [...] i always end up with mentally unstable women. There is a clear pattern [...] i think i will turn down the job. It's result based job (sales position) and i don't think i am able to handle any more stress at this point of my life.

it could be depression. The pattern has for a large part to to do with your attachment-style. Seriously Protec read up on it, or ask you therapist about it. Is that the job at the car-dealer you wrote about? I thought that was something you wanted to do.

[Protec]

it could be depression. The pattern has for a large part to to do with your attachment-style. Seriously Protec read up on it, or ask you therapist about it. Is that the job at the car-dealer you wrote about? I thought that was something you wanted to do.

 

It was a job selling heaters to houses. You know the ones you install on the wall. I don't know the proper word for it. Anyway, it was not job for me. Because the company was in financial problems anyway.

 

But update: I finally managed to get myself an appointment from psychiatrist. I will see him tomorrow.

 

And as i thought, my energy spike has gone. It lasted for few weeks and now i am back to my "normal" self. Also i blame the turning the clocks for it. It always messes up my sleeping patterns. Last weekend we changed time for 1 hour backwards. I hate it.

 

For past 2 weeks i had so much energy, so much passion and i felt great about myself. "If you think it, do it" mentality. I felt confident. I felt that i can do anything if i believe i can. And honestly that's how i got the job interview.

 

It's strange because it felt bit like hypomania.

[Protec]

Well, i saw the psychiatrist today.

 

Seems i have some tendencies of OCD traits in me since i like to keep things almost symmetrical at my home. I don't have the problems outside my home.

 

Also i have some traits of bipolarism in me, and doctor said it should be kept an eye on. Since i had that strange spike of energy few weeks ago and it lasted over a week.

 

But otherwise there doesn't seem to be nothing major wrong in me, and psychotherapy is recommenened treatment for me.

 

Oh, and i am sensitive. But i knew it without the psychiatrist.

 

Anyway, one step forward again. To better tomorrow, to make Protec great again!