Is my GF flirting with this guy and should I be worried? (FB communication)

[elaine567]

So its just fine for a woman in a committed relationship to accept dates under the guise of work with other men, not give her boyfriend any inclination of what this guy is saying to her, and it's her prerogative. What a load of crap.

 

This is not a daytime business situation where people go to lunch with members of the opposite sex. How come this is just the two of them???

 

This girl is playing coy with this guy and giving him just enough encouragement to keep it coming. Has nothing to do with needing protection. Save the independent woman nonsense. She is deceiving her boyfriend by OMMISSION of what this guy is saying, telling the other guy she really wants to meet him alone if she can fool her boyfriend or keep it calm with him.

 

And Jen, you are a valuable contributor, but you are also self described non monogamous so unless OP shares your inclination for non exclusivity maybe your tolerance for this is a little different than someone who expects boundaries from a partner and does not think dates at night with co workers ALONE are OK

 

Where does it say it is a date?

Where is the OMISSION - she told the bf about it.

And why on earth would other people need to be involved when it is only the two of them working on this project?

[Try]

She went to work a party, and another day she told me it was great and met lots of people she cooperate/work over the email for months and this was the first time she saw some of the, in a person. One of them is this guy which se cooperates on some endowment project over emails and phones and she politely asked me that if now when she met him a person she could go with him to a coffee and discuss this project even more.

him: I really like this job. Have been here for 8 months and thinking what to do next. The boss is great also. How about you? )

 

gf: happy at my work as well, the collective is nice. Well 8 months, you should be there for 4 more so you can say you have been working there for a whole year

 

him: Yes that is what I was thinking about. By the way, would’t it be better if we talk about this in a person? )

Notice how she mislead you and said that "she could go with him to a coffee and discuss this project even more", when in fact as the invite was asked they were not talking about the project but were instead talking about their personal careers, and that the invite was to "talk about this in a person" where the "this" was their careers and not the project? No where in the conversation surrounding them getting together one on one in person did they mention the project, as it was all about their personal lives and relationship status. She has done her work just fine for many months without having met most of her coworkers (male or female) in person one on one, this get together has very little to do with being a real work requirement.

 

Tell your GF that just like a women can read another women's intentions better than a man can, a guy can read another guy's intentions better than a women can, and ask her if you can read their text exchange where they first talk about getting together in person, so that you can determine his intentions when he asked her out. If she does not show you the real text, then you know that she knows what she is doing with this other man is wrong. If she does let you read the real text, tell her that you do not see where this invite had anything to do with discussing the project, and tell her that it instead looks like they are getting together to get to know each other better on a personal level. Tell her that most first dates do not involve sex or even kissing, and that a date is going out one on one with someone interested in you in order to allow the two of you the opportunity to get to know each other better on a personal basis. Tell her that since the two of you are suppose to be dating on an exclusive basis, she should not be going out on a date like situation with this other man. No matter what she does, do not ever let her know that you had already read the text exchange. Cut this off now before them getting together alone one on one becomes the norm.

Edited September 23, 2016 by Try

[road]

him: that is not gonna happen in my case . Drink tomorrow? There is many things you need to explain me

 

Drink? Asking a woman for a drink is same as asking her out for a coffee date except alcohol is added.

 

 

 

 

gf: How about tommorrow afternoon?

 

Yes you have my permission to ply me with drink, chase me, feed my ego, show me you have what it takes to bed me.

 

 

 

him: few hours later. So I wont make it tomorrow, have to leave the town.

 

Player expert. He knows when to push and when to pull back to increase her interest.

 

gf: I almost forgot how does it feel to get dumped. But of course no worries (note: I really dont her reply here)

 

Her fishing for more compliments to see if he will bite.

 

him: nooo I would really like to go but I cant

 

He does but keeps the distance.

 

gf: I understand, usually I am also very busy

 

She says I too can play this game.

 

him: yes . And you really arent available next week?

 

As a player he knows it's time to pull her in again.

 

gf: I really have a plans for every night. It sounds horrible right?

 

I am not going to be easy, work for it.

 

him: well, you are very desired girl . I understand this

 

He's working for it, like a predator pro that he is.

 

gf:

 

She is encouraging the attention.

 

gf: let me know when you have a time a week later

 

Offering to reschedule the date another time.

 

him: ok

 

Him setting the hook.

 

gf: Good night

 

him: good night

 

 

This is not an appropriate business conversation.

[stillafool]

You know none of this matters until we know if this guy looks good or not. He could be short, fat and bald. If this is the case, I doubt if the gf would be seduced by him.

[smackie9]

Maybe, maybe not, but asking her out for a coffee to discuss work is pretty tame stuff surely? If you read what he actually wrote, it is all innocuous stuff, your brain may be going wild, but it is all conjecture

As a professional woman in a male dominated field I have had to navigate myself through far choppier waters than that, and I remained afloat and unscathed.

Seems some on here are projecting massively.

Not every warm blooded male in the workplace is irresistible to us women, we are not stupid, we are well aware when men want into our pants.

We do have the capacity to say no though.

We do not usually need protecting.

Yes I have had to navigate myself, not just at work but in everyday life. This is something men don't understand what we as women go through on a daily basis, whether it's at the gas station or in a line up at an atm...etc

[jen1447]

Yes I have had to navigate myself, not just at work but in everyday life. This is something men don't understand what we as women go through on a daily basis, whether it's at the gas station or in a line up at an atm...etc

 

Yeah, in fact it's really quite routine. Kinda makes me lol to see all the shock and horror.

[fenix]

Yeah, in fact it's really quite routine. Kinda makes me lol to see all the shock and horror.

 

I understand that women need sometimes to navégate through unwanted attention at work ( not in the circles where I work, it would not be tolerated, but let's accept that in many places that happen).

The problem is how op's girlfriend "navegantes" ... you don't encourage a guy who is trying to get under your pants by going on a date with him (at least not if you don have an interest on him).

 

i don't see how someone can see that as aceptable sorry...

[road]

Yes I have had to navigate myself, not just at work but in everyday life. This is something men don't understand what we as women go through on a daily basis, whether it's at the gas station or in a line up at an atm...etc

 

You are wrong.

 

 

We are the one's drooling, desiring, wanting to date, see potential wife material, hitting on, liking what we see, asking them out, all I can think of at the moment.

 

 

This is why when we get lucky enough to our very own bee-itch we mate guard her.

 

 

Then when we see text conversations like the one's the andre101 posted here, the alarms go off big time because we see a predator sniffing around for any weaknesses for him to exploit.

 

 

And, andre101's GF is making it to easy for the OM to be getting the full aroma.

[LD1990]

This guy is trouble and your girlfriend hasn't been up-front with you. All she told you is that he's a guy she works with and she wants to talk to him more about work projects. I'm curious what kind of work project requires him asking her what her stand is on relationships and telling her she's a very desired girl.

 

A guy and a girl getting coffee or drinks together is a date. Coworkers talk to each other via email or the phone, not Facebook messenger. And let's be real here, they don't need to meet up at a bar or a coffee shop to talk about some project.

 

Personally, I'd see if you can find a way for all three of you to have a drink together. Then when there's a moment where it's just you and him, politely explain that if he ever calls your girlfriend a "very desired girl" again, you'll kick his ****ing teeth in. But that's just me, and I'm sure every woman will say how that's not the right way to handle things. I guarantee if your girl ever finds out, she might give you some ****, but she'll also be even more attracted to you.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

So its just fine for a woman in a committed relationship to accept dates under the guise of work with other men, not give her boyfriend any inclination of what this guy is saying to her, and it's her prerogative. What a load of crap.

 

This is not a daytime business situation where people go to lunch with members of the opposite sex. How come this is just the two of them???

 

This girl is playing coy with this guy and giving him just enough encouragement to keep it coming. Has nothing to do with needing protection. Save the independent woman nonsense. She is deceiving her boyfriend by OMMISSION of what this guy is saying, telling the other guy she really wants to meet him alone if she can fool her boyfriend or keep it calm with him.

 

And Jen, you are a valuable contributor, but you are also self described non monogamous so unless OP shares your inclination for non exclusivity maybe your tolerance for this is a little different than someone who expects boundaries from a partner and does not think dates at night with co workers ALONE are OK

 

Exactly..................

[Space Ritual]

This guy is trouble and your girlfriend hasn't been up-front with you. All she told you is that he's a guy she works with and she wants to talk to him more about work projects. I'm curious what kind of work project requires him asking her what her stand is on relationships and telling her she's a very desired girl.

 

A guy and a girl getting coffee or drinks together is a date. Coworkers talk to each other via email or the phone, not Facebook messenger. And let's be real here, they don't need to meet up at a bar or a coffee shop to talk about some project.

 

Personally, I'd see if you can find a way for all three of you to have a drink together. Then when there's a moment where it's just you and him, politely explain that if he ever calls your girlfriend a "very desired girl" again, you'll kick his ****ing teeth in. But that's just me, and I'm sure every woman will say how that's not the right way to handle things. I guarantee if your girl ever finds out, she might give you some ****, but she'll also be even more attracted to you.

 

I think Andre is going to have to find this out the hard way, like many of us did. I can understand him being somewhat in denial about this. Many of us come here initially with some conundrum wishing for something...in fact anything that will lead us to some desired result as we envision. You know as well as I do that with stories like this the results are all too predictable.

 

As I stated before, Andre is under no obligation to listen to any of us, so I hope all goes well for him. I have my thoughts it won't , but that's just me.

[hippychick3]

I agree with those who suggest your gf is liking the attention and walking on a slippery slope here. She knows very well he is into her, and she is eating it up. It's inappropriate for her to meet up with him for drinks alone knowing his intentions (I don't believe for one second she's that naive to not know his intentions). And the smiley faces after every comment?? Totally flirtatious on her part.

 

I have a college friend/acquaintance who lives in my hometown. He knows I have a BF but never fails to message me on FB when I visit my family and ask me to go to dinner with him. He's never been inappropriate in his invitation, but I know him and know his intentions. For that reason alone, I don't think it's appropriate for me to go so in all these years of him asking, I've politely declined.

 

I would be wary of your gf too.

[road]

So its just fine for a woman in a committed relationship to accept dates under the guise of work with other men, not give her boyfriend any inclination of what this guy is saying to her, and it's her prerogative. What a load of crap.

 

This is not a daytime business situation where people go to lunch with members of the opposite sex. How come this is just the two of them???

 

This girl is playing coy with this guy and giving him just enough encouragement to keep it coming. Has nothing to do with needing protection. Save the independent woman nonsense. She is deceiving her boyfriend by OMMISSION of what this guy is saying, telling the other guy she really wants to meet him alone if she can fool her boyfriend or keep it calm with him.

 

 

And Jen, you are a valuable contributor, but you are also self described non monogamous so unless OP shares your inclination for non exclusivity maybe your tolerance for this is a little different than someone who expects boundaries from a partner and does not think dates at night with co workers ALONE are OK

 

Oh how did I miss this post. I hope I do not get taken back to the wood shed, again.

[Space Ritual]

Oh how did I miss this post. I hope I do not get taken back to the wood shed, again.

 

That's why I use the ignore button liberally...it's great for weeding out the nonsense. Not Frisky but just in general. It keeps the mods happy too so they don't have to slap me on the wrist because someone takes umbrage to my replies. lol

[smackie9]

You are wrong.

 

 

We are the one's drooling, desiring, wanting to date, see potential wife material, hitting on, liking what we see, asking them out, all I can think of at the moment.

 

 

This is why when we get lucky enough to our very own bee-itch we mate guard her.

 

 

Then when we see text conversations like the one's the andre101 posted here, the alarms go off big time because we see a predator sniffing around for any weaknesses for him to exploit.

 

 

And, andre101's GF is making it to easy for the OM to be getting the full aroma.

No you don't understand! We have developed the ability to ignore these continual advances on our own thank you very much and don't need our SO to "protect" us. We are not a man's property/chattel. I find it insulting that you insinuate we are too weak and will fall pray. We might be the weaker sex physically but not mentally. We have way more self control. We are the ones that decide whether you have sex with us or not. MO, you just don't trust women period.

[Poutrew]

OP, I don't know if you are still there, but I have read the entire thread (whew ). An honest girlfriend would have shut this guy down the first time he gave out an improper suggestion. She would have done it in a nice way, but let him know in no uncertain terms that she is spoken for, and that if his future business is predicated upon him sliding his tube steak into her dress for an exploratory, then he should take his business elsewhere. You girlfriend did not do that. She will not do that because she likes the attention. She is being dishonest to you. If she is being dishonest now, how do you think she will be after you marry her and the bloom is off the rose in a few years? Do you really want to be in the position of wondering if the fluids that come out of her during sex are her own or day-old semen from the latest guy she banged? Are you making love to her, or just cleaning her snatch out? Don't live like that.

 

What to do:

Don't say anything to her now, because she may wake up at the last minute and tell this guy to hit the road, so you want to give her enough rope to either hang herself, or exonerate herself. If she meets up with him and lies to you about the circumstances, then simply have all her crap in a big cardboard box sitting on the driveway for her to haul away when she gets back from her date.

Really, upon further reflection, you have three things to be thankful for: 1. That she is so technically naïve that she doesn't lock down her phone, 2. That she has another man who will be there to pick her up from the curb you throw her onto (in your case the OM has performed a useful service), and, 3. That this didn't happen after you married her and had kids. So, look on the bright side...

[road]

No you don't understand! We have developed the ability to ignore these continual advances on our own thank you very much and don't need our SO to "protect" us. We are not a man's property/chattel. I find it insulting that you insinuate we are too weak and will fall pray. We might be the weaker sex physically but not mentally. We have way more self control. We are the ones that decide whether you have sex with us or not. MO, you just don't trust women period.

 

No doubt that you can keep men in their place.

 

 

No doubt that you have the self control to not cheat.

 

 

Problem is that I have seen too many men not mateguard and that is why so many affairs have started.

 

 

Almost anyone in the right situation can slip up and have an affair. To ignore that fact has caused many an EA to get traction, then before the BS knows it their WS in in a full blown PA.

 

 

I am not a babe magnet. Not famous or rich enough for women to throw themselves at me.

 

 

I will not date a woman that is from the Lee family, you know beast, ghast, and their cousin Ug. I will not date a woman that wears dresses designed BY MOO MOO.

 

 

They do not have to be a 10, average will do just fine.

 

 

So with never having a Hollywood Actress or Model temp me it has been easy for me to not have an affair.

 

 

Women as you are in the minority. The shame there are not more like you.

[elaine567]

To tell the truth I highly doubt mateguarding works anyway, unless you happen to be in the Mafia maybe...

 

Surely anyone hell bent on an affair, is going to go for it, whatever stink her husband/bf kicks up, she is just going to hide her tracks better.

[Try]

Surely anyone hell bent on an affair, is going to go for it, whatever stink her husband/bf kicks up, she is just going to hide her tracks better.

You are right that "anyone hell bent on an affair, is going to" have one. But the fact that you are missing is that most people that have affairs did not enter the relationship with their eventual affair partner "hell bent" on having an affair. When my father discussed his affair with me before my wedding day, it all started very innocently and only later did he learn that this coworker fell for him right when she first met him and had targeted him by pushing the right buttons right from the start. He is a smart man, but when it came to things like this, he admitted that he was an idiot. His advice to me when I got married was that you cannot control how you feel about someone, but you can control your actions, so I should never put myself in a position of giving another woman a shot at me developing feeling for her if I want to protect my marriage.

[redbaron007]

Andre,

 

The fact of the matter is you cannot police your girlfriend forever. There is nothing wrong in engaging in flirting if boundaries are respected. Let's say a really gorgeous colleague flirts with you, surely you're gonna get some ego kibbles about it. You may even tell your GF that you're going out with a colleague, and enjoy a business meeting with some light flirting. What's wrong with that? Why are people demonizing the girlfriend here? She has even told OP about this guy. Just because she has a BF does not mean she needs to shut off socially from other males. What's wrong with enjoying some male attention if she has strong boundaries? If the bond between OP and his GF is strong, neither this guy or guys she might meet tomorrow or next week matter.

 

Don't lose sleep over it. Tell your GF you cherish her and trust her, and that you are thankful for your relationship (I'm assuming it's going great!). If she feels the same, you have nothing to worry. You cannot spend your relationship fending off other males.

[Try]

Let's say a really gorgeous colleague flirts with you, surely you're gonna get some ego kibbles about it. You may even tell your GF that you're going out with a colleague, and enjoy a business meeting with some light flirting. What's wrong with that?

What you just described is a date disguised as a business meeting. What is wrong with that is that you should not be dating others if you are in an exclusive relationship.

 

Just because she has a BF does not mean she needs to shut off socially from other males. What's wrong with enjoying some male attention if she has strong boundaries?

Actually being in an exclusive relationship does mean that you are agreeing to "shut off socially from other" members of the opposite sex when it comes to things such as dating. If the concept of an exclusive relationship bothers you while dating, do not agree to be in one. Edited September 25, 2016 by Try

[Robert]

Looks like the thread starter disappeared many posts ago, so we'll close this until they have a chance to catch up. They can request the thread be reopened via the 'Alert Us' button on this post. Thanks. ~6