Mateguarding - When does it end? [update: What to make of this?]

[dreamingoftigers]

It is damaging to the girls but they will recover and I'll still see them. Plus this ***** happens all the time in America. Two out of three of our most recent 3 presidents came from broken homes.

 

It is selfish but I've been doing this pick-me dance for the past 18 months so this selfishness is balancing things out.

 

Maybe it will change but I'm not even feeling a single twinge of guilt and I'm usually the first person to feel guilty about things. I'm just really excited to go and honestly, I want to meet a much younger woman and plaster it all over FB see, I'm not really thinking about my girls but I will provide support.

 

That says it all.

 

Dating comes first, daughters distant second.

 

Over and out.

[BluesPower]

I guess that you guys are right...

 

I get that he needs to be there for his daughters. I am just torn.

 

He is the only parent that they have had since the mother decided to run off with her OM.

 

He may not have handled it the best way for 18 months, but now he is doing something about it.

 

I understand that they need a dad, I get that. But for the most part she has been less than a parent since she started her affair.

 

Does everything just always fall on the dad, it fell on me and I took it, but their are times that I wish I had not.

 

It just seems like their is some unfairness going on toward the Husband in this situation.

 

Does the mother have no responsibility? If she had done the right thing and left the house so that H could work and raise the kids, wouldn't that have been a better thing?

 

I see everyone's point but it is just hard to put it all on him. Maybe because I was a man that had to raise 3 kids essentially alone.

[DKT3]

Let's be honest, mom is a $hitty parent as well who is actively excluding him from their lives and only interest seems to be gaining financially

 

I totally understand his desire to get away, I had this same desire. I also believe that if he is a wreck (which he appears to be) he is no good to his daughters. Sometimes you have to look out for yourself, as he is active with his girls it can work out fine.

[dreamingoftigers]

I guess that you guys are right...

 

I get that he needs to be there for his daughters. I am just torn.

 

He is the only parent that they have had since the mother decided to run off with her OM.

 

He may not have handled it the best way for 18 months, but now he is doing something about it.

 

I understand that they need a dad, I get that. But for the most part she has been less than a parent since she started her affair.

 

Does everything just always fall on the dad, it fell on me and I took it, but their are times that I wish I had not.

 

It just seems like their is some unfairness going on toward the Husband in this situation.

 

Does the mother have no responsibility? If she had done the right thing and left the house so that H could work and raise the kids, wouldn't that have been a better thing?

 

I see everyone's point but it is just hard to put it all on him. Maybe because I was a man that had to raise 3 kids essentially alone.

 

My first question is "if the kids 'will recover' then what is your plan to make that happen? Because recovery from having ones family just up and break apart doesn't tend to happen on its own, especially with continued upheaval."

 

Look, my husband was a wreck and would take off etc on my daughter and I. Cheating, you name it.

 

But that was the thing.

 

I knew that my daughter NEEDED me. And being a single parent can truly suck. I get that.

 

I could have left her with him or her with my parents. He would have looked after her. He actually would have. BUT it would not have been checked-in, just like a cheating wife wouldn't be checked in and more worried about her boyfriend than her family.

 

My parents would have gladly taken her. In fact I almost had to fight them off! But they are her GRANDPARENTS, not her parents. She needed AT LEAST one stable checked-in parent.

 

It seems like this thread has devolved into "oh his wife is so much worse, bad wife! Bad!"

 

When really, the kids aren't going to give two craps "who started it." And "who is worse." They'll go with any port in a storm if it gets bad enough.

 

The fact is now the kids have TWO parents who care more about their dating life than they do about the children they brought into this world. Mom MIGHT BE waking up a bit here because she at least mentioned the kids existing and deserving something better than they currently have. But I won't hold my breath.

 

This seems to be AT BEST a typical "kids are pawns" divorce scenario and at worst a "the kids are resilient, whatever whatever" divorce.

 

And frankly, if you're the adult, YOU BE RESILIENT and be there for your kid. Not consign them to a life-sentebce of therapy because "you want to date and plaster it on Facebook neiner, neiner, neiner."

 

That isn't being a parent. That isn't being an adult even, that something out of junior high.

 

 

Did I want to date when my husband took off?

Sure. I did. I wanted a partner. But I also knew I was nowhere near healthy emotionally to attract a reasonable partner, nor was I going to pit my child through a parade of step-fathers like I've seen so many needy women do. Because it's so damaging for the kids. Totally ridiculous.

 

So every move I made, I made it with my daughter's stability and safety in mind.

 

By the way, my father is a product of a botched divorce and abandonment. Ugh. Lifelong issues that he's only begun to confront in his FIFTIES after pretty much trainwrecking every relationship except the one with my mother. But that's only because SHE'S exceptional in that regard. She should have ditched him over 30 years ago. I actually do love my Dad, but the stuff he put our family through is completely unreasonable.

[dreamingoftigers]

Let's be honest, mom is a $hitty parent as well who is actively excluding him from their lives and only interest seems to be gaining financially

 

That only tells me that a father would be fighting harder to maintain his relationship with his children, especially given the fact that they will need a sane, stable patent as a role-model.

 

As for the "Mom's a crappy person" line. Yes. Yes indeed she is. That's why they are divorcing. You don't get to divorce CHILDREN though. I don't care if Mom is axe-murdering on the weekends with her gangbang club after they deal Meth to school-children.

 

That only tells me: be involved with the kids more. They REALLY need their Dad.

 

It's almost like many of you think that the kids and the mother are a package deal. He either buys into mom and kids, or says "I'm going to make a replacement family."

 

That's distorted.

 

I totally understand his desire to get away, I had this same desire.

Oh me too. I can't tell you how many times I stared at the mountains West of town thinking "I could just keep driving. I could just never come back."

 

I also believe that if he is a wreck (which he appears to be) he is no good to his daughters. Sometimes you have to look out for yourself, as he is active with his girls it can work out fine.

 

If he's such "a wreck" then maybe trying to run overseas to date and "plaster it on Facebook" might be a little much now, no?

 

Is abandoning your kids and dating what you do to help you recover from being "a wreck."

 

See a counselor. One that specializes in not having you ditch your kids with a bad parent.

 

Some people think being betrayed means you get a blank cheque to do whatever you want whenever to whomever.

 

I disagree. My daughter didn't ask to be brought into a home where her father wasn't responsible.

 

Just like this man's daughters didn't ask to be brought into a home where NEITHER parent has enough interest in them to be responsible.

 

Marital issues and parenting issues are two different things.

[DKT3]

That only tells me that a father would be fighting harder to maintain his relationship with his children, especially given the fact that they will need a sane, stable patent as a role-model.

 

As for the "Mom's a crappy person" line. Yes. Yes indeed she is. That's why they are divorcing. You don't get to divorce CHILDREN though. I don't care if Mom is axe-murdering on the weekends with her gangbang club after they deal Meth to school-children.

 

That only tells me: be involved with the kids more. They REALLY need their Dad.

 

It's almost like many of you think that the kids and the mother are a package deal. He either buys into mom and kids, or says "I'm going to make a replacement family."

 

That's distorted.

 

 

Oh me too. I can't tell you how many times I stared at the mountains West of town thinking "I could just keep driving. I could just never come back."

 

 

 

If he's such "a wreck" then maybe trying to run overseas to date and "plaster it on Facebook" might be a little much now, no?

 

Is abandoning your kids and dating what you do to help you recover from being "a wreck."

 

See a counselor. One that specializes in not having you ditch your kids with a bad parent.

 

Some people think being betrayed means you get a blank cheque to do whatever you want whenever to whomever.

 

I disagree. My daughter didn't ask to be brought into a home where her father wasn't responsible.

 

Just like this man's daughters didn't ask to be brought into a home where NEITHER parent has enough interest in them to be responsible.

 

Marital issues and parenting issues are two different things.

I don't take it seriously when he said that about dating.,why? Because of the Facebook part, it's a revenge fantasy, thus the much younger woman.

[howtoproceed]

I don't take it seriously when he said that about dating.,why? Because of the Facebook part, it's a revenge fantasy, thus the much younger woman.

 

Yes, it was just a joke.

[CommittedToThis]

HtP, I'm glad you left; the kids are a concern for sure, is there any way you would consider finding work in a city within driving distance of your children, rather than Thailand?

 

I get that the idea of you going to Thailand probably distresses or otherwise bothers your soon-to-be ex wife, and that you're enjoying that thought, but, man, your little girls, dude. They're going to need you to be closer.

 

Have you looked into "narcissistic cycle of abuse?"

 

The things your soon-to-be ex wife says to you reminds me of the b!tch I dumped after 9 years of crap. The humiliation, the gas lighting, the lying, the cheating, the cruelty and coldness. It's full-on abuse.

 

My older sister gave up custody of her only son to her ex husband because she realized she was too much of an alcoholic to properly care for him because she couldn't even care for herself.

 

Sometimes you have to make sacrifices in life, and maybe in your case, your daughters will be it.

 

I'm just glad you got out, dude. I'd wager the next major event would've been you catching her having sex with another man in your bed. You seeing it.

 

Then you're in cuckold territory and, while there's nothing wrong with that if you're into it, most dudes don't wanna be part of that scene.

 

Another thing, please continue to stay away from Fakebook and all social media, and continue to employ limited contact (kids). Every time you feel the need to snoop on her, do something else -- eat a cookie or listen to a song or something. Anything. Just stay away from those urges to snoop because it always, always leads to a negative and bad place for you.

 

Focus on yourself now, your daughters are OK for the time being, don't be too rash in leaving the country, continue to IGNORE your wife so she knows you are finally serious, and get to the bottom of WHY you allowed yourself to take this crap for so long.

 

For me, it had to do with childhood abuse issues, and I worked on addressing them, and now I am Mr. Red Flag. After 9 years at the hands of a sociopath I'm free, happy and comfortable dating again because no one, I mean no one, will ever be able to pull a personality disordered move on me again without accepting the immediate consequences, which is the door closing behind me as I walk away forever.

[MadJackBird]

HtP, I'm glad you left; the kids are a concern for sure, is there any way you would consider finding work in a city within driving distance of your children, rather than Thailand?

 

I get that the idea of you going to Thailand probably distresses or otherwise bothers your soon-to-be ex wife, and that you're enjoying that thought, but, man, your little girls, dude. They're going to need you to be closer.

 

This bolded Part + 1.

 

Why oh why do you need to leave the country? I get you don't want any interactions with your STBX. She's horrible, cheated on you... but what is best for your kids is to be an ACTIVE participant in their lives.

 

The kids are going to have sporting events, band concerts, birthdays etc. Do you want to be a participant in those events?? When you are not around and whatever guy she is currently sleeping with is at those events how will that make you feel?

 

It appears a lot of your decisions are due to finances, and not really what is best for you kids. Well I'll tell you some news that shed some light to that thinking as well. Financially you are much better off if you are an active part of their lives too. You realize child support is based on how many nights a week your kids sleep at your place. You get 50/50 time, or even a little bit less you won't have to pay much support at all. She might pay you a little bit of support if she is making more money then you.

 

The right thing for you to do is move back to the area your kids are in and get a cheap apartment and start having them stay with you every other weekend at a minimum. Ask for 2 week nights and every other weekend.

 

Arrange pick ups and drops off at a neutral spot, or just always pick up and drop off at school/day care so you never have to see her.

 

Don't don't don't move to Thailand. How is that helpful to your kids?

[howtoproceed]

CommittedToThis and Madjackbird,

 

Thank you for the insightful comments and we seem to agree that FB is best avoided. I'm going overseas though but it turns out not to Thailand but to Ningbo China. It's better money. The reason I can't go back and get an apartment near my daughters is because I'm sure she would very quickly find herself a new man. She does that and fast, especially if money is a concern. She will extract resources and now she's working in an "alpha" environment and showing all the signs of recently being on the prowl. I 100% am convinced she met someone she doesn't want me to meet and that's why she excluded me from her birthday party.

[MadJackBird]

CommittedToThis and Madjackbird,

 

Thank you for the insightful comments and we seem to agree that FB is best avoided. I'm going overseas though but it turns out not to Thailand but to Ningbo China. It's better money. The reason I can't go back and get an apartment near my daughters is because I'm sure she would very quickly find herself a new man. She does that and fast, especially if money is a concern. She will extract resources and now she's working in an "alpha" environment and showing all the signs of recently being on the prowl. I 100% am convinced she met someone she doesn't want me to meet and that's why she excluded me from her birthday party.

 

Who cares if she is going to get another man. She probably already has one, and he is going to go to the soccer games, band concerts and kids birthday parties, and you'll be in China... Do you want that?

 

The best situation for your kids is to be near them and involved in their life. Your best financial situation is to have as much parenting time as you can because you will pay less child support. Shared care is normal and if she makes more money then you she will owe you child support.

 

How is going half way across the world a good idea. Even staying put 14 hours away is a better idea. You could work out that maybe you could have summer's and holidays with them.

 

Do you want to be around your kids?

[Cephalopod]

What arrangements are you going to make to bring your daughters to China to visit you? Or how often will you fly home to be with them?

 

If she lets you bring them to China, hell, I'd just keep them there.

[dreamingoftigers]

I guess that you guys are right...

 

I get that he needs to be there for his daughters. I am just torn.

 

He is the only parent that they have had since the mother decided to run off with her OM.

 

He may not have handled it the best way for 18 months, but now he is doing something about it.

 

I understand that they need a dad, I get that. But for the most part she has been less than a parent since she started her affair.

 

Does everything just always fall on the dad, it fell on me and I took it, but their are times that I wish I had not.

 

It just seems like their is some unfairness going on toward the Husband in this situation.

 

Does the mother have no responsibility? If she had done the right thing and left the house so that H could work and raise the kids, wouldn't that have been a better thing?

 

I see everyone's point but it is just hard to put it all on him. Maybe because I was a man that had to raise 3 kids essentially alone.

 

It's like this: both parents are ideally supposed to take 100% responsibility for their kids.

 

If Dad gets hit by a semi, Mom takes 100% responsibility.

 

If Mom gets hit by a semi, Dad takes 100% responsibility.

 

If Mom or Dad runs off with an AP, or ends up in prison, or gets a horrid disease, or is incapacitated for any reason, the other parent takes the full 100%.

 

Because the kid has already lost Mom or Dad. They don't need to lose the other parent as well.

 

Are both parents responsible?

Yes, so long as they remain so.

 

That's the unfortunate thing about how we reproduce. We can't guarantee that we will always have a helpful and responsible partner. So we need to be able to depend on ourselves so our kids can depend on us too.

[merrmeade]

My xH committed "financial infidelity," as they say. I was the sole breadwinner for the last 6 years of our marriage. He amassed mountains of debt without my knowledge. I naively signed multiple papers over the years, especially when I was bleary-eyed from caring for a newborn and toddler. These forms removed my name from the deed of our house, opened lines of credit, and established a second mortgage. I absolutely should have read what I was signing, but I trusted him blindly and didn't find out about any of this until we were in mediation for divorce. I was blindsided and had to declare bankruptcy. I lost my house, my car, my good credit, and half of my belongings, which were not many after years of living on a spartan budget while my exH drained our savings chasing one ridiculous business scheme after another. All this while working fulltime and raising two beautiful children that I adore while he smoked weed and slept on the couch.

 

In his defense, he never cheated on me. So there's that.

 

In any case, as the sole breadwinner, I was assigned spousal support. He had no means of support and hadn't earned any money in years. (He still struggles to keep a job, but the time limit on the support has expired, so this is no longer my problem.) I live in a no-fault state. My EA did not hurt my position. His financial irresponsibility did not hurt his. We just split down the middle what precious little was left, then I had to pay him $2K a month for half the duration of the marriage.

 

This experience was one of the most humiliating, painful, and stressful episodes of my life. But it made me stronger. I am now stable financally, have re-established my credit, and am much more savvy about financial matters. I have never spent one minute regretting my choice to divorce. I was terrified of what it would do to my children. Turns out they are wonderful, loving boys and I hear from their coaches/teachers/friends parents only that they are young gentlemen who show leadership, a work ethic, and loving compassion to the world.

I just couldn't let this go by without saying something. I'm amazed that all that could happen in one lifetime along with your financial and emotional recovery.

[aileD]

CommittedToThis and Madjackbird,

 

Thank you for the insightful comments and we seem to agree that FB is best avoided. I'm going overseas though but it turns out not to Thailand but to Ningbo China. It's better money. The reason I can't go back and get an apartment near my daughters is because I'm sure she would very quickly find herself a new man. She does that and fast, especially if money is a concern. She will extract resources and now she's working in an "alpha" environment and showing all the signs of recently being on the prowl. I 100% am convinced she met someone she doesn't want me to meet and that's why she excluded me from her birthday party.

 

That the **** does that have to do with you living near your kids?

 

The marriage is over. Who cares if she gets a new guy? Who cares what she does anymore?

 

It's not about YOU and your feelings, it's about your children having a goddamn father.

 

I am so frustrated with you right now.

 

SUCK IT UP. She doesnt love you, Now you can forget all the drama and focus your energy on your kids who are going to need it. And what do you do? move across the world. *rips hair out*

 

Go be with your kids

[Jersey born raised]

At this point I suggest you look at yourself in the mirror. It is not a pretty picture. You are all over the place. Now running away to china and leaving your children in the dust???

 

You are a mess. Get into IC and get your act together and stop the pity party.

Start dealing in reality. If someone is offering you a high paying job in first in Thailand and then China you must be good at your job. Get a job in the states! Stay close!

 

What does your wife see when she looks at you?

 

Read this thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/576217-there-responsibilities-bs-reconciliation

[frogss29]

If your wife is such a drop kick, maybe she would be happy for you to take your kids overseas with you.

[howtoproceed]

Some of these comments are so depressing and self righteous it makes me want to vomit. They are like excerpts from Dark Night of my Soul or something. Take this comment:

 

SUCK IT UP. She doesnt love you, Now you can forget all the drama and focus your energy on your kids who are going to need it. And what do you do? move across the world. *rips hair out*

 

As if the past 18 month ordeal and suffereing has been just to prepare me for a greater good and self-sacrifice. And if my ex-wife just happens to drive by in her new doctor-boyfriend's Corvette, why should I care? We are divorced now and besides, I'd have the girls to sacrifice for and in return, they's be a comfort for me. Is that what the opposite of weak is? Its strong to be self-sacrificing and not care if your s_lu_t wife got over on you? I sure didn't work myself up to leave just to go back and help out with the kids.

 

Yes, I'm moving across the world and part of it is just like I said - divorced or not, I could not handle seeing my wife with a new man just yet and I want to get away. Part of it is I can get a younger woman in China than here - I won't lie. I want another woman! She probably already has another interest. But the biggest part is satisfaction in knowing she has to cook, clean, get the girls to choir, girl-scouts and 10,000 other things I used to help with and she has to do so with the legal minimum of support from me. In the past, I would do most of the cooking, much cleaning, other chores and my paychecks (both of them) were deposited directly into her account. Now she needs to do all that and count pennies.

 

For today though, my goal is to stay off FB and find a divorce lawyer that would accept a $1,000 retainer.

[OneLov]

I take back the comment giving you the benefit of the doubt. Legal minimum support and running away to China?!? Wow. Talk about punishing your kids. I'm truly embarrassed that I ever thought you were a "good" guy caught in a "bad" situation. I'm sorry for your kids. They deserve a father, not an insecure man that tries to stick it to his STBX by allowing his children to become collateral damage. Wow. I'm sorry LS and his children, I wish I could delete that comment:(:sick:

[howtoproceed]

I'm truly embarrassed that I ever thought you were a "good" guy caught in a "bad" situation. I'm sorry for your kids.

 

I wish you people would make up your minds!

 

First, I am a weak and virtual cuckold without self-esteem because I stayed with a cheating wife and I'm advised to leave. Now that I left, I'm a total SOB for not thinking about the kids. There is no winning, is there?

 

I've had an 18 mnth ordeal and now I've had 12 days to think about it and the more I think about it, the angrier I get. What was I thinking? I can't believe I ever put up with that and for so long.

 

Oh I am going to run so far and stay away for so long and she should have thought about that before she sucked some guys dick in my bed and then gaslighted me about it. This is on her not me.

[MadJackBird]

Who cares if she is going to get another man. She probably already has one, and he is going to go to the soccer games, band concerts and kids birthday parties, and you'll be in China... Do you want that?

 

The best situation for your kids is to be near them and involved in their life. Your best financial situation is to have as much parenting time as you can because you will pay less child support. Shared care is normal and if she makes more money then you she will owe you child support.

 

How is going half way across the world a good idea. Even staying put 14 hours away is a better idea. You could work out that maybe you could have summer's and holidays with them.

 

Do you want to be around your kids?

 

Please re-read my post above. And answer the question in BOLD.

 

Based on your answer to that question I think we can give you the best advice moving forward. Maybe a lot of people (including myself) assumed you would do any and everything for your kids...

 

Also I second the question to seek IC.

 

You have a lot of bitterness and anger towards your STBX. I get it. Oh boy do I get it. For me it was just one guy she cheated with. Off and on for a number of years. Then the trickle truth is that it was 2 other guys. Off and On for years.... Then false recovery and her slipping into a drug addiction that I stood by her for as she went to rehab, only to have her slip into the 4th adultery (That I know of). All the time I'm trying to put together the pieces for myself and my three kids. If anyone understands bitterness and anger it's me.

 

But you know what... You need to step back and forgive her for all of that and move on for yourself and your kids.

 

Not forgiving her for all of that like you drinking a bottle of poison and hoping she will drop dead from the poison you drank.

 

Best of luck to you. Please answer my bolded question and I'll give you advice on what you should do. It's drastically different depending of if you care about being a part of your kids life or not.

 

Later

[aileD]

You can divorce your disgusting wife without abandoning your children

 

People do it everyday.

 

You're not divorcing your children. They still need their father.

 

Not one person here ever suggested crapping on your kids like this.

 

You just can't seem to separate the wife from the family. You can have the kids and not have the wife.

 

You are just as messed up as her if you're going to punish your kids for your wife sucking someone's dick on your bed because regardless of your little rant--- YOU ARENT PUNISHING YOUR WIFE BECAUSE SHE DOESNT GOVE A **** ABOUT YOU OR ABOUT HOW FAR AWAY YOU ARE

 

THATS YOUR Problem. You think she cares and you can retaliate and hurt her.

 

She doesn't care. Walk away and say nothing to her that doesn't involve care for your kids.

Edited November 22, 2016 by aileD

[OneLov]

This is on her not me.

 

No sir. That's you blaming her for your potential poor choice(s). That is ABANDONMENT. Your attorney will explain to you that if you want even partial custody of your children that you cannot move more than about 150 miles from them without a court order. Do you real believe love/life is just and fair? So because A (your wife) hurt B (you), you have a license to hurt C (your children)? In what adult society does that make sense? I admit I came across strong but don't do this to your kids dude. Your hurt and I get that, but they aren't your wife. A parent doesn't punish his/her children, even indirectly, for the other parent's transgressions.

Edited November 22, 2016 by OneLov

[MidnightBlue1980]

I wish you people would make up your minds!

 

First, I am a weak and virtual cuckold without self-esteem because I stayed with a cheating wife and I'm advised to leave. Now that I left, I'm a total SOB for not thinking about the kids. There is no winning, is there?

 

I've had an 18 mnth ordeal and now I've had 12 days to think about it and the more I think about it, the angrier I get. What was I thinking? I can't believe I ever put up with that and for so long.

 

Oh I am going to run so far and stay away for so long and she should have thought about that before she sucked some guys dick in my bed and then gaslighted me about it. This is on her not me.

 

No one is telling you not to leave, they are telling you not to abandon your children by moving to China, and moving to China to find a woman??

 

What is going to happen is your wife will marry someone else and petition the courts to terminate your rights so her new husband can adopt your kids. I am not a lawyer but it won't look too good for you since you will have up and left them without a father. Does that bother you, another man becoming the father to your kids?

[dreamingoftigers]

I wish you people would make up your minds!

 

First, I am a weak and virtual cuckold without self-esteem because I stayed with a cheating wife and I'm advised to leave. Now that I left, I'm a total SOB for not thinking about the kids. There is no winning, is there?

 

I've had an 18 mnth ordeal and now I've had 12 days to think about it and the more I think about it, the angrier I get. What was I thinking? I can't believe I ever put up with that and for so long.

 

Oh I am going to run so far and stay away for so long and she should have thought about that before she sucked some guys dick in my bed and then gaslighted me about it. This is on her not me.

 

Oh good Lord. Either way she won't be single long so don't worry about her "counting pennies."

 

The only ones that will feel the sting of your "revenge" are your daughters because again, it's beyond obvious you care more for your dating life and finances than you do for your own children.

 

Your wife shouldn't have cheated, but I'm not in the least surprised your relationship collapsed considering the role of father is a "mode" you go in and out of when it suits you.

 

So yeah, leave your wife because she treated you poorly. No one wants you to commit to abuse. But very few people will support your endeavour to abandon your daughters because of a combination of jealousy, revenge and one-upmanship.

 

A very small segment of society is going to view you doing the absolute legal minimum for your daughters as any kind of "winning."

 

Oddly enough, we all would hope that she does a decent job picking a stepfather for them, because you are abdicating the role.

 

By the way, most of us on here have had to make deep sacrifices for our kids. That's because Love Is an action. And our kids deserve real love, especially in times of crisis and upheaval.

 

No, "Winner" is not the word I would use to describe you in this situation. And frankly, if your kids aren't winning a good Dad, then you shouldn't be winning either.