Manya Posted June 16, 1999 Share Posted June 16, 1999 I have a pattern of always getting involved with married men. What has happened in the past is that I have always ended up telling the "wife" and the men (this has happened three times) have usually blamed me at first, but later their marriages eventually fell apart and I got together with the men afterwards. I never wanted to deliberately harm or break up marriages, but the outcome was always the same. In most cases the men were less honest than myself to their wives and one wife even thanked me for letting her know the truth. I used to always want to "get" the man who was such a challenge for me (I guess I was attracted to challenge), but now I have become so accustomed to men NOT leaving leaving their wives that I am happy to just be someone's mistress. I guess I am not really ready for serious commitment and intimacy and my job is so demanding(I love my work) that I wouldn't have time for it anyway. I just wanted to know from the male point of view why males have affairs without the intention of breaking up their marriage. Is it really possible for a married man to have affairs and still have a "happy" marriage? How come men are so much more realistic and less romantic in their thinking that they are able to separate the two things? How come these men never appear to suffer the way the mistress does? Please don't think I am an immoral person by what I have just confessed! I know this is probably difficult for you to understand and it is natural that I would be blamed and scape-goated first. I just am the way I am right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Dr. Emma Stein, Ph.D. Posted June 17, 1999 Share Posted June 17, 1999 No wonder you never have any closure on your relationship that have gone sour! Maybe you should try looking for single guys to see if you could get that relationship to work, or are you commitment phobic? Your "but now I have become so accustomed to men NOT leaving leaving their wives that I am happy to just be someone's mistress" quote is just showing that you are willing to settle for less. Don't you think you deserve something better, as in you being the number one priority. If you think that these married men are making you numero uno, then think again, you said they are "not leaving leaving their wives", so obviously in the end, when the novelity has worn off, you are just something to be tossed aside. Don't abuse yourself this way. You must remember that you deserve better and this behavior does nothing to promote a healthly self-esteem. I deal with similar issues daily with most of my patients. This may sound token, but there is someone out there for you that isn't married, still is a challenge, and is going to make you number one and not play games with your heart. Link to post Share on other sites
bethbonnie Posted July 9, 1999 Share Posted July 9, 1999 No wonder you never have any closure on your relationship that have gone sour! Maybe you should try looking for single guys to see if you could get that relationship to work, or are you commitment phobic? Your "but now I have become so accustomed to men NOT leaving leaving their wives that I am happy to just be someone's mistress" quote is just showing that you are willing to settle for less. Don't you think you deserve something better, as in you being the number one priority. If you think that these married men are making you numero uno, then think again, you said they are "not leaving leaving their wives", so obviously in the end, when the novelity has worn off, you are just something to be tossed aside. Don't abuse yourself this way. You must remember that you deserve better and this behavior does nothing to promote a healthly self-esteem. I deal with similar issues daily with most of my patients. This may sound token, but there is someone out there for you that isn't married, still is a challenge, and is going to make you number one and not play games with your heart. I am not sure about your age, however, you obviously have a need to be loved. I'm sure its more than the 'challenge' as you put it. A married man is exactly that - married. Have you ever had anyone say to you as I will, a married man belongs to his wife - he is is a commitment of marriage. Exclusively hers, not yours. This truth may make you angry, or you may disagree though the truth is usually something we avoid to listen to, maybe because we are not ready to hear it, which equates to - not being true to ourself. As the previous reply stated, you need to be true to yourself. You do deserve better. If a married man cheats on his wife, does this not reveal his integrity to you? A relationship of marriage is designed for two people, Its purpose is for the male and female to show mutual respect and trust and to complement each others life. You show yourself unbelievable disrespect by continuing to allow these weak men to use your precious body. True intimacy is knowing you can love someone with the assurance of them being exclusively yours. I wish you well - (from Australia) Link to post Share on other sites
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