Ok, that's it. I got final confirmation from my ex, she said no. I will respect that.

[clia]

Sounds like her friend might've reported you.

 

It would be incredibly stupid of you to go to the police station without an attorney. Find an attorney.

[Blanco]

Perhaps I'm giving this woman more cerebral credit than she deserves, but it would not at all surprise me if she had sex with you as part of her plan to extract revenge on you for hitting her.

 

You've already shown you're capable of breaking and entering and physical violence; sexual assault against that same person isn't a giant leap. For all you know, she reported the rape within a couple of days of one of the sexual encounters. If that's the case, and she went the rape kit process, there's documented evidence that you at the very least sexually engaged her. Then it becomes a case of her word versus yours and she's got your breaking and entering and hitting her as details to back her case.

 

Again, this could just be me giving her way too much credit, but it wouldn't shock me if something like the above played out. When people are going through a divorce, men are often advised against having sex with their STBX for this very reason; for all you know, they're going to flip it on you and claim that you raped them.

 

Your apology for hitting her should have been the last time you ever spoke to her, but you think you know best and refused to block her. And now, because of your stubbornness, you might need to prepare to fight for your life.

[Protec]

Perhaps I'm giving this woman more cerebral credit than she deserves, but it would not at all surprise me if she had sex with you as part of her plan to extract revenge on you for hitting her.

 

You've already shown you're capable of breaking and entering and physical violence; sexual assault against that same person isn't a giant leap. For all you know, she reported the rape within a couple of days of one of the sexual encounters. If that's the case, and she went the rape kit process, there's documented evidence that you at the very least sexually engaged her. Then it becomes a case of her word versus yours and she's got your breaking and entering and hitting her as details to back her case.

 

Again, this could just be me giving her way too much credit, but it wouldn't shock me if something like the above played out. When people are going through a divorce, men are often advised against having sex with their STBX for this very reason; for all you know, they're going to flip it on you and claim that you raped them.

 

Your apology for hitting her should have been the last time you ever spoke to her, but you think you know best and refused to block her. And now, because of your stubbornness, you might need to prepare to fight for your life.

 

Yes. And originally the day i apologized from her was supposed to be the last time we see each other. I have a message "You have 15 minutes of my time. That's all you get and after that we go our separate ways"

 

But when i got the message from her saturday that she was drunk and yelling at her kids...having panic attack i got worried.

 

At one moment i am her soulmate and next she puts cops on me. I know this is my fault for not being able to let go of her.

 

All i can think is that this is a revenge towards me as she thinks i am the reason for her losing custody. But i have nothing to do with it.

 

She had a custody complaint earlier this year at march made by her exes.

 

But i don't think i need lawyer at this point because this is just a hearing.

I admit i hit her out of anger. I admitted it already on the phone.

[Blanco]

I don't think you mean to, but you continue to downplay the psychological effects of you hitting her. I mean, seriously, the only reason you can think of for her wanting revenge is because of her child custody issues? Uh, how about she wants revenge because you f*cking HIT her?

[clia]

What do you mean it's "just a hearing"? In front of a judge?

 

If police are going to be asking you questions, you should have a lawyer with you. Things can get ugly fast and you need someone there who can advise you of your rights.

[Blanco]

Not sure how the legal system over there works but here in the states, you'd be a damn fool not to like up a lawyer when facing TWO criminal charges.

[Simon Phoenix]

A Scumbag move? I apologized from her, she forgave me. I drove to her place because she had panic attack, to support her. AFTER the incident.

 

Yes, if she wasn't pressing charges on you would not be trying to take her kids away, or thinking about it. You aren't doing it for their benefit, you're doing it for leverage on her. It's a scumbag move.

 

I helped her into her bed because she could not move well because she had fever and week ago i was her best friend and soulmate and we have sex and everything and suddenly police calls me.

 

You had sex with her after hitting her? You're the worst.

 

I have done nothing wrong after the incident. We even went to forest pick some blueberries with her kid.

 

Sure you did, you MADE CONTACT WITH HER! That's the epitome of wrong and why you're in this situation. Because, once again, you're acting like a moron.

 

Now why would a woman ask a violent lunatic to her house overnight while her kids are at home?

 

I have spent several days with her after that incident because SHE asked me.

I have all the text messages in phone where she asks me to come over and spend time with her AFTER the assault.

 

Unfortunately many women seek the counsel of their abusers after the abuse happens. I wish it didn't happen, but it's extremely common. Your situation isn't the least bit unique in that respect.

 

At least my therapist doesn't judge me. I am not a bad person. I was pushed over my limit and here i am and i admit i did wrong.

 

And i want to learn how to control my emotions better so stuff like this does not happen in the future.

 

You don't seem like you're a very good person at all. You force yourself into this woman's house, you hit her, you constantly try to spin and diminish the actual act of physical abuse, and now you want to use her kids against her so she doesn't prosecute you for actually hitting her. Those aren't the marks of a "good person". A good person would have left her and this situation alone long ago before it came to this.

 

I have codependent traits in me, and even my trerapist was curious why i could not let go of her because she was obviously abusive towards me.

 

So that is what were are going to work on. So in the future i don't end up in relationships like this one.

 

Honestly, I think you both abuse each other, though hers is mental. You wonder so much about she could come back to you after you abused her if you're such a bad guy and don't get the irony of you asking these questions. The ironic thing is that you ask that question while doing the exact same thing you think she's doing. I mean, two threads and 60-plus pages and you still don't understand that. And you'll never understand that. Because you don't want to understand that. You want to keep acting in the same immature, petulant manner and you want to continue to spin it to try to make yourself look like a martyr. It's your thing.

[VeveCakes]

Why did you go hang out with her AFTER her friend reported you to the police?

[Simon Phoenix]

Protec, you not having a lawyer with you for this would arguably be your dumbest move yet. And that's saying a lot.

[Simon Phoenix]

Why did you go hang out with her AFTER her friend reported you to the police?

 

Because he's a child.

[insert_name]

The timing seems very odd here, why is there a day or so between OP's contact with this woman and her friend threatening OP to Police? Okay OP had obviously transgressed but this action by the friend seems a bit out of the blue and how did it even take place? A random phone call or text message "I'll report you to the Police" possibly not eveneed stating exactly why? Something doesn't add up here.

 

It seems from that timeline that either OP is not telling the full story or this woman has arbitrarily told her friend that she has been sexually assaulted and the friend has gone to the Police on her behalf.

 

This whole situation is just a complete race to the bottom on both their parts. Really really tragic that there are kids involved.

[Protec]

What do you mean it's "just a hearing"? In front of a judge?

 

If police are going to be asking you questions, you should have a lawyer with you. Things can get ugly fast and you need someone there who can advise you of your rights.

 

I think here it's first that the police asks me my version of what have happened. I've been in hearing before because of speeding.

 

The hearing is already at monday so i don't have time to get any lawyers so soon. And i am guilty of the physical assault.

 

I think if this is going forward into court then i will be given a lawyer? I have no idea.

 

I am trying to look up now how things go here. I tend to get nervous easily so...

[Blanco]

Ugh, what a mess. If you thought you were unemployable before, just wait until you have a criminal record.

 

This woman has potentially destroyed your life and, worst of all, it was you who handed her the sledgehammer.

[Protec]

The timing seems very odd here, why is there a day or so between OP's contact with this woman and her friend threatening OP to Police? Okay OP had obviously transgressed but this action by the friend seems a bit out of the blue and how did it even take place? A random phone call or text message "I'll report you to the Police" possibly not eveneed stating exactly why? Something doesn't add up here.

 

It seems from that timeline that either OP is not telling the full story or this woman has arbitrarily told her friend that she has been sexually assaulted and the friend has gone to the Police on her behalf.

 

This whole situation is just a complete race to the bottom on both their parts. Really really tragic that there are kids involved.

 

Yeah. When her friend threatened me with police. I had received earlier a text message from my ex where she blamed me again with whatever things (after the blueberry sunday) so i tried to call, because i was wondering what happened since we just had nice sunday together with her kids.

 

And when i tried to call her friend answered (female) and threatened that if i call any more it will be a police business. So that's when i deciced it's better not to call or text her anymore. And then came the satuday with her phonecall etc...

 

SOrry i left out that information.

[Protec]

Ugh, what a mess. If you thought you were unemployable before, just wait until you have a criminal record.

 

This woman has potentially destroyed your life and, worst of all, it was you who handed her the sledgehammer.

 

Yeah, i thinked about that too. If it ever goes to the court i will manage somehow....yeah this is quite the mess i got myself into.

 

Well. If i have to think SOMETHING positive out of all this, i really, REALLY don't want to contact her anymore.

 

We were a "perfect couple", in a sense. She was bipolar (BPD traits), and i am codependent. And not in a good way.

 

[VeveCakes]

Yeah. When her friend threatened me with police. I had received earlier a text message from my ex where she blamed me again with whatever things (after the blueberry sunday) so i tried to call, because i was wondering what happened since we just had nice sunday together with her kids.

 

And when i tried to call her friend answered (female) and threatened that if i call any more it will be a police business. So that's when i deciced it's better not to call or text her anymore. And then came the satuday with her phonecall etc...

 

SOrry i left out that information.

 

Why did you go to her after they threatened police though? What happened Sunday that the friend threatened you? Something is missing.....

 

and no, you were not the perfect couple, at all.

[frigginlost]

Why did you go to her after they threatened police though? What happened Sunday that the friend threatened you? Something is missing.....

 

and no, you were not the perfect couple, at all.

 

His lies are unwinding...

 

I don't think he is co-dependent at all. I think he is a narc or sociopath.

 

I wish the ex girlfriend knew of this site. I have a feeling we would have a completely different story from her side...

[Protec]

Why did you go hang out with her AFTER her friend reported you to the police?

 

Her friend did not report me to police. She threatened me with police. So after that i did not call or text my ex. But then the next saturday my ex called me drunk and texted me and later that day asked me to come over and watch a movie and something.

 

I just didn't want to be alone and here i am.

[Protec]

Why did you go to her after they threatened police though? What happened Sunday that the friend threatened you? Something is missing.....

 

and no, you were not the perfect couple, at all.

 

It was sarcasm. No we were not perfect couple.

 

What is missing? Her friend threatedned me tuesday. After the sunday i was with my ex and her kids in the forest picking berries.

[VeveCakes]

It was sarcasm. No we were not perfect couple.

 

What is missing? Her friend threatedned me tuesday. After the sunday i was with my ex and her kids in the forest picking berries.

 

But why would you go when you knew her friend was at least thinking about contacting the police?

 

Because you were lonely? I mean...that was a huge warning to you.

[Protec]

His lies are unwinding...

 

I don't think he is co-dependent at all. I think he is a narc or sociopath.

 

I wish the ex girlfriend knew of this site. I have a feeling we would have a completely different story from her side...

 

No. I am not lying. I have gone talking 4 times now with psychiatric nurse and 2 times with proferssional psychotherapist, so i think they would say if there is something wrong with me. And trust me, i am not that good of a talker that i could fool them. That is not very helpful. Diagnosing me with illnesses.

 

I don't have to lie. This is how it is. This is why i go to the damn therapy because that woman has ****ed up my head so badly.

 

I don't have to make things up.

 

I don't contact her EVER AGAIN. If i see her somewhere, i will change direction.

[ExpatInItaly]

Why have you not contacted a lawyer?

 

In the time you have spent posting here and looking up Youtube videos about BPD, you could have easily called around to seek counsel.

 

You have no idea how screwed you are.

[BlueIris]

It’s great that you’re going to a therapist.

Generally you spend a lot of energy blaming her and focusing on her, saying she’s ruined you or the like. But I’d think that examining yourself would be more fruitful in therapy. You said in your last thread that you’ve had this problem of losing your temper and becoming enraged since childhood.

[Protec]

But why would you go when you knew her friend was at least thinking about contacting the police?

 

Because you were lonely? I mean...that was a huge warning to you.

 

It was my ex who asked me to come over. She said she would like to have some companion with her to watch x-men and she even warned she was sick and had fever. So i thought the police threat was "Off" because my ex contacted me herself. Yes, it was very stupid of me to go to her place.

 

But i still was thinking "do i want to watch that movie home alone or watch it with someone i enjoy being with". It was not hard choice for me and honestly all we did that night was just watch a movie, then she fell asleep at some point and i carried her to bed.

 

I was terribly lonely that night. As i am almost every night. And that again is one reason why i go to psychotherapy. I need to get rid of this feeling of loneliness and learn to be by myself.

 

ALl this has continued because i really have enjoyed the days with her. We have few nice days and after that she always came up with something to get rid of me. Police, new man, what ever. And she would then contact me after few days again.

 

I am having issues. There is something wrong with me. That's why i tolerated her behaviour, that's why i allowed it to continue. I have this terrible urge to please people. It's a problem. I talked about this with my therapist.

[VeveCakes]

 

But i still was thinking "do i want to watch that movie home alone or watch it with someone i enjoy being with".

 

I am having issues. There is something wrong with me. That's why i tolerated her behaviour, that's why i allowed it to continue. I have this terrible urge to please people. It's a problem. I talked about this with my therapist.

 

ok...but two threads and how many posts later...you do not really enjoy being with her. You enjoy her wanting you to come back. All you do is post about how she has hurt you and driven you mad. You must be some sucker for punishment to keep going back to a person who treats you this way.

 

I would start reading up and getting yourself familiar with the criminal proceedings in your region.