kittygirl8 Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 Hi everyone, I just came across this forum as Im searching for answers in the web to strengthen my decision to cut off my relationship with my MM and to stay that way. This forum is a Godsend as I have read some threads before registering. Im a MW for 18 years with 2 kids and a good husband, 3 years ago, the doctor of my son, a MM , whom we have known for over 6 years , texted me one morning to ask how my son was doing after he went to this doc the day before to consult for a muscle spasm. and it all started with him saying I miss you , then I replied wrong text Doc, he said it was for me. I'm a happily married woman, I enjoy taking care of my husband and kids, i work part time at our family business and i love my family dearly, but until now I just cant explain why have I even started to entertain texts like that but maybe i got bored with our routine life and I actually found it exciting, so we text flirted each other everyday and he was so sweet , right from the start he told me that he is happily married too but they arent sleeping together anymore, and he had more than 10 affairs but nothing serious before etc, it all started with chitchats like that, eventually it escalated into wanting me badly since the 1st time he saw me, and I actually fell into his trap by being ecstatic and happy, he texted me everyday, calling me sunshine, and the sexiest and the most beautiful woman he ever met , i began to swoon over that illusion but I still have enough self control that until now, we havent slept together despite numerous invitation from him. we met for coffee, lunch and dinner a couple of times with his friend, and thats about it. the danger is i began to be dependent on his texts, whenever his 1st text in the morning popped up i felt exhilarated and energetic, if he didnt text i felt deflated and irritable, I thought about him night and day, what he was doing etc, and he even said he loved me. Meanwhile i have never neglected my family, still takes good care of them but i began to lose focus on work and became impatient and irritable, and i checked my phone like every 10 minutes to see if he had read my message or not. Despite from saying he loved me and texted me every single day even during clinic hours, this man has never given me any comfort nor really hearing me out when i texted him about my problems , when he proposed to check in a hotel he even wanted to use my name to check in since he might be recognized due to being a popular doctor , he ranted about his problems and expected me to comfort him every time, then its his birthday coming up and he told me his wife had booked a surprise trip out of town and they are going away to celebrate, that ticked me off, I felt that he wanted me to feel bad or clingy, so i didnt reply to his texts anymore, his last text was "I love you, i havent heard from you", I steeled my self not to reply, I havent replied him for 4 days already, yet I havent done any blocking on his number nor email, i know I should but maybe deep inside im still hoping for that message from him to pop up? its addicting and hard to explain, My husband loves me and my kids, it's the family that is stopping me to cross the line, yet, i long for the satisfaction of a hot shot doctor telling me he loves me, for 3 years we have never spoken on the phone, just texts, its a strange relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Forever broken Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 He had 10 previous affairs? I bet you, he told those women the same thing he told you. Don't believe he loves you, he loves what you can do for him. Go strict no contact on him before he does. He's gonna leave you heartbroken, and you might even end up losing your family over a piece of nothing. Change the routine with your husband, go out have fun, have some crazy wild sex with your husband, communicate with him, seek marriage counseling and leave that trash where it belongs; right in the garbage. Take it from a broken other woman. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Grey Cloud Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 He has had more than 10 affairs?????!!!!!!! I can't even get past that part! He is PLAYING you big time. You are a happily married woman and yet you could seriously destroy EVERYTHING for some "hot shot" doctor who doesn't care for you in the slightest - all he cares about is getting in multiple woman's pants and maintaining his image. You want to throw everything away for a daily text? If you are bored I would take up some other activity. This is seriously not the answer. Stay NC and find another family doctor. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 (edited) Firstly, you have been involved in an Emotional Affair, so you need to realise that you have already been unfaithful to your husband, even though you've not slept with this man. That is no small thing. It is a huge, life - changing thing. Realise that you have been standing on the brink of utterly destroying your family. No Contact is a must if you want to keep your family safe. *No direct contact. *No sending or receiving of messages. *Block any means he might use to contact you. *No replies to anything that gets through your blocks. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete him from all social media. *No monitoring of him on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying. Take care. Edited September 21, 2016 by Satu 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kittygirl8 Posted September 21, 2016 Author Share Posted September 21, 2016 Thank you so much y'all for ur replies! I was so naive to have thought that EAs are less harmful than PAs! I dont know what have gotten into me but yes, so dumb and out of my mind to risk what I have in exchange of daily texts! Even though I initiated the NC it hurts and i miss him, but I wil stick to the plan of NC. shud i just abruptly block him or do I owe him an explanation of why I want to be out? Should I greet him on his birthday tomorrow out of courtesy? Then block him? Im kinda having 2nd thots, but i dont want to go thru ths all over again, living in a lie, feeling insecure, waiting for his texts its debilitating. i read the NC rules over and over again, but yet , a little voice inside me is saying as long as i dont sleep with him, everything is goin to be fine. But of cors, its not . Thanks again , 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 Kitty, EA's become PA's very easily. You need to block him on everything and what you really should do is tell your husband because knowing he knows will probably put an abrupt stop to this and make you realize truly what you are risking. Once you cross the line to PA it will be much worse. Basically this hot doc has told you that you will be another notch on his bedpost, and you are eating it up. EA's are just as devasting to the BH as PA sometimes so do not think that when you get caught, and you probably will, that your husband will not be as angry or hurt. You know what you need to do. But only you can do it. I do not think you will get much advice here telling you its OK as long as you do not have sex with him. There is no magic pill. You need to have NC of any kind, and find a new doctor for your kids. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NTV Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 In tough times you should be able to lean on your husband.... it's really too bad that you can't. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted September 21, 2016 Share Posted September 21, 2016 Block him on everything right now. If the survival of your family, as a family, is what matters to you most, the absolute best thing you can do is to tell your husband everything. Take care. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kittygirl8 Posted September 23, 2016 Author Share Posted September 23, 2016 Hi everyoñe! Again thank u so much for all the advices, im not sure though if i want to talk to my husband about it, coz surely it'll crush him, i tried to hint it and he just brushed it off confident that I wouldnt betray him, and i really dont know how he wil take it, might never get over it , and if I could handle this and make it go away , then maybe not letting him know would be better for my case , but thats just me. Anyhow, i made a mistake by texting him happy birthday and he replied right off "super thank u, I love u" before i could even block him, but i came to my senses and blocked his number already, its difficult but i did it. This forum is indeed a Godsend, i learnd that our relationship wasnt all that special at all, and what he said to me like sunshine, so in love with u, youre the sexiest , babe i cant live without u, and so on were old tricks played by almost all MMs just to get what they want. Boy it hurts! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 Kitty, You last post is correct but you still broke NC. Your husband is going to be more than hurt if you do not put as stop to this once and for all. By telling him, you will certainly put a set of eyes on you that will actually help you knowing you are not in the clear to do it again. Not telling him is just protecting yourself and enables YOU to control and have the ability to get another dose of ego kibbles any time you want to. You are playing Russian roulette . You know it and if you are smart you will not pull the trigger again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 You've been having an EA for 3 YEARS!! Your husband will be more than devastated. If he read your correspondence there's a VERY high probability that he would divorce you. Please believe me! I've been the BS & it's forever changed both my marriage & ME. I've lost my 'innocent' love story. Deep inside I've lost parts of myself that I never knew were so precious. OMG! 3 YEARS is such a long time. Have you ever criticized your H to your MM? Have you shared private things that should only be between a H & wife? Have you given or received gifts? Have you kissed & touched when you've met in secret? Do you immediately delete everything or do you have messages saved? If your H finds any evidence before you freely confess everything he will never believe that it wasn't a PA. His heart will be shattered. You still don't seem to realize the true severity of what you've already done. Until you've experienced being betrayed by the one person in this world who's supposed to always be loyal & have your back you have no idea of how traumatic it is. Your MM freely says "I love you" on every message....Do you write "I love you to!"???? What will your husband do, what will your husband feel if he ever sees that? How would you feel if the tables were turned? What would happen to your precious family if you learnt that your H had been sharing I love you's for 3 years with some woman? I wish you & your family all the best. Please keep reading this forum & the infidelity one. When the reality of all this truly hits home you will find NC so much easier. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 If I were the MM's poor wife I would consider a copy of all of his messages the greatest gift anyone could ever give me (other than a time machine & faithful non POS H!) ....but that's a common debate on these forums. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chica80 Posted September 23, 2016 Share Posted September 23, 2016 Hi everyoñe! Again thank u so much for all the advices, im not sure though if i want to talk to my husband about it, coz surely it'll crush him, i tried to hint it and he just brushed it off confident that I wouldnt betray him, and i really dont know how he wil take it, might never get over it , and if I could handle this and make it go away , then maybe not letting him know would be better for my case , but thats just me. Anyhow, i made a mistake by texting him happy birthday and he replied right off "super thank u, I love u" before i could even block him, but i came to my senses and blocked his number already, its difficult but i did it. This forum is indeed a Godsend, i learnd that our relationship wasnt all that special at all, and what he said to me like sunshine, so in love with u, youre the sexiest , babe i cant live without u, and so on were old tricks played by almost all MMs just to get what they want. Boy it hurts
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