SunnySG Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 How do you tell your close friends and family that you're seperating without making them feel uncomfortable? When is the appropriate time? During a conversation when they ask how your spouse is? I don't intend to tell anyone details, but I did want to let people close to me know.... What did you do? Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 They'll be more uncomfortable if they've just related a happy or funny story about their own marriages or if there are a group of people present. One on one is best. They're probably going to feel sad or upset, not much you can do about that, limit the gory details initially until they get used to the idea. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 I called my parents the night he left. They told my family. Most of my friends are part of a group. So I was fortunate to tell one member, and she called everyone else up for me. I wanted to let them know but just didnt have the strength to call them all up one by one. Perhaps I did it too soon, but it helped me accept what was going on. Everyone handles the news differently, and I just let them handle it their way. Most people have called me to see how things are going with me. Some I havent even heard from yet, but I know they are thinking of me. Everyone's offered me a couch to sleep on As for people who ask me what's going on in my life, I try to keep it short. I tell them I'm planning on moving to another city, they usually ask if the husband is going, and I say no. It's ackward, but once they know it's all good. If they ask me how my spouse is doing, I just reply "We're currently separated". Just be honest but be respectful. If they are mutual friends, you have to respect your spouses relationship with them and not trash talk him. Link to post Share on other sites
justjen Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 I told my mom my husband and I were separating and I would be leaving soon. She promised me she wouldn't tell a soul about this. The next day I was getting phone calls from every cousin, aunt, and uncle I have. It was devastating enough that she'd told them. What further hurt me was the fact that they were all telling me how stupid I was for leaving. They didn't feel my reasons were justifiable. This was just like a knife in the back to go along with my broken heart. All of their talk changed my mind. I've actually stayed with him an extra month now because of all of that. Where did it get me? Right back to square one. So I'm not telling a soul this time until I'm out and it's a done deal. This time I'm going to do what I think is best for ME and I'm not letting anyone tell me any differently.--Jen Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by justjen I told my mom my husband and I were separating and I would be leaving soon. She promised me she wouldn't tell a soul about this. The next day I was getting phone calls from every cousin, aunt, and uncle I have. It was devastating enough that she'd told them. What further hurt me was the fact that they were all telling me how stupid I was for leaving. They didn't feel my reasons were justifiable. This was just like a knife in the back to go along with my broken heart. All of their talk changed my mind. I've actually stayed with him an extra month now because of all of that. Where did it get me? Right back to square one. So I'm not telling a soul this time until I'm out and it's a done deal. This time I'm going to do what I think is best for ME and I'm not letting anyone tell me any differently.--Jen All you can do is what is best for you. Reason's for telling family and those closest to you isn't always just to keep them in the know but also for their support and help during something that is not going to be pleasant and harder for some than others. If you think you can handle it with out having to have their help or support than by all means sit on it until you are out and then tell them. Hang in there! Link to post Share on other sites
LonelySoul Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 Originally posted by SunnySG How do you tell your close friends and family that you're separating without making them feel uncomfortable? When is the appropriate time? During a conversation when they ask how your spouse is? I don't intend to tell anyone details, but I did want to let people close to me know.... What did you do? They shouldn't feel uncomfortable it's your relationship and your life. As your family all they want is the best for you and that's it. They need to realize that this decision is not theirs and you shouldn't be afraid to say something. You're family is not going to turn their back on you that would be silly to think other wise. When you're ready to tell them, you'll know. Only time will tell and that has no answer. It will eventually come up and I would be disappointed if someone in my family got a divorce 8 months ago or separated and never told me. Link to post Share on other sites
justjen Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 Originally posted by LonelySoul They shouldn't feel uncomfortable it's your relationship and your life. As your family all they want is the best for you and that's it. They need to realize that this decision is not theirs and you shouldn't be afraid to say something. You're family is not going to turn their back on you that would be silly to think other wise. When you're ready to tell them, you'll know. Only time will tell and that has no answer. It will eventually come up and I would be disappointed if someone in my family got a divorce 8 months ago or separated and never told me. I should've been more clear in my above post. I'm not telling my family about our separation until I've actually left. I will definetly tell them if we decide to get a divorce. They're not supportive of me what-so-ever and that's why I'm always questioning my own decisions. I just don't need them telling me how wrong I am right now. My husband has emotionally abandoned this marriage a long time ago. I'm not willing to live like this anymore. If they were supportive, of course I would tell them. I would love to have their support. I can use all the love and support I can get these days. Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 Originally posted by justjen I should've been more clear in my above post. I'm not telling my family about our separation until I've actually left. I will definetly tell them if we decide to get a divorce. They're not supportive of me what-so-ever and that's why I'm always questioning my own decisions. I just don't need them telling me how wrong I am right now. My husband has emotionally abandoned this marriage a long time ago. I'm not willing to live like this anymore. If they were supportive, of course I would tell them. I would love to have their support. I can use all the love and support I can get these days. My ex waited till we were separated to tell her parents, I waited a while but told them prior to me actually moving out. But I very much was under the same issues you are with your family. The only reason I told my parents at the time is because I was letting my wife stay in the house while I moved out. I needed some where to go, so I stayed with my parents for a couple of weeks until I had an apartment lined up and that meant making arrangements with them. Just looking out for my Texan sister! Link to post Share on other sites
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 Originally posted by SunnySG How do you tell your close friends and family that you're seperating without making them feel uncomfortable? When is the appropriate time? During a conversation when they ask how your spouse is? When I separated prior to my divorce I shouted the separation and the pending divorce from the roof top ! We had no kids. I would've done it different if kids were a factor Link to post Share on other sites
justjen Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 Originally posted by TUDOR My ex waited till we were separated to tell her parents, I waited a while but told them prior to me actually moving out. But I very much was under the same issues you are with your family. The only reason I told my parents at the time is because I was letting my wife stay in the house while I moved out. I needed some where to go, so I stayed with my parents for a couple of weeks until I had an apartment lined up and that meant making arrangements with them. Just looking out for my Texan sister! Thank you TUDOR Link to post Share on other sites
TUDOR Posted July 13, 2005 Share Posted July 13, 2005 Justjen, I know you want to leave family out of it but don't be afraid to let your friends or distant family help you out. I would have never made it out as good as I did had my friends not been there to help me through it. I know you know this and I'm sure it goes with out saying but still don't try to do it alone. Emotions will be high at times and there are some big decisions in a divorce that need to be made that require you keep your wits about you. Those close to you will help you do that. I had a friend that went through a divorce and was so emotional destroyed by what was happening that he just gave everything to her, didn't even try to look out for his best interest and he wouldn't let us help him. He was left with nothing and regretted it later. Takes a lot of courage to do what you are doing so kudos to you! Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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