Is my GF flirting with this guy and should I be worried? (FB communication)

[Andre101]

 

And did I miss something, but your girlfriend did not TELL YOU SHE PLANS ON GOING OUT WITH THIS GUY . You found it on her phone. So her mentioning you means nothing. If fact, the fact that she is still agreeing to meet him after mentioning you says clearly that she wants to.

 

Well I don’t know if it changes anything but as I mentioned in the first post she actually told me.

[Andre101]

By the way, I would like to thanks everyone for all these helpful replies. My head is a bit messy now though, since some of you feel she is handling it well while some of you think the opposite and feel it is heading in a bad direction. To be honest, I don’t know how to approach it now

[Friskyone4u]

Andre,

 

She told you, but she did not ask you and she did not show you the conversations, did she now????

 

Now you have some choices to make here.

(1) if you say something and let her know you saw those conversations your source of information is gone since she will know you saw her phone.

(2) if you put your head in the sand you are going to spend a long time that night agonizing on where they are and what they are doing. You prepared for that?????

(3) and what is your reaction going to be when she comes home and tells you she is seeing him again WITHOUT you over some other work bull ****. Because you can count on that happening.

 

There is an old saying and that is "trust your gut". And your gut feeling caused you to post on a forum of strangers for advice. Women in committed relationships do not make dates with other men without their boyfriends without discussing it all out in the open, which she did not DO because while there may be differences of opinion on what you should or should not do, I believe most if not all her do not believe this other guys intentions are innocent

[Alamo657]

I will explain the conversation from your GF point of view.

 

him:By the way, would’t it be better if we talk about this in a person? )

gf:If it would be at reasonable hours/time, than of course

him: Well how about next week? And what is a reasonable time?

gf: My next week is completely full, but we can meet a week later. I meant that I need to go out at a reasonable hours otherwise I would "reproved" at home

Your "GF" agrees to meet a guy she barely know who is hitting on her ; it means she is attracted to him.

 

him: and your boyfriend would not get mad if we go out?

gf: no no, he wouldn’t... I think You don’t have to deal with this?

gf: I am almost 14 months with my boyfriend, so it is getting serious...

gf: How about tommorrow afternoon?

Here SHE actually proposed him a spot in her apparently very busy schedule.

 

gf: let me know when you have a time a week later

Now she is making herself AVAILABLE, and is indicating a DESIRE to actually meet with the guy.

 

She ****-tested him by mentioning your existence, but he went trough it and she reacted by proposing to meet the next day, and then made herself available next week.

 

I don't know your GF, but she is either :

 

- extremely naive about relationships and really doesn't see the slippery slope she's going onto (in this day and age, i find it unlikely that someone would ignore the most basic rules of seduction and attraction).

- is completely aware of what she is doing, and then it means she's planning to meet a guy who is attracted to her, who she is attracted to.

 

You have 3 solutions :

 

- prove to her that you're the best boyfriend ever by planning fun things with friends next week

- scare the guy away if you have the means to

- calmly tell her that you'll be meeting a female friend she doens't know about that night and see her reactions. if she gets all mellow, she's yours, if she plays angry, she's already planning out.

 

Or maybe you'll get lucky and it will all fall flat, and she will come back to you (haha )

Edited September 22, 2016 by Alamo657

[GunslingerRoland]

I would break up with someone who used that many smiley faces in a conversation.

 

Oh, but it wasn't very flirty IMO. It's all about perspective and you were already on guard, but it's tough to say that there is anything in there trending from friendly to flirty.

[gorf]

my first impressions is she likes the attention, she is educating him, and he likes her, but she is just leading him on. She is in no real hurry to meet up with him, and likea week or two later, might even blow it off cause it was an attention thing. I dont see anything particularly flirty here imo. Its a strange conversation for sure.. but I think strange is the better word at this point. I would pay close attention to her and ask indirectly to her how things are going between you two and if there is anything on her mind bothering her etc, see if she opens up. Let her know you are always there to listen to her and support her cause you love her.. she might just feel like you have not been doing that lately, distant in some way to her, so she is finding a guy who sill give her a listening ear.. which this guy is. In some way for some reason.

[elaine567]

MY interpretation of this is that this is a guy she is working on a project with. It is not unreasonable for them to meet up in person to discuss that, but she is in fact hampered by having to please the bf by making it at a reasonable hour, in case he gets upset, and so she feels the need to apologise for that. BUT after saying that, it may be no coincidence she mentions the bf, she is setting the boundaries here.

I thought on first reading, he was flirting but having re read his input that doesn't seem to be the case apart from maybe this.

"him: well, you are very desired girl . I understand this

 

She is being friendly and at the same time keeping him at arms length (by introducing the boyfriend into the conversation early doors and saying she cannot see him outwith "decent" hours).

Keeping men at arm's length at work is something which many women have to do all the time unfortunately.

If she was a man, she could have met him for a coffee/beer/dinner at any time day or night, with no problems, as it is she has to skirt around and may even decide to pass as it "looks bad" in front of the bf, or it may give this guy the wrong idea... the joys of being a woman.

[jen1447]

^ Yeah - I don't get why that's even still a question at this point. Only ppl w a specific cheating/betrayal fetish will try to flirt by purposefully mentioning partners. Normally it's a total cockblock move.

 

Seems pretty clear that the basics here are she has to work w him, he wants to get in her pants, and she's keeping him at arm's length (while continuing to work w him).

[fenix]

^ Yeah - I don't get why that's even still a question at this point. Only ppl w a specific cheating/betrayal fetish will try to flirt by purposefully mentioning partners. Normally it's a total cockblock move.

 

Seems pretty clear that the basics here are she has to work w him, he wants to get in her pants, and she's keeping him at arm's length (while continuing to work w him).

 

Mmmm.... what type of work are you doing in a bar/restaurant with a guy who wants to get into your pants (without telling your so that you are going to that bar/restaurant)...

Sorry, this is very fishy... She has an interest otherwise she would have just said that she can't meet him outside work...

[jen1447]

Mmmm.... what type of work are you doing in a bar/restaurant with a guy who wants to get into your pants (without telling your so that you are going to that bar/restaurant)...

Sorry, this is very fishy... She has an interest otherwise she would have just said that she can't meet him outside work...

 

Coffee, to discuss an endowment project, that she did indeed ask him for 'permission' to do.

 

One of them is this guy which se cooperates on some endowment project over emails and phones and she politely asked me that if now when she met him a person she could go with him to a coffee and discuss this project even more.

 

Personally I doubt that's necessary and the guy is probably motivated to try and score w her but again it's not necessarily prudent to crap all over your work situation by telling a coworker to bscly eff off.

[road]

^ Yeah - I don't get why that's even still a question at this point. Only ppl w a specific cheating/betrayal fetish will try to flirt by purposefully mentioning partners. Normally it's a total cockblock move.

 

Seems pretty clear that the basics here are she has to work w him, he wants to get in her pants, and she's keeping him at arm's length (while continuing to work w him).

 

Arms length?

 

 

How about the arms length to up to the elbow?

Would you believe up to the wrist, palm, hand, ok how about her knuckle?

This GF is not even keeping the OM a finger nail away.

 

 

Yeah, when she said two weeks from now.

 

 

But as soon as she started blaming her BF for the limits to them meeting she gave this predator the green light to go for her and he then started knocking her BF and she did not stop the OM from doing it.

 

 

Recap:

 

 

Example of a cheating GF:

 

 

GF said I have BF but then knocked the BF, GF let the OM knock her BF and not stop the OM, agreed to go out for drinks with the OM the next week then said lets do it tomorrow. This is what the OP's GF did.

 

 

Example of a faithful GF:

 

 

Go out for a drink, sorry I have a BF. OM probes and tries to knock the BF, the GF quickly ends the conversation. OM calls again GF does not answer. OM sees her at work and complains that he wanted to talk about work, GF tells him I only do business communication by company email. OM tries to fish again she responds no and do not send any more non work related emails. OM tries again GF makes a sexual harassment charge with HR.

This GF has done nothing to shut down the OM.

[road]

Coffee, to discuss an endowment project, that she did indeed ask him for 'permission' to do.

 

 

 

Personally I doubt that's necessary and the guy is probably motivated to try and score w her but again it's not necessarily prudent to crap all over your work situation by telling a coworker to bscly eff off.

 

Prudent?

 

 

I thought all women are to be empowered to say no and that no means

No way

No where

No how.

 

 

Talk about work in a bar, only if you working a bar. You work in an office you talk in the office. F Starbucks.

[smackie9]

I know she is not feeling right about this. She hasn't made any concrete plans with him, it's always "Oh I am so busy" "My bf this, my BF that". A lot of women don't like rejecting or confrontation when it comes to stuff like this. It's normal for them to make excuses in hopes the guy will get the hint or just give up....remember women (not all) do the subtle read between the lines kind of communication in uncomfortable situations. She works with guy and doesn't want to come off as rude, a b^%$&. I know I used to do it when I was young....now I have np flat out speak my mind bluntly. lol

 

If she does see him outside of work and he tries something, I know she will put the breaks on real hard.

[bubbaganoosh]

Coffee, to discuss an endowment project, that she did indeed ask him for 'permission' to do.

 

The problem here is the endowment this guy wants to her talk about has nothing to do with work. It's in his shorts.

[Darren Steez]

 

She ****-tested

 

Glad you mentioned it, but it's a double **** test because now she mentions it to OP under the guise of I've got nothing to hide and you've got nothing to worry about so I can continue talking to this guy, if OP refuses/shows jealousy she pulls out the "You don't trust me after I've been honest with you" putting all the blame squarely on OP.

[jen1447]

The problem here is the endowment this guy wants to her talk about has nothing to do with work. It's in his shorts.

 

Very likely true but that's the guy, not the GF. OP asked if she was flirting and could she be trusted, not if the guy was flirting and could he be trusted.

[fenix]

Very likely true but that's the guy, not the GF. OP asked if she was flirting and could she be trusted, not if the guy was flirting and could he be trusted.

 

It is about the same thing, if he is flirting with her and she doesn't stop him in fact she is opening that door for this guy to keep trying.

She could politely tell the guy that she would prefer to keep office things in the office... I don't know why that would be so difficult to do...

[Friskyone4u]

There is no doubt she is leading this guy on. When a married woman or woman in an exclusive relationship tells another man flat out that she has a husband or boyfriend and the OM keeps on wanting to meet and she agrees, not sure how anyone thinks that is not encouraging him.

 

Yes she put up a few roadblocks but the bottom line is she is coming accross as "I'd love to go ut with you alone and I just have to work it out so my boyfriend does not go bonkers. How anyone thinks that is OK is beyond me.

 

Telling him she is committed but still arranging a date. And NOT telling her guy the specifics of the conversation.

 

Someone said it best. Work is in the workplace, in this case I believe an office setting. Private meetings are not something to be taken lightly.

 

OP, you are setting yourself up to get the frequently posted thing her. She is going to tell you "we are just friends". You better but the book "Not Just Friends" and have her read it with you. Don't be surprised if their out of office work becomes a necessary thing.

 

This ain't going to end well unless you do not take any advice to play ostrich.

[jen1447]

It is about the same thing, if he is flirting with her and she doesn't stop him in fact she is opening that door for this guy to keep trying.

She could politely tell the guy that she would prefer to keep office things in the office... I don't know why that would be so difficult to do...

 

Not really. We seem to be applying higher standards than "is she flirting and can she be trusted," more like "is she going above and beyond to bend to his insecurity."

 

And we don't know the work dynamics, but regardless it's her prerogative.

[elaine567]

He's not the OM, he is a co worker who wants to set up a meeting.

Working women have to deal with this kind of thing a lot, if they work in a mixed sex environment, and no, they don't all jump into bed with their co-workers, at the first sign of flirting.

They don't actually usually need their SO steaming in to "save" them either. Women in general have a lot more sense than some posters here seem to give them credit for.

[Space Ritual]

Andre,

 

Tell her she is free to go meet this guy for drinks, just not as your girlfriend.

 

The reaction you get will tell you everything you need to know. I am pretty sure she will be indignant and will accuse you of being "controlling".

 

So fine, let her go be indignant with somebody else. I used to get all butthurt about shyte like this until I woke up one day and realized I have more days behind me than ahead of me.

 

This one is a no brainer...if you are thinking this hard about it and attempting to get someone to tell you something you want to hear then you know the answer. Just leave it alone and be blissfully unaware in a few months when your GF tells you she needs space or informs you that your relationship is not working out.

 

But hey, you don't have to take any of our advice, so we are just dispensing it based on our collective experiences.

 

Just be sure that when you sweep this under the rug that you can look yourself in the mirror when it goes tits up on you.

 

Good Luck:)

[Marc878]

Are you in an exclusive relationship? I assume you are.

 

The good thing is you'll know soon if she's a keeper or not. If she is get her a copy of "Not Just Friends".

 

If not move on and dont waste time. You don't want to live looking over your shoulder with someone who doesn't have boundaries.

[road]

He's not the OM, he is a co worker who wants to set up a meeting.

Working women have to deal with this kind of thing a lot, if they work in a mixed sex environment, and no, they don't all jump into bed with their co-workers, at the first sign of flirting.

They don't actually usually need their SO steaming in to "save" them either. Women in general have a lot more sense than some posters here seem to give them credit for.

 

He is trying to get into her pants and you do not want to call him an OM. OM or OM wannabe this guy is trying to get into her pants.

 

 

A rose by any other name still smells like a rose.

 

 

A turd pile by any other name still smells like a turd pile. Though you will deny it is turd pile because it has yet to be felt or tasted to verify that brown pile is just a pile of turn/POSOM.

[elaine567]

He is trying to get into her pants and you do not want to call him an OM. OM or OM wannabe this guy is trying to get into her pants.

 

Maybe, maybe not, but asking her out for a coffee to discuss work is pretty tame stuff surely? If you read what he actually wrote, it is all innocuous stuff, your brain may be going wild, but it is all conjecture

As a professional woman in a male dominated field I have had to navigate myself through far choppier waters than that, and I remained afloat and unscathed.

Seems some on here are projecting massively.

Not every warm blooded male in the workplace is irresistible to us women, we are not stupid, we are well aware when men want into our pants.

We do have the capacity to say no though.

We do not usually need protecting.

[Friskyone4u]

So its just fine for a woman in a committed relationship to accept dates under the guise of work with other men, not give her boyfriend any inclination of what this guy is saying to her, and it's her prerogative. What a load of crap.

 

This is not a daytime business situation where people go to lunch with members of the opposite sex. How come this is just the two of them???

 

This girl is playing coy with this guy and giving him just enough encouragement to keep it coming. Has nothing to do with needing protection. Save the independent woman nonsense. She is deceiving her boyfriend by OMMISSION of what this guy is saying, telling the other guy she really wants to meet him alone if she can fool her boyfriend or keep it calm with him.

 

And Jen, you are a valuable contributor, but you are also self described non monogamous so unless OP shares your inclination for non exclusivity maybe your tolerance for this is a little different than someone who expects boundaries from a partner and does not think dates at night with co workers ALONE are OK